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Angel
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| Posted: Jan 11 2008 at 11:36am | IP Logged
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Ok, I don't have a lot of time, but somebody needs to talk me down or tell me I really should give up entirely or -- something. 
I have pretty much reached the end of my rope. The dining room we use as a learning room is in pathetic shape. There are golf tees and puzzle pieces all over the floor. I don't have time to make new activities because I am constantly breaking up fights, pulling the twins out of trouble, or cleaning the house -- which is always a disaster no matter what I do. My husband wants the dining room to look like a dining room and there's not enough room to put things up out of the twins reach. Nobody ever looks in the locked cabinets, and I am always involved in disaster control. Whenever anybody gets anything out to do, the twins are all over them. My 4 yo has been INCREDIBLY disruptive lately, and I can't give him enough time. Not to mention that it is SO LOUD it's almost impossible to concentrate.
The frustrating part is that I know that Montessori would benefit the little ones, but I can't break up the mob long enough to do anything with anybody. And it's my 4 yo who's suffering most. I'm beginning to wonder if we shouldn't have sent him to preschool. 
Anyway, long and short of it -- I'm thinking of selling a lot of my stuff. I just got the maps and I really like those, except my knobs keep coming out  But we have so many other blocks, do we really need the pink tower and brown stair? Or the red rods, especially when I can't put them out because they're constantly used as swords?
Is Montessori at home even possible when there are this many ADHD types in the house???
Argh -- sorry for the vent. Tortellini's done for lunch now, so I'll be off to try to get them all to eat something, and then I guess I'll be praying for guidance all weekend.
--Angela (I feel like I should sign it with some Dear Abby type moniker -- "Fed Up in New York" or something)
Three Plus Two
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: Jan 11 2008 at 11:41am | IP Logged
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I am about to go fix lunch, but I will be back. I'd love to help if I can.
In the meantime, can you post what your routine is that you are shooting for?
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Theresa
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JennGM
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| Posted: Jan 11 2008 at 11:52am | IP Logged
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Well, Angela, I'm not going to give any help here, but I'm in empathy. I didn't buy all the Montessori materials, but I did try to set up a few trays or work for my 4 year old. This is the first week my dh isn't here, getting back into the wife and mother routine now with number 2 in the mix.
Not being able to DO much but being witness to all I've made some interesting observations of my son, most of it all stems that I feel like a failure. He flits from one thing to another, doesn't clean up after himself, and always wants me involved in whatever he does, even if I demonstrate properly and have a station set up for him. In short, although I hate the term, he's not normalized at all.
It makes me a little relieved I didn't fork out the money for all the supplies!
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Jennifer G. Miller
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Cheryl
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| Posted: Jan 11 2008 at 12:11pm | IP Logged
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Dear Fed Up in New York ,
I don't think I can help you either, but I wanted to say that it is really hard for me to try to do Montessori activities at home with my one adhd type, 2 dc that appear normalized to me and one toddler. So I know for sure that I couldn't do it if I was in your situation. I have given up trying (for now anyway). Maybe when my older dc are more independent, I may try again with a younger one or two. I know for me, right now, I can't handle the materials management. I also have a hard time with my dc taking wooden nativity materials and pretending that they are Harry Potter characters. Loads of read alouds is what working for us right now.
Montessori Loser in MA
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Cheryl
Wife to Bob ('97)
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Elizabeth
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| Posted: Jan 11 2008 at 12:20pm | IP Logged
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I'm not even going to comment on Montessori--the Montessori experts can help you there. I'm just going to observe that you both have babies--little babies--and that when moms have little babies, the new big siblings are still just as needy as they were before the baby came. Angela, in your case, they are TWINS. You don't have a Montessori classroom. Everyone isn't in the same age range. There is no assistant helping you. You are not closing the door behind these children right after lunch in order to tidy up and plan for the next day. You are at home. Being a MOM. And you are both being good MOMS. If the system doesn't work for you, tweak the system. But don't let it label you a failure. You are so not failures. And you are not losers. And if I had my edit buttons I'd change that title  .
You are REAL.
And in real families, often we have to stop and pray and re-evaluate. Jenn, you've said that Dave going back to work rocked your world. No doubt it rocked Gregory's too. So, this weekend, you and Dave are going to have to put some thought to this and I know that with prayer, you'll figure it out. Angela, yep, that's what you'll be doing this weekend. I do hope Theresa comes back and offers some practical advice. She has a sound perspective on Montessori as a tool and not an end in itself. She'll help you see benefits and give away the guilt.
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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montessori_lori
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| Posted: Jan 11 2008 at 12:56pm | IP Logged
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Oh, Elizabeth's comment is so, so good. Everything she said is absolutely spot-on. I'm sure everyone here can benefit from hearing what she says.
First of all, I feel for you. You are obviously working very hard, and having visited your blog many times, I know that you've created a wonderful environment for your kids and do many fantastic things with them.
As Elizabeth said, none of us who homeschool with Montessori will ever replicate a real Montessori classroom for many reasons. This has been hard for me to accept, but I've decided to think about it this way: what do I want our homeschooling to look like, since it can't be a traditional Montessori classroom? For me, that includes: not doing Montessori work every day (although more often than not), doing a lot of arts and crafts, and lowering my standards for what I expect them to do in a typical day.
One thing that helps me (since my daughter, at 4, is extremely strong-willed and uncooperative) is to try to remember anything - ANYTHING! - that goes well during the day even if overall, the day seems like a disaster. For instance, yesterday Anna had several meltdowns (crying and screaming). I had a migraine. It was not a fun day. However, even in that situation, she did work at her rug for about 10 minutes (before she started crying), and also we walked to the park and on the way home, she didn't cry because we were leaving. That's never happened before =)
These tiny "bright spots" give me hope for our future. However, you might not be seeing any bright spots at all right now! That is very hard.
I have found that the best way for me to "troubleshoot" our homeschooling time is in the evening when they are in bed. I sit down and either just think quietly or talk to my husband about it. I ask myself tons of questions: When do the troubles usually start? Could I move something around to make it better? What kinds of work have been successful? Which ones haven't? Is the problem me - am I not as calm or helpful as I could be?
After thinking it through, I can usually think of at least one thing (and maybe more) to change. The results are often quite positive.
Your 4-year old might really like traditional preschool. I would say "go for it" if you were able to find a school that would take him halfway through the year. While it can be stressful to adjust to a new classroom when all the other kids have been there for awhile, it doesn't have the social pressure that older grades do, and he might welcome it as a respite from the chaos at home.
If you do choose that option, definitely do not let it make you feel like a failure. There are great things about school, and it never needs to be a permanent option. Next year, if things have settled down (everyone's a year older, the baby is older) you might decide to keep the 4-year old home.
I don't want to give you "Montessori" advice, because it doesn't sound like that's where you're at right now. It sounds more like issues of logistics and behavior, and those can often be far more difficult than learning how to present materials or arrange a classroom.
For the older children, find a room where they can work alone. If you need to, give them the bulk of their lessons during naptime or later in the evening once the twins are down. Give them work that they can do independently (for the most part) without needing you.
Whenever I call my mom to complain about stuff, she usually ends up saying these words: "This too shall pass." I think of that phrase often when my daughter is screaming and refusing to do work.
Yesterday, the "meltdown" day, I had a flashback to the first 3-6 classroom where I worked many years ago. I was the assistant, and the directress and I had about 20 kids in the class. We had the benefit of having the full range of Montessori materials, and kids who were all in a similar age range, but it was often chaotic!
The first few months of school in 3-6 can be really tough. There are always new kids who don't know how to do anything and need help with every work. Someone was always spilling the water work, and a few of the boys picked fights whenever our backs were turned. One of the boys refused to sit on the line during line time for months - he huddled in the corner and screamed if we came near him.
Things broke, the noise level got high, kids bit each other, and just when we thought it couldn't get any worse, the director of the school would come to the observation window to see how we were doing. =)
There was really only one thing to do: show up every day, do our best, have faith that things would get better, and be willing to make changes as often as needed if it seemed necessary. That's how I'm approaching our homeschooling time right now.
We're all just coming off the holidays - kids have a hard time adjusting to the "regular routine" after weeks of treats, presents, traveling, etc. I know that's affected my kids and I'm sure it has yours too. All of those things contribute to the mix. I can't make promises, but I do think things will calm down a little for you in the next few weeks, esp. if you are consistent and don't throw in the towel during this crucial time.
My prayers are with you!
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NavyMom
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| Posted: Jan 11 2008 at 1:03pm | IP Logged
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When my son was 3, I put him in a 2 day Montessori program for a couple reasons.
1. I needed the break
2. I was planning on doing Montessori in the home and wanted him in a productive place while I made materials, etc...
My son has ADHD.
Anyway, after 2 or 3 months we were nicely told by the director that "It was not a good fit..." I took him out of the school and that was the end of our formal Montessori expereince. SInce then I have read a lot about Montessori not being the best fit for ADHD children, which is funny because originally I read and was told that Montessori is for ervy child. I still love the philosophy and have many of the materials for the home but I do not have the energy or desire to do it properly...
Just my thoughts and expereinces...
And I think if you can afford it, sending your child to preschool a couple of mornings a week so you can have a break, take care of the little ones, and prepare for future homeschooling stuff is GREAT. I know many would disagree, but that is just my opinion and it has worked for us.
Heidi
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Meredith
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Well Angela, big hugs coming your way!! I'm not even going to try an placate your situation saying I know how you feel, because I don't have twins AND a baby in the house, but I can definately relate to the chaos and the feelings of failure. It IS different at home than it would be at school. You've been given great advice already. Sometimes it's better to step back and take a breather and try and look at the big picture. I loved Theresa's suggestion about what you would "like" your day to look like. We have had a great week back since the large break, but it hasn't been all roses. We've had many outside stresses on our family that unfortunately reflect back on the dc, and they feel it, but we're doing the best we can for the moment, and I'm trying to just BE in the moment with them and really try and focus on listening well and eye to eye contact and lots of hugs and cuddle time with books (or whatever activity they seem to be involved in).
Because I'm dealing with 2 1/2 yo chaos on my end, I am encouraging my 5yo to choose one thing for Math and one thing for Language every day and the rest is gravy, like the impromtu morning teatime we had yesterday and three Hans Christian Andersen RA's, I couldn't have planned that, it just evolved and everyone loved it!
I have REALLY had to lower my expectations with Montessori at home because so much of life is always going on. The stuff that you may not account for academically. I've basically taken all puzzles away from the 2 yo, he just can't handle them yet and only allow him a few choices, it seems to be working but this doesn't take into account all the other destruction he does around the house in other things or the big kids rooms 
*Note: I will say that printing out theMotivated Moms download chore plans for 2008 has been a great way to start the year, everyone has been on board so far!
I will pray for you and hope that you will not consider yourself a failure, you're doing a remarkable job everyday, we see it  . Remember too that first and foremost you're their mommy, maybe relax on the teacher side for a while. I hope that doesn't sound trite, it's meant to be encouraging.
If it's too much stuff, can you put some away for a while, we just did a massive plastic clean-out and boy was that refreshing. Your dc will still benefit from it in another year or so, maybe even more so!
Love and Hugs and please don't despair, you are anything but a loser!! Blessings!
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Meredith
Mom of 4 Sweeties
Sweetness and Light
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: Jan 11 2008 at 1:33pm | IP Logged
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Ok, I just have a moment and then I need to get the littles down for naps.
First of all, no one here is a loser or a failure. Remember Thomas Edison and his 1000 ways to "not" make a lightbulb? Enough said about that silly "loser" notion!
I'm not sure how I can help without knowing more about what your goals are, but I will give it a shot.
What if you just started over, cleared all your materials from your shelves, and re-introduced one thing per week? Then all week you could focus on reinforcing proper use and care of that one material, making sure that it is used on a mat or table, used properly, and then put away properly. Make sure the "putting away" part is part of the presentation.
Perhaps with only one material to monitor at a time, it will not be as burdensome. Then each week you could introduce a new thing. Hopefully your week of hyper-vigilance will have paid off and the last week's material will be treated properly by habit. So then your focus can be on the new material, while still checking to be sure the first is continuing to be treated properly. If it isn't then put it away and focus only on the one new thing. Hopefully in time, your children will be able to distinguish between the school items and toys. And though we hope for proper care to be taken of all their belongings, there is certainly a difference in the expectations of how we treat golden beads vs their legos, you know?
Oh, and just so you know, I had to confiscate our red rods a couple of weeks ago. They kept using them as wands and yelling "Expelliarmus!" and throwing them across the room as they "disarmed" each other! Nice, eh? I'm betting Superboy had a hand in that one. I'll bring them back out when they get Harry Potter out of their system.We don't have a pink tower, but we have some stacking cubes, and no broad stairs. We do have lots of blocks, so I am not sweating either of those materials.
And I have to go now as my lovely little one is happily shredding a board book and I think a poopy diaper is calling my name.It really is naptime.
I will be back.
And thanks for the vote of confidence, Elizabeth. That made me smile.
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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Taffy
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| Posted: Jan 11 2008 at 1:42pm | IP Logged
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Oh Angela, you are SO NOT a loser! I wouldn't even dream of trying to attempt all that you're doing and I don't have as much on my plate as you do!
Elizabeth's post was spot on! We don't do Montessori here so I can't give you any constructive advice. But, I just wanted to let you know that I empathize. If you can, get outside with the kids for a while. If the weather is uncooperative, resort to a play are at a fast food joint if you have to - let the kids get rid of some energy and give you some time to relax and reevaluate.
Gotta go, hope you feel better soon... 
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Susan
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dawn2006
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I have just a second, but want to second (ha!) everyone else's opinion about you not being a loser. There are a lot of ways to homeschool. If this way is the one you like than try to make it work for you. Some thoughts:
1. Spend a week or two being hypervigilant (another poster's word, I think) about doing the activities on a mat and putting it back.
2. Have a math time and language time and practical activities time where you only bring out one or two activities of each thing for a 10 or 20 minute time period. Then let them run around and play before beginning the next block of Montessori activities. Put the previous activities away and take a break yourself before starting the next block.
3. As soon as a material is inappropriately handled, take it away.
4. Be prepared to help the younger ones put their activity away even though they only looked at it for, oh, 5 seconds!!
I guess, in short, I'm saying that if you gave yourself and the kids 3 or so blocks of time during the day to do this and do it well then you won't be so frazzled, you can pump yourself up for the 10/20 minutes, let yourself relax afterwards, and then maybe in a week or two you can extend the work period. Or mix up activites or let them even stay out for free choosing.
(If you can't tell...these are my plans for my Montessori activities when our curriculum is done for the year!!) Good luck!!
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Dawn Farias | wife to Ariel | mom to Gabriel 9, Daniel 7, Elizabeth 5, and Michael 3 | blogger at Be Absorbed | native Texan but currently living near Seattle
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JennGM
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| Posted: Jan 11 2008 at 2:13pm | IP Logged
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Elizabeth wrote:
| And in real families, often we have to stop and pray and re-evaluate. Jenn, you've said that Dave going back to work rocked your world. No doubt it rocked Gregory's too. So, this weekend, you and Dave are going to have to put some thought to this and I know that with prayer, you'll figure it out. Angela, yep, that's what you'll be doing this weekend. I do hope Theresa comes back and offers some practical advice. She has a sound perspective on Montessori as a tool and not an end in itself. She'll help you see benefits and give away the guilt. |
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Thank you, Elizabeth. Dave and I have already discussed some of these issues. I lost a lot of time during my pregnancy, so now that I'm a little more clear-headed I can see the areas we need to concentrate. It just is hard seeing the problems and not being able to "fix it" all right away.
Although I'm not technically Montessori, some of the conclusions I've drawn for myself and the consensus from these other ladies is that there is too much. There's too many choices, too much activities, too many items out. I need to pare down and try to slow things down to let him concentrate without distractions.
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to & ds1 '03 & ds2 '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: Jan 11 2008 at 2:55pm | IP Logged
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Do you think perhaps you are feeling like a failure because you're expectations are too high as far as presentations go? Are you under the impression that other folks do more?
I think it may be beneficial or maybe not, but I'd like to give a clearer picture of what our day is REALLY like, Montessori-wise, in case anyone thinks it is anything like a Montessori school. Maybe then you can see how very little I actually do and give yourself break!LOL!
We start the day with a read-aloud aimed at the littles. For us, this habit is essential to proper functioning of the day.
Then my oldest works pretty much independently until after lunch, so that I can focus my mornings on the littles. He gets his one-on-one time during naptime and in the afternoons while the littles play or watch a DVD.
My Montessori presentation efforts are spent mainly on my 6yo dd. She usually get a couple of presentations (or reinforcements of previously presented material)per day, one math and one reading, and either science or geography if things go smoothly.
The 4 yo mostly plays with his blocks or cars, etc, or does some tray activities like pouring, sorting, cutting, etc. I set these up and present them to him over the weekend or in the evenings so that the only work I have to do with him during the school day is help him remember to put away one activity before heading to another, and help him think of something to do if he is standing around bored.I have tried, but he is not ready for anything more academic than that.
The 2yo does about the same thing as the 4yo. I try to keep them separated as much as possible during the work period so they don't fight-they can play together in the afternoon all they want. I need actually need to do less re-directing with him than the 4yo as his attentions span is actually longer. I try to do one Montessori work per day with him. He is extremely bright and can focus on an activity for upwards of 30 mins at a time, BUT it has to be on the right material. With him, I really need to be observant of what will click with him and what won't. Boredom leads to destruction with him. If he isn't mentally engaged he will go around "using his powers for evil" LOL! Right now he is all about bird cards and asks to do them perhaps 3-4 times a day. I add in new birds every other day or so. I think he is up to about 30 species of birds now, but it only takes about 10 mins to do them with him.
At lunch time the work period over for the little ones. They eat and then nap. Dd is just now being excused from nap to do some more in-depth work on independent projects in the afternoons.
My afternoons are reserved for my son.
So, as far as my role as a Montessori teacher, I am not doing all that much. All I am doing all morning is maybe 4 presentations a day, and the rest of it is just observing and being vigilant about material use and care of the environment.If I try to do more presentations, the care falls apart. And around here that is a slippery slope, so most of my effort really is spent in maintaining order and constant reminders to "put that away properly, please."
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
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AndreaG
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Angela- it looks like everyone gave great advice, I am going to read through this thread when I have more time, but I just wanted to assure you that you are not a loser. And also that I am sure we all have days and weeks where we feel as you described- I know I do, and I don't have twins OR a new baby. It helps me to know that everyone else doesn't have the perfectly streamlined montessori learning times.
My advice is rather than focus on montessori perfection as your goal, to focus on some simpler goal, like keeping those twins entertained for half an hour so you can work with the four-year-old or get the older kids going on something.
You don't have to decide about the montessori materials right now- you can pack them away for a time and re-evaluate in the future when perhaps things are calmer. I have found it works best to keep most things packed away and bring out one or two at a time. It doesn't mean you are a failure, it means you are following the child (or children in your case!) and preparing the environment in a way that will encourage success for the whole family.
I find sensory activities (play dough, rice bin, water play) to be soothing and engaging for little ones, if you can stand the potential mess. Sometimes I let them paint in the bathtub. Yesterday I let them drive matchbox cars through a tray of flour. Mopping up afterward could count for practical life! Cabin fever is making me desperate, I miss sending them out to the sandbox!
Hugs!
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GrayFamilyCircus
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Mackfam
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| Posted: Jan 11 2008 at 3:46pm | IP Logged
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Angela,
Wow there's so much great advice here. I hesitate to post.
I've been reading Danielle's book Mom to Mom over the last couple of days and it has been a welcome read for me. I wish I had read it at the beginning of the year when I was just trying to cope with basics, mere survival.
This has not been the easiest year for us - I have never started a homeschooling year from a hospital bed with my usual extreme morning sickness. I had such lofty and exciting plans. They all had to be scratched. God's timing though - not mine! There is comfort in that. Letting go of my need to control the situation and accepting God's gifts and crosses at the time He gave them was key. So ALL Montessori stayed in the closet until I knew I had the strength and stamina to be consistent and set up good habits. That meant months of closeted materials. When this baby comes in a few weeks, Montessori (not all, but all potential weapons and small pieces) will again move to the closet because I know I will need time to just be. Getting up and correcting and removing and redirecting will not be my priority. Again, just recognizing God's timing and my own needs.
Our days are still fairly lite-M'ssori wise. I don't stress about presentations, it just isn't my style to present exactly like a book or lesson dictates. If a material is abused, it goes in the closet. Period. Thus, there's never too much out at once. I might introduce a new concept once every couple of weeks. Pretty lax, but it's where I am.
Translating Montessori into the home has been rewarding, but it has also required a great learning curve. I'm in no way a slave or pure follower of Montessori any more than I am a purist following any other form of learning. I use what works. And it needs to work for me, and for my children. I can't work for it! If it isn't working, I spend time in the evenings, with my dh (who isn't emotionally attached to the challenge like me ) trying to identify root causes, and potential solutions. This has been key for me. There can be such a sense of "drowning in it all" that I needed his perspective. It helped when he challenged me to make a case for something - Montessori or not. Forced me to think and prioritize. I don't want to imply that Montessori is or is not going to work for you now, or in a year from now. That's really for you and your husband to discern for your family. But, I do think that there is more going on here than just Montessori meltdown.
Your situation now is intense to say the least, and unique. Could now be the time to just put it all away, break out a few delicious books and just sit and read together? Take a few nature walks if weather permits. Just invest some time in re-connecting with each of the kids. Evenings can be spent discerning and hashing out potential solutions to try. All the pressure is off to perform. Allow the materials to sit. They were an investment, and one way or the other they can either be used later with the children, or sold and you can make your money back.
One of the things I have appreciated so much in reading Danielle's book is hearing her take on different parenting philosophies and this extends to homeschooling as well. You use what works, and leave the guilt. God's plan is different for all of us. There simply isn't a one-size fits all approach, because God made us all different. Different family sizes, different family challenges, unique circumstances with crosses of varying weights thrown in. You know in reflection, maybe my one piece of advice should have just been to grab a cup of tea and spend some time reading Danielle's book. She is gifted with a way of refreshing the spirit.
I don't know if any of this has been at all helpful Angela, but you already know by now that you're not a loser, and there is the gift of this community which allows for a closer connection with other like-minded moms. What a treasure that we can be here for each other. God seems to have planted us all in far-reaching gardens.
You're in my prayers during this intense time of discernment.
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19 , ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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Mare
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| Posted: Jan 11 2008 at 3:49pm | IP Logged
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Angela,
When my oldest was just two, I gave birth to triplets.  I was already doing Montessori work. Since we used our dining room as a learning room and we also ate our 3 meals there, everything had to be put away before the next meal. The only storage space we had was in the basement.
It took me a while to figure out what was going to work in my situation. Here's what I did. I organized the small materials (droppers, beads, rice, tweezers, etc.) in plastic shoeboxes and Zip-loc bags and then sorted them into 5 groups. I had five 18 gallon totes. Each one was labeled with a different day of the week. I place one group of bags and boxes into the Monday Tote. Then another group of bags and boxes into the Tuesday tote, etc. I also divided puzzles, blocks, etc. up into the 5 totes.
As with anything, there were good days and "character building" days, lots of "character building" days that seemed to last 48 hours. When I was able, I brought up the "box of the day" and took out what I could do with my dd during a short break between diapers and feedings.
Fast forward to when the triplets turned two, well, we were busy. We bought two
play yards which we connected together. We set the play yards up in our livingroom which is right next to our diningroom. I was able to work with my four year old while the three girls played with toys in the play yard.
When it was time to work with my two year olds, I brought them to the dining room table and gave them their own space. If I was introducing something new, I'd work with one child at a time. If the other two lost interest in their work and got antsy, I just put them in the play yard or let my four year old play with them. Once we were able to get a routine going, things seemed to get a bit better. It just took time and prayer for wisdom in figuring out a good routine for our family.
I'll be praying for you this weekend.
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ALmom
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| Posted: Jan 11 2008 at 4:15pm | IP Logged
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Well, I'm back on but at least children are all happily involved in legos. This post spoke to my heart, and I don't even have a baby or twins!! Take a deep breath and ditto Elizabeth's comments. However, if you still want to use your Montessori stuff in ways that fit your family, I can tell you a few things that helped me. Also sometimes it is just not the right time but in case it helps, I can tell you a few things I discovered with my crew (all much older than yours so easier to not have making messes)
1) I haven't introduced a whole lot new during the school year to my littlest (a 5 year old). I do it one on one - NEVER with anyone else around. The first presentations were all on classroom care, carrying trays, asking for permission to watch, etc. in a practically empty room. I waited until there was an opportunity to just work with the youngest first in this part of the classroom and until he was ready, we didn't bring a lot more stuff out. Now, I do have stuff out that he hasn't been introduced to, but he's had a lot of time to get used to the routine before the temptations.
2) I could never introduce anything in a group or circle or at once even if it was appropriate for all. Group dynamics took over and I ended up with 4 extremely silly boys and no one paying a bit of attention. If I'm going to present, I wait until I have time one on one. I present the stuff I know my 5 yo is ready for to the 5 yo first - then let him show the olders! This way he takes great pride and care. I can go over anything missed later with the olders. By not presenting except one on one, that often means long stretches without new presentations, sometimes that means carving out some one on one time with one child on an evening or Saturday when things are quiet.
3) If I need to, I sometimes present with the manual in front of me. My presentations aren't as smooth, but the child gets the basic idea. I do the best I can and I'd rather him work with the material than not ever because I've never had the time to do it "right".
4) The vast majority of new presentations and making of materials is done over the summer or during breaks. This is when I have the time. However, I do have a tendency to observe the child (not necessarily while he is in the Montessori room) but just in general and get clues for things that might be especially appropriate or enticing. When he cut the hair, cutting forms came out and I introduced that. I honestly am taking Montessori online class right now and haven't printed out most of the math yet. I'll go through it a lot more intensely this summer when I have time to think. I also don't do a lot of Montessori classroom observation if that means sitting in the classroom watching them work - purists would say I'm leaving out the most important part, but this is what works for us.
5) I focus on doing presentations in areas that I think we've been weak in in the past - so my focus was any fine motor, writing prep (mostly practical life and insets), science and geography. We seem to handle reading, history, etc. on our own rather successfully so I don't stress over these. My classroom doesn't have the variety and I just haven't braved putting any real art supplies out other than insets, how to draw books and colored pencils. However, if I had a baby, I'd probably have everything in a locked cabinet and just bring the older child by to check out what might interest her and suggest something to the child if necessary. If things didn't click, I wouldn't necessarily rush to sell my stuff - but I'd put it aside for the rest of the year, pray, think and see if a little more age and maturity helped any. (My mom had twins and the stories she told made it obvious that just parenting without major messes was a challenge. I don't remember any difficulties 'cause I was only 5 but I do remember the stories and being amazed that what a single child would be incapable of doing, those two together could do in a flash - and it almost always involved messes!)
We did find that Montessori in terms of the idea of choice did not work with the LD child. However, I can use the materials one on one with supervision and direction from time to time to some benefit. We mostly just use the practical life to encourage muscle tone and coordination. But it is specifically assigned - not Montessori style.
6) When the 5 yo seems to get bored because I haven't introduced anything new, he tends to get more disruptive, etc. I may not have time to study, plan or present Montessori, but I always have time to spend some extra time with him cuddling with good picture books. I'll do that and make sure we have some private chat time just to see where he might have fun. Then I'll make some priority time over the weekend for a self directing tray. Eye dropper with colored water has kept him enticed for hours. I'll also make a point to be more conscious of one on one time with that particular child.
7)I don't hesitate to close down the classroom or remove the items if I need to for my own sanity or to regain control. I put away the colored water when it started becoming more messy. I'll re-introduce it later when I have time to get a non-wooden tray to hold it and when they are not running through the water in 5 minutes and wanting a refill.
8) I've learned not to stress over the "critical moment". If a child needs something, they will work with it. My almost 8 yo is finding more enjoyment out of the 3 - 5 age stuff than my 5 yo.
I must say I did begin Montessori with very clear family goals in mind. It is serving our family - BUT, with our family goals, it helps me not to stress over all that Montessori says you must do. I try to understand her philosophy as best I have time to do, and when we don't do something her way, I try to be conscious of what we might be giving up so I am aware if giving this part up impacts our family goals or not. Then I can make more informed decisions about the trade-offs.
Janet
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marianne
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| Posted: Jan 11 2008 at 4:18pm | IP Logged
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Angela,
Everyone has such good advice, I don't want to add anything more, other than to pray, which I'm sure has already been metioned. God is very interested in the well being of your homeschool and family. He knows more about what you need to change, do, or not do than any of us here. Spend some extra time praying for direction, and you can add me to the list of people praying for you as well.
Your comment about "breaking up the mob" hit close to home here and made me LOL as well!
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: Jan 11 2008 at 4:44pm | IP Logged
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Ok, I'm back with some more thoughts.
Maybe it would help if you could narrow down exactly what it is about Montessori that appeals to you.
Is it the materials themselves as learning tools?
Is it the self-direction?
Is it the methodology of the presentations?
If it is the materials you like, then why not consider using them, but in a more teacher-directed way? Use them as any other teacher would use manipulatives-as a tool during lessons. This would mean NOT leaving them out at all times, but only when you are using them with dc. It may help control clutter.This approach would also work if the main appeal is the methodology of the presentations.
If it is the self-direction that appeals to you most, then I'm not sure what the solution is. Perhaps just scaling back and making fewer things available.
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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Angel
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| Posted: Jan 11 2008 at 6:59pm | IP Logged
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Wow! Thanks for all the replies! I'm going to have to print out this thread tonight so I can read it more thoroughly and think about everything. (And thanks to Elizabeth for talking me down ;-)
Theresa, you asked how I wanted our day to go. Right now my 8 yo and 11 yo are doing pretty well with our mish-mash of methods and carry out most of their work independently. That is certainly a blessing, but I would like them to be able to use more of our materials, which they don't know because I haven't gotten things together enough to show the kids how to use them. For instance, my dd was requesting the maps for quite a while but it took me forever to get around to labeling the control maps. Part of that was Christmas, and partly it was because I'm a bit ADD myself and tend to have a hard time focusing and prioritizing. After I finally managed to label a few of the maps and she sat down -- happily -- to do one, one of the twins appeared on each side of her to grab pieces. I was doing something in another room -- probably nursing, because the baby will only nurse in about THREE places (and the dining room isn't one of them) -- and of course, pulling one 2 yo down to put him in a high chair only leaves the puzzle pieces vulnerable to his brother. So she was quite frustrated... and that's pretty typical.
Our house is somewhat unusual inside in its use of space, so I have thought of gating off spaces but we haven't been able to find gates that fit some of those places. (Mare, I have thought about about that play yard, too... but my boys would climb right over it!) Makes it difficult.
Anyway, this is the way our day is set up:
After (or during) breakfast we pray and then I read to the kids. The older kids like to draw during this time, so that's what the younger ones do, too. This works out fairly well. I mean, it's loud, there are a lot of interruptions, but... that's pretty par for the course with 4 under the age of 5. I tried inserting a picture book read aloud for my 4 yo during this time, but he was usually kind of belligerent about not listening, so we just save his books until bedtime. The twins color and build with blocks or play with cars, and are not terribly destructive during this time... usually.
Then, when everybody starts to get antsy, we break for morning chores.
After chores comes "choice time" which is when any work with Montessori materials happens. This is the time of the day I have the hardest time with. It lasts about an hour and a half or two hours. The little boys need something to do, or they can be very destructive. My 4 yo needs something to do or he just irritates everyone to death and picks fights with the twins. But he is not independent and he really has a hard time sticking with an activity for more than about 10 or 15 minutes. (Sometimes he'll get something out, do it once, then leave.) This makes me sad because when he was younger, his attention span seemed to be longer and he would also ask me to read him books over and over again. I think that I have really dropped the ball with him, and now he resists anything that even bears a whiff of teaching. (For instance, he still doesn't know all his letters and completely closes off when I mention anything to do with the alphabet. And it's not like I'm sitting him down and making him do workbooks or flashcards or anything like that. We're talking gentle alphabet books and art and alphabet scavenger hunts.)
Anyway, the biggest problem here is that if I focus on getting one of the little ones set up with something to do, there are two others who also want to do something right that second -- or who want to do the same thing child 1 is doing (which may or may not be appropriate) -- and neither of the waiting children are very independent or responsible with the materials. Then, if I turn my attention to one of the remaining littles, there's a good chance the one I just helped is going to be using whatever material he has as a laser gun.
After choice time, we eat lunch in the same room with all our materials. Then it's free time or outside, if that's at all possible. When we come in, I go over the big kids' book work with them and then they go to their rooms for some quiet time and to do their work. I read to the little boys, then my 4 yo uses our long hallway as his "quiet" place while I wrestle the twins to sleep. This usually takes a half hour after I'm done reading, praying, and singing with them.
Finally, the twins are asleep and the baby usually wants to nurse. This used to be my time to take a break, but my 4 yo is an extrovert and comes out of the hallway as soon he hears my footsteps. I have begun trying to embrace this time as my time one on one with him, but since I'm usually nursing or walking the baby, what we can do together is limited and most of the time he doesn't want to sit and read.
After quiet time is computer and outside time, and time for me to do laundry and fix dinner.
I should mention that the baby is an angel, but eats every 2- 2.5 hours still, pretty much around the clock. And like I said, he's picky about *where* he eats, which can be difficult.
Well, this has turned out to be really long. I appreciate all the help and will ponder everyone's advice over the next few days!
--Angela
Three Plus Two
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4Real Forums : Nurturing the Years of Wonder
Topic: Montessori Loser?
