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Martha
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For those of you in similiar situations as myself...
Do you take all the kids to daily mass and everywhere else by yourself or do you tend to just stay home? Please keep in mine I do not have older children that are sitters.
I have never met another mom in my situation. I've met moms w/ as many or more dc, but not as many or more very close in age like mine. w/o exception they all have homemade *sitters* due to further spacing. I'm a good 3 - 4 years away from that slight possibility. (dh I are very much against this use of older siblings on more than a once in a while type of occassion.)
I often get the impression that I'm not doing enough...
I think we do enough, but... well maybe I AM lazy and just don't know it? 
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Martha
mama to 7 boys & 4 girls
Yes, they're all ours!
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ALmom
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Martha,
At our house it goes in phases. With only a few, I went to daily Mass and took everyone. Then with a newborn, we'd take a break, get out of the routine and several years later we'd be back to trying daily Mass - usually only once a week.
Some things that factor in - sleep that everyone is getting, how far away Mass is, realistic ability to get daily duty done (if we try once per week Mass for several weeks and see a consistent pattern of everything falling apart, we may back off again for a while).
Now, I'm not exactly in your situation as I did have a wide space between the oldest and the next - but there were many years that I was taking everyone and no real sitter. I also don't like to leave older siblings in charge except for occassionally, in general, so I understand where you are coming from here. I did have children old enough to be in church with siblings while I was in the back with a fussy infant or sometimes a fussy infant and toddler that I knew wouldn't be able to make it. You kind of judge the dynamics of who is sitting where - and I can be in the cry room with the others and still see my older children. The effort was worth it when we really could do it. However, there were times due to health or new baby adjustments or just one or other child would just fall apart with Mass thrown in so that it just didn't work (I think we were called to be home then). A lot also depends on the Mass times - at our church there are really early AM and noon. With just noon, we just couldn't make it with littles - that was cranky, hungry time and eveyone fell apart if we went. There are seasons, I guess.
Very occassionally last year, I could slip out for Mass by myself - but then it was taking one or two with me or the older children would go themselves (one dd who drove) but really it seems worth it to all go together if life allows it. I never felt like it was quite right for me to slip out for Mass leaving children behind, even with older ones at home.
This year, I have been struggling with unexplained fatigue and sleeping way too late - but my body seems to need it and we're still hunting for why. I haven't been to daily Mass in a while now - but are trying to plan and get at least once per week into our routine.
Janet
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Nina Murphy
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Martha,
My children are older now and I live with an in-law who is more energetic than me  and helps with driving/staying with kids. But when they were younger I mostly stayed home, as I ended up so drained and exhausted and angry at the children from over-taxing us when I tried to take them out during the week by myself. (I suggest waiting for your husband for trips and activities as a family.)
I RARELY take all four younger children out at once (the ones who tire easily, need drinks/snacks constantly, and get whiney) with me unless I have back-up help with the older teens, my father-in-law, or my husband. TOO MUCH.
Praying for you.... 
__________________
God bless,
~~Nina
mother of 9 on earth,
and 2 yet-to-be-met
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mary
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| Posted: Oct 08 2006 at 10:44am | IP Logged
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martha,
i'm taking my 4 to daily mass once a week, but the 4th is much harder than when there were 3. i don't know how you manage 8 and especially how to manage when your last 4 are under 5. my kids are 8, 6, 3yr and 3mo and it's been challenging! i don't think you are lazy at all!
janet, mass alone sounds lovely. i haven't gone to mass alone since i went to midnight adoration many years ago. it was so peaceful.
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Cheryl
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| Posted: Oct 08 2006 at 11:28am | IP Logged
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Martha, my situation is just like yours - except I don't have an 11, 10, 8 or 2 yr. old. 
There is no way you can be taking care of those children AND be lazy. That's my opinion anyway. I find going to Mass with my dc exhausting. I recently asked my grandmother what she did when her 3 were little. She had her dc close too. She said she left them home and she and my grandfather went alone until the dc were First Communion ages.
My dh and I do that when the dc are sick. I might go with just the baby. We keep trying to go all together though. It's unpredictable. Some days it goes fairly smoothly, but most times it doesn't. My ds 5 has days when he clenches his fists and shakes (I think) because he has so much energy that sitting still and being quiet for an hour are so difficult for him. My dd 4 also has trouble keeping quiet.
Friday I went to a First Friday Mass alone with the dc and a group of homeschoolers. It went OK, but at the end we were all kneeling in front of the Blessed Sacrament and repeating prayers that the priest was saying and my ds 5 was lying on the floor. I was nursing the baby and poking him and trying to whisper to him to kneel. There's a visual for you anyway.
Last night we went to Mass as a family and everyone was misbehaving. Even ds 7 wouldn't stop grabbing the baby and he said he was tired and lay down in the pew. My dh took some of them in the crying room. At the end of Mass dd 4 bumped her head in the crying room and was screaming. I could hear her in the Church.
Sorry I'm rambling. I just want to say that I don't feel bad about not going to daily Mass at this time in my life. I don't think you should either. I think if you and your dh take the children to Mass weekly, then you are doing great.
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Cheryl
Wife to Bob ('97)
Mom to Matthew 13, Joseph 11, Sarah 10, Rachel 6, Hannah almost 4 and Mary 1
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Dawnie
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Martha,
I don't have as many dc as you do, but it might be a comfort to you to know that I stay home most of the time. I do not take them with me on errands unless I have to. Last year, my dh started doing most of the grocery shopping and errands and I think this is a much better arrangement for us. I used to do almost all the shopping and errands with kids in tow, then we realized that he could do it in half the time and I could get more done at home w/ dc underfoot than he could. It is a better division of labor for us. You know, the really funny thing about this is that my dh is a police dispatcher at 911 and has to multi-task all the time: he has to answer 911 calls and keep track of his officers at all times. But he's not nearly as good at multi-tasking w/ children around!
We don't go to daily Mass, although I'd really like to. Most of the daily Mases are in the early morning, and my dh works late, so it would be very hard to get to an 8am Mass. We have been doing much better at having a daily family prayer time, though, and I'm happy with that for right now.
If I need to run errands, I usually wait until dh's day off and go by myself while he stays w/ the dc. When the baby is born, I'll just take the baby w/ me. I also, at times, plan to run errands on the weekend when my mother-in-law can either come w/ me or watch my kids.
I don't think that any of this is laziness...I think I'm being realistic about what I am able to do and what my dc are able to handle. In regards to errands, I know my little children are happier being at home or at grandma's house than being drug all over town by me. When I have all of them w/ me, I cannot concentrate as well on getting my errand done b/c I have to pay close attention to them.
I haven't signed my kids up for anything this year. I'm having a baby next month and I know I just can't be taking the 7yo and 4yo to activities AND keep a 2yo and newborn baby happy w/o having a meltdown myself. They are happy playing at home for right now. This is only a season in our lives...when the baby and 2yo are a little older, I will probably sign the oldest 2 kids up for gymnastics or dance or art classes or take them to more homeschool support group activities. Just not right now. I mean, if I know I can't do it w/o losing my temper and getting really stressed out, isn't it better to just stay home where I can be sweet?
Dawn
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JodieLyn
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I do take them with me just about anywhere I need to go. I have never figured out how not to with my dh gone for extended periods of time.
Main thing is to TRAIN TRAIN TRAIN them to follow your rules when out. Since it's been like this since our first was born.. none of my kids know anything else.
I do not go to daily Mass. There is no way to do so and keep us all functional.. the only one is too early. But I do take all of them to Sunday Mass and any Day of Obligation Mass. The big thing for me was to get rid of all the toys and snacks and things.. I know people use them to keep littles occupied but I found that it was more disruptive and set the kids up to believe they had to get something new every little bit to keep things exciting and involved.
But where I go they go.
Lots of carrying and restraining devices used. I tend to go with the "give them as much freedom as they can handle" theory. If I pull out the stroller, I don't buckle them in after they're 2 or so.. because then if they don't choose to follow the rules and stay sitting, I can "threaten" them with buckling them in. Losing freedom. And I can follow through right there on the spot and not stop what I'm doing. I also use the harnesses with a leash the same way. These are great because you can slip them into your purse and have a handy curtailment of freedom whereever you are. "If you don't hold onto the shopping cart, I will have to put your harness on you."
Let me think some other "tricks" I've used.. oh.. I know.. when I needed to go into a store that has a lot of breakable things.. I knew if we could get to the cash register we'd be ok.. I could ask for help and there wasn't a lot of breakable right at the register mid-store. I'd tell all the children to put their hands in their pockets (no pockets, tuck thumbs in waisband or hold them together in front of you). Got us into the store safely. The best part is that other people start reinforcing the good behavior. This same store, they were given a little candy type treat because they were so well behaved.
And it's MUCH easier to take them ALL the time than it is to only do so occationally. They get trained much faster when they go the vast majority of the time.
The nice thing is that it also means that while their may be an errand or two I need to do when dh is home.. most of the time, the kids and I have covered all that and we can spend all that extra time as a family instead of split up trying to get all the "chores" done.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Angel
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I have 5 -- my oldest is going to turn 10 in a few days, and the others are 7, 3, and 1 yo twins. I have a weird situation in that I have not had a car available to me during the day for about a year, unless I had to take somebody to physical therapy or the doctor. We live in the middle of nowhere, though, and getting to either of those places (plus other assorted doctors for my eldest's special needs) is an hour drive. So I do usually take all 5 of my kids out at least once or twice a week on an hour drive, each way. If I had a car during the week, I would take them to the park or the library, but I would not take them all on errands to Wal-Mart or places like that. (I once stuck both babies in the front seat of a shopping cart, but it was an emergency. )
My eldest has ADHD, my 3 yo is very active, and then there are the babies, who have required a staggering amount of logistics to move anywhere. When we go out, I try to plan ahead as much as I can, and I always go over the rules of conduct before we enter a building. The kids always bring a bunch of books and other activities to keep them occupied in the car. We never go into a doctor's office without a couple of books. I have taken them all to Mass before, but we have a 40 minute drive to get to Mass so I can't really go on a daily basis (plus see above re: the car situation.)
It's a delicate balance, I think, between staying home and going out. I do go out with the kids because I can't stay home all the time, but it is often exhausting. So I try to limit our going out together to what is truly necessary.
--Angela
Mom to 3+2
Three Plus Two
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Rachel May
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Martha,
After I read your post, I reflected on all the things we must do/consider before going out.
Where are the car keys, diapers, wipes, spare outfits, snacks, strollers, burp cloths, baby carriers, Where's my purse, time of day, who will fall asleep in the car, personalities, who is cranky today, how long will we be out, can we run free or will we need to be quiet, large crowds or small, friendly people or rude, kids with special needs, money, keys again?!, how necessary is this?????
And that is just what goes through my head. 
I don't know about you, but for me it's also the physical burden of wearing another 15 pounds and pushing 100+ that can make me want to hide under the bed, and I only have 6.
Still, we do get out some. We have soccer practice/game 4 times a week which is really just playtime with low supervision. We do daily mass once a week if it works out. We go to the library if I'm up to it. I save the big fun stuff--like field trips to DC--for when Bill is with us. I don't know if it sounds like a lot or a little to you. I'm finding it just right to a little busy.
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Rachel
Thomas and Anthony (10), Maria (8), Charles (6), Cecilia (5), James (3), and Joseph (1)
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saintanneshs
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Hi Martha,
I take all mine with me to the grocery store, to run errands, etc. All the moms in my co-op think I'm crazy for not leaving them with dh and going solo in the evening, but that isn't possible now and to be honest, I don't want to be out alone at night. So we're really BIG homebodies and happily so...I'm dreading the day when the kids would rather go somewhere in town than play on the farm ...or bake something yummy with Mommy ...or ride bikes around the house ...or catch insects in the garden, etc.
One day we'll have built-in sitters, but will we really want to leave them? I don't know. I figure the stress of getting the grocery shopping done with all the littles in tow is worth at least a little time off from Purgatory!
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Kristine
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Jeanne
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Hi,
I have 6 ages 13 to 2(they average 2 years apart). I take them with me the majority of the time. My 13 year old is able to stay home with them if I have to go by myself. She enjoys staying home with them on occasion.
We have been going to daily mass for many years now. There has always been that break in this routine when a new baby is born, but because my kids have been doing this they have learned to behave in church. My 2 year old is quiet during mass. It does take constant training, but well worth the effort.
I live in a very Catholic area, so we do have several choices for daily mass--I have over 6 churches within a 10-15 min. drive.
Remember though, every family is different, and what works for one will not work for another.
__________________
Jeanne
mom to 9 (21,19,17,15,12,10,6,4,8 months
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
P hi li ppians 4:13
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dhbrug
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I do the shopping and often take our children with me. Luckily God figured he would give us about 2.4 years between each child so the older ones help keep an eye on the younger ones.
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David
http://bruggietales.blogspot.com
dw Lana 89, dd 91, ds 93, ds 96, ds 98, dd 01, dd 04, ds 07
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StephanieA
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Dear Martha,
Until the oldest was 12, we only owned one car which dh took to work. If I REALLY wanted to get out, I would have to load everyone in the car by 6:30 and take dh husband to work and then pick him up. The hassle and the commute kept me home. Then we moved outside of town, and I got the old clunker. I still didn't get out much with everyone. I was reminded why when I had to take the littlest 3 into town this Saturday for groceries and confession. Our regular parish didn't have confession because of a wedding, so we had to travel to another location and wait in line for 1/2 hour. By that time, Frances was SHOT. She cried to go into the confessional with me, but I handed her to Marie who stood outside the confessional with a wailing toddler. NOT WORTH IT! When I had 5 under the age of 8, I didn't do much at all alone or I was resolved to know that this was THE thing that was going to get accomplished that day.
Blessings,
Stephanie
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Lisbet
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Martha,
Until 'meeting' you here, I didn't know of anyone with as many children spaced like mine! I have a lots of friends with 6-10 children, but they all have older children with bigger space, and are considerably older themselves!!
We only have one vehicle, so that imposes limits on how much we are about. ( after 12 years, we are looking into a second vehicle though.) Solo, with all 8 children in tow I do a mass once during the week, and errands when I have too, which is usually about once a week also. Up until baby 8 came along, I did grocery shopping once a week with everyone, but dh does that now.
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Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
Nick, 17
Abby, 15
Gabe, 13
Isaac, 11
Mary, 10
Sam, 9
Henry, 7
Molly, 6
Mark, 5
Greta, 3
Cecilia born 10.29.10
Josephine born 6.11.12
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wifemommy
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You ladies must have read my mind I was just thinking about posting the same question....I was questioning my sanity  I usually take all 6(12yrs -1yr) with me to the stores or wherever. Actually when dh worked 2nd it was nice I went during the day. but I don't like going out alone at night and I'd rather spend family time. I just wish I could get organized again to once a week shopping we went 2 years with one car and I was much better at organizing. I still always try to combine trips though a cranky child  Annie
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Martha
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Lisbet!
We just got a second vehicle w/i the last month, so I know exactly what you mean. The gas was getting so outrageous though that we finally broke down and purchased a pontiac sunfire for a great price. (My dh the bargain super hero!  ) Yeah, we added a payment to the budget, but we are breaking even with what we were spending to fill that 12 passenger van with gas. Yikes! Even with the 2nd car though, I usually only have 1 errand day a week + no more than 2 afternoon activities during the week. There's just too much that has to be done at home to allow for much more w/o feeling like we are living out of the van.
I take the kids just about everywhere with me, except the grocery store. Dh either does that or we go as a family. I'll take the older 5 + the baby with me to mass alone, but the 4 and 2 yr olds require both ends of the pew to be "manned". It's not that they are bad per se, just well healthy, curious, little boys. 
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Martha
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Yes, they're all ours!
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Erica Sanchez
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saintanneshs wrote:
| I figure the stress of getting the grocery shopping done with all the littles in tow is worth at least a little time off from Purgatory! |
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Oh, I hope this is true!!
Martha,
My oldest is 11 and youngest 5 months. I most always take them everywhere. There are, of course, times when I get to the library or grocery store by myself (which is almost as good as a girls' night out!) and I usually never try to do big clothes shopping trips or such by myself. Dh is away during the week now and it is almost impossible to not go out and I hate to use up family time on the weekends for errands. Mostly, my kids are well behaved with younger ones restrained in cart, stroller, or carrier when needed or for safety, but there have been days when I mutter to myself, "what WAS I thinking!" And, am I the only one who has broken out in sweat trying to keep kids calm at daily Mass or wherever!?!
We started going to daily Mass on a fairly regular basis just this school year, and it is totally worth the "trouble". I figure that if we've done nothing else schoolish that day, we're still ahead in the long run.
Since, I just going on and on here, I'll add one more thought. I'm not that great at evangelizing, but when I head out with all 6 in tow.....well....actions speak louder than words (for me!)
Good luck, Martha!
Love,
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Have a beautiful and fun day!
Erica in San Diego
(dh)Cash, Emily, Grace, Nicholas, Isabella, Annie, Luke, Max, Peter, 2 little souls ++, and sweet Rose who is legally ours!
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Erica Sanchez
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One more thing....
When my parents left us alone when the older kids were teenagers, there was nothing but trouble!! Fighting, jumping off the roof into the pool, fighting, more fighting!! And, I was the oldest! I hope for better behaviour from my children, but I question whether I will leave all my kids home alone with my oldest in charge. Possibly leaving just an older and younger at the same time...boy...I'm going to have to pray about that!
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Have a beautiful and fun day!
Erica in San Diego
(dh)Cash, Emily, Grace, Nicholas, Isabella, Annie, Luke, Max, Peter, 2 little souls ++, and sweet Rose who is legally ours!
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Dawnie
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Erica Sanchez wrote:
| When my parents left us alone when the older kids were teenagers, there was nothing but trouble!! Fighting, jumping off the roof into the pool, fighting, more fighting!! |
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WHOA! [I need an emoticon w/ its jaw on the floor] [that one's good too]
Dawn
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Mom to Mary Beth (99), Anna (02), Lucia (04), Clara (06), and Adelaide Victoria (2/28/09)
Visit my blog!Water Into Wine:Vino Per Tutto!
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: going solo w/ ALL the kids in tow?
