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dolorsofmary
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| Posted: March 04 2010 at 4:15am | IP Logged
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My 4.5 yr old boy is an only child and just recently is getting into crafts sort of and sort of getting into coloring. (He is much more of a science/music kid really but he likes crafts now.) He does a better job of being independent with the craft when with other kids but when home alone with me its all about 'you do it mommy' I have a small talent in art and so my son will say 'you do it better, I can't do it' In the not so recent past I did more for him but now I just say ' no you have to do it' and basically nothing gets done, it just sits and sits. We were at a homeschool event yesterday and there was a shamrock craft which we brought home for him to complete (ran out of time)(I"m sure in his mind it means that I need to complete it but SORRY!) He has to finish cutting out the shamrocks (he is getting very very perfectionistic about it now and if it is a smidgen wrong then he cries and whines and whines and I just ignore it. I suggested that it does not have to be perfect at all (I"ve cut out things for him in the past right along the line and I guess he is trying to be like me?? and then he has to do the hole punch (which I can help since it takes a lot of strength to do that) and then he has to tie the yarn (I can help with that too.) I guess it'll go in pile 13 (the round file - the trash can I mean or maybe I can keep a folder for him (hmmmm thinking it will be about 12 inches thick in about 1 year - hmmm maybe not! well maybe, do you keep your kids crafts through out the year, seems like I don't know) in about a week once he has forgotten about it and we are done battling over who is going to cut out the shamrocks.) Any suggestions please? Thank you!
In the recent past his craft 'art' after its been on the wall/fridge for 6 months or so I take it down without him seeing and put it in pile 13 (the trash can) maybe I should keep it or maybe just the best. What do you do? We do go to a number of craft events so I don't want to save tooo much! Your suggestions? What do you do? Thank you!
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Jody
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| Posted: March 04 2010 at 2:32pm | IP Logged
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This happened to us also. A couple of mine would refuse to cut, color etc.. alone because they were afraid they would make a mistake.
That is understandable, so at first I would hold my hand over theirs while they cut or glued etc... letting them do most of the work but just guiding them. Once they were good enough at it they were on their own.
If they still balked, I would ask them beforehand if they wanted to do a craft. Usually they always yelled "YES". Then I would make it clear that this was an on-your-own craft that they had to do independently. I asked again "Do you still want to do the craft?" If they still said yes, I would inform them that any whining would result in the immediate termination of the project and a chore to do(they hate chores and I hate whining). Then I asked if they still wanted to do the craft? If they still said "Yes" which they usually did because they love arts and craft projects then we went ahead and I stuck to the rules. It worked for us.
How long do we keep art work? Well since we have been known to create tons of the stuff I hang the really unique pieces up on the walls around the house for about a year, the pieces that are good go on the fridge and stay around for about 3-4 weeks to be replaced by others and the ones that are fun but so-so go in the child's school folder for the year. Anything past this is thrown in the trash when they are not looking.
Jody
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: March 04 2010 at 2:42pm | IP Logged
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Maybe do some things for a while with less perfectionist results?
Like.. why not tear out shapes from paper rather than cut them? it'll give an artistically messy edge no matter who you are 
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: March 04 2010 at 3:02pm | IP Logged
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See, this is one reason why I do not care for projects with a clearly defined outcome for littles. It gets them so focused on the product that they (and perhaps we)forget that the process is what is important. It's supposed to be fun, right?
I really try to skip the crafty projects and instead try to provide opportunities for open-ended, process-based art activities. Activities which give opportunities to explore new materials or methods without emphasis on a specific expected result.
For example, with the youngest artists, hand them a pile of play-doh and let them create. Give them paper and paint and let them go at it.
As they get older narrow the focus just a bit,(ex making beads with clay, or painting a landscape) but again, without narrowly defining the outcome.
Then when they are done try not to praise the product so much as to praise the process--"Wasn't that fun?" or "I loved how you really used your imagination with this." Or even address their frustrations "Yes, chalk pastels sure are messy. It is hard to keep from smudging your work, isn't it?"
If you are interested in developing specific skills, such as cutting, etc, then just give him a bunch of paper or magazines to cut up as he sees fit. And then walk away. He will develop the skill without the stress.
In my home when we do art together sometimes the subject comes up of "Mommy you are so much better than me." I am truthful and tell them "Of course I am. I am much older than you. I have been doing this for a long time. How sad if I never improved! You will be as good as me or better if you keep working at it. But if you don't try,and I do it for you, then you never will get any better." My kids seem to appreciate and respond to this honesty.It may or may not work with other children.
Anyway, that's my 2 cents on the matter.
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CrunchyMom
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| Posted: March 04 2010 at 3:33pm | IP Logged
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I agree with Theresa. I don't do as much as I would like, but that is my philosophy on crafts. There is a good book someone recommended on the boards to me a couple of years ago, Don't Move the Muffin Tins as well as Mary Ann Kohl's Preschool Art book. These would probably give you a good place to start
In November I posted a turkey craft on my blog, but the reason I enjoyed it was because it allowed creativity and ended up looking like a turkey, but it was really flexible and allowed for creativity.
Anyway, my oldest was moreso like what you describe when he was 4.5, so it might be something to grow out of. However, when we do creative things, it is mostly open, like scissors and paper, but not with a specific vision for what they must cut out (like a shamrock).
I wonder if there is a craft you want to do that requires your skill (like cutting out something intricate), it might be better to have it cut out ahead of time. Of course, that doesn't help when you are not the one putting things together (like bringing home an unfinished project).
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montessori_lori
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| Posted: March 04 2010 at 5:10pm | IP Logged
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I agree with Theresa also. I have been at group activities where "pre-planned" crafts are set out and my kids often aren't interested (or want to use the materials in a completely different way) and...I let them!
Basically, I would rather have them make something they like (and enjoy doing it) than force them to make something they don't want to (and be miserable).
I leave out a lot of craft supplies and they can make whatever they want...I don't plan crafts for them. So we're giving you permission to throw out the shamrock stuff and never have him cut it out :)
Now, as far as "mommy do it for me", you probably won't hear that as much when your son can choose how/when/if he wants to do a project. If he wants to do it he won't ask you to do it for him.
Sometimes my daughter will ask for my help, because she'll plan a big project with lots of steps (or it will turn out to be more than she can handle) and I happily help her - I'll never do it all for her, but I'll give her a hand and we'll work on it side by side. If she stops, I stop. I don't finish it for her, just help if she needs it.
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ekbell
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| Posted: March 04 2010 at 8:33pm | IP Logged
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My oldest had fine motor control delays and what we did at that age when she wanted badly to make picturs, was that I cut out a lot of shapes and she'd make pictures with them (she mostly used the Picture Pie books as guidelines). Once she was comfortable with cutting she started cutting out her own shapes (cause asking me meant waiting until I had time).
Otherwise we didn't do 'pre-planned' crafts type stuff, although she did have a reasonable amount of arts materials available for experimenting.
Speaking of 'pre-planned' crafts.
I'm reminded of back when I only had two children and we'd go to a local drop-in. There'd always be a pre-planned craft and it was aways the same group of mostly adults sitting around the low table doing the crafts while watching the children play with other things 
It actually was a lot of fun.
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violingirl
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| Posted: March 04 2010 at 11:28pm | IP Logged
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theresa, I say the same thing to my kids- wouldn't it be sad if I'd been doing these things for years and years and was still a beginner?
My older one has a perfectionist streak (NO idea where he got that from  ) and really the only solution for us has been for him to see over time that he can't be perfect all the time. I don't "fix" artwork for him and if he wants something to be a certain way and it isn't working out I take the opportunity to help him deal with his disappointment.
I do prefer more open-ended art work too- we do a lot of "chop up this paper and glue it on this other paper to make a collage" type stuff. More about the actual cutting and gluing than the product.
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Erin
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4Real Forums : Nurturing the Years of Wonder
Topic: you do it Mommy for me!
