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Angie Mc
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| Posted: Jan 14 2010 at 11:30am | IP Logged
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Why develop the habit of discussion with teens?
I need to get back to my work rightnow so I can't begin to try and answer my own question. I hope others might want to ponder and discuss this topic, too.
Here's the related "how to" develop the Habit of Discussion with Teens.
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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Willa
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| Posted: Jan 15 2010 at 2:51pm | IP Logged
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I'll try to start it off, Angie! Why develop the habit of discussion with teens:
--To open communication lines and make "good patterns" of talking in preparation for those inevitable tricky times of adolescence.
--To share one's thinking especially about the Big Questions -- both for purposes of appropriate transparency and ALSO to give the teens a look into how adults process things.
--To challenge one's own thinking -- because they are in a questioning and developing-reason stage of life, they can make one see one's preconceptions in a new way.
--To set a good example for the younger ones
--To set a good example for the teens, so that the teens will someday develop a habit of discussion with their own family.
-- Because talking with teens is like a "coming of age" of your family since as they get older and wiser you can step back gradually from steering their thinking and more into a supportive role.
--For fun -- talking with your teens is just fun and rewarding, and more so if it's a habit so you basically "share a language" and have some of the family in-jokes and topics in common, and you have learned what the more sensitive and difficult areas are so you can tread lightly there.
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Willa
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: Jan 18 2010 at 12:11pm | IP Logged
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Thanks, Willa! Fabulous!
Willa wrote:
-- Because talking with teens is like a "coming of age" of your family since as they get older and wiser you can step back gradually from steering their thinking and more into a supportive role.
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If I had to choose my top reason for developing this habit - in myself and my teens - as in, really paying attention to being available to listen, initiating topics in a variety of ways, etc., I would choose...
It helps to move our relationship into a new place.
As a mother, I want to relinquish my directive ways gradually while encouraging my teens to take responsibility for their choices. Discussion helps me to move into more of a mentoring role, one that I hope will last all our lives  . Add to this, praying together, and I can't think of a more powerful, available, and ongoing way to meander this road.
I would love to hear from others!
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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helene
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| Posted: Jan 18 2010 at 7:25pm | IP Logged
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I think discussing things with teens shows that you respect them and value their thoughts. Especially in a situation when you have to forbid some activity, it is helpful to explain and discuss it rather than laying down the law without explaining why. They are much more apt to accept your decision.
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Willa
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| Posted: Jan 18 2010 at 8:04pm | IP Logged
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I thought of another thing:
Because discussion is how God and His Church treat us. God always conversed with His people, even in the Old Testament -- as when He discussed the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah with Abraham.
So it's good to know how to do it well, good to be used to approaching relationships and decisions and reasonings that way. And it's even good to outwardly model an inward reality -- that you often think better if you discuss things with yourself (and with God, of course) -- for example, St Ignatius used to recommend putting all the pros and cons of a decision in two columns before coming to a solution.
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: Jan 19 2010 at 11:52am | IP Logged
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I thought of another thing, too!
Having children who can discuss matters with adults outside of the family is invaluable. It's about combining content/expertise and the process of discussion itself. For example, when my boys were 12 and 8, they went on a business trip to Boston with their dad. The three of them were in a Red Sox shop in downtown Boston when they started talking it up with a worker. They talked about their trip from AZ, how they love the Red Sox, and how they couldn't wait to get to Fenway. The worker engaged them in more talk...baseball history, stats, players, line-ups, etc. My boys held their own, impressing the worker. The traveling threesome left the store...but returned thirty minutes later to ask for directions. It ends up that the worker was the owner of the store whose family were season ticket holders for over 90 years and he had three tickets (dead center field, second row) for that night's game. He offered them to my men if they promised to use them and not sell them! They had an experience of a life time...and, happy day, the Red Sox won  .
I can think of other examples like this, but have run out of time to chat!
Love,
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Angie Mc
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: Jan 26 2010 at 11:51am | IP Logged
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Another thing ...
Ongoing discussion helps me to gauge my teens emotional life. I can tell when they're happy and upbeat or when they are distracted or down. Often a discussion will move from the discussion topic to "Are you OK? Is there something I can help you with?"
Love,
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4Real Forums : Philosophy of Education
Topic: Why? Habit of Discussion with Teens
