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shartlesville
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| Posted: Aug 08 2006 at 1:12pm | IP Logged
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My 3.5 year old literally gets into everything! 
Today he used black sharpie on the couch in two places, luckily most of it came off with our Wonder cleaner and the couch is a dark color with black speckles so it isn't too obvious.  Before that he dumped all the laundry detergent into the washer with a wet load of clothes. 
A few days ago he snuck into Emily's room and spilled three bottles of nail polish on her carpet under her bed. Last week at 3AM I heard a loud crash and ran to the family room. He was hanging from the top shelf of the book case trying to get the paint down!
Those are just a few highlights from the last few days! I am ready to pull my hair out. I actually spanked him last night because he got into Emily's room again. Right now he is confined to a specific chair in the living room and not allowed to get up.
Now I know some of you are thinking, "how come no one is watching him?" The thing is, he does these things so fast that by the time anyone realizes he isn't standing next to them it is too late. I feel like I have to handcuff him to me! 
Part of the problem is Cris just laughs when he does this stuff because he can't believe some of the ingenious things he comes up with or ways to get into things. He refuses to discipline him, he leaves that to me. Cris works long hours so this only happens on the weekends or if Cris comes home for lunch, and of course when I tell him over the phone or at night when he comes home (which just makes me more frustrated).
I dislike physical punishment unless it is an emergency situation (to emphasize the danger) but I feel like I have run out of things to try. Maybe I am just too old, .
I try to keep him busy but he always wants someone to keep him entertained or he gets into things he knows he isn't supposed to get into. We just started back to school work yesterday (which is going great except Sam disappears in the blink of an eye and is into something else!)
Do any of you have any good suggestions? Thank you in advance!
Blessings,
Krisann
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Krisann
DH Cris;
DC John, Elizabeth, Lilyann ^i^, Emily, Kate, Julia, Sam, & Jack;
DGC Kira, Auston, Travis, & Sarah.
My Blog: Isla del Esperanza
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Rachel May
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To keep the poisons out of his hands, you can buy magnetic childlocks by Safety 1st (I think) from Babies R Us.
They can only be opened with a specific magnet key. A smart kid will figure out how it works, but without the key, he still can't have access to those dangerous and super messy items. We usually kept one in my pocket and one in the tool kit. In this house we only plan to lock a few cupboards, but we used them everywhere in the last house and they were great. Even with the magnet people were sometimes stumped.
I leave the discipline issue to wiser heads. 
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Thomas and Anthony (10), Maria (8), Charles (6), Cecilia (5), James (3), and Joseph (1)
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marihalojen
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No real solutions but alot of sympathy for Emily. My little sister got into my room and into my nail polish but decided it was mascara and smeared it all over her eyes. The polish had not been left out but was inside a Caboodle (remember those? oh so cool) on the top shelf of the closet. I don't think I've ever seen Mom so mad as when we had to decide how to take the polish off, it had dried and she couldn't really open her eyes.
My sister spent alot of time outside and we spent alot of time schooling on the porch.
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The Mari Hal-O-Jen
SSR = Sailing, Snorkling, Reading
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Rebecca
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| Posted: Aug 08 2006 at 2:36pm | IP Logged
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My Mary Kathryn has been doing similar things. On Easter Sunday she colored her entire body with a black sharpie in about five minutes flat, right before we left for Mass. There is something about those black sharpie markers that is irresistable to three year olds. She also climbed on top of our bathroom sink to the top shelf of the medicine cabinet to retrieve the scissors. Then she proceeded to cut her hair in the ever stylish 1/2 inch bang cut . Thankfully it is growing back in.
Maybe he is ready for a bit more structure? Paint time, coloring time, time to go out and play hopscotch with mom? Mine do not seem to get into so much trouble when I have a few things planned. That being said, she pulled all of the sofa cushions off in both rooms to make doggie beds for her stuffed animals today, then decided to feed and water them on said cushions and made a huge mess.
Have you ever read "The Wild Baby" by Lindgren/Erikkson/Prelutsky? It would give you a chuckle and your son would love it. I find it helpful to introduce characters who are much more poorly behaved than my own children when they are doing things they shouldn't. Seems to put things in perspective for both them and me!
No advice on the discipline part. I end up laughing and ruin the teachable moment .
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Dawnie
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My only suggestion is to lock up as much as you possibly can. I have two locking cabinets (you literally have to use a key to get into them). One of them has CDs in it b/c my babies/toddlers/preschoolers were always dumping them off the open shelf they were on. The other is in the garage now and has all the poisonous, dangerous stuff like weed-killer in it. It used to be inside and held all of our art supplies.
The baby-proofing, especially for a child who can out-smart most baby locks, is time-consuming and expensive, but who has the time to run around behind a 3-year-old all day long? I've had the magnet locks, too...they work great, there's no way a preschooler can undo them w/o the key. Just don't lose the key.  Believe me, it is WELL worth your time and money to thouroughly baby-proof everything your ds is prone to gettingn into, and everything he might be tempted to get into.
Rebecca, I have one who likes to cut hair, too. She's had a lot of crazy haircuts over the past 18 months.  My two littlest ones also like to decorate themselves w/ Sharpies...why oh why??? I left them (the Sharpies) accessible after a recent project and was rewarded by my 4yod scribbling on the walls, furniture, sheets, and door in her bedroom. There's even a blue cross on my living room couch. We were planning to strip the wallpaper anyway, but .
As far as discipline goes, I'm only an expert on my own kids. I use a time-out or removal of privleges, most of the time. I spank for serious infractions--which include striking a parent or sibling and flatly refusing to obey a parent (not just forgetfullness).
If you can get your dh to back you up with the discipline, that might really help. I call my dh at work when my kids are being REALLY naughty and not responding to me. Then they have to talk to DADDY. He tells them that he expects them to obey me and then tells them what their punishment is going to be--time-out, writing lines, loss of a privilege. We make it a point to always back up each other's discipline decisions, so the kids know they can't play us against each other (not that that's what's happening in your house). I think that presenting a united front to children is very effective. It has been for our dc, anyway.
HTH...as I said, I'm only an expert on my own kids, so take what you like and leave the rest!
Dawn
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LLMom
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My 3 year old has been like this since he was at least 2. I don't have many solutions but one thing we did to keep him out of the older kids rooms was to get a lock on the outside of the door, up high so when they are not in their room, they can keep it safe. We also use the child knobs for the doors and he hasn't figured them out yet.
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Lisa
For veteran & former homeschool moms
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: Aug 08 2006 at 9:22pm | IP Logged
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I was also going to suggest the locks up high for rooms you dont want ds in (like dd's). Since you cannot watch him at 3 am you might consider a door alarm on ds's bedroom door. I know some folks who have night ramblers use them to keep dc safe at night.
I feel for you. My grandson is this way also. I used to think my daughter was just neglectful when she would tell me about the things he got into (like painting the baby's face with diaper creme  and squirting toothpaste all over the carpet), but now that he lives with me I know better! He is lightning fast! And the only thing that seems to work is to keep him busy, busy, busy!
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stacykay
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Only one suggestion, but lots of empathy (my 2 yo is also into everything! ) As your ds is older, I don't know if this will work, but, after my 2 yo escaped the house last week, we bought door handle covers, kind of like these. We have put these on every door we don't want our 2 yo opening (before he turned 2, he learned how to stick a lego "stick" into a bedroom doorknob to pop the lock, when I would lock it for privacy for showering!)
Like the others, the only other things I can come up with is put all messy/dangerous things up really, really high! And locked at that, as they are great at moving furniture to stand on to reach the unattainable.
And I like the suggestion for more structured time. I am going to implement that myself!
I know how fast they can be! 2 yo was right next to me, this evening, as I was peeling carrots, and in a matter of 5 seconds he dumped two, not one, but two containers of maple syrup all over the floor!  and he was right next to me! And my glasses were on!
God Bless,
I will say a prayer for you!
Stacy in MI
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shartlesville
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| Posted: Aug 08 2006 at 11:07pm | IP Logged
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Rachel May wrote:
To keep the poisons out of his hands, you can buy magnetic childlocks by Safety 1st (I think) from Babies R Us.
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Those magnets sound great, however that type of stuff is safe. I may get those for the food cupboards though. He is always climbing up on the counters and looking through the cupboards for "goodies," even if we don't have any.
It is the normal stuff he gets into, like the laundry soap. He likes to help with things and I guess he was trying to wash some laundry.
The marker I was in a cup holder on my desk which he had to climb up to get.
marihalojen wrote:
The polish had not been left out but was inside a Caboodle (remember those? oh so cool) on the top shelf of the closet. I don't think I've ever seen Mom so mad as when we had to decide how to take the polish off, it had dried and she couldn't really open her eyes.
My sister spent alot of time outside and we spent alot of time schooling on the porch. |
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Emily's nail polish was on a wall shelf hanging above the top bunk of her bunk bed. It could not be seen from the floor. He climbed up, threw the bottles down, jumped off, and opened them under the bed. It is very dark blue carpet but the red polish did not come out.
Last time he pushed a bench into the closet and used boxes to climb onto the shelf. He was looking for candy.
I think he really just likes to climb and he has figured out that all the "good stuff" is up high.
I would love to spend more time outside but it is just too hot. We live in the desert.  In the next month or so it should cool off enough to be out there during the day.
Rebecca wrote:
| My Mary Kathryn has been doing similar things. On Easter Sunday she colored her entire body with a black sharpie in about five minutes flat, right before we left for Mass. There is something about those black sharpie markers that is irresistable to three year olds. She also climbed on top of our bathroom sink to the top shelf of the medicine cabinet to retrieve the scissors. Then she proceeded to cut her hair in the ever stylish 1/2 inch bang cut . Thankfully it is growing back in. |
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My oldest daughter did that! She cropped it almost to the scalp. It took a long time to grow back.
Rebecca wrote:
Have you ever read "The Wild Baby" by Lindgren/Erikkson/Prelutsky? It would give you a chuckle and your son would love it. I find it helpful to introduce characters who are much more poorly behaved than my own children when they are doing things they shouldn't. Seems to put things in perspective for both them and me!
No advice on the discipline part. I end up laughing and ruin the teachable moment. |
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I will have to see if I can find a copy.
That is the same thing that Cris does! He just can't believe what Sam has done and he starts laughing. It is frustrating for me because I have to be the bad guy even though I want to laugh to (most of the time ).
Dawnie wrote:
My only suggestion is to lock up as much as you possibly can. I have two locking cabinets (you literally have to use a key to get into them). One of them has CDs in it b/c my babies/toddlers/preschoolers were always dumping them off the open shelf they were on. The other is in the garage now and has all the poisonous, dangerous stuff like weed-killer in it. It used to be inside and held all of our art supplies.
If you can get your dh to back you up with the discipline, that might really help. I call my dh at work when my kids are being REALLY naughty and not responding to me. Then they have to talk to DADDY. He tells them that he expects them to obey me and then tells them what their punishment is going to be--time-out, writing lines, loss of a privilege. We make it a point to always back up each other's discipline decisions, so the kids know they can't play us against each other (not that that's what's happening in your house). I think that presenting a united front to children is very effective. It has been for our dc, anyway.
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I think as soon as we close on the other house I will invest in a couple of these locking cabinets. It will give us some needed storage and hopefully keep him out of stuff.
Cris is good with the other kids it is just Sam that he won't discipline. He says that because of the circumstances of Sam's birth he just can't. I don't know how to explain it.  I think he is making a mistake by not being more strict but I cannot force him to dole out punishment. He does talk to Sam and tell him he needs to behave and obey me etc. but that is as far as he will go. He will also back me up if I say Sam cannot have something or cannot do something.
LLMom wrote:
| My 3 year old has been like this since he was at least 2. I don't have many solutions but one thing we did to keep him out of the older kids rooms was to get a lock on the outside of the door, up high so when they are not in their room, they can keep it safe. We also use the child knobs for the doors and he hasn't figured them out yet. |
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We had the doorknob covers but he figured out how to take them off. Emily has been asking for an outside door lock. Cris hasn't wanted to put holes in the doors but I think we will have to reconsider. Though I don't know if they will be effective because he can use things to climb and unlock doors already. Maybe if we add a key or combo lock? hmmm...
lapazfarm wrote:
Since you cannot watch him at 3 am you might consider a door alarm on ds's bedroom door.
He is lightning fast! |
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Any idea where we can find something like that? I have thought about putting them on the doors to the outside in case he tries to go out but maybe I should put them on all the doors we don't want him to open.
They ARE fast aren't they? Sometimes I will turn my head for less than a second and look back and he isn't there.
Thank you for all the helpful suggestions and for letting me vent! I will start looking into locks, alarms, cabinets, and magnets as soon as possible.
Blessings,
Krisann
__________________
Krisann
DH Cris;
DC John, Elizabeth, Lilyann ^i^, Emily, Kate, Julia, Sam, & Jack;
DGC Kira, Auston, Travis, & Sarah.
My Blog: Isla del Esperanza
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Bridget
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My current toddler has definitely been my worst for getting into trouble. No sense and no fear. He does not watch movies, listen to books, play with toys... he only wants to be outside or working with one of us. (myself, dad or a big kid) Or he gets into things.
At 2 1/2 now, we seem to be turning a corner. The past year I have made every effort to keep him near me and include him in my work. If I am loading laundry he helps me, he uses our little broom and mops to do floors, he helps me unload and reload the dishwasher... whatever I am doing, I make him a part of.
My chores take FOREVER this way. It can be mentally painful. But he can actually do some of these chores now. He can load the dishwasher. Not perfectly, but impressively well for a 2 year old.
I have also been working as consistantly as I can on first time obedience. Talk about mentally painful. To have to keep stopping what I'm doing and make sure he obeys after the first direction. My mantra has been: I have nothing better to do than raise these children.
Dominic's whole goal in life is to be a big kid. When he is doing chores or participating in what the rest of us are doing, he has direction. He knows he is contributing something worthwhile to the family. Consequently he doesn't need to go drum up some action on his own. (i.e. trouble)
It's a good thing they are so darn cute at this age!
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Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
Our Magnum Opus
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Bookswithtea
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If it makes you feel any better, my 4th was exactly like this at 3 1/2 yrs old. But she turned a corner a few months later. She's still apt to get into trouble, but its not as bad as it was. We got the magnetic locks too. They are *awesome*. We also got baby proofing knob covers, which are still awkward for her to use. And we've had to tell the kids they can't have as many things in their room as they'd like (oldest ds used to keep sharpies on his desktop but I took them away, and dd's nail polish is in with the medicines, far far away from where she could reach). Mega baby proofing is the way to go, imho.
{{hugs}} and much empathy.
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~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and  due 9/10
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Dawnie
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shartlesville wrote:
| Emily has been asking for an outside door lock. Cris hasn't wanted to put holes in the doors but I think we will have to reconsider. Though I don't know if they will be effective because he can use things to climb and unlock doors already. |
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We just got an outside door lock for our basement supply room--I keep a lot of office supplies, manipulatives, and games w/ small pieces in there. If the kids are allowed free access, they strew out everything w/ small pieces. Anyway, the locks my dh got at Wal-Mart are called Safety Gate Hooks & Eyes made by Bulldog Hardware. It's a hook & eye type lock w/ a metal bar that slides into place over the hook to keep it from slipping out of the eye once the lock is engaged. I think it would be hard for a small child to figure out, even if they did climb up to try to unlock it. If my description doesn't make sense, let me know, and I will try to post a picture of it on my blog for you.
Dawn
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Mom to Mary Beth (99), Anna (02), Lucia (04), Clara (06), and Adelaide Victoria (2/28/09)
Visit my blog!Water Into Wine:Vino Per Tutto!
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stacykay
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Here is another idea, same principle as a hook and eye, I have just never seen it before. It is here, which is the same site as the doorknob covers. If you look around the site, maybe there are other devices that would help in keeping your ds out of trouble!
I am still looking for something to lock my fridge and freezer (standard with freezer on top.) The doors have curved edges. I thought those would be sooo helpful from a "safety" perspective, but I can't find a lock that works on a curved edge! We resorted to duct tape (a lot!) until he figured out how to get that off!
I am going to leave you now, as I go to do a second mopping on the kitchen floor (half a container of grape juice was spilled while I was hurrying! in the bathroom!
God Bless,
Stacy in MI
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ALmom
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I'm catching this late, but also have a son that gets into everything -climbs shelves - especially to find the sugar items, carries chairs upstairs to use to get into something up high, etc. He cuts his pants to practice with scissors (a real shock since none of my others could even use a pair of scissors at his age) and can open child proof medicine containers. He would get into the knives, find the sharpest scissors and before I could realize what was going on, he was climbing with them, trying to use them, etc. He recently discovered the key to our school cabinet so now he opens that - where the markers, games with little pieces, etc are stored. We had a fingernail polish incident as well - only ours was in a hotel room. I only buy washable markers now - and was thrilled to see that there are now washable dry erase markers. We have also made a point of making him return something (even something safe) that was not his and ask permission to use it. It seemed imperative that he learned the idea of ownership rather quickly. And, surprisingly, it really wasn't that hard to learn. It wasn't so much punishment as it was simply practicing this over and over and over till he started asking first. My other dc gladly helped in this training as they would be playing together in one childs room and he would wander in, they'd make him go back out and ask permission first (they do this with each other as well). Once he got the idea, he doesn't go in their rooms when they are not there, because they are not there to ask - and all their stuff is safe! There were some meltdowns as he learned the lesson, but none of us budged - he had to ask permission first. It was neat how quickly he applied this rule to himself and the rule was enforced regarding his stuff too. This was probably the single most effective thing we did - and I think we hit on it accidently as a solution for the getting into stuff because ownership was a thing I wanted to train as it had been universally ignored in my house growing up and the source of most disagreements where simple respect for the property of others would have made for general peace.
He also had to help me clean up the markers that he used to decorate the couch or the carpet, etc. Isn't that a general family rule - you make the mess, you clean it up. We weren't punishing so much as showing him how to clean his own mess. I remember once how he complained about it being too hard - and me using that to reiterate that that is why we only draw on paper - not on furniture or walls or books.
And, yes, in enforcing these things we sometimes had to contend with toddler meltdown. But if everything was calm and matter of fact, then we managed and it was fine to laugh about the antics with dh later.
When you have older and younger it isn't as easy to childproof, though of course we all do our best.
I don't know if I have a lot of solutions but I'll pass on 2 other things that helped for us:
1. Teach him how to use or do whatever fascinates him. I thought I would really be angry at my dh for teaching this child to use the stereo/tape player. I even remember telling him privately that I wasn't going to fret if ds ruined it. Well, he had been known to try and insert pens, pencils, etc. and unwind various tapes. When taught how the thing worked and being allowed to insert and play a tape over and over with my dh, the equipment lost the appeal and he moved on to other things . This was one item safe in our house. My dd then followed suit and painted his toenails (a terrible pink, but at least covered by shoes) and for a while he'd come to her to ask for her to paint his todies a pretty color and she could let him help if he wanted to. He loved "washing" dishes which really meant pouring every drop of dishwashing soap in the sink, so I joined the game and showed him how to wash dishes and replaced our large soap with a small one (he always used the entire containeer so we got a tiny container and there was less waste). He likes to help cook, so he joins me or his brother in making breakfast - always under supervision. As they get older it does get easier and they have things to do too.
The other thing that helped during the worst of his exploration was assigning buddy times. For safety's sake this child had to have a constant buddy, it was hard enough to keep him out of trouble with a dedicated shadow, it would have been impossible with everyone even slightly distracted by our own chores and responsibilities. We all had things that we had to do (school work, etc.)and life couldn't come to a grinding halt, so we divided up the day and everyone had buddy time where he was the center of one siblings undivided attention for 30 minutes to an hour. With enough of us, we could cover most of the day. Some days that were really hectic, I did call on my mom - and yes, I am very, very blessed to live in the same town with her. Now I will say that when his brothers had buddy time, they taught him some things I might have preferred that he wait to learn, like serious wrestling (remember he bragged to the ER nurse that he punched his brother in the nose and gave him a bleeding cut) and he knows the names of all kinds of WWI aircraft and was introduced to computer games like flight simulator long before any of the others were even allowed to touch the computer - and his brothers had fun showing him all different kinds of ways to crash the plane. I'm not saying this is a perfect solution - but it did keep the child alive and while I try to stay on top of things, I also had to work with other dc with their studies or therapy so life somehow had to go on. I did have to tell dc that we were not going to teach John to throw duplo grenades in the house around my statues and some of the girls had to be told that he could not be dressed up like a bride and using the Mass kit was fine but not with real lit candles and real water when I'm not there. Our oldest has taught him certain courtesies like ladies first - so that she gets his first night time kiss. But they were also able to remind him of various rules and distract him so that he spent most time being obedient and getting positive attention. This time also meant that he saw modeled the give and take between siblings - asking for permission to use stuff, to be admitted to the room, etc. My second dd would ask if he wanted to go in her room and this was a huge priviledge as she would show him a lot of her special things and let him play with some of her stuffed animals, etc. He felt so special - like the big kids going off to play a game in the bedrooms. It did help that I had one dd that was particularly good at making him totally happy at doing good things.
Oh one other thing - we are very thankful to this child's guardian angel. This one certainly stays busy and we very definitely begin our day with morning devotions that include a prayer to our guardian angels.
These are delightful years. I will also say that it did help me to realize that this dc was doing all kinds of things my others never did - and when I would get particularly frustrated by the antics and extra mess, I'd remind myself that he wouldn't be able to do all this if he had the vision problems the other dc had and I had to be thankful that we would not be looking at megabucks and megatime on therapy with this child. It was a sign that he was a bright, active, inquisitive child that had the eye-hand coordination to actually follow through on his ideas.
Janet
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lapazfarm
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Janet, what wonderful ideas! I was just fretting yesterday about how I was going to homeschool my two with the addition of my little grandsons all day-one of which is the lightning fast variety and one of which will be crawling any day now. Since I have only had them a few months, I have not been able to teach them good behaviors from the beginning like I'd like. Lots of bad habits in the older one to re-learn. It has been fairly easy this summer with no school to worry about and my 16 yo daughter here all day to help (plus their Mom would pick them up occasionally). But my 16yo will be going to school in a couple of weeks AND to marching band practice every afternoon, so my main source of support is gone. But you make it sound so doable! I love the idea of training the child to do properly the things he will do improperly any way, like with the tape player. Thanks!
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: HELP! He gets into EVERYTHING! [:s]
