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Cheryl
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| Posted: Dec 12 2006 at 6:46am | IP Logged
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My little one is 9 months old now and we're (dd and I) starting to be up half the night. My dh says we need to do something about it. He suggested letting her cry it out, but I don't think I can do that. Our boys both slept through the night in a crib at about 2 months. I don't remember if we let them cry or not. I remember getting up to nurse them when they were under 2 months. When I got pregnant with my dd, I read about ecological breastfeeding and natural child spacing. We did the family bed with her. It was great until she was around 18 months or 2 yrs and I kept waking up in the night while she nursed. Now at 4 1/2 she still doesn't sleep through the night. I've (with much difficulty) got her down to only nursing at bedtime (in her bed) and coming in our bed sometimes during the night. When she's asleep, I move her to the floor in our room.
So with dd 9 mths, she slept with us until 3 months old, then when we moved to our new house, we decided to try the crib again. For awhile I got up to nurse her once or twice a night and she would fall back to sleep quickly. Sometimes she'd sleep throught the night. Now she's getting up 3 times a night sometimes and a few times (like last night) she'll stay up 2 hours nursing and then seeming to want to play. 
I don't know what I should do. I'm too tired to do a search. I know I've asked related questions before. I'll search later, but I thought I'd throw some questions out here this morning. Has the family bed worked well for you? Do you get any sleep? When do your babies usually wean? If you use a crib, how do you get your babies to sleep when they wake in the night?
Do you think her waking could be related to not eating enough solid food? She probably eats about 1/2 a tiny baby food jar a day. I like to hear any of your thoughts on this even if it's that mothers just aren't suppose to get sleep. 
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Cheryl
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Mom to Matthew 13, Joseph 11, Sarah 10, Rachel 6, Hannah almost 4 and Mary 1
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Lisbet
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Cheryl, I'm sorry your not getting much sleep. It can be tough. I have alot of personal experience with the family bed and extended night nursing. I currently have 3 in our bed with us, and two that nurse down at night, and one that nurses during the night. All of our children have been in out bed until about 4 years old, most nurse until 3, sometimes 5.
This may or may not help. I am one that does not need a ton of sleep to fare well. I honestly cannot remember the last time I slept all night long. (I'd say about 12 years ago!) But, I have night weaned a 2 year old before, otherwise none of us would ever sleep! For night weaning, I nurse the child down like I normally do, then I set a cut off time, where, after the clock hits that time, that child is no longer allowed to nurse. (This is usually 9 pm.) He or she is still in bed with me, and if he wakes crying to nurse, I will lay my hand on his back or stroke his cheek, but, I don't nurse him. It is kind of hard at first, but it usually takes no more than 3 or so nights of this. I take comfort that the child is NOT being neglected or left alone to cry it out. I am still there to comfort him/her, just not with milk. Once this pattern is established, they sleep very well at night right next to me and daddy. The transition to their own bed usually is into a siblings bed, then into their own.
I hope this helps you some. Know you are not alone. This is part of what we signed up for! 
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Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
Nick, 17
Abby, 15
Gabe, 13
Isaac, 11
Mary, 10
Sam, 9
Henry, 7
Molly, 6
Mark, 5
Greta, 3
Cecilia born 10.29.10
Josephine born 6.11.12
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Jenn Sal
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| Posted: Dec 12 2006 at 7:37am | IP Logged
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I've know of a book called "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by, Elizabeth Pantley. I have friends that have run into sleeping issues when their child was a little older and TNCSS was a "lifesaver"! I have read, "Nighttime Parenting" by, William Sears. I found his book to be helpful by realizing I was not alone at night!
I know that I have run into times when my baby would be up during the night. It usually would turn out that they were teething, having a growth spurt or just changing their sleeping pattern (maybe needing to take out a nap). I feel for you, because I have a 2yo son who has been sleeping sideways in our family bed while I'm 7 months pregnant!!!
I hope these resources are useful.
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Jennifer, Texas
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Genevieve
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Lisbet wrote:
All of our children have been in out bed until about 4 years old, most nurse until 3, sometimes 5.
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Did the child naturally wanted to move out or did you have to "wean" him out?
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Genevieve
The Good Within
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KellyJ
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I second the Pantley book recommendation. I've used it with two children. It worked wonders with one child, with the other not so much; but, he figured out how to sleep in his own way.
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KellyJ
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Lisbet
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They moved out on their own mostly. Dad tells stories to the 'bigger' kids at night, and generally between 3 and 4 they become interested in listening in on the stories, they naturally begin to stay in their own bed then.
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Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
Nick, 17
Abby, 15
Gabe, 13
Isaac, 11
Mary, 10
Sam, 9
Henry, 7
Molly, 6
Mark, 5
Greta, 3
Cecilia born 10.29.10
Josephine born 6.11.12
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mom2mpr
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Hi Cheryl,
We family bed too! It has worked for us. Ds was, and still is an awful sleeper. He is the scaredy cat of the family. We had to set some limits on his parents bed time due to age(9), size and activity. Dd, going on 4, is usually nursed to sleep and then usually down for the night. Both join us early am and that is just fine. Dd has let ds move his mattress to her floor and she will let him cuddle up with her in her bed some nights
"I am not scared of the dark!" she says proudly.
I am hoping this tells you each child is different and needs different things. I never realized it til I had dd-I thought the things I was doing, especially since they are not mainstream, caused the "issues" with ds.
Regarding your dd: could she be cutting some teeth? Changes in your day? She is only 9 months old My kids really didn't take off on solids til after 1 year so it may be a reason, or not It is so hard when you are tired. Prayers for you and "this to shall pass." Hang in there.
Anne
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Cheryl
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Thank you all for sharing. My dd could be teething, or not She has 6 so far and I don't want to put my fingers in there anymore, it hurts!
I do think the dc are different. My dd 4 is very clingy, needy, whiny (sometimes). I think my dh has wondered if the family bed could have anything to do with it. But then, it could be her personality or temperment. She's very touchy, feely, determined and persistent, which seems a lot like my dh. He was left to cry it out. According to his parents, he cried for 5 hours one time on their way to Florida. So I guess I would argue it's nature rather than nurture. But who knows?
I'm going to check if my library has that Pantley book.
Lisa, do you have a king size bed? I think I we'll need one if I have the two dd's join us. We have a queen and my dh's side of the mattress has a pit in it (maybe from when he was 50 lbs heavier.) When my dd 4 comes in our bed she slides down the 'hill' and ends up against my dh's back, which bothers him in the morning. I feel silly telling you these details of the small problems we have to work out. I mean, really, these are luxury problems.
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Cheryl
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Mom to Matthew 13, Joseph 11, Sarah 10, Rachel 6, Hannah almost 4 and Mary 1
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Lisbet
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Cheryl, don't feel silly, these are very real issues that affect the peace of the whole family.
We do have a king size bed. Before we put our house on the market, we had a twin bed pushed up against the king bed, making for a really nice area for us. We all tend to roll toward dh also, but I think it's because he's the heaviest! Our situation is kind of weird, the bed is against the wall, then there is Molly, then me, then Henry, then Dad. Sam sleep by my knees, under Molly.
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Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
Nick, 17
Abby, 15
Gabe, 13
Isaac, 11
Mary, 10
Sam, 9
Henry, 7
Molly, 6
Mark, 5
Greta, 3
Cecilia born 10.29.10
Josephine born 6.11.12
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Sarah
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I don't even think a king sized bed is big enough . I wondered if there was something bigger.
Currently, next to our king sized bed we have a toddler bed kind of attached with dd3 in it and ds 16mo. sleeps with me. He rolls around a lot and dh thrashes around in his sleep too much so they are not a good match combined with my pregnancy sickness dh had to move to a full bed in another room temporarily until I feel better. I just couldn't handle the night antics.
Could your dd be napping too long during the day? I've heard that mentioned before with some kids. My kids really never needed longer than 30-1hour during the day for naps anything longer would have meant they weren't tired.
Is she going to sleep too early?
Hang in there. A lack of sleep in really hard on me too.
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Rebecca
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Sarah wrote:
| I don't even think a king sized bed is big enough . I wondered if there was something bigger. |
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I have a friend who turned a room into a literal "bed" room. She fit as many matresses in there as she could, leaving no space unfilled. Everyone slept in there and had lots of room in their old bedrooms without the beds taking up all that space. Worked for them!
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SuzanneG
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Cheryl: We're going thru the same thing right now. It's no fun, and I'm worn out from trying to find solutions!
That's my dream....to have a room big enuf for SEVERAL MATTRESSES on the floor. Not possible in our 1950's-size "master bedroom" right now.
We got a king size bed after dd #2 and it was the BEST THING we EVER DID !!! But, alas, it's STILL not big enuf. We sometimes have had the crib attached to it (one rail off)
I highly recommend a king size bed, I actually tell engaged couples to spend their money on a king bed instead of a honeymoon! They think I'm kidding, of course, and don't take my advice....but I'm NOT KIDDING!
I have a friend who has a king attached to a twin bed and another who has a king attached to a double bed. It works great for them. I wish we had room for that.
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mary theresa
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When I was at the end of my rope with my stubborn child who needed to be soothed or nursed every hour I bought this program: http://www.sleepsense.net/
I really liked it. The woman who developed it seems to be really kind, and has three kids herself. She emphasizes independance in sleep (or being able to fall asleep on one's own and stay asleep) as a very important component of raising a child and something that has to be taught by the parents and doesn't neccessarily come naturally.
Hope that info helps maybe! I'm so sorry that you can't get much sleep -- that's always so hard for me! I fall apart in every area of my life without enough sleep -- my mood, my energy, my patience, my marriage, my prayer life -- I wonder why I need it so much? Anyways, i've found that I really have to make a priority of working on the child sleeping through the night for their sake and my own.
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Sarah
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Rebecca wrote:
Sarah wrote:
| I don't even think a king sized bed is big enough . I wondered if there was something bigger. |
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I have a friend who turned a room into a literal "bed" room. She fit as many matresses in there as she could, leaving no space unfilled. Everyone slept in there and had lots of room in their old bedrooms without the beds taking up all that space. Worked for them! |
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You know, if our door didn't open up right next to the bed, I'd go wall-to-wall, too. Our bedroom is small so just the king and toddler bed leaves a little path for the door to open and to walk.
I'm just a light sleeper so someone rolling and bumping me all night just doesn't work. Ds is not snuggly anymore. After nursing he wants to roll away from me and get comfy but he runs into dh whci causes dh to start tossing and turning. . .then I hold my breath that it won't start ds to wake up and want to nurse again and thus start the cycle over again. Finally I just got tired of it. . .it went on and on. . .
We had another boy who needed lots of room when we lived in another house with a large master bedroom and that led us to buying a double bed for him right next to ours. Then I could lie with him in the double and then later jump right into my own bed or just sleep there the whole night if I was too tired to move. It was a nice arrangement. I'd do that again if I had the room.
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Erin
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cheryl
At nine months I would be still expecting to be feeding my babies two to three times throught the night. The lifesafer for me was that by baby number five I FINALLY learnt how to breastfeed lying down. So when my baby wakes (he is 5 months) I get up and get him and lie down and feed. I go back to sleep whilst he is feeding. Later on in the wee hours of the morn he may wake again and I just roll him over to the other side and go back to sleep.
Currently we often end up with our dd2 and dd5 in our bed. We are getting very weary of it I have to say. I can handle dd2 but dd5 is getting too BIG I am encouraging her to go back to her bed. she isn't often willing later on in the night if I wake I will get up and carry them back to their rooms. Trying to encourage them to stay there
I guess I am lucky though after so many years I have developed the knack of quickly going back to sleep, born of necessity 
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ALmom
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We've had a family bed with all of ours - different ages when they moved out. I nursed while I semi-slept - but with some of the wigglier dc, we slid them onto their own mattress which was raised to the level of our bed and flush with ours. Some of ours are also heat sensors - so they seek any sense of touch - holding a hand will suffice till they go back to sleep or I will shift my body close so they don't keep wedging us off.
Some of ours moved out and then moved back in once I became pregnant - afraid to miss out on the new baby, I guess. Most of ours have been in our room at least till age 4. While neither my dh or myself ever grew up with the family bed thing, we did find out from dh grandparents that this was the common way in Asia - think they kind of liked us going back to the old ways.
Our youngest seems to be ready to move out (he's 4) but not quite so we have transitioned. He has a bed in his siblings room and earns stickers for sleeping there, but is always welcome in ours. Some nights he is with us, some nights with a brother. We also have a mattress on the floor as this child is extremely wiggly and we do tell him he has to be still to stay in the bed with us (we're not super strict, but do need a certain level for us all to sleep and he is old enough to understand this). The mattress on the floor in our room is still where anyone sick sleeps - for better care and attention through the night. At some point, they get to an age where they just don't want our room anymore. I have noticed that whininess in our house increases if mommy has been away a lot (driving olders to events, etc. or preoccupied) and decreases with sufficient mommy time. Of course, being overtired, hungry, teething, fighting a bug and unusual stress and being rushed are also contributors to whininess. It has nothing to do with the family bed (unless the arrangement is simply not allowing for sufficient sleep for one or all in which case you adjust the arrangement without having to give up the family bed).
At 9 mo, I'd have gone nuts as most of mine would have kept me awake all night if they were not with us. None of mine were eating significant table food at 9 mo. - at best they were still experimenting with texture and feel and sampling a bit. These are times of common episodes of teething, growth spurts, etc. that involve more restlessness and more frequent and lengthier nursing. We played around with arrangements etc. until we found something that worked for all - reasonable sleep for the entire family. A seperate mattress attached to our bed as if it were all one bed seemed to work best for those wiggly worms - or the babies that seemed to get rewoken from our shifting in bed. That way it was just as if they were in the same bed, but they did not feel the movement of the mattress when either dh or I shifted and slept more soundly.
Janet
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Angel
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I don't really have any solutions for you, Cheryl, but I certainly empathize! I nursed my first 3, but am bottlefeeding our twins. We co-sleep with them out of necessity, because otherwise they were waking up every hour. But since I'm not the food source, we're actually sleeping with them in shifts on the sofa bed, which is close to the kitchen. The spouse who isn't on twin duty sleeps in our king size bed with our 3 yo, who is making some noises about moving into his own bed (which will be in a room he shares with the babies), but since that room is still being worked on, we haven't been able to act on that yet. The problem with having both babies in the same bed is they roll into (and on top of) each other and wake each other up.
None of my kids have been very good sleepers whether they sleep with me or not, so I think genetics plays a big role. With my first, he was up SO much that in desperation I attempted to let him cry it out, but he was the kind of kid who could cry until he exploded. (Most of those books assume that the baby will stop crying in a short period of time, but my kids are much more stubborn.) Then I thought maybe it was just nursing, but my twins have proved that wrong; they're still waking up at least twice a night at 14 months, and they really do want to eat. (Of course, they are not synchronized either, and I keep hoping that at least one of them will sleep all night. So I don't feed them both at the same time, and then we're up double the times.)
In the past 10 years, I think I can probably count the number of good nights I've gotten. In my case, it's been easier for me just to give up and readjust my thinking, ie. my kids are just not going to sleep no matter what I do. Of course, if the babies have another night like *last* night, I think I'll probably just collapse. Dh is out of town, and that means I'm sleeping (sort of) with the 3 yo and both babies on the queen size sofa bed. They're all coming down with colds, and that means I've been sleeping in thirty minute intervals pretty much.
--Angela
Three Plus Two
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CathinCoffeland
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my kiddos went through transitional phases-
-attached ALL NighT in our big futon
-nursing frequently but sleeping unattached in our bed
-sleeping snuggled up with out nursing in our bed
-sleeping on the little futon next to our big futon
- sleeping in their own bed
they each did it on slightly different schedules but both weaned around 2.5 just before the next baby was born.
we still have a little bed in our room just in case but they havent used it-mostly since im up using the potty anyways its easy to stop in and pat a upset kiddo.
we will see with this new one but im figure some kids are just restless- i have never in my memory slept though a night and neither has dh so we cant exactly expect the kids too
good luck and God bless with your sleepness nights- it can be rough- maggie
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Topic: Family bed ???
