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Essy
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| Posted: Feb 03 2007 at 8:28am | IP Logged
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How much contact do you all have with your children's birth families?
We have a semi-open adoption with our oldest who was placed at six weeks, we send them a letter every year with pictures. We never get anything back though and that makes it a little hard to keep going. In fact I have a letter that is due and I'm very late with it...just can't get motivated.
With our youngest, it is a completly closed adoption because of the circumstances. He was placed with us through DSS at the age of three months. However, he has a brother that is four years older then him and it breaks my heart to know that he is out there living with the gramdma and we have no contact with them. I hear that he is just an older version of my son too.
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Wife to Roy since Sept 1985
Mom to Sarah(May 2002)and Christian (August 2003)
Praying In the Moment
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Bridget
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| Posted: Feb 03 2007 at 8:58am | IP Logged
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One of my adult brothers contacted his birth parents. They live in the same city. (Not married.) It turned out his birth mother is an x-ray tech and has spoken with my mom many times over the years at various kids visits to the hospital. He was in 2nd grade with a bio half brother.
After finding out who she was, my mom had her over to lunch and made her a little photo album of B.'s childhood.
It answered a lot of questions for my brother but increased his loyalty to our parents.
A sister contacted hers but was very disappointed that they did not want any contact and there is mental illness in the family.
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Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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Marybeth
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| Posted: Feb 03 2007 at 9:02am | IP Logged
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We don't have any contact with ds,age 6, birthparents b/c of adopting internationally. We are open to sending letters and/or pictures if they contact our attorney (who is in Guatemala). We would love his birthmom to see his photo since he looks exactly like her. 
I just pray she has peace in her heart regarding his adoption.
I did write her a letter which I know she received when we went to pick up ds in 2000.
Marybeth
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Marybeth (Mb)
http://held-together.blogspot.com
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ShawnaB
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| Posted: Feb 03 2007 at 11:58am | IP Logged
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Our ds's birthmom was introduced to us through a friend of ours. We were there at his birth, and spent time together in the days that followed. We now live about 6 hours drive away. We emailed and sent photos about every 3 months the first year, and it will probably be once or twice a year now. We visited around ds's one year birthday, and it was wonderful. She is very much at peace with us being his parents, and the sweet relationship we all share.
Just this week, we made contact with his birth father for the first time. It was very scary to make that initial contact, since in our situation, he was an unknown. Birthmom was known, and we knew her intentions, but birthdad had been out of the picture. He was aware of the pregnancy, and aware that an adoption had taken place, but that was all.
Birthmom did some legwork to find him and some initial "feeling him out" to try to predict his reaction, and she encouraged us that he would respond favorably to contact. And he did. It was really a joy to receive a letter from him expressing his peace, happiness, as well as sadness, over our ds's adoption. He was very grateful to receive photos and an update, and offered to give us any information that we felt would be beneficial. He even offered his congratulations our our beautiful family! A very gracious and mature response to be sure.
So, we will likely continue to correspond with him. My hope is that our open relationships with ds's birthparents will help our son accept his adoption, and diffuse some of the trauma and anxiety over the "unknown" genetic relatives that can sometimes happen. My feeling is that in the absence of information, the mind fills in the void. Ds will never have fantasies about what his birthparents might be like, nor fears about what they may feel for him. That is all known already. In addition, I feel that as long as the interests of the child are fully protected, there is certainly no reason not to show compassion for the birthparents, and assist them in finding peace with their decision.
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Shawna, wife of Jacob, mom to Abraham 8 Amelia 5 and Jillian & Jonathan age 3 years http://www.psalm121family.com
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Marybeth
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| Posted: Feb 03 2007 at 12:44pm | IP Logged
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Shawna,
What a beautiful testimony to life! Thank you for sharing.
God bless!
Marybeth
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Marybeth (Mb)
http://held-together.blogspot.com
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: Feb 03 2007 at 2:07pm | IP Logged
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Well, we don't have any, nor would we want it considering the circumstances of our adoption. Although I am a strong advocate of birthparent's rights and open adoptions, I feel that when abuse and neglect enter the picture all that changes.
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
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ShawnaB
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| Posted: Feb 03 2007 at 4:18pm | IP Logged
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Yes Theresa, I'm glad you bring up that point. The level of openess in our adoption is appropriate only because the right circumstances exist. Ds's birthmom chose adoption, it was not chosen for her, and she chose us, not the other way around. She has a very high level of emotional strenght, as well as integrity and good will. She is not a needy personality, and she called the shots from the start. She knew what she wanted, she made it happen for her baby, and she is very pleased with the outcome.
I will also mention that she is making good decisions in her personal life. If that were to change, and we pray that it won't, it would effect the level of openess in our relationship. In all reality, if she took a turn down a bad life path, we probably would stop hearing from her, which would be very sad.
As far as birth dad, we are still discerning an appropriate level of openness.
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Shawna, wife of Jacob, mom to Abraham 8 Amelia 5 and Jillian & Jonathan age 3 years http://www.psalm121family.com
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Birth Families
