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amyable
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| Posted: June 17 2006 at 6:30am | IP Logged
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My baby just turned 13 months - this is now officially the longest I've ever nursed.
What does the nursing relationship look like as a one and two year old? I've read (OK, *skimmed*) Mothering Your Nursing Toddler, but it didn't seem to answer the specific questions I'm thinking of, like:
Do they stop nursing at night on their own at some point or do I have to "encourage" that?
Is there an age when they stop "nursing all the time" on their own, and start eating more like an older child (at meals/snacks with a good amount of solids - with breastfeeding taking the place of say, cows milk?) - or do I need to encourage that too?
What about pregnancy? I've lost too much weight nursing on a limited diet, I'm thinking I'll need to wean if I become pregnant. Has anyone made that decision (instead of nursing through the pregnancy) and how did it go?
Hmmmm...my oldest just came out to tell me a hugely complicated dream involving our house being full of water and sea anemones  and I've lost my train of thought. 
Anything else you can remember from these days of nursing a 1-2-3 year old? I really just want to know what it looks like for others in all the detail you can remember.  My IRL friends think I'm crazy for nursing past a year, so they are no help. 
TIA for any thoughts. You ladies are the best!
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Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of 
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
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Elizabeth
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| Posted: June 17 2006 at 7:30am | IP Logged
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amyable wrote:
My baby just turned 13 months - this is now officially the longest I've ever nursed.
What does the nursing relationship look like as a one and two year old? I've read (OK, *skimmed*) Mothering Your Nursing Toddler, but it didn't seem to answer the specific questions I'm thinking of, like:
Do they stop nursing at night on their own at some point or do I have to "encourage" that? |
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She might stop on her own, particularly as she sleeps harder because she's more mobile. Spend lots of time outside and really make sure she's running those little legs. Or, you might have to encourage it a bit.I'd wait until at least 18 months for that. How much is she nursing at night?
amyable wrote:
| Is there an age when they stop "nursing all the time" on their own, and start eating more like an older child (at meals/snacks with a good amount of solids - with breastfeeding taking the place of say, cows milk?) - or do I need to encourage that too? |
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I don't know about an "age" but definitely a stage. Mine at two are too busy with the world to think of nursing EXCEPT when I sit down in their presence. So there you go: don't ever sit when she's around and keep your shirt tucked in. The solids will come, particularly since she has the example of her sisters. As she becomes more aware of set meal times over the next year, she'll figure it out. Two-year-olds are so social and meals become a very social event. [/quote]
amyable wrote:
| What about pregnancy? I've lost too much weight nursing on a limited diet, I'm thinking I'll need to wean if I become pregnant. Has anyone made that decision (instead of nursing through the pregnancy) and how did it go? |
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Be sure you're supplementing that allergy diet with essential fatty acids, calcium/magnesium, and plaenty of B vitamins as your body begins to prepare to nurture a baby inside again.
I've done it both ways. Interestingly, the pregnancies when I haven't been nursing have been my sickest. I have no idea why and it might just be a coincidence. I do find it easier to wean when pregnant (as opposed to weaning when not pregnant) because milk supply diminishes and mom gets antsy. The times I've weaned when not pregnant were very traumatic for me; it's not so wrenching when there's a baby on the way.
amyable wrote:
Hmmmm...my oldest just came out to tell me a hugely complicated dream involving our house being full of water and sea anemones and I've lost my train of thought.
Anything else you can remember from these days of nursing a 1-2-3 year old? I really just want to know what it looks like for others in all the detail you can remember. My IRL friends think I'm crazy for nursing past a year, so they are no help.
TIA for any thoughts. You ladies are the best! |
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I awoke this morning thinking about nursing for some reason. There is a similarity among the three of my children who nursed until they were three. Again, could be coincidence but...they are my most affectionate, my most confident, my sweetest, my most attached. The one who nursed the least (18 months and he weaned himself) is my most distant and least secure, though he appears confident and to have the world on a string. Now, the question is whether his temperament led to early weaning or his weaning colored his disposition. I'm not going to know this side of heaven.
Usually, somewhere between two and three, they are down to nursing first thing in the morning, at naptime, at bedtime, and then for comfort when they are hurt or scared. Incidentally,I've always been so grateful I was still nursing when toddlers get sick. They are so quick to dehydrate, but so willing to nurse and nurse all day long.It's the best medicine in the world for a toddler.
At two or beyond, they rarely want to nurse in public and I rarely do it. Usually, they are too busy being big to think about nursing. The relationship really does change from one of constant connections to one of occasional, but perhaps more important, connections.
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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LisaD
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My experiences have been similar to Elizabeth's. My oldest self-weaned at about 21 months old, when I was 4 months pregnant. She told me, "Na-na's all gone, Mama," then asked for a sippy cup! She's always been a girl who knows what she wants. My second, a boy, nursed all throughout my third pregnancy (I did not enjoy this at all, but he was not ready to wean), and continued to nurse for 8 months after my third child was born. On his third birthday, I told him it was time to stop nursing and let the baby have all the milk. He was fine with that, and immediately started sleeping through the night. My third child also weaned at about 21 months when I was pregnant with number 4. I encouraged him a little because I really didn't want to nurse through my pregnancy or tandem nurse again. He didn't need much encouragement, and weaned in a few weeks. He now has a huge attachment to my arm, which he strokes for comfort. He says, "Mama, I love-a yer arm!!"
None of my children slept through the night without nursing until they weaned, but I never really pushed night-weaning. Once they weaned, the sleeping through the night thing just happened. I rarely nurse in public after my children are 18 months old or so. They are just too busy, and easily distracted with a snack if they are truly hungry. My two children that weaned during pregnancy were more outgoing children by nature, and so busy talking and exploring their worlds, that they only nursed a few times a day, and when they were hurt or needed comfort. My son that nursed until he was three is a much more reserved person, quieter and more intense, and he would nurse whenever I let him. After age two, he was pretty good about waiting until _____, to nurse when I needed or wanted to get something done before sitting down with him.
Must go, my arm-loving boy is awake now and needs some snuggling!
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Mama to dd(99), ds(01), ds(03) and ds(06)
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amyable
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| Posted: June 17 2006 at 9:27am | IP Logged
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Elizabeth wrote:
How much is she nursing at night?
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It's all a blur.
I'm so tired it's hard to remember - she starts out in the crib next to the bed but it brought in bed when she first wakes up. I'd say she nurses twice a night on a typical night, but those can be two, hours-at-a-time power latch on sessions.
Elizabeth wrote:
Be sure you're supplementing that allergy diet with essential fatty acids, calcium/magnesium, and plaenty of B vitamins as your body begins to prepare to nurture a baby inside again.
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Thank you for the much needed reminder. 
And thank you both so far for your thoughts.
Breastfeeding is typically full of angst around here, unfortunately, but I'm willing to go the long haul this time - it just really helps to have some idea of what I'm in for in the coming months
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mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
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Jenny
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| Posted: June 18 2006 at 11:48pm | IP Logged
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It seems like mine do not sleep through the night until we wean.
When it comes to weaning, I would highly suggest using the Farmers Almanac. When I weaned my 1st after tandum nursing for 4 months, it was tramautic for both of us. I still regret how hard it was
When I wanted to wean my 2nd b/c I was 7mos pregnant w/my 3rd, my health food lady told me to use the Almanac. It went waaay toooo easy to be believed. When I weaned my 3rd b/c I was 7mos pregnant w/my 4th, we both were not ready, I knew that so I didn't really try. A month later I was ready, used the Almanac again, very easy. Same for weaning my 4th, b/c, you guessed it, pregnant w/my 5th.
In the Almanac, look for the section that lists all the dates for the year to _______, fill in the blank. It is a chart for planting, breeding, weaning, etc. Find the weaning dates & use them to wean your baby when you are ready. Try to pick a month where the dates are consecutive or at least close. The day or maybe even 2 before you may try to limit, but don't make an issue over it. On the day, just stay busy and don't offer. With the 3 I weaned, the day or 2 before these children would cry if when they were ready to nurse I was not. But on the weaning days, they asked maybe once! It is literally like they forget they are nursing toddlers!
Wow, all that & you didn't even ask about weaning 
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Jenny
Chris' wife and momma of 7. My blog: The Littlest Way--Bible Journaling, Inspiring Bible Quotes, Daily Affirmations, Prayer Journaling & photography
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ALmom
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| Posted: June 19 2006 at 2:21am | IP Logged
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One thing we discovered about the night time nursings with the toddler - sometimes it wasn't so much a need to nurse as plain being thirsty and mom was most convenient. When we were getting really frustrated with toddler who still nursed like a newborn at night, we discovered this. Simple solution was to have a water bottle upstairs by the bed. I would nurse toddler to sleep, but then when she woke up, I'd offer the cup first. Most of the time, that was all that was needed. However, she was very, very thirsty and water didn't come out of sippy cups fast enough so we got something where she could get bigger sips, yet still be sealed in case it got knocked over. Life was so much easier after that as dc began to find the water and sip as needed and all of us got much better sleep. If dc really wanted to nurse, they'd ask after the water and I certainly did nurse. But it was so rare after the water, that we really knew they were just plain thirsty.
We nursed several to 4 or so - but they were eating ravenously from the table as well - went straight to regular food, none of the smooshed up stuff.
I've never actually weaned through a pregnancy, but have nursed many through a pregnancy. I was very careful to get adequate nutrition myself and extra vitamins in those situations, but was fortunate that we weren't dealing with me having a limited diet and losing weight. Nursing was more tense at first through pregnancy - probably because of some discomfort and also my own fear of miscarriage. I was advised not to wean in the first trimester because of the hormone levels possibly being aggravated by weaning and my situation always seemed precarious. Nursing in the first trimester always seemed the most annoying and when we got past that, none of us wanted to stop, though sometimes I thought I did want to stop nursing in the first trimester, but couldn't risk changing our nursing patterns at that point.
I did always put some sort of limits on the nursing or used some distraction when it made me particularly uncomfortable and we usually got through it.
I only really tandem nursed once. The other child that nursed through pregnancy, asked to nurse when the baby was just born - then looked at me and said she was done and never nursed again. It was rather sweet. The older tandem nurser, simply got busy at some point and would nurse less and less until he just stopped. Another nursed through most of the pregnancy and then stopped towards the end.
I never really actively tried to wean directly but as they grew older, there were some limits for the comfort of all. So in one sense, the weaning process begins as soon as table food is introduced - but then proceeds so gradually and imperceptibly. I kind of think of it as a sort of discovery of the balance between everyone's real needs. I generally only nursed at home or very private place, unless there was an injury or really strong reason, but we did stay at home a lot. This was especially true of my boys who tended to be totally annoyed with anything in the face area - so they usually yanked off any blanket coverings and tried to shove off any shirt covering.(ie modesty required the policy). We also balanced needs - mine and the childs because the older child was now old enough to understand the need to wait a bit - so if I found myself really, really getting annoyed during nursing, I would simply distract or let the child know a little bit more and then mommy needed a break. We would discover that sometime the toddler was nursing simply because there didn't seem to be anything better to do - or it was the most convenient or quickest way for a quick snack. I would nurse again after the break if it was needed - sometimes it was and sometimes not. I found it hardest to nurse the toddler when I was really, really tired and worried, especially during the first trimester.
In all the children that were nursing, they were at least 2 when we began to put some of these limits on them. Some of ours weaned about 6 months - 1 year after having limits and some continued to nurse for several more years. The ones that weaned earliest (age 2), were my busiest toddlers. There were so many siblings in the house, they were too distracted and anxious to get in the game that I sometimes think they simply forgot to nurse and then forgot how to nurse.(ie they really weren't needing to nurse that much - it was just convenient). At first they'd nurse just to wind down, especially to go to sleep and only under stress or when they had a busted lip or if they were in an impasse and I sat down and reminded them. Then it became mostly just at night and then some nights and not others until it spaced out and then stopped.
I do remember avoiding sitting down during the times I was most annoyed - or when I was experiencing the most discomfort and didn't really want to nurse just yet.
I also know that if I misread the child, they let me know. Perhaps that is the stubborn gene in my side of the family. But if I said, little more or little bit, and dc really, really resisted stopping and still wanted nursing, that generally meant there was a real need. Sometimes, I'd ask for dc to take a sip of water, I'd take a bathroom break so I could deal with it cheerfully and then we'd nurse till child really was ready. It was simply a balancing act.
Janet
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stacykay
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For me, dss #4 and #5 nursed the longest. #4 nursed until he was 2 1/2. He might have kept going, but I was getting mighty tired of nursing him. I got him to stop because I was getting sore, and he was able to understand that. Of course, I became pregnant the next month! Although I miscarried that dear little one, I again became pregnant with ds #5 quite quickly. #5 nursed until he was 2, and I was now pregnant with #6. I simply made him stop, because I was so incredibly exhausted (I think being 41 at the time had something to do with it .)
I never had any problems with the boys not eating "regular" food while they nursed. They wanted to eat just like their bigger brothers. Being together at the table is quite a social event, and they want to be in the thick of it.
After they were one, they generally only nursed before bed times (nap and nighttime-comfort and cuddle time.)
When my oldest one was weaning, I would give him a cup of water or juice with
ice. He thought he was getting quite a treat.
I have to say, with the last, I was so tired nursing him, and feeling so guilty about wanting to wean him (he was only 13 months.) Then I read a pregnancy "diary" book, written by a woman who was older when she had her later ones (she had been from Australia and her dad was an OB/GYN, but I can't recall the name of the book,) and how she was so tired, she started with bottles, even though she had been a huge advocate of nursing. It made me feel a bit better. I realized that it really is a matter of what works best for your family at that time. I saw that, with no outside help, a husband who works anywhere from 60-100 hours a week, and five other children who needed a mom, walking around like a zombie wasn't doing anyone any good. But, oh, I do have those wonderful memories of nursing those little sweet ones, with fuzzy heads, and adorable and content faces. I also really miss when the babies are learning to interact and smile, and they look up and smile at you with milk running out of their mouths and all over their little faces!
I have been rambling!!!!!!
God Bless,
Stacy in MI
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Angie Mc
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Hi Amy and WAY TO GO! Every day you nurse is like icing on a cake . For me, nursing a toddler is a lovely ride, sometimes like a roller coaster, yet lovely all the same. In addition to some of the many benefits mentioned here, I love being able to stop. That's it. I love stopping to give my attention to my little one. Left to my own devices, I will do do do.
Nursing a toddler can look so different from family to family, from child to child. It doesn't have to be an all or nothing thing. If there is something that just isn't working for mom or baby, adjustments can be made. Toddler nursing is like a dance...baby pulls away...mom pulls away...toddler comes back...mom embraces...mom pulls away...toddler embraces...mom encourages...toddler is reassured...
I've had three very different weanings, nursing into the threes for each. I never set out to nurse long, it just happens that way and it has worked well for all involved  .
When you asked what nursing an older child looked like, I guess I felt more poetic than pragmatic! Need more specifics now or in the future? This is a great place to come for mom-to-mom support.
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Nursing in the second year and beyond
