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dolorsofmary
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| Posted: May 18 2010 at 1:30pm | IP Logged
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My son will be 5 in August. I know Jacinta (of the Fatima children) was 6 years old when she saw hell but also she was promised that she would never go there either. Also one needs to understand the concept of Hell to receive 1st communion (usually age 7). We have been reading the catholic treasure box series. We just read #18 which deals with fall of Lucifer. He has heard this before and he seems fine with it. No nightmares, etc. Still hates to go to church and say the Rosary. Typical child. So what's my question. I have a kindergarten book from the Alliance of the two hearts (and also in the inside back cover of #18 booklet of catholic treasure box) it states/suggests to draw or do a craft where you use paper or imaginarily paint in their mind a very fiery place - hell that is of course. I did not do that. In fact we saw the cartoon version (CCC) of Our Lady of Fatima and they do have a cartoon version of hell but its a cartoon. He did see it. then we watched the movie The 13th day. I made him leave the room when they showed the hand coming up from hell through the floor boards and some other hellish scenes. So what is my question? I well I guess doing arts and crafts using orange paper for flames of hell and things in that vein. Not sure if I should do that yet. We are due a craft project and that could be it. Yet hmmm.... A priest in confession told me that I should not teach hell until he is at least 10. I know he is wrong. Give me your take on this one. Thank you!
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guitarnan
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| Posted: May 18 2010 at 1:35pm | IP Logged
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I think Treasure Box's approach is gentle but realistic. I used these books with my dc. I used them myself as a child, too. I totally got the idea of Lucifer and the fallen angels, and I knew what Hell was and that I did not want to go there.
I think you are on the right track with your approach. There's a difference between age-appropriate understanding and being terrified. Your son can learn about this in a step-by-step way, as he is developmentally ready to handle each aspect of what is a very sobering, important part of our Faith.
If I were you, I'd stick to reading and saint cartoons for now. As he asks questions (he will, trust me), answer them honestly but don't go into gory detail.
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: May 18 2010 at 1:59pm | IP Logged
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In many ways children's imagination will be much easier on them than anything we can devise. Giving enough but not too much information without needing to guide them in thinking through what hell is or doing crafts about it. And as they grow their concept of hell will increase. No reason to overwhelm them when they're tiny.
I do understand where that priest was coming from though.. we want the kids to have a good grasp of God's love and mercy before putting too much emphasis on hell and d@mnation.
Just like in the Act of Contrition..
Quote:
I detest all my sins,
because I dread the loss of heaven,
and the pains of hell;
but most of all because
they offend Thee, my God,
Who are all good and
deserving of all my love. |
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Yes dreading hell is a reason for detesting sins but the *most* is offeding the one we love, who loves us.. so it only makes sense that the greater emphasis is put on the loving aspect rather than the judging aspect.
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dolorsofmary
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| Posted: May 18 2010 at 2:08pm | IP Logged
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Thank you for your great responses. These booklets make me think I'm doing my child wrong. In the catholic treasure box inside back cover it says to the parent/guardian and I quote exactly, "THere is no harm in presenting a vivid picture of Hell to the child. Point the flames as bright as you can, and the tortures of the damned, only be careful to teach the child that Hell is not for those who do the will of God - for good children, in other words. It is punishment for those who are bad and will not do God's will."
I grew up with a lot of scrupulousity, crying in the confessional, taking 1/2 hour confessions, the priest getting angry with me for taking too long, my mom getting angry at me for taking too long. I don't want my son going through that but he has given me no signs towards inclination either. Any tweaks to your responses now? Thank you!
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: May 18 2010 at 2:14pm | IP Logged
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I would just say.. that everything doesn't need to be given to the child at the first opportunity.. but rather be built up.. you won't implant everything all at once anyway.. a child can only understand so much and that understanding will grow with the child.. even as adults.. there's always something we can understand more of.
Don't give undo emphasis to something by trying to make the child understand the fullness of it all at once at the youngest possible age.
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guitarnan
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| Posted: May 18 2010 at 2:16pm | IP Logged
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And remember that Treasure Box books were meant to be read by the child (large print, like the Lucifer story) and aloud by parents (small print). So the age range is what I'd call preschool - age 7 or so. BIG difference in developmental levels.
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Mackfam
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| Posted: May 18 2010 at 2:25pm | IP Logged
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Dittoing Nancy and Jodie. Gentle but realistic.
I'm not sure I'd make HELL a craft project. That could just be me though. I do use the Treasure Box series and read them. I don't shy away from, or make light of Hell when I approach it with the littles, but I also don't dwell or over-emphasize either. There is a balance. I do try, as Nancy suggested, to offer the children honest answers to questions without going overboard with details.
In terms of your latter question, I've always fallen back on the idea of *formation - not information*. I heard/read this somewhere and I so wish I could remember from where so I could give proper credit, but the idea is that we don't need to give every ounce of information to a child when they ask a question - that would be overwhelming, and often inappropriate. A question is an opportunity to begin forming them gently and appropriately.
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lovemy4
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My three kids just turned (7,7, 5) have known about hell through The CCC Our Lady of Fatima and Treasure Box books for at least a year...the older ones longer. They don't seem overly afraid. Once in a while they bring it up to me and I stress that it is a place where people who do not love God and who are not sorry when they do wrong go.
I expalin that even people who love God do wrong things sometimes. If they are sorry for doing wrong, that means they are good people. Bad people are not sorry for doing wrong things.
That seems to help them not be overly stressed about the concept.
HTH
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dolorsofmary
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Thank you for all your great and thoughtful responses.
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Cay Gibson
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| Posted: May 18 2010 at 4:06pm | IP Logged
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Mackfam wrote:
| I'm not sure I'd make HELL a craft project. That could just be me though. |
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Same here. Hell is a serious matter.
Here we have never shirked away from discussion and mention of hell but I've never done a seperate "study" of it either...though I see the potential benefits to this.
Still...my 12 yr old jsut read the story of Fatima and took the vision of hell very seriously, more so than a younger child would. I see her doing all sorts of little acts on a daily basis.
This is my more sensitive child. At one time I believe she was prone to scruples, so there's a thin line I have to walk in discerning which spiritual matters to discuss with her and how to approach the discussion.
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Maggie
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| Posted: May 18 2010 at 6:49pm | IP Logged
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I certainly wouldn't make Hell a craft project--under any circumstance.
For us, we give little bits of information as necessary. We never lie. We always give enough to satisfy her.
To my 5yo's current knowledge, "Hell is a place where you are separated from God for ever and ever. It is a very bad place."
Her eyes grew big at this--but she seemed to have a certain understanding.
At this point, I don't think pictoral images are really age appropriate--but that is totally just me. It's different for every family.
My dd will learn sooner than later the heavy burden of sin and what goes along with that. But for now, since she is below the age of reason, I don't want her to have to worry about carrying that burden for herself or others. Kwim?
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LucyP
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My son who is now 6 has known since he was 3 that there is something called hell. Our daughter is 3 and knows that there is a place called hell. Both children know that when we die, we can go to heaven if our lives or our death have made us purely holy, to wait and be purified if we need more time to be ready for God, or sadly some people may go to hell if they have killed the supernatural life in their souls by mortal sin. At the moment all they know is that if heaven is place of pure happiness and total closeness to God, then hell is a place of absolute sadness and complete apartness from God. We just were learning about Bl Francisco di Marto and our 6yo did ask what the vision of hell was like - and I asked him what he thought and he said "nasty" and cried that anyone would go to hell. We do talk about the fact that it is hard to go to hell - it is not just about being naughty or being a sinner, but about actually hating God and His goodness, and I have been talking about how many opportunities God gives everyone to get heaven.
I don't want him to focus on the torments of hell because actually, for a child who loves God, that seems the least important part - he is developing a sense of being sorry for his sins because he loves God and also in emulation of the saints he loves. So I suppose we focus more on the carrot than on the stick. Perhaps if at a very early age he was a sociopath or something I might feel I needed to let him hear more about the consequences of mortal sin, but right now I worry that it could confuse him when we are learning about the love and mercy and endless tenderness of God to start dwelling on flames etc.
I personally would tend to listen to my priest's advice unless I had a very good reason to follow my own path - and in the past, my own experience has shown that even when I believe my priest to be wrong, time and reflection and prayer brings me to agree with his judgement.
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4Real Forums : Nurturing the Years of Wonder
Topic: When to discuss hell with little ones?
