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stefoodie
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| Posted: Jan 26 2010 at 1:27pm | IP Logged
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...half of your family has various allergies and half doesn't? and they don't all have the same allergies!
... the ones that are allergic sometimes feel guilty about the other half not getting to eat what they want?
... the ones that are not allergic sometimes feel guilty about eating what they want when others are allergic to those things?
... the only things that really go over well (e.g., no leftovers) are those that people are either allergic to, or that's not particularly healthy?
... your family has gotten tired of "the safest foods"(broccoli or roast chicken or alaskan salmon, for instance) because they've become staples?
... mom and/or dad have to eat "differently" because of specific health issues (heart, hypertension, eczema, asthma, infections)?
... what's okay for everyone isn't okay for mom (the main food prep person), and vice-versa? (e.g., yogurt, eggs, nuts)
... work/school/community activities prevent some family members from eating healthy as often as possible?
My family members aren't all picky, probably only one can really be classified as such, but they're picky enough as to not like most leftovers. I am struggling to put together a menu that
- no one is allergic to
- that is healthy for ALL of us
- that people will actually LOVE and EAT
some specific challenge examples:
- everyone eats oatmeal, but the picky ones only want the non-organic, high-sugar kind
- only mom, dad, and big sis like brown rice
- eggs are a great source of protein and are inexpensive, but 4 family members are allergic
- beans go over really well, but only when there's LOTS of meat in the dish as well, e.g., beef-veggie soup or chili
- everyone LOVES fish, but besides being expensive, mom worries about mercury content, plus the fishy smell makes it not okay for taking to work/school some days (esp. small ones that are good for you like sardines)
- one child has ADHD tendencies -- the stuff that's okay for him (ADHD-wise) he's allergic to or he doesn't like, and the stuff that he loves are high in salicylates or sugar
I have to admit, food has always been a great source of joy for me -- the choosing, the buying, the prepping, the cooking, the baking, etc. (hence my name here  ) but in the last few years it's become more of a stressor and source of frustration for me. It seems anything I prepare SOME person in the family is going to suffer, either because they love it but they're not supposed to eat it, or because they dislike it but is forced to eat it anyway.
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stef
mom to five
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Jan 26 2010 at 1:53pm | IP Logged
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Well let's see.. on the oatmeal, you could get organic instant oatmeal instead of the regular oats couldn't you? and let them add some things to it? Instant will be more the texture of the high sugar non-organic instant. If you add the sugars you could even add enough to start with that they like it.. and then gradually reduce the amount over time.
on the rice.. you can work at switching everyone over to brown rice slowly.. mix a small amount of brown rice into the white rice and gradually increase the amount until it's all brown rice. And then don't buy anything except brown. That's what I did.. other than very special occational meals.. I don't even have white rice around.
On the meat with beans.. what about using more meat flavor (broth/bullion) to help reduce the amount of meat in the dish.. also chop any meat into smaller pieces.. you can use half the meat and still get meat in every bite if the meat is half the size it was.
I would go with more particular things for lunches.. for those that need to take a lunch with them. Like get/make special breads for those that can't have wheat. If you can make some you could do things like pita breads (with or without wheat) that let you make up things much differently than sandwiches.. a nice salad can be stuffed in it for instance, and mashed beans.. why can't I think what that's called... and such.
I think I would list all the things for everyone to eat. And then maybe list some things that were similar but different.. like flour torillas or corn tortillas.. one for those who like wheat and aren't allergic and one for those that are allergic. Trying to keep it to two alternatives. And then not every day but maybe a couple times a week.. have meals where you have two dishes like that.. one that some can have and one that others can have. And make sure that you have alternatives for favorites so that everyone can occationally have a favorite (on their birthday?) and those that can't have it get an alternative.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
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All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: Jan 26 2010 at 2:04pm | IP Logged
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I think I would plan meals around what most people can eat (and not try to please everyone at every meal), vary the meals enough that it isn't always the same person who is "left out," and offer a few standard alternatives for those who cannot eat that particular meal. For instance, those who don't want brown rice rice know that they can always whip up a quick batch of couscous for themselves,have a chunk of crusty bread, etc. Those who cannot eat the meal at all can always fix themselves a salad or soup/sandwich or other quick meal. And as long as it isn't always the same person who has to opt out, then no one should feel guilty (because the time will come when it is their turn).
And now that I've typed all this out, I see that Jodie already offered very similar advice above. 
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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4 lads mom
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| Posted: Jan 26 2010 at 2:45pm | IP Logged
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Stef, honest to goodness, we are living the same life......I am so ready to go vegan, but those with peanut allergies aren’t as keen on beans.....and we have all sorts of fresh fruit and veggies oral allergy issues as well, so everything has to be cooked really well.......
Let me think some more on this.....I’ve been gone all day and can’t think until I get some dark chocolate with almonds.....that most are allergic to in this house, so I can’t eat it at the computer and must wash my hands well before touching anything else in the house. 
Thanks for posting....
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JennGM
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| Posted: Jan 26 2010 at 2:48pm | IP Logged
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Stef,
Not going to come up with anything new than Theresa or Jodie suggested, just big hugs. 
We're dealing with a smaller audience, but I know somewhat you are going through. I do think you have it much harder because 1) you have a larger crowd and 2) your children weren't diagnosed until older, so they have eaten these "forbidden foods" and know what they are missing!
On the whole, I prepare meals we can all eat. But I know we cook more plainly and quite differently than you.
Our family's rule is usually we eat what is served. most of the time I serve what the boys like, but sometimes it's just to please Dad (i.e., one son dislikes spaghetti sauce, but dh loves it).
As far as the brown rice, I guess I view that as the "family way", like whole wheat bread. White rice isn't as healthy, so I don't make it an option. Get used to it. But my boys like brown rice...although I usually cook mine in chicken broth and use the short grain, which makes it taste yummier.
But there are aspects to a meal that we can't all have, so if I want to provide bread for some of us, I provide a carb alternative to the ones that are allergic.
I never serve eggs, as 1/2 the family is allergic, only make them for my own breakfast occasionally. I miss them. 
Lunch and breakfast are individual meals and simple.
Lately dh and I were discussing our food budget, and the discussion of eating out, and I realized that a lot of times i want to eat out so I can eat those forbidden foods, without having to buy or prepare them. How bad is that!
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SaraP
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| Posted: Jan 26 2010 at 4:47pm | IP Logged
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setfoodie wrote:
| - that people will actually LOVE and EAT |
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***getting up on my soapbox*** . . . sometimes it's not a bad thing to eat food that you don't love. I think it's a mistake (and really something that could only happen in an extremely wealthy, privileged society) to think that every meal should be a complete delight.
Yes, eating should be a source of joy - especially when celebrating (they are feast days, after all) - but the primary purpose of eating is nourish the body, every day is not a feast day and having some meals that aren't a joy is probably a good thing for most of us.
I don't have allergies to contend with, but I have one very picky and one picky-ish eater and I just don't worry about it. I plan and cook meals that are nutritious, economical and that most of us like and if Master and Miss Picky don't choose to eat at a given meal, that's fine. (They are allowed fruit, veggies or mozzarella cheese sticks whenever they want, but if they don't want what is served at a meal they don't have the option of a different one.)
And I do sometimes cook things that I don't particularly like, but that are favorites of my DH or one of my kids.
Do the best you can and don't sweat the fact that you don't please everyone, every time.
***off soapbox***
Edited to add that I don't have anyone who isn't near the top of the growth chart, so missing a meal isn't a health issue for my kids. I'm not sure what my strategy would be if I had a kiddo who really needed to eat at every meal.
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Mama to six on earth, two in heaven and two waiting in Russia. Foxberry Farm Almanac
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melanie
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| Posted: Jan 26 2010 at 5:15pm | IP Logged
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Hehe....I love what SaraP said, and I've made that speech myself.  My family is *terrible* for this. We dont' have allergies and such, but they, my dh is the worst!, act like very meal is their last and gripe if they are not madly in love with it. Frankly, I'd eat anything if *I* didn't have to cook it, haha! I think, for the pickiness factor at least, if you find meals that don't make anyone ill and at least the majority will eat, I'd add those to the menus. You've got too many other considerations as it is! I do have a couple of *really picky* eaters, and what I do is make what at least the non-super picky ones will eat and the rest are required to try it, then they can fix themselves a peanut butter sandwich (I know, you have allergies to that!). I'm hoping the monotony of peanut butter several times a week will eventually break them, and in the meantime, peanut butter on whole wheat with milk and whatever else they can choke down from what is served is at least fairly healthy. We are also a large people  , so I don't have to worry about underweight kids or anything like that...that helps me deal with the mom guilt a little.
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Melanie
homeschooling Maria (13yo), Kain (10yo), Jack (5yo), Tess (2yo), and our newest blessing, Henry Robert, born 4/23!
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Jan 26 2010 at 5:21pm | IP Logged
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Well, even though my kids are small, they're supposed to be.. it's the small kids that aren't supposed to be small that are actually at risk.. so the being big or small really isn't the issue.. it's if they're at risk because they're not the size they should be.
I have a friend who also puts bread and peanut butter on the table and anyone may have it if they don't want to eat the meal. I've wondered if they would get tired enough of it to eventually eat better.. and in the meantime it would make meal planning easier.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
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melanie
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| Posted: Jan 26 2010 at 6:20pm | IP Logged
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My five year old eats peanut butter daily for one meal or another. Sometimes more than one. He shows no sign of tiring. He's the main reason I make the allowance though. He has some sensory issues and really gags and carries on with most foods, even as a baby he was like this, so I feel like it's not something he can help most of the time. He also will eat no meat at all (except in the form of fast food chicken nuggets,,,is there really meat in those things?), and peanut butter on whole wheat is probably the best source of protein he's got, poor child.
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Melanie
homeschooling Maria (13yo), Kain (10yo), Jack (5yo), Tess (2yo), and our newest blessing, Henry Robert, born 4/23!
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stefoodie
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| Posted: Jan 26 2010 at 6:41pm | IP Logged
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Wow, amazing what fresh eyes can do to change one's perspective! This is already helping so much.
Jodie and Theresa, I must admit it had never occurred to me to rotate the menu such that not the same person is "offended" all the time. Now that I've been able to think about it more I see that it's really the pickiest kid that has the most issues with what's on the table, and that just really frustrates me because he's also the one with the most health issues to deal with.
Re the brown rice -- I cook brown rice for one meal and white rice the next, because there usually are leftovers, so the old rice gets heated up on top of the new, and we always end up with a mix of brown and white. My problem here is that if the brown rice is more than 50% of the mix that's when the non-brown rice lovers either don't eat or eat very little.
Having the white rice around is something I'm not sure how to change yet -- we eat a lot of Asian meals and Filipino food especially does not usually go well with brown rice. I think what I'll do here is offer the brown rice as a pilaf side dish, which they can choose not to have at all and just have protein and veggies. And yeah, offer bread at the dinner table for anyone who objects. I need to get back to baking 4 loaves at a time and freezing.
The bean problem I think I can solve by putting aside a portion for me and dh that's mostly beans and only a bit of meat -- and then let the kids have the higher-meat-content dish. For now at least that seems an okay solution.
The lunches I think I have to get back to packing myself each morning (which means I have to get up at 5  ) -- since dd started college she and dh have been packing their own lunches in the morning, but the thing is they either don't pack what I want them to pack, or they pack only a little, or don't pack at all and opt to buy at school. If the good food is there and already packed, they won't have a choice but to eat it (which is what I used to do with dh).
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yeah, I have a tendency to overcomplicate and try to do this for EVERY meal. Perfectionist tendencies and all that. And then I burn out and just give in to whatever they want.
4 lads mom -- all I can say is
Jenn, thank you! You know, I had forgotten that I used to prepare this really yummy brown rice pilaf many years back! I guess I need to get back to the mode where rice is a SIDE DISH and not part of the main entree. For most Filipinos this is not the case so we have a hard time eliminating/adjusting the white rice intake. I've been preparing brown rice just totally plain, and now I realize what a difference it would make if they actually loved the rice.
SaraP and Melanie, thanks. My problem is not getting on that soapbox, but the opposite. I feel like I'm on that soapbox ALL. THE. TIME. And to be quite honest I get tired of being on it. The kids DO eat most of what's served, even if they don't like it. But I feel like I'm the bad guy even though I'm serving food that's good for them. I want us to ENJOY food and be as joyful about it all as we were before we found out about allergies and other health issues.
Jenn, I sooo understand you re eating out. Two nights ago, we ate out (a rarity these days) -- I let the kids order pizza, even the one who's allergic to cheese, I let dh eat pita bread even though he's allergic to wheat, and we just all enjoyed and had a good time, and everyone agreed it was one of our best meals ever. When it's prepared by someone else, somehow I have less guilt. Doesn't make sense, does it. 
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stef
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wifemommy
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| Posted: Jan 26 2010 at 8:16pm | IP Logged
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Stef Pack the lunches the night before. Cooler bag in the fridge just have then grab an icepack if needed. They will eat well and you get sleep  Annie
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Paula in MN
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| Posted: Jan 27 2010 at 5:52am | IP Logged
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Stef, I'm the picky eater in my family so there is no way I can give you any advice. Lots of prayers and .
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 Paula
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amyable
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| Posted: Jan 27 2010 at 6:51am | IP Logged
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Can't add much that hasn't been said! We live that life...
Basically I set a 2 week menu after figuring out 14 meals that will work. We eat them for months and months until we are sick of them, then I rotate out some and in others. Does NOT satisfy the foodie in me, but it gives me something to offer up.
Not every meal is safe for everyone (I figure out recipes I can cook in stages to keep the allergens out until the end - e.g. one person's meal will not have cheese/milk - hers I set aside before I combine the others to add the dairy) but most are. Not everyone likes every meal, but most tolerate most meals. I allow kids under 5 to be much pickier than others. I don't feed them other things at the meal but I'll give them fruit, etc, later if they are still hungry. The meals are NOT the healthiest - I can only do what I can do! Baby steps.
Stef! I know the pain of food going from a joy and emotional sustinence to a "curse".
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Amy
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4Real Forums : Our Lady's Loom, Larder, and Laundry
Topic: What would you do if
