| Author | |
Helen
Forum All-Star
Joined: Dec 03 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2826
|
| Posted: Feb 13 2007 at 9:15pm | IP Logged
|
 |
|
One of the great benefits to having an adoption forum in a Catholic environment is the ability to tap into the experience of faithful Catholics and discover how they discerned the often shadowy path of adoption.
Could you share some of ways you discerned the Lord’s call? How did you *know* you were supposed to adopt?
__________________
Ave Maria!
Mom to 5 girls and 3 boys
Mary Vitamin & Castle of the Immaculate
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Essy
Forum Pro
Joined: Oct 12 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 167
|
| Posted: Feb 14 2007 at 9:01am | IP Logged
|
|
|
I think I've always known. I remember reading in Junior High 'The Family Nobody Wanted'...and immediately being drawn to it. It took forever to get there though...life got in the way. I'll have to post my adoption story at some point (kind of lengthy)...God's hand is all over it!
Ok...I'm editing this to add that I've posted my adoption story over at my blog...so go take a look.
http://estemomento.blogspot.com/2007/02/my-valentines.html
__________________
Wife to Roy since Sept 1985
Mom to Sarah(May 2002)and Christian (August 2003)
Praying In the Moment
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JenniferM
Forum Rookie
Joined: Feb 07 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 18
|
| Posted: Feb 14 2007 at 12:49pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I had been praying 7 years for an answer to the question: " Should we adopt?".
We spent two of those years as certified foster/adoptive parents within our state agency. We had two foster placements and both were heart breaking when they left.  We decided it wasn't for our family, especially our young son.
Our bio. son was 7 yrs old and I began another year of prayer. This time I heard Gods answer. He was talking to me through Mass, my spiritual advisor and people off the streets.
It took me a long time to be able to hear the answer but I heard it. The words adoption were being said within daily and Sunday mass. My spiritual advisor had recommended we look into international adoption. People around me were discussing adoption. I was being introduced to adoptive parents almost everywhere I went. My answer was being broadcasted and my deaf ears were finally able to hear it!!
So that November 1st 2005, All Saints day, we began our home study. May 19th 2006 we accepted the referral of our baby and November 1st 2006, All Saints day, Our son came home. 
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
ShawnaB
Forum Pro
Joined: Nov 05 2005
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 377
|
| Posted: Feb 14 2007 at 6:39pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Our story is a little unconventional, as we were asked to consider adopting our son specifically, and we had not before seriously considered adoption, especially dh. We also had very little time to make our decision as ds was to be born in just two weeks from the time we first heard about his existence.
So dh and I talked a lot, and prayed a lot. One night,about 3 days after we first we asked to consider adoption, we were praying together for God to show us what He wanted us to do. It was about 10PM and the phone rang. It was ds' birthmom calling to say that she definitely wanted us to adopt her baby, if we were willing. So that was pretty clear. I was awake most of the night praying until finally I had peace. After all my questioning (why US?? Its not fair, we already have 3 beautiful children!) and fearfulness (there are so many unknowns...what if this is a disaster?), God showed me so clearly that this was not that complicated. It was not about ME, but it was about this mom who was trusting us and asking us to help her with her baby. I mean really, if we are supposed to be following Christ, its pretty clear what He would do. I saw that my reservations were rooted in fear and selfishness.
Dh, on the other hand, rolled over and promptly went to sleep after that phone call. The next morning, he awoke for his regular prayer and scripture reading time. That year, he made a committment to read through the entire Bible. It was now August, and he had kept his committment. He was tempted that morning to look for something specifically in scripture that spoke of adoption, but instead decided to keep reading where he left of...which just happened to be Psalm 127...
Sons are a heritage from the LORD,
children a reward from him.
Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are sons born in one's youth.
Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.
And Psalm 128...
Your wife will be like a fruitful vine
within your house;
your sons will be like olive shoots
around your table....
He was convinced that we were to say yes.
And it proved to be very important that we CLEARLY discerned God's leading because it very quickly got hard and complicated. The next day we learned that birhmom was not 100% certain of paternity, and depending on the result of the test (which happens post birth) we would know whether the baby would even be able to be adopted. Basically, we were being asked to go and take home a baby that might have to be taken away and placed in a terrible living situation. AND, all the $$ spent prior for our fast-track homestudy and fees would not be refundable. But we knew God had called us, and regardless of whether we ended up with a baby, we knew we still needed to be obedient.
Sorry to be so long. But I think this is such an important topic. A friend of mine encouraged us to make sure we were discerning the Lord's will, to write it down, and commit it to memory, because then, when further down life's path, should things get hard (and they always do!), we would be able to remember that God called us to this, and He would walk with us through it.
..
__________________
Shawna, wife of Jacob, mom to Abraham 8 Amelia 5 and Jillian & Jonathan age 3 years http://www.psalm121family.com
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Angie Mc
Board Moderator
Joined: Jan 31 2005
Location: Arizona
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 11400
|
| Posted: Feb 14 2007 at 7:09pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Thank you for starting this topic, Helen. Thanks so much for sharing your experiences Essy and Jennifer (Big welcome to the 4Real board, Jennifer!) This forum is already helping me to discern if God is calling our family to adopt.
Because of my age and my husband's age and other considerations, it can feel like our adoption doors are closing. What seemed so clear two years ago, feels foggy now. But what my dh and I are thinking is that we can get back to preparing to adopt and let God speak to us through the preparation. So, we are going to focus on the process and trust that we'll discern His will through it. Does that sound right? That's where we are at now...I would love to hear more stories about how others discern to adopt.
Love,
__________________
Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
About Me
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Angie Mc
Board Moderator
Joined: Jan 31 2005
Location: Arizona
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 11400
|
| Posted: Feb 14 2007 at 7:15pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
We were posting at the same time, Shawna! Yes...this is what my dh and I want to know...is it or is in not God's will for us. You are so right...if we are confident in His will, then we can face it together with His grace.
Funny, my dh has wondered if we might be asked to adopt in an unconventional way...
Thank you, Shawna.
Love,
__________________
Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
About Me
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Essy
Forum Pro
Joined: Oct 12 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 167
|
| Posted: Feb 15 2007 at 6:21am | IP Logged
|
|
|
"But what my dh and I are thinking is that we can get back to preparing to adopt and let God speak to us through the preparation. So, we are going to focus on the process and trust that we'll discern His will through it. Does that sound right?"
Absolutely. Sometimes He just provides us with information on a 'need to know basis'...meaning just a little bit at a time instead of showing us the whole picture. So the important thing is to take that first step in faith and He will definitely carry you the rest of the way. You'll be in my prayers.
__________________
Wife to Roy since Sept 1985
Mom to Sarah(May 2002)and Christian (August 2003)
Praying In the Moment
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Helen
Forum All-Star
Joined: Dec 03 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2826
|
| Posted: Feb 17 2007 at 9:00am | IP Logged
|
|
|
1. What does my husband think? If my husband agrees to go on with an adoption, this is a very good sign.
2. A completed homestudy and dossier.
For me to complete all the steps necessary to have the paperwork in place for an adoption could only occur by an act of God.
3. The day of the Big Sad
More often than not, my adoption processes begin following a day/week of great sadness. Not just ordinary, run-of-the-mill sadness, a complete fog/funk/sadness descends upon me. I have no motivation for anything other than crying on the couch. Life seems all darkness and no hope. Normally, I am really a very upbeat, active, positive, optimistic person. These episodes are quite out of character for me. I’ve since come to realize that this is the seed planted by God to get me to go through the adoption process.
4. An inspiriation in my heart similar to a small candlelight burning within me that no matter what is going on in my life, I cannot deny the light.
I must continue with the adoption process.
5. Openess to life
So far as a way to practice openness to life, we have continually kept the adoption process moving: Scheduling physicals, sending paperwork to the social workers, or filing papers with the government. In this way God is in charge. He can say “yes” to life for me or “no” to life for me. Naturally, for me the answer seems to be “no”. But, with my paperwork in process, God may decide to send me a child or not.
__________________
Ave Maria!
Mom to 5 girls and 3 boys
Mary Vitamin & Castle of the Immaculate
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
mavmama
Forum All-Star
Joined: Nov 01 2006
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 618
|
| Posted: Feb 17 2007 at 9:52am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Helen,
Are you saying that you are "paper-ready" at all times?
We, also, contemplate whether or not we are to adopt again. While we would like to, it is hard when the openness to life is not in the usual way.
And, with our RADish, we have a lot of "advice" to not do it again from friends and family. If we were able to biologically have children, would we stop being open because we had a special needs child? I think not. I find this hard to discern, and we are getting frighteningly close to cut offs with our ages and such.
A very good topic, and I am interested in everyone's insight.
__________________
Liz
Blessed by 4 wonders
dd11, dd911, ds9, ds8
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Helen
Forum All-Star
Joined: Dec 03 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2826
|
| Posted: Feb 17 2007 at 10:58am | IP Logged
|
|
|
mavmama wrote:
Helen,
Are you saying that you are "paper-ready" at all times? |
|
|
Liz, I think that would be impossible! 
Moving forward... making the phone calls necessary ... willing to work on the process.
mavmama wrote:
We, also, contemplate whether or not we are to adopt again. While we would like to, it is hard when the openness to life is not in the usual way.
And, with our RADish, we have a lot of "advice" to not do it again from friends and family. If we were able to biologically have children, would we stop being open because we had a special needs child? I think not. I find this hard to discern, and we are getting frighteningly close to cut offs with our ages and such.
|
|
|
This is my personal philosophy. In the natural order, one doesn't lose their fertility based on a special needs child. Although, I believe the fertility doesn't return as quickly (ordinarily).
I don't think one needs to rush into a next adoption, but I don't think a special needs precludes another adoption. Although, if the state regulations make it difficult, I believe that is another way the Lord can speak to you.
__________________
Ave Maria!
Mom to 5 girls and 3 boys
Mary Vitamin & Castle of the Immaculate
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JenniferM
Forum Rookie
Joined: Feb 07 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 18
|
| Posted: Feb 17 2007 at 11:08am | IP Logged
|
|
|
I would love to know if anyone stays paper ready?
Also as far as financially ready, are there steps I am unaware of?
Our adoption cost us alot!!! We used equity from out home to afford it.
We are very open to life, my husband who is the sole provider is leary about another adoption, only because of the financial costs. I have thought of taking on a part time job but with my husbands work we would loose money. One hour of over time pay is more than 2 nights of part time.
Thank you for this forum!!
Jennifer
Wife to loving Husband Bob
Momto John(8) and Ean(9months)
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
mavmama
Forum All-Star
Joined: Nov 01 2006
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 618
|
| Posted: Feb 17 2007 at 11:37am | IP Logged
|
|
|
We have done only international adoption, hence the regulations. I don't know anything about state adoptions. Helen, is that the route you went? I would love to hear others' routes, as well. We used Holt International all 3 times. Finances are a concern for us, too.
__________________
Liz
Blessed by 4 wonders
dd11, dd911, ds9, ds8
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JenniferM
Forum Rookie
Joined: Feb 07 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 18
|
| Posted: Feb 17 2007 at 12:15pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
We adopted Internationally.
We attempted instate as I wrote earlier and also nationally. We were informed that because we had a biological child the chances of a birth mom choosing us were slim to none.
I have to pray for patience!! We have only recently completed our first adoption. I am eager to adopt again. I keep forgetting  it is His will not mine.
Please pray for me? 
_________________
Jennifer
Wife to loving Husband Bob
Momto John(8) and Ean(9months)
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Helen
Forum All-Star
Joined: Dec 03 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2826
|
| Posted: Feb 17 2007 at 7:49pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Some thoughts on finances...
"The Lord hears the cry of the poor"
psalm
And in the case of adoption, there are several levels of poverty. (I hope the word poverty doesn’t cause anyone offense. I’m using it in the desirable sense of St. Francis.)
1. Financial poverty
2. Fertility as a poverty
3. The poverty experienced by the child who has no permanent family
4. The poverty of humility
“He opens wide his hands and grants the desire of our hearts.”
The desire for children is a Godly desire. It is not a selfish desire. Although we may be tempted to think that way in today’s cultural environment. (In a biography of Venerable Solanus Casey, I read that he told women that the desire for children comes from God.)
Knowledge of infertility exacerbates the desire for children. The fear of never having a child (the pain of the unmet desire) leads to internal unrest. It helps me to remember that infertility is a poverty and in poverty we have great sway with the Lord. He hears our cry. He knows our pain.
Adoption is expensive – no doubt. But, I think financial parameters help to discern more clearly the Will of God. Financial obstacles may lead some to consider special needs adoption or higher risk foster care adoption and to be more sure of God’s hand leading one to this direction. (I’m trying to show the positive side of financial difficulties.)
There are many different ways to afford an adoption. Each agency can guide a family.
Poverty of humility,
We have to understand deeply that a child is a gift and no one is entitled to a child. I must not have understood this lesson at the beginning of our adoptions. Many years went by before we could adopt. (At least it felt very long – with infertility/adoption the minutes tick away agonizingly. An adoption year is more accurately measured as 8,760 hours.)
My family likens me to a barking terrier dog and the Lord restraining me with his hand against my head. Sometimes, we just have to wait on the Lord until His time comes.
__________________
Ave Maria!
Mom to 5 girls and 3 boys
Mary Vitamin & Castle of the Immaculate
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
|
|
Forum Locked) 
4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Discerning the Lord’s call to Adopt
