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dolorsofmary
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| Posted: May 08 2010 at 1:45am | IP Logged
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My husband and I have a disconnect on what curriculum to choose for our son for the kindergarten age 5 this September. It is only a $200.00 investment that I am agonizing over but perhaps my son’s love of learning or lack there of as well. And I wish to have a one mindedness between my husband and I over this. I don’t know what to do. He reads nothing about homeschooling. He just relies on me and then opposes me on certain things now. We have ALWAYS been of one mind on everything until got to this point. Please read on:
My husband’s position: (At least it seems to me is thus: What is most important to him I feel is preparation for reality which is ‘everyone hates school’ and things like ‘the love of learning’ and ‘learning style’ are a bunch of hooey and that Montessori is for kids who are mentally challenged. So buck up and do it. It does not matter whether it fits the child or not. We all made it through school some how so what’s the big deal. He definitely wants me to homeschool. Also he feels we need to keep beneath the radar and stay with an accredited curriculum so we will not be targeted by the government. He likes Mother of Divine Grace curriculum for this reason. Mother of Divine Grace is accredited, it comes highly recommended by the founder of Trivium private school (7th and up.) No we are not planning on sending our son there. It is just highly recommended. He would like me to start a program when my son is in kindergarten age (which means this September.) To help explain my husband let me add that my husband is Hispanic and much of his childhood was spent in Dominican Republic during a totalitarian regime where if you said the wrong thing you would disappear. He also feels since our son is darker than both of us and because of our last name, that he/we could be easily targeted. To back up his fear on the playground a little girl of about 5 yrs old wanted to play with me but not my son. I asked her why and she said that my son’s face was too dark! So I guess he has some point. I live in a nice area of southern NJ. In the summer my son can get to a beautiful dark golden color especially on his legs. Also my husband is against having our son repeat a grade. I feel that it might be very good for our son to repeat kindergarten. I explain to him that there is a big jump from 5th grade to 6th grade and a big jump from 8th grade to 9th grade. And if one had to repeat a grade past let’s say 2nd, then people will talk and our son would feel it. Its best to do the repeat in K than later on. He disagrees and says one grade builds on the next, and that is that. He does not believe that there are any big jumps. I don’t know how to back up what I am saying. For me it was just one grade after another. I believe in the trivium fashion it does jump more largely from 5th to 6th and from 8th to 9th. But I don’t know how. I have not gotten that far and I have never experienced it myself.
My position: Our son’s learning style is very important to me. I see where he is very much of a kinestitic learner. If money were no object I would add an extension onto my home where I would have all the Montessori equipment needed to help my son be prepared. Up to the present moment I have been going to the library every week with my son since he was 3 months old. I have been reading to him daily or almost daily and following booklists for his age. (great books/Charlotte Mason method)(So maybe my son has some auditorial learning ability too but usually when I ask him to do something that he does not want to do I have to ask him to do it at least a few times, typical kid of course.) I have embellished as much as possible on different books in a variety of ways, etc. I also have ‘Montessori on a shoestring’ and when I have the time I make some Montessori manipulatives for him to use. I also have some real Montessori equipment a Montessori teacher friend lent me and is driving down from MA to teach me for the cost of her gas money to show me how to use it. (She only had a limited number of things to lend me so its not any way an exhaustive Montessori curriculum but I am so grateful!) I am very impressed with Laura Berguist especially after her visit to our homeschool conference. I like her program (Mother of Divine Grace) and how it is based on the trivium, it uses many of the books I have already read to my son, it does not seem to be worksheet driven (I hope), it is accredited, and I would have the security of knowing that I am teaching the right things in the proper sequence. My son is trying to teach himself to read. We have been playing a phonics song since before he could talk and he is just starting to read sight words now. He wants to learn to read better. I assist him as much as possible. I have purchased about 1 month ago ‘Teach your child to read in 100 easy lessons’ and once I got to lesson 2 in the quick paced fashion, recommended by the author, my son had had enough. I like though how Mother of Divine Grace takes this same book and spreads it over 2 years, compared to the author wanting you to be done with it in 3 months! Wow! My son says he likes school and we completed today lesson 1 of the Seton pre-k activities booklet (I purchased this a couple of years ago and tried it a few times here and there, now he seems to like it and states he wants to do school). It took him, it seemed, a good 2 hours. His handwriting skills are pretty lacking which I know is very typical for a little boy, so he is really where he should be. His pencil and scissor grip has improved greatly though. I am seriously considering NOT purchasing Mother of Divine Grace kindergarten curriculum ($200.00 investment) (at least not right now) and instead continue to do what I am doing (I have to repeat what I did all year though (I have exhausted all my booklists and library for pre-k and k and my library is going through a serious budget crunch so I will probably no longer be able to get interlibrary loans) and add to it Sing, Spell, Read, Write for preschool. A $90.00 investment. Then maybe when he is 6 years old I can start him on the Mother of Divine Grace curriculum for 1st grade or K when he is 6 years old (in essence hold him back 1 year to give him a boost later on perhaps.)
Still I have a very successful homeschooler acquainance who states that I should just let him be and don’t do school. She believes in unschooling and my husband of course thinks that is a bunch of hooey too. Her claim is backed up by ‘Better late, than early’ by the Moore foundation, and ‘Raising cain: protecting the emotional lives of our boys’. They sight that children are naturally far-sighted, much better suited for climbing tries and catching butterflies and running around outside. One should not engage a child too early with ‘close work’ especially boys. One can strangle their child’s love for learning and make it harder for them. They back up what they say with many studies. They state that their claims based on readiness data are widely disregarded by the USA school. Yet Maria Montessori states that typically children go through a peak time of wanting to learn to read about at age 5 and if you miss that time then learning to read can be made much harder. And if you read the well trained mind it states (if I recall correctly) that art and music is of lesser importance in the early years (where Mother of Divine Grace feels it is very important in the beginning years) and one should be taught to learn to read, write, and do math early. Of course in the end one needs to know their children and see where they are at. My son wants to learn to read. Every day he works with the magnetic letters on the fridge and goes over to the phonic chart and sounds things out. He often will spell out (with magnets) what he thinks are words and we’ll review for a few minutes. So I think he is ready to learn to read. I don’t want to push. My husband is like ‘push, smush, just do it. And stop being so underconfident.’ I am like ‘I don’t want to ruin his love of learning.’ I don’t know what to do. Please help.
One thing I can do is put together as best as I can a mock day with Mother of Divine Grace Kindergarten curriculum since I already have some of the materials (maybe between me and my library ½ of the curriculum but I am guessing really) and see how it goes and see if my son likes it. I don’t know. I would like to try Sing Spell Read Write though first. I think for my son’s learning style that might be up his alley. I don’t want to do that AND Mother of Divine Grace at the same time. The day would be too long. So again maybe I’ll do SSRW pre-k in Sept. 2010 and then Mother of Divine Grace k level September 2011. Yet I still have to convince my husband that this is the way to go. I am taking my husband with me to a local upcoming homeschool conference in hopes that it will help us get on the same wave length. Please any advice you can send my way will be much appreciated. My husband truly has no reading time. I read when I can. I can tell him what I read but his opinions are ground in so I cannot change his mind. Help!
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Helen
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| Posted: May 08 2010 at 8:05am | IP Logged
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dolorsofmary wrote:
| My husband and I have a disconnect on what curriculum to choose for our son for the kindergarten age 5 this September....We have ALWAYS been of one mind on everything until got to this point. |
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 dolors, you sound so committed to both your husband and your son. May God bless you!! I believe one of the greatest gifts of homeschooling is not only the academic benefits but the great benefit of discovering the the ways of the Lord on a daily basis. Some times He wants us to open our hearts to Him in places we didn't expect to find Him. In my personal life, I have found great comfort in giving over to my husband because I wanted to find the Lord. When I don't agree totally with my Dh, I turn to the Lord and ask Him if I will find the Lord by agreeing with my husband. Reflecting this morning...I can't think of a time in which my deference to my husband resulted in a tragic mistake. I think this needs to be done in great confidence with the Lord. He will right mistakes in His loving and merciful way. I offer this suggestion as one way of bringing you peace.
dolorsofmary wrote:
| He likes Mother of Divine Grace curriculum for this reason. Mother of Divine Grace is accredited, it comes highly recommended by the founder of Trivium private school (7th and up.) |
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I used MODG for 8 years with my eldest daughter and many of my other children. I really love the program and think it is very nicely planned and organized. I liked the variety of materials, the need for my interaction with the children, the emphasis on poetry and narration. I was enrolled in the school and benefitted from the advice of my consultants.
dolorsofmary wrote:
| Still I have a very successful homeschooler acquainance who states that I should just let him be and don’t do school. |
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In my opinion, of all the credited schools MODG is extremely kind and gentle to the children in the younger grades. The bible book in K was a little difficult for most of my children to complete in that year. We took two years to finish it. With other children, I just did the Third Grade version of the Bible book. (I also had them copy verses from the Bible instead of copying their narrations over.) Other than that, the k-2 grade is reading, math, religion and poetry. Lovely.
dolorsofmary wrote:
| I am taking my husband with me to a local upcoming homeschool conference in hopes that it will help us get on the same wave length. Please any advice you can send my way will be much appreciated. |
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This sounds wonderful! Try to have a good time that day. May I suggest a novena to prepare his and your heart in advance?
Keep up the good work Dolors!!
__________________
Ave Maria!
Mom to 5 girls and 3 boys
Mary Vitamin & Castle of the Immaculate
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Genevieve
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| Posted: May 08 2010 at 8:19am | IP Logged
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I would say go with your husband's choice of MODG. There is no right way to homeschool. When I first started, I was biased against certain methods. However as time went by, I realized that husbands really do have the best at heart for his family. They also are protected from homeschool trends which can confuse mothers and even paralysis some.
MODG is not a bad program.It is very easily laid out so it will not overwhelm you. Most importantly, because it is so easily laid out you can adjust to fit your son's learning style. It's true that all curriculum is a tool. You never know when your son's sensitive periods are unless you try presenting some materials. You can always adjust the pace of the program should he need to dwell on a particular concept. You can adjust it to fit his learning style. Take the curriculum as a guide on what concepts to present. If he doesn't take to certain presentations, present it another way. Use movable alphabets to form words in Easy Lessons etc. Present some the addition strips if he needs work on addition and memorization table.
For the earlier grades, it doesn't take up much time. So you have plenty of time to unschool. Two hours in the morning and twelve plus hours to unschool is very relaxed compared to sending him to public/private school.
At the end of the day, it would be important to your husband to show him that you value his opinion. Nothing is finite and you can always change styles later. Your husband might even change his mind if he sees that MODG is not the right program for your son. You might change your mind if you see that MODG can be used at a tool to complement your son's learning style while giving him ample time to pursue interests in a hands-on way.
And if MODG doesn't work out, it's a very popular program so selling your materials at Cathswap will go quickly to recoup some of its cost.
Good luck!
__________________
Genevieve
The Good Within
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ekbell
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| Posted: May 08 2010 at 6:07pm | IP Logged
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First of all there is no one true way to homeschool but rather as many ways as there are homeschoolers
To tell the truth I'm of the opinion that it's not the curriculum you follow that's important but rather the willingness to adjust matters according to your child's needs. You are paying attention to your son and his desires and ablities rather then considering a hypothetical boy, this is what's most important.
I know people who've been quite successful unschooling and people who've moved to more formal lessons when their child started being frustrated by not 'getting' something. I know children in my family who've learned to read using old readers, an all in one program, or just being-read-to. I can't say that I've noticed a major difference in the end.
On this note some boys are definitely ready to read early- my hubby 'caught' reading before he went to school- my opinion on early VS late is that what is most important is to be willing to go at the child's pace and to go more slowly if the child wishes to learn early.
To sum up you will not harm your son by using the curriculum your husband prefers. There is plenty of time to learn exactly what suits him best and plenty of time for him to cover all that he needs and wants to know, it needn't be perfect right away.
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4Real Forums : Nurturing the Years of Wonder
Topic: disconnect with husband on curriculum
