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onemoretracy
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| Posted: Sept 02 2006 at 9:41am | IP Logged
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Here is a question that I have longed to discuss with other parents, but bc we have a big(ger) familky I just don't talk about this with my friends IRL becasue they all have fewer children. Also, I get that 'well this is the bed you made now lie in it' vibe, so I never, ever say stuff that anyone might consider negative about having more children. I try not to be unrealistic but I do not get into b***h sessions with other moms about kid troubles.
Anyway, I have two that just rub each other the wrong way. They are like oil and water and can barely say a kind word to the other and if they try, the other takes it the wrong way anyway. I feel I am constantly refereeing them, Ryan (almost 7) and Lainey (4).
I try to stay calm and emphasize virtues, but they both are so volatile and I do lose my patience soemtimes with them.
I am almost to the point of forcing a parent trap like situation onthem until they can get along, lol! I don't think they are old enough yet though.
So anyone been through this before? Any good ideas? I am desperate! 
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ALmom
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| Posted: Sept 03 2006 at 2:01am | IP Logged
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I noted the ages. This may pass. At 7 the child is very rule oriented and at 4 they play games any old way they want. The problem is that the 7 yo is so young they don't yet know how to accomodate or wink at the 4 yo antics of picking 5 cards instead of just 1. Fights are typical between 2 of this age. I have tried to handle it by quietly acknowledging the frustration of the 4 yo not following the rules - but making sure to mention that they just aren't big enough yet to follow rules like that. But at 4 they quickly get sidetracked to other things unless they feel excluded (which is what happens when the older insists that the younger isn't playing fair and just cannot play anymore) I suggest that he go along for a time with any old rules his brother comes up with knowing it isn't the real game, then play the real game with someone older (I offer myself if that helps) as soon as toddler loses interest. (If toddler doesn't lose interest as soon as expected, I can play a bit of a distraction game and get said toddler interested in something else with me.
Hope this helps.
Janet
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Marybeth
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| Posted: Sept 03 2006 at 12:10pm | IP Logged
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I don't have any concrete advice for you. I have seen several nieces and nephews go through these fighting stages. It does get better with age and maturity. My cousins fought all the time and now are constantly on their cell phones calling each other. My aunt and uncle are amazed and just laugh...when you could talk for free you only yelled and slammed doors..now that you have to pay money you can't say enought to each other...
Marybeth
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Bridget
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| Posted: Sept 03 2006 at 12:39pm | IP Logged
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I have a couple like that. Actually they are the two who are the most alike.
If it's any consolation my DH and his sister fought so badly, their mother would cry. Someone even called the police during one of their fights in their teen years. Now, as adults they are very close and she lived with us for seven years.
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Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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Dawnie
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Oh, wow, my 7yod and 4yod can be like this, too!
Sometimes they play together very well, but other times, watch out. My 7yo is very bossy and my 4yo does not like being bossed around. If something happens that she does not like, she howls at the top of her lungs and throws herself on the floor. The way she cries is like fingernails on a chalkboard to me. Sometimes, they will make each other mad and BOTH will be howling at the same time! 
So, I find myself playing "referee" a lot with them and trying to look at their squabbles as "teachable moments," but it's hard sometimes. A more experienced mom I know mentioned that two of her daughters fought like cats and dogs for a whole year--then the next year, she couldn't get them to go to bed b/c they wanted to stay up talking to each other!  So, I think of them and hope that my daughters will outgrow this stage and be best friends soon.
Dawn
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onemoretracy
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| Posted: Sept 03 2006 at 8:45pm | IP Logged
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Bridget, that is so right. Ryan and Lainey have very similar temperaments.
From the small amount of reading I have done it seems that they are both the sanguine/choleric temperament. With my older being in a very choleric phase right now 
AL mom, have you been spying in my home?! You described a very common scene around here. I think you are on to something and I will try to show Ryan how Lainey just isn't old enough to be held to the same standards of her brothers.
Thanks for the advice and consolation from those who have been there. Marybeth, I did lol about the police being called on that fight. Their poor mom! So glad to know there is a happy ending!
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: The two that are oil and water
