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LLMom
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| Posted: March 08 2007 at 7:22pm | IP Logged
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I am not sure if this should go in the loving the little ones or this one but since I have both little and large family, I thought I would post here. I have 7 dc. My 3 1/2 year old and 2 year old are screamers, especially ds who is 3 1/2. He has a very bad temper and will throw things at people, hit them, bite, etc. I have tried everything with him--the whole spectrum of discipline. I am at my wits end. My 2 year old does it because she is imitating him. This is having a negative effect on all of us, but especially my 16 year old. Today ds was so bad at prayer time and breakfast that she was not very tolerant and said he is such a brat. She constantly says she does not want kids because she hates noise like that. A few weeks ago another dd said that ds is such a bother. HOw can I help him and how can I make my other dc see children as a gift. I try not to let my frustration/irritation with him show, but I slip many times.
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Lisa
For veteran & former homeschool moms
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: March 08 2007 at 7:59pm | IP Logged
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The thing I've done with screamers here.. well usually they try in Church so they're on my lap which makes this easy.. is I cover their mouth with my hand.. think blocking the noise not preventing them breathing.. I move my hand so they can easily take a breath.. but I muffle the scream coming out - they usually get the point fairly quickly that screaming doesn't get them what they want.
I think I'd start telling tales on the older kids.. tell them about the things THEY did when they were little whether it was stripping off all their clothes and running around nekkid or biting or pinching or whining... basically give them a clue that it's transitory and that they weren't "above" stuff like that.
Yes, screaming is annoying and it can hurt (I had one that could scream loud enough from across the room to make your ears ring)
Consistency is the key with the discipline.. I know it's exhausting.. and frustrating when nothing seems to work.. but that's partly because we really want to do something once and have the child think.. man, I didn't like that.. better not do it again. 
When most kids it'll take a number of times of doing the same thing VERY reliably for them to realize.. hey when I do this.. that happens. And start to change.
Kids are like the most addicted gamblers.. one time that you don't discipline and they see that(obviously not in these words) but they see that as there is a chance that they can get what they want acting that way.. and so they'll keep trying and trying to make things happen their way.. some kids take much longer to reach the point where they finally decide you really mean it. Others can be easy and decide after 2 times that it's not going to go their way.
Oh and unfortunately, letting your frustration/irritation show is one of the reasons your older children are expressing their irritation.. and acting like their attitude about it is ok.
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Becky Parker
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| Posted: March 09 2007 at 8:35am | IP Logged
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Lisa,
You may have already tried this but whenever my 2 yo would bite or scratch (he also had a nasty temper) I would simply pick him up from behind, not say a word, stick him in his crib and close the door behind me. After a few minutes I would get him but explain to him that if he can't be nice, no one is going to want to play with him. It seems to have helped some.
The problem was when I wasn't there to see it immediately. Then I told my older dc that if this child bites or scratches and I am not in the room, they should do exactly what I did because it needs to be immediate.
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Becky
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Becky Parker
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| Posted: March 09 2007 at 10:07am | IP Logged
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As far as the older kids go, this might be a good time for a life lesson. Like Jodie said, talking to them about what they used to do would help. I would also talk to them about how you had to teach them not to do those things and that it requires much patience. Possibly helping them to see what they can do to help the situation... Do they react when your little one screams? I know I have a "whiner" right now and I've instructed everyone to ignore him if he whines. The only thing they are aloud to say is "I can't understand unless you speak in a normal voice". It's hard, but helping the older ones see that they can be part of the solution instead of just the "victims" of the embarassing/annoying behavior might help a little.
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Becky
Wife to Wes, Mom to 6 wonderful kids on Earth and 4 in Heaven!
Academy Of The Good Shepherd
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Jeanna
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| Posted: March 18 2007 at 5:41pm | IP Logged
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I am certainly no expert as my oldest is only 5, but I have a screamer too. What I have found to be the most effective is to carry a bar of soap with me everywhere I go. I have one that lives upstairs, downstairs, and in the car diaper bag. People think I'm crazy when I pull out a bar of soap for dd to bite when we're sitting in a restraunt (I do try to be discrete). It has helped her to keep quiet though.
I think I heard Dr. Ray Guarendi once say that if you try to stick to the same consistent discepline for a certain action over time your child will get better. Not that it won't be a major pain for a week or two, but in the end you will probably (hopefully) see the fruits of your efforts.
When I'm at my wits end about the only thing I can manage to do is pray "Hail Mary full of grace, PLEASE share some with me."
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Jeanna
Mommy of 7 arrows.....
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"There is only one tragedy in the end, not to have been a saint."
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: screaming toddlers/preschoolers
