| Author | |
teachingmyown
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 20 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5128
|
| Posted: July 04 2006 at 12:43pm | IP Logged
|
 |
|
I am really seeking wisdom here. I come to you all so often that I am almost embarrassed. I go back and read past threads and all of your wonderful advice and support. But I still feel like dh and I are floundering in the sea of adolescence. 
I have read every book (is that my first mistake?) on parenting teens. I really became convinced that if I tried to hold on too tightly or shelter this boy he would rebel horribly. He has never been easy to get along with and already has a big chip on his shoulder.
So, we tried the more liberal approach, I guess you could say. We have tried compromising on the music, on the video games, internet, etc. We even allowed him to have a girlfriend because we were afraid that if we forbid it he would find a way to sneak behind our backs to see her. (She lived around the block from us.) We THOUGHT we could control it by keeping it out in the open.
Well, he was sneaking around behind our backs anyway. He would lie about riding his bike to go see her. We believe he has intentions of trying this again. We allowed some heavy rock music, so he started listening to rap. We allowed some violent video games, so he snuck in nasty mature games. We allowed myspace.com as long as he kept it private and only spoke with friends he knew. Now his "friends list" is hundreds long and includes some of the trashiest teens you can imagine.
We feel betrayed. Are we idiots? We thought that by showing trust in his maturity and decision-making that he would want to prove that he was trust-worthy. Did we give him too much responsibility? Is it just this kid or does this type of parenting always fail?
So now we feel it is time to pull the plug on everything. It is hard to imagine that "rebellion" could be that much worse. We are responsible for his soul, so better make sure we are doing everything we can to protect it.
The latest and last straw is that he has been hanging around with some boys who are a few years older, but whom I believed were a very good influence on him. Now I find out that these boys, nice and Catholic as they are, drink. So when I think they are out having good clean fun fishing, they are drinking beer!
I really thought that I was doing the things that many of you suggested. I listen to music with him, we discuss it. I watch movies with him and discuss them. We watched a Jason Everett dvd and discussed it and I thought it had made an impression. Now I feel like he is just laughing at us. Playing the nice kid and than doing what he wants.
Please, any advice would be appreciated. I know some of you have had trouble with your boys and some of you haven't. I need to hear from both points of view. I really bought into the worldly view of not over-sheltering him and look what it has gotten us.
Please pray for my dh and me as we try to discern what our next move is with him. I am afraid things will get very ugly for a while.
__________________
In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Dawnie
Forum All-Star
Joined: Aug 30 2005
Location: Kansas
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 841
|
| Posted: July 04 2006 at 1:00pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Oh, Molly, God bless you. I don't have any teens, but I was a teen just like your son not that long ago. I am very ashamed of my behavior now. I don't have any great advice, since I haven't "been there" as a parent yet. The only words of comfort I have are that God is merciful and He wants your son in Heaven even more than you do. He has been so merciful with me, calling me and leading me back home, even when I was most rebellious. I know He is doing the same with your son. Of course, you still have to discern as a parent what is best for your son. I think that must be the tough part. I will be praying for you, dh, and your son.
Dawn
__________________
Mom to Mary Beth (99), Anna (02), Lucia (04), Clara (06), and Adelaide Victoria (2/28/09)
Visit my blog!Water Into Wine:Vino Per Tutto!
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
stefoodie
Forum Moderator
Joined: Feb 17 2005
Location: Ohio
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 8457
|
| Posted: July 04 2006 at 1:17pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
oh molly, praying for you.
we haven't had this magnitude of a problem yet, but there were a couple of incidents where we caught our dd lying to us; they were minor lies, but they were still lies. we had several serious talks, dad and me and her, and we decided to curtail her privileges until such time we felt we could trust her again. we told her that she had broken our trust and that this was not acceptable in our home because we all needed to be able to trust each other. a few things we demanded from her -- all her passwords to e-mail, blogs, etc., the right to watch over her shoulder if/when she's chatting, the right to check her snail mail, both incoming and outgoing. 99% of her outside activities are parent-monitored so we're pretty safe there. and we're blessed that that very weekend after we had that crisis she attended a retreat which, according to her, and from what we can observe, has changed her life. she's back to her old open self, after about 3 months of grief. i'm hoping it doesn't happen again.
how old is your son? would he still stay in the house if you told him to? perhaps it will be wise for him to stay put for a while -- until he earns your trust again. if you do this, i would make sure he has work/other activities that he could engage in with your permission and supervision, so he's not just at home brooding. then perhaps as he earns back your trust you could give him something in return, e.g., invite those nice Catholic boys over for a snack -- so you can get to know his friends, while they're under your watch? or maybe the dads can take them out for a group activity, like the fishing you mentioned, but not let your son out with them by himself?
i don't have a teen son yet, but i hth.
__________________
stef
mom to five
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Willa
Forum All-Star
Joined: Jan 28 2005
Location: California
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3881
|
| Posted: July 04 2006 at 11:34pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I am praying for you, dear Molly.
I do not feel qualified to give advice except that I think you ought to trust your prayerful intuitions on this along with your DH's. Parenting books are fine but mostly to clarify what you already know, in my opinion.
If you remember the story of Queen Esther praying, fasting and preparing herself to petition the king to save her people -- it's different of course, but whenever I'm about to collide with a child on a matter of principle I do what I can to purify my intentions, make sacrifices, pray, -- privately, of course, not in front of the child. That helps me to keep my own weaknesses in the back seat -- temper, inappropriate softness, etc. -- and just deal with the situation with as much grace as God allows me. You mustn't imagine perfection in this, just trying hard and asking God to make up the lacks. He really comes through in these situations. I believe He wants to help us save our children.
I am doing something like that now -- it worked a couple of times in the past when dealing with personal difficulties. Providentially I found this Rosary site --
Need a Miracle? at the right time, a few years back. Basically it's a 54 day Rosary -- the first 27 days you petition and the second 27 you give thanks as if the prayers are already answered. I think it is very efficacious. PRaying helps me deal with my own free-floating anxiety, too -- I never feel very adequate with this child-raising business -- I had enough difficulties with it when I was the child!
 You are going through a lot. I'll offer my Rosary for you tonight as you deal with this. I hope it starts getting better.
__________________
AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Elizabeth
Founder
Real Learning
Joined: Jan 20 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5595
|
| Posted: July 05 2006 at 5:06am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Molly,
I'm hesitant to offer advice because I relly don't feel qualified to do that. We've hit a bump or two with Michael and I shared them with you on the phne, but they've not turned into a pattern of behavior and I really can't tell you why. I don't know the magic button...
I do have two impressions that woke me up this morning, so I'm going to go ahead and throw those out there and see if someone else can comment.
The first is that we have to parent on principle. We can't parent out of fear. I've always had a sort of fear of teenagers, every since I was a teenager. What if they don't like me? And so, with my first teenager, I took quite a while getting myself established in my own mind as the authority. You're afraid he's going to rebel, but he already is rebelling. Perhaps he senses that you fear him disliking you or pulling away from you so he's capitalizing on that. Just a thought--not advice.
The second thought I had is something that I hope some of our moms with adoption experience will comment on. You've said on the boards before that Charlie was born before you met Court. Is it possible that some of what you are experiencing with Charlie is Reactive Attachment Disorder, common to children who are adopted? Even children adopted at birth can experience this. Couldn't Charlie experience it with regards to his biological father and his place in the family full of Court's biological children? If that's the case, I can count several women on this board who could give you some advice specific to that.
Beyond those two random thoughts, you have my prayers. And my phone number if you just want to cry. Oh, and you have my admiration: you try so hard and you are so humble. Again and again you come here and admit that it's not all what you want it to be and you ask for help. That is an amazing humility. I am certain that God will bless you for it.
__________________
Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
kingvozzo
Forum All-Star
Joined: March 28 2005
Location: Maine
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2653
|
| Posted: July 05 2006 at 7:57am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Molly, I have no advice for you, as mine are still little. I feel some of the same fear that Elizabeth mentioned about teenagers. I don't think that our society is very supportive of parents who do try to be a true guiding light to their children, making an already challenging job more difficult.
You, your dh and especially Charlie have my prayers through this difficult time. Remember that many good and faithful people have stumbled on the way to maturity and faithfulness, including myself and many wonderful mothers who have shared on this board. All is not lost.
__________________
Noreen
Wife to Ed
Mom to 4 great kids and 10 sweet ones in Our Lady's arms
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
TracyQ
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: New York
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1323
|
| Posted: July 05 2006 at 9:27am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Molly,
I too can't offer you advice, because I'm going through the same thing myself! It's SO HARD to know what to do, because this time in our precious child's life is so strange and confusing to them, and equally strange and confusing to us!
I tell our poor oldest that he gets the title of *guinea pig* in the family regarding raising teenagers. It's not a great thing, but it's also what happens when you're first. 
He knows how to push all of our buttons, and challenge us on EVERYthing. Sometimes I wonder the same, how much to allow, and how much not to allow. It's creating that delicate balance so they don't rebel, but keeping the reigns in to give them the guidance they not only NEED, but deep down inside (where we can't get to anymore) really WANT as well.
I keep PRAYING first........every day to Saint Monica to pray for me, and Saint Augustan to pray for him. And to our Lady to pray for all of us! Then we try to create the balance, and I keep reminding myself that no matter how much he hates it, WE are STILL the bosses. When he can pay his own bills, independent of our home, he can be the boss of him. 
And though I'm scared he'll run away, or worse some days, even though he's never given us a reason to think that (it's just always in the back of my mind at this age), I keep putting him in God's hands daily, knowing we're doing our best with what we know and have now, and if he makes bad choices, there's really nothing I can do about it. I can't keep him from running in the street anymore. That part of my job is done.
But the thing that keeps me remembering how important THIS TIME is right now, is that I keep thinking of myself going before Jesus, and thinking about what that will be like if I parent our teens as Elizabeth so wonderfully said, in fear. I canNOT do that, because by doing that, I'm not doing our children any favors, and could be hindering their faith and possibly their salvation.
This life on earth is only temporary, and sometimes I think we forget that, and think of it as finite. We are not ultimately preparing them for this world, we're preparing them for heaven. I need to remember that I can only do my best during this tumutious time of selfishness in their life, keep putting them in God's hands, and pray that in the end, both our kids and God will thank me for it! 
I'm praying for you, Molly! I understand completely, because we're going through many of the same things, not the exact same things, but same attitudes, same selfishness, same difficulties. I think all of us here with teens need to be lifting each other in prayer. There is power in numbers! 
I hope at least you don't feel like you're so alone. Because you truly are not.
__________________
Blessings and Peace,
Tracy Q.
wife of Marty for 20 years, mom of 3 wonderful children (1 homeschool graduate, 1 12th grader, and a 9th grader),
 homeschooling in 15th year in Buffalo, NY
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Sarah
Forum All-Star
Joined: Aug 17 2005
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1624
|
| Posted: July 05 2006 at 9:31am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Molly,
I don't have teenagers, but I was a teenager similar to your son. I was the oldest.
I wished my parents would have been more strict. They turned their heads and let way too much go by. I was hurt by that. I was thinking about that even the other day (before you posted this). Why didn't my parents do X, Y, and Z? Even as a teenager I wondered where their voices were.
You are not here to be Charlie's friend. He will not like you now, but when he grows up he will (more than likely). Someday we all have to face God and answer as to whether or not we did all we could to prepare our kids for heaven. Evaluate now whether some of the things he's into are going to help his salvation. I can't give you advice here. Only you can come to that conclusion. Anything that you feel is detrimental to his soul should be eliminated, and perhaps you can explain that to him. He will balk, but his heart may hear the message.
I'm not judging you by any means. You are so admirable for posting. You show such strength of character to reach out for help and want something better.
From what you say I think you're wise in "pulling the plug." It will get ugly, but ride out the storm. Pray to St. Monica, mother of St. Augustine, who was wild. Maybe start a perpetual novena to her. Just a suggestion.
I know a great father of 12 children. I remember him saying that you can't put kids & teens into a position of temptation and hope they do what is right. They are not completely formed yet, nor do they know the dangers that they are experimenting with. If you picture teenagers as toddlers, and the "danger" (S**, drugs, and rock) being a busy street, they have a very real possibility of toddling right out into traffic without knowing they are going to get hit.
I think a "tough love" approach may be in store, now.
I would look seriously into something that would make him work hard, with a mentor, doing something purposeful.
We have Catholic "boot camp" out here for teenage boys run by a firm and very Catholic homeschooling dad on his acreage. He does physical training and character formation for several weeks. Its hard and good. He's awesome with the boys--no slack (but in a good, healthy, caring way--not abusive). Is there something like that? Pray to St. Joseph to help you find something good to occupy Charlie's time and a mentor.
I hope I didn't overstep my boundaries by posting, since I don't have a teenager yet. I can only imagine how hard it is to find the fine line between smothering your son, and letting loose the reins.
__________________
Six boys ages 16, 14, 11, 7, 5, 2 and one girl age 9
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Lavenderfields
Forum Pro
Joined: Feb 06 2005
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 400
|
| Posted: July 05 2006 at 9:35am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Hi Molly,
I was just wondering how you were doing the other day. I can feel your pain and struggles. Please know that I am praying for you and your family.
When ds 23 we younger and we had problems, one of the things that helped me was having a friend who was also a family therapist. I ended up calling her about twice a year. It helped that she was involved in La Leche League and homeschooled her children. I don't know if you can find anyone like that, if sure helped me.
I know that if you pray about the situation, you will know what to do. It takes a lot of courage to do the right things for our kids. I am sorry I am no help.
God Bless
Robynn in Lancaster, CA
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Bookswithtea
Forum All-Star
Joined: July 07 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2621
|
| Posted: July 05 2006 at 10:06am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Julie Bogart (Bravewriter) recommended to me the book Yes, Your Teen is Crazy (author Michael Bradley) to help me understand the teenage years. I haven't read all of it but he goes into brain development (not too hard to understand, though) and how teens end up doing stupid and or dangerous things and what to do about it. He covers regular teenage rebellion and everything else, too. He is not a Christian, that I could tell, anyway, but what I have read so far seems practical and a next logical read from the other parenting books I love for earlier child development like the Ross Campbell and Sears books, for example. It might be a helpful read?
I'm so sorry. I will pray for your family.
__________________
Blessings,
~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and due 9/10
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
momwise
Forum All-Star
Joined: March 28 2005
Location: Colorado
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1914
|
| Posted: July 05 2006 at 10:22am | IP Logged
|
|
|
I was going to try to track down some more information about this but since this thread came up I'll just post the Tough Love link. It was recommended to me another CCM mom several years ago and although we never became part of the support network, the materials helped us quite a bit.
Unfortunately the local groups don't seem to be listed; there is only one for Virginia and I know there must be many more than that.
Robynn's advice is good although we never were able to find an effective counseler. There are some Catholic family counselers available for phone support but I can't find them by googling. I always thought Steve Woods's materials for fathers looked good but it wasn't something my dh wanted to use (not because they weren't good, probably because they were Catholic).
In general, whether it's a counseler, therapist, good priest, or parenting network, it's probably a really good idea to link up with someone who can give you support. I've got everyone who came down with the stomach crud last night (in the car  ) getting out of bed now, so I can't look into it further but I'll post a new thread and maybe get a few good links.
__________________
Gwen...wife for 30 years, mom of 7, grandma of 3.....
"If you want equal justice for all and true freedom and lasting peace, then America, defend life." JPII
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
momwise
Forum All-Star
Joined: March 28 2005
Location: Colorado
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1914
|
| Posted: July 05 2006 at 10:23am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Please don't be embarrased
__________________
Gwen...wife for 30 years, mom of 7, grandma of 3.....
"If you want equal justice for all and true freedom and lasting peace, then America, defend life." JPII
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
esperanza
Forum All-Star
Joined: Aug 17 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 855
|
| Posted: July 05 2006 at 10:31am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Molly,
Sorry we missed you on Monday. I am sad that you feel lost.
I know that feeling so well along with thinking that I have failed as a parent. (Trustful Surrender to Divine Providence0 is a book I keep close during these times.
I like what Dawn said about God wanting your ds in heaven even more than you.
Elizabeth shared : "The first is that we have to parent on principle. We can't parent out of fear. I've always had a sort of fear of teenagers, every since I was a teenager. What if they don't like me? And so, with my first teenager, I took quite a while getting myself established in my own mind as the authority. You're afraid he's going to rebel, but he already is rebelling. Perhaps he senses that you fear him disliking you or pulling away from you so he's capitalizing on that. Just a thought--not advice. "
--I have lived that for years. Experiencing such similar feelings with dd2 and you were such a good friend to listen to my cries. All that I have been through with her, God allowed. He loves us and allows heartbreaking trials and wants to draw us closer. At times I was able to put my focus on my relationship with Him and all I could do was pray for dd. I could not control her actions (the ones under my roof) Can you believe each month gets better with her!...finally!
Willa's advice is solid. Prepare yourself spiritually, let go and let God more. The saints and angels surround you all day, invoke them, drop to your knees behind the bedroom door, pour your heart out to the Lord. Its okay to be afraid just reach out for His gentle guidance. I miss Robert Wicks articles in the Arlington Herald. I found his article on Belief and Faith
I will call th Poor Clares for you this morning. I have had a friend do this for me many times when I was too upset to do it myself.
This makes me think of how patient God is with all of us during our journey here on Earth. How He loves us unconditionally.
Do you still have "the Forgiveness Prayer"? I think Elizabeth hit on something else important. I really think the father relationship is important to the God- the father relationship, though as well.
My thoughts are scattered sorry.
Embrace this cross God has given you. He loves you so much. I see most of this as a spiritual battle and as spiritual growth. Yes, you and Court have to decide what steps to take. I have handled my oldest three differently with no apologies. They are three different people with different packages I pray you find peace in some of these decisions.
I found it a great help at one time having a Catholic counsellor help us navigate our way. Do you have any connections there. I needed someone to hold my hand through some tough spots. You have RC connections, right?
Enough rambling from me. I am going to check out Books recommendation -Yes, Your Teen is Crazy (author Michael Bradley) after my phone call.
Offering prayers and sacrifices for your intentions, Molly.
I'd love to have you all over within the week. I have big plans on the 13th that will have me out of commission for a couple weeks
__________________
In His Peace,
Tammy Gonzalez in VA
dh-Johnny
mom to Tara-'85, Noelle-'88, Jeremy-'91, Elizabeth-'93, Emma-'96, Dominic-'99, Gabriel-'01, Elijah-03
and Jacinta-06
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Dawnie
Forum All-Star
Joined: Aug 30 2005
Location: Kansas
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 841
|
| Posted: July 05 2006 at 11:03am | IP Logged
|
|
|
momwise wrote:
| There are some Catholic family counselers available for phone support but I can't find them by googling. |
|
|
Oh, Greg Popcak does phone counseling. He's a faithful Catholic w/ a lot of great materials on marriage and family life.
Catholic Therapists may also be a good place to find a counselor who is supportive of your beliefs.
Dawn
__________________
Mom to Mary Beth (99), Anna (02), Lucia (04), Clara (06), and Adelaide Victoria (2/28/09)
Visit my blog!Water Into Wine:Vino Per Tutto!
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
guitarnan
Forum Moderator
Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: Maryland
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 10883
|
| Posted: July 05 2006 at 11:27am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Molly,
You're at the top of my prayer intention list today. I can share some of your emotions, as my son is now firmly into teendom.
Dr. Ray Guarendi says, in "You're a Better Parent than you Think," that 1) parenting mistakes are normal AND recoverable...anything you and Court decide to try , as loving parents, is NOT going to harm your son permanently; 2) your instincts are the BEST indicators for parenting your children...no expert knows your family the way you do, and what works for others might not work for you; and 3) when you've found an effective strategy, things may get harder before they get easier, especially when it comes to reasserting parental authority in your family.
Having shared this (and knowing from experience that it's true), I can certainly relate to your frustration. Perhaps it would, indeed, be a good thing if you find a good family counselor; it might help you, even if your son doesn't seem to respond quickly. A good Catholic counselor could make a world of difference for you.
Elizabeth has some good points. Certainly the (illegal) underage drinking is where I'd draw a very, very firm line with my own son, if that were to occur. I've seen too many folks implode into trees to want that fate for my son. Remind your son that you and Court are responsible if he breaks the law before age 18, and so you absolutely must insist that he stay out of legal trouble, no matter what.
My daughter's godparents used to be Toughlove coordinators. (Their older daughter, born before their marriage and adopted by my dd's godfather, wound up addicted to drugs, etc. and still has her problems...but her parents say that Toughlove definitely saved their marriage and sanity.) If you like, I'll put you in touch with them. They are devout Catholics. (Please don't think I'm implying that your son is engaged in super-risky behavior...I'm just hoping you'll understand how they found Toughlove.)
Hang in there. Even the Blessed Mother didn't understand her son's behavior all the time. Ask for her help; I'm sure she'll pray for you.
__________________
Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Nina Murphy
Forum All-Star
Joined: May 18 2006
Location: California
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1546
|
| Posted: July 05 2006 at 6:46pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Feeling your pain, Molly, as a mother of two teens. I also am experiencing sorrow for my teens, but for different reasons. (My teens experience loneliness and do not feel they "relate" to the other teens...)
You and your family will be in my prayers, esp. mentioned in Rosary tonight.
May God pour His blessings and Mercy upon you and your son.
__________________
God bless,
~~Nina
mother of 9 on earth,
and 2 yet-to-be-met
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Angie Mc
Board Moderator
Joined: Jan 31 2005
Location: Arizona
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 11400
|
| Posted: July 06 2006 at 1:03am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Hi Molly,
My brother was just visiting and we were laughing about our not so laughable growing up years. His punch line is, "You don't know you've crossed the line until you've crossed it." Even as an adult who has turned into quite a good man, he STILL has a hard time setting limits and avoiding doing too much. He was and still is very FUN driven. For example, if a pool party is fun, why not make it more fun by ...adding loud music...and food...and drinks...and diving contests...with awards...and impersonations...and joke contests...and...lights and feathers (don't ask) and and and! My parents were not able to give him the kind of structure he needed. Good news, he married a straight-arrow MBA who can.
You tried one approach with your son based on sound reasoning. No regrets! If it is not working, you are smart to change directions. I think it is wise to put the breaks on. Privileges are just that...privileges. Privileges are connected to showing responsibility. That's fair.
Be ready for the ole "change back" reaction. If you have been dancing this dance for awhile, he will not like the change (even if it is a relief for him.) After calmly explaining that you need time to collect yourselves and once you have made sound decisions that you share with him, hold on to your principles and hold on tight!
I'm praying for you! I'm just so tender-hearted for these young men. My brother was my best friend in childhood...we loved each other through many serious difficulties...and now, much to my relief and joy, I get to love him as a fine man. God is so good.
Love,
__________________
Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
About Me
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Sarah
Forum All-Star
Joined: Aug 17 2005
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1624
|
| Posted: July 06 2006 at 8:29am | IP Logged
|
|
|
I love when Angie speaks. Time and again she breaths reassurance into all of us! 
__________________
Six boys ages 16, 14, 11, 7, 5, 2 and one girl age 9
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Victoria in AZ
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 16 2005
Location: Arizona
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 672
|
| Posted: July 07 2006 at 5:03pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
One of my dearest friends and I were having a similar conversaton this morning about our teens. She is in counseling with hers. What struck me is when she said that if we don't teach them consequenses now, the world will teach them in a more serious and detrimental way later. On the other hand, we can be too intense (my problem). What a tightrope we walk with our teens!
Maybe try to start with a clean slate and don't bring in past mistakes? I compliment or thank my teen son every day. I remember by tying it into the time when I say good night. I'd like to say more, but my teen has learned that he can read all my messages on this website 
Praying for your discernment. It's wonderful we can do that for one another.
__________________
Your sister in Christ,
Victoria in AZ
dh Mike 24 yrs; ds Kyle 18; dd Katie 12; and one funny pug
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Leonie
Forum All-Star
Joined: Jan 28 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2831
|
| Posted: July 08 2006 at 1:18am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Molly,
Don't be embarrassed, dear. We all have things we eal with, wrt our chidlren and teens. I know that neither myself nor my teens nor my young adult sons are perfect. 
Personally, I don't read many parenting books any more. I just felt overwhelmed when reading a lot of these books.
Instead, I tend to rely on intuition and a strong sense of self. This strength enables me to, yes, have fun and enjoy my teens but also be firm when that little nudging inside tells me to be firm. Be firm regardless.
__________________
Leonie in Sydney
Living Without School
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
|
|
4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: We are lost!
