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Elizabeth
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There have been some recent threads on magnum Opus and CCM about being overwhelmed when the new baby arrives. Sometimes, you can see it coming. And sometimes, it catches you by surprise. Number 6 was a piece of cake and Number 7 nearly killed me. Since Kim has a new baby and Megan is expecting one soon, I thought it might be nice to start what could become a great archive thread.
Share your best suggestions for life with a new baby.
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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Elizabeth
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This post has been viewed ten times but nobody has responded. What's up with that??? We have labor and delivery nurses, mothers of 3,4,5,6,7, and 8 children. MOthers of special needs children, mothers of children who spent most of their first year in the hospital. ... mothers who have had babies when the older sibling is critically ill. We've got an awful lot to offer. Hey, nobody has twins...hmmm, I'm still praying for THAT....Surely you all have tips to share.
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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cathhomeschool
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With only 4 boys and all of them currently and previously healthy, easy pregnancies and fast deliveries, I think that I'm least qualified to post here...but I like to read!
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Janette (4 boys - 22, 21, 15, 14)
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Willa
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Dear Elizabeth,
I'd like twins too : ). About life with a new baby -- I posted to another list on that and maybe I could just reword it somewhat -- let me go look. But basically, I think with a new baby the first priority is the baby and more broadly, the mom-baby bonding relationship. So the mom's health and wellbeing is at the foundation of that. Second priority is the ex-baby. I'm putting that in there because it's so *HARD* not to push away the great big toddler who just seems so clumsy and in-the-way. But that ex-baby is usually almost as needy as the precious newborn. Read to him (in my house it's usually a him), talk to him, see that the other siblings or Dad give him some special time. Make him feel useful in helping with the baby, as much as possible.
Third is the other siblings and particularly, working on their relationship with the baby and with the mother-baby couple. Dad is up there too but he hopefully can take care of himself and even be parent and caretaker for a while as is his role.
Then comes homeschool and then, in last place comes the house and hospitality issues. Homeschool can be the very minimal 4Rs, maintenance rather than progress, and fun stuff that is relationship-building, whatever one's own family likes to do. The formation of the littlest members of the family is the most crucial -- the older kids' academics can be postponed, for quite a long time if necessary. For me with Aidan, who was in the hospital for 6 months and complicated in care for another 6 at least, the step-back time was close on a year. It didn't hurt them academically. For Patrick, who was in the NICU in a different city for almost a month, the step-back period was 4 months, since I was relactating for another month and Aidan was in chronic liver failure at the same time period. Again, it didn't hurt them academically in the long run.
So many moms just get themselves way overloaded by expecting homeschool to progress pretty much as usual after maybe a couple of weeks' break. They also expect to be back on their feet and working within a short time. It's just a recipe for burnout and unfortunately, mom burnout means at least a little distress for the neonate who picks up so many signals from body language.... as Juli Loesch Wiley said so memorably, his little body is pretty much entirely a delicate sense organ.
Obviously, if a mom is having PPD or is unavoidably stressed by a husband or older kids acting immaturely, then that's unavoidable. Babies are adaptable. But we can at least try hard not to place extra burdens upon ourselves. Moms are the hearts of the home, and they often feel obligated to reflect others' expectations of them. It doesn't come naturally for the most conscientious moms to step back and be blind to inappropriate expectations, but it's not selfish... it's for the sake of the little one and secondarily, for the sake of building a strong family with proper priorities in place.
Proper priorities -- Elizabeth wrote an article on that. We shouldn't really try to run our families like a factory, with mere efficiency in mind. A family isn't a machine. A family is an organic unit, like a body. We don't fulfill our human potential by trying to imitate computers, and feeling bad because we can't calculate as fast as one, for example. Humans can do so much more than machines -- we *make* machines. Similarly, a family is a living unit. Institutions at their best imitate a family, but can never replace them. We shouldn't try to imitate them. I learned that lesson at the hospital. A whole expensive and complicated system could not do as much for my childrens' basic well being (leaving aside medical intervention, and talking about normal nourishment and development) as our family could, without half trying, no flow charts or special expertise needed.
I hope that comes off sounding all right. I believe in attached mothering, wearing your baby, and all that. Patrick was a stressed baby. I used to take him into my walk-in closet at mid-morning to nurse while I prayed, or sometimes, a child would stand outside the door and narrate or recite their memory work quietly. I carried him everywhere, as I have all my children. The neediest little ones often grow up to be the strongest and most independent older ones. I think the older kids pick up a message, that weaker ones come first, that is more crucial than any phonics or math lesson.
Hmm, this is pretty thin on practical suggestions but my firm belief is that when priorities are set right, the proper practices tend to follow.
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Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
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Willa
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Gosh, after I read what I wrote above I felt I sounded a little bit too idealogical. I may just edit it-- what dyall think (see, I do say y'all, Elizabeth!).
If I took out all the ideological things I'd just say:
Love your baby. Loving a newborn means touching it, holding it, observing it as much as you can bear to : )
Be patient with your ex-baby. The undone housework SEEMS more important than dealing with that whiny or clingy toddler, but it isn't.
Get your husband and older children to help.
Don't expect very much of yourself for a LONG time.
The main learning agenda is *relationships*. It always is, but with a baby you have a miracle in the house and that takes first place. You can learn algebra in 70 hours or less, but a baby changes hour by hour and every baby is unique. First things first.
If you have a new baby or are expecting one, you are blessed!
And in my experience, it doesn't matter if your baby is healthy, marginally healthy, or desperately ill and compromised -- he or she is still an unequivocal blessing and miracle. Don't let the doctors, or anyone, discourage you. You are blessed!
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Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
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Angie Mc
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WJFR wrote:
Gosh, after I read what I wrote above I felt I sounded a little bit too idealogical. I may just edit it-- what dyall think (see, I do say y'all, Elizabeth!).
If I took out all the ideological things I'd just say:
Love your baby. Loving a newborn means touching it, holding it, observing it as much as you can bear to : )
Be patient with your ex-baby. The undone housework SEEMS more important than dealing with that whiny or clingy toddler, but it isn't.
Get your husband and older children to help.
Don't expect very much of yourself for a LONG time.
The main learning agenda is *relationships*. It always is, but with a baby you have a miracle in the house and that takes first place. You can learn algebra in 70 hours or less, but a baby changes hour by hour and every baby is unique. First things first.
If you have a new baby or are expecting one, you are blessed!
And in my experience, it doesn't matter if your baby is healthy, marginally healthy, or desperately ill and compromised -- he or she is still an unequivocal blessing and miracle. Don't let the doctors, or anyone, discourage you. You are blessed!
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Hey Willa,
Let's please keep both posts!
I love your priority list. Can we discuss other ideas that help folks to capture this beautiful, grace-filled time? Do you all have traditions connected to this time? What timelines have you found doable and humane to ease out of the babymoon?
I would like to see more discussion on what some call "The Babymoon." In a culture that too readily wants life to go on as usual, it is heartbreaking to see many view the welcoming home of a newborn child as an interruption. Yes, the family is going through a transition. Yes, this can be a challenge. Yet, bringing home baby is one of the greatest gifts a family can receive. It saddens me to see so many families "miss it" because of a lack of support and/or a business as usual mentality.
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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alicegunther
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Every two years since we were married, we have been blessed by a new arrival to our family. Most of our babies have been born right in the middle of the "school" year, and last year, we were doubly blessed. No, not twins, but a major move and a new baby all in one year. Needless to say, there were times when things felt a bit chaotic.
The one thing that always helped me to feel on track no matter how tired I felt or how many distractions there were each day was that we always spent a lot of time reading aloud from great books. If I was exhausted, one of the older girls did the reading or we played a book on tape. This gave me peace of mind, entertained all the children, and ensured me that their minds were being "fed," even if I was not able to do all the things I normally would. I've seen Elizabeth refer to this as "binge" reading, and that is exactly what we have always done when life temporarily gets in the way of our plans.
The other thing that helps is to keep the children away from the television and computer as much as possible. They seem to find valuable things to do as long as their time isn't taken up in this way. Even if they are just playing, I do not feel guilty because I know creative play has a tremendous amount of value for their development. I've even been known to tell the children to go play because it's their "job." They always giggle when I say this and usually scamper off happily to oblige, even if they'd been nagging me for something moments before.
Getting out with the children helps us all as well. Often, when there is a new baby in the house, the temptation is to hibernate for three months until the baby is bigger. Yet I find that, for us, it helps to get out as soon as possible--whether it's a visit to a nature center or a playdate at a friend's house, a change of scenery is a great pick-me-up for all of us.
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Brew yourself a cup of tea, and come for a visit!
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Bridget
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We like to baptize within a couple of weeks after birth. I try to
get ready for this before the delivery. Iron the baby's gown,
make sure I have a nice outfit I can nurse in, that will fit, plan the
other children's clothes, etc.
I also make a basic plan for what deli food to order and stock
up on the paper products and non-perishables for the party
afterwards. Anything I can do ahead of time that will make the
event easier for my DH.
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Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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LisaR
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oh wow this is so fun! I have never been on a message board like this one, but it seems so much nicer than the yahoo groups....
We are due with baby girl any day- the one piece of advice that I have given many new moms (and try to always remember for myself) is NOT to look at the clock EVER when nursing- especially those night time nursing sessions! I psyche myself into thinking I'm getting more rest and sleep than I probably am by keeping it dark and the alarm clock facing the wall.
thanks for this great ministry- Elizabeth and all!
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Lisa
dh Tim '92
Joseph 17
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Isaac Vincent 9/21/10! and...
many little saints in heaven!
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Angie Mc
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LisaR wrote:
We are due with baby girl any day- the one piece of advice that I have given many new moms (and try to always remember for myself) is NOT to look at the clock EVER when nursing- especially those night time nursing sessions! ! |
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I also like to imagine all the other nursing mothers around the world who are nursing their babies at the same exact time that I am...are they nursing quietly in a bedroom?...do they have a baby strapped to their chest while working the fields?...are mom and baby bundled up or is it very hot?...is mom new at this (special prayers to her)?...the scenarios are endless .
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Angie Mc
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Angie Mc
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This leads me to wonder if you all, in addition to listening quietly to God, pray traditional prayers as part of your nursing time? If so, what are your favorites? Has anyone used this as a time to memorize new prayers or scripture?
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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Elizabeth
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This nighttime nursing thread reminds me especially of Stephen. It seemed that Stephen craved the quiet and my undivided attention and he was continuous nighttime nurser. When he was two weeks old, he was hospitalized with RSV, so for several months, his nursing was accompanied by a nebulizer and we did all of it with an apnea monitor attached and beeping away. Nevertheless, those are very sweet memories. Just when the machinery faded into the past, Willa's Aidan was born. By then, Stephen's every- two- or- three- hours at night was well entrenched. He was on a nebulizer schedule so he didn't stretch into longer nights like most babies. Many of you know that Aidan was gravely ill. Willa and I discovered that Stephen almost had an innate sense of Aidan's most urgent needs. A continent away, whenever Aidan most need prayer, Stephen would wake me. And we'd spend the night praying. Inevitably, Willa would tell me later that that was precisely when she needed prayers. Six years later, there will still be occasional coincidences of my night waking and Aidan's need.
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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Chari
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If I ever have a new baby........I would do what Maureen Wittman wrote in The Catholic Family Home Spring 2004 issue.........since I do not have her permission to post the article here.......
Go to the first website posted below my name.....then to the The Catholic Family Home Spring 2004 issue.......and then scroll down to the Homeschooling Thoughts article by Maureen. It is a great article! I have a friend doing it with her family now.....the baby idea......as she decided finally to start hsing.........her five kids......and then found herself pg with number 6........and number five was only 7 months old!
None of you can relate to that! 
In the sweet heart of Mary,
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Dh Marty 27yrs...3 lovely maidens: Anne 24, Sarah 20 & Maddelyn 17 and 3 chivalrous sons: Matthew 22, Garrett 16 & Malachy 11
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Bridget
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I try to use my night nursing time to pray for my Godchildren. ( I
have seven. )
An aside story. My neice and Goddaughter needed a liver
transplant. They found one and did the surgery the day my
second was born. Naturally, I offered up the whole labor for
her. when I spoke to my sister the next day we realized that the
minute Alex was born was the exact time they put the new liver
in. Just amazing.
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Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: When the New Baby comes
