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MacBeth
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Probably at the beach...
Joined: Jan 27 2005
Location: New York
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| Posted: Feb 08 2007 at 7:51pm | IP Logged
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Hey, if you were an adult adoptee, I have a quick question for you: When do you tell your kids? My cousin was adopted (actually, there are almost as many adoptees in my extended family as birth children!), and she did not tell her kids until...
Here's the dreadful way my cousin's kids found out--my kids were all playing with them (they are on the younger end of mine, but they overlap) at my aunt's house, when they looked through a scrap book. In it, my aunt had an old local newspaper clipping of her "profile" that said that the best day of her life was when she adopted her daughter. Well, my insensitive kids (12 and under at the time) said, "Oh, yeah, your mother was adopted!" Sadly, my cousin's daughter , 8 at the time, was never told, and she was devastated, and couldn't get past the fact that her "grandmother" wasn't her "real" grandmother. Oh, dear! (Say, if you knew my aunt, one of the best people on the planet, you'd understand her granddaughter's problem).
This was a few years ago, and all is well now, but I am wondering how one tells one's kids...sort of a "next generation" advice question.
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God Bless!
MacBeth in NY
Don's wife since '88; "Mom" to the Fab 4
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MacBeth's Blog 
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amyable
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| Posted: Feb 08 2007 at 8:33pm | IP Logged
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I'm adopted, and we talk to our kids about it early and often. Pretty much whenever a good opportunity to slip in the information comes up. With many pregnancies among myself and friends, and people asking questions like "what is your family background", there seem to be many opportunities! Not to mention all the doctors visits for my kids where I have to say, "I'm adopted, I don't know my side of the girls' family history" over and over. 
I'm just upbeat and open about it. I want it to be "just a fact" to my kids, hopefully not something they sense emotional baggage about (although there is enough of that, lol).
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Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of 
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
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Marybeth
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| Posted: Feb 09 2007 at 12:07am | IP Logged
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We were advised to start talking about our adoption journey from the beginning. Andrew has always known. It is discussed at different times and in different ways. We are very open to his questions. Our adoption counselor was suprised at the maturity of his questions. I think it has to do with his temperament. He is an observer. Meaning he ponders ideas and thoughts and then talks or asks questions about his adoption.
There are details about his birthparents which only my sister and bil know b/c they are his guardians. If he chooses to tell other family members and friends once he knows it is fine with us...just we feel he should know about his birth family before other people.
Marybeth
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Marybeth (Mb)
http://held-together.blogspot.com
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Carole N.
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| Posted: Feb 09 2007 at 8:40am | IP Logged
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My dh is adopted and we have always talked about it with the children. Most people are amazed when they find out, but we have an adopted adult and an adopted child in our family--it seems like a natural fit. My ds has a special "bond" with his dad for that reason.
I do remember my oldest ds (when he was very young) asking me, "What planet is daddy from?" I wonder if this has something to do with the adoption or if he was just being silly? 
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 Carole ... in Wales
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Lisbet
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| Posted: Feb 09 2007 at 8:50am | IP Logged
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I am adopted. I've always known, I don't remember my parents ever telling me specifically, I've just always known. My kids have always known too, and it's never been an issue.
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Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
Nick, 17
Abby, 15
Gabe, 13
Isaac, 11
Mary, 10
Sam, 9
Henry, 7
Molly, 6
Mark, 5
Greta, 3
Cecilia born 10.29.10
Josephine born 6.11.12
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Essy
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| Posted: Feb 09 2007 at 11:31am | IP Logged
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"Sadly, my cousin's daughter , 8 at the time, was never told, and she was devastated, and couldn't get past the fact that her "grandmother" wasn't her "real" grandmother. "
How very sad that she lost out on discussing such a wonderful topic and teaching her child about the beauty of it all...and how 'real' adoptive parents and other family members really are. I would have to wonder how well she has dealt with the issue herself.
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Mom to Sarah(May 2002)and Christian (August 2003)
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kristina
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| Posted: Feb 09 2007 at 12:27pm | IP Logged
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I was adopted at age nine. My children know that they have a grandmother who passed away when I was a toddler.. she was my "Tummy Mummy." They know that Nana is my Mom and that she is no less my mother to me as I am to them.
I do not remember discussing it much with our children until my lovely Aunt created four identical handmade scrapbooks chronicling my Mom's life, one for each of my mother's for girls. Our third child bears little resemblance to either side of the family, however in the scrapbook was a picture of my mother as a baby and it looks just like our Alexandre! Incidentally, that was the one aspect of being adopted that I had the most difficulty with growing up, not having any genetic resemblance to anyone in my immediate life at the time because my sisters were all much older and living on the west coast and our communication was infrequent. I don't know why it was so important to me.. strange.
Our children have not made a big deal of me being adopted. Our Godson was adopted at age six. Our older two boys attended his "adoption day" at the courthouse. (I was home with a newborn). They seem to accept that some babies grow in tummies and sometimes God creates families through adoption.
Blessings,
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kristina
yesterthoughts
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Were you adopted?
