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KC Dianna
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| Posted: Dec 21 2009 at 11:41am | IP Logged
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I'm sure this isn't the best first-post for me to have on this message board, but I'm needing help. I don't want to come across as a pushy mom, though! So be patient with me! 
My oldest is a smart kid. But because things come easily to him, he breaks down into a puddle of tears when something is challenging, mainly in math. A part of me wants to push him through it to teach him that not everything will just come to him. But another part of me realizes that he's still little (he's 6) and I'm very much still working on having a love of learning, not just a gathering of facts. I just want to make sure we're creating good habits along the way.
Does anyone have any tips for me? I'd appreciate them!!
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: Dec 21 2009 at 12:52pm | IP Logged
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I don't think you come across as a pushy mom, Diana. We've had this discussion here before, so you are not alone.
I think that we all know our own children best, and are the best ones to judge when a little gentle nudging will be beneficial and when it will be detrimental.There is no one single guideline because our children are all different.
That being said, I think I can speak for many of us more veteran moms when I say that when I look back on my early homeschooling years with my oldest children, the thing I regret the most is not that I pushed too little, but that I pushed too much.
We tend to set our expectations quite high for our first children. Only after many years and many tears do we grow in enough wisdom to avoid repeating the same mistakes with our later kids.
So my advice is always that if we must err, to err on the side of gentleness. Good things come to those who wait.
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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Paula in MN
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Beautifully said, Theresa.
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 Paula
A Catholic Harvest
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Willa
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| Posted: Dec 21 2009 at 2:42pm | IP Logged
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Theresa said it all. But I would just add that breaking into tears and generally being less emotionally mature than intellectually is a classic gifted trait.
Something Charlotte Mason said helped me -- that even "easy" formal academics are a mental and emotional strain for a small child. Their brains are by far the hugest and most active parts of their bodies. As moms we need to actively plan to keep lessons short and very doable for the little ones.
A little kid, also, will feel a LOT of pressure to learn and do the right thing. I'm not a particularly high-pressure mom but even I found that my kids showed signs of stress when I asked them to understand something and answer questions based on it. Sometimes they needed a bit more time and emotional space to absorb the concept.
If you can find games and toys that reinforce the concepts you want him to practice, that can be a good way to go -- he gets the exposure to and repetition of concepts, but without the pressure of feeling "on the spot".
Another thing to do that I've found helpful (if you or your child aren't really educational game and toy type people) is to often go back to the earlier pages of the workbook and work on something that's already been learned pretty well. You can even cut up a worksheet and make it into a matching game or something like that where the child can tackle it over and over until he feels confident about it.
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Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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Willa
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| Posted: Dec 21 2009 at 2:46pm | IP Logged
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PS -- you don't sound pushy at all. It's so difficult with your first couple of children, to measure how much is enough and how much too much.
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AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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mom3aut1not
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| Posted: Dec 21 2009 at 2:59pm | IP Logged
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Just a note --- it's not uncommon for bright to actually resist challenges. It is very interesting that kids who are praised for hard work and not for innate ability are *more* likely to take on challenges and to keep on trying. I am trying very hard to praise hard work, with my son, but I do slip sometimes. (I had read this before, but I just read it again recently in NutureShock. Most interesting.)
It's also true that some kids have more trouble with persistence. One of my big kids used to fall apart if she didn't figure something out quickly in math. She would then insist that she just couldn't do it. (I remember one particular incident with introducing ratios.) I would press her to work on it in a different way (Family Math to the rescue), she would "get it," and she would be amazed that it was so easy. This happened repeatedly, so when she got to high school I would just remind her.
Another kid I could not push at all. She have a complete melt down and be unable to function for a while if I did. I guess you just have to know if and when and with whom to push. Not much in the way of concrete advice, huh?
In Christ,
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Deborah
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hylabrook1
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| Posted: Dec 21 2009 at 5:49pm | IP Logged
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One thing that I have needed to remember at times with one or another of my dc is that a very bright child, whose intellectual age is ahead of his chronological age, still is emotionally his chronological age. Meaning - a six year old doing 9 year old school work still reacts, processes, experiences stress as a 6 year old. Obviously, I don't know just what your child is like, so I may be far off base; please excuse if I seem to be overstepping. I just know that those of my dc who have gotten most upset about not getting all of their schoolwork effortlessly have been working well above their age in years. While in theory they have been able to *handle* the school work, they were really responding to frustration as a child their age in years would deal with the pressure involved in trying really hard, staying patient when things didn't come immediately, etc. It's very hard to keep expectations all matched up when you have a child who is different *ages* in different aspects of life (this is true of all children to some extent, but with those who are academically gifted the disconnect is greater, imho).
Also, a bright child will find interests to fill his free time, so if you offer school subjects more slowly, he will not lose ground or fail to realize his potential. Even if you think he *could* move ahead faster, it might be better to let him relax, get through his assigned school,and then pursue other interests. His need for intellectual stimulation will motivate him to read or try out other things (this is what is sometimes called "delight-directed learning"). Okay, I'll stop - it seems I'm pretty opinionated about this topic  .
Peace,
Nancy
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Barbara C.
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Temperament can play a big part in things, too.
My oldest puts way more pressure on herself to do things perfectly than I ever have (she so gets this from her father; she is his clone). Too much challenge and she melts down. So I have to find the balance between not pushing her too far past her breaking point, challenging her to learn things that don't come easy, and learning how to control her behavior when things don't go her way.
As a side note, we have had a big issue with the Explode the Code Online because it is based in "learning from your mistakes" and it is triggering all of her issues (which it took me months to realize). Whereas, I think my second daughter would have no problems at all with this program...she's the sort to just take challenges in stride.
With my oldest, I do sometimes alternate between the new and familiar. After a day of something challenging, it reassures her to do something that she feels competent in.
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Barbara
Mom to "spirited" dd(9), "spunky" dd (6), "sincere" dd (3), "sweet" dd (2), and baby girl #5 born 8/1/12!!
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4Real Forums : Philosophy of Education
Topic: When to push
