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Angel
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I have a quick question. My middle boys (4 of them, ages 6, 8 yo twins, and 10) are driving us all crazy lately with their ultra competitiveness with each other... which often leads to violence. I've been reading lately that martial arts really help kids with ADHD as far as impulse control, behavior, self-discipline, etc. But my dh and I have not pursued that avenue for the boys because we were worried, given their natures, that giving them the skill to actually hurt people would be inviting more serious violence into our home.
Any thoughts and experiences with this?
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Angela
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JodieLyn
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Not really any experience with martial arts.. but when they gain more self discipline and to obey an outside authority (like a sensei) then you'll find that they'll also employ more self control and be easier for you to stop at home. (watch and learn what the sensei uses to get everyone to stop and listen) The one I know demands respect for himself AND any adult.. so you might find they listen and obey you better.
Plus, the penalty for misusing it is much higher than normal wrestling around.
Also be sure you are able to tell the difference between horsing around and actual violence. I know mine will often tell me afterward that they're just having fun. So, then we have the rule that unless everyone is having fun, it's not fun. We don't have fun at the expense of another. And if I'm not sure what's going on.. I ask.. is this fight "fun" or is it real?
Boys are very physical.. and I'm not sure anything will stop the physical wrestling around, nor am I sure that it should be stopped.. not that I won't tell them to take it outside or their room rather than my living room.
But I also try and give the boys the most physical jobs possible for their ages.. carrying wood, stacking wood, taking out trash, running 15 times around the outside of the house (well I know that's not a job but sometimes it's what I want to tell them to do).
I'm sitting in my living room right now and the 5 yr old is hiding under a blanket and poking his head out to egg on the 2 yr old that then "tackles" him. The 11 yr old is looking on and laughing. Boys!
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Angie Mc
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My daughter and I studied martial arts and I am a big fan!
I wouldn't worry at all, at first, about skill becoming dangerous. it takes time to master even the most basic things - for example, how to make a fist...then how to throw a punch...then how to land a punch. So while you all were getting started, your instructor will be telling the students that these skills are only to be used in self-defense and NOT on other kids. THEN you can watch how your kids are responding... if they make a mistake and use their skill outside of the dojo, you can take that to their instructor for him to discipline. Be sure your kids know that taking martial arts is a privilege that they must earn.
To update - my daughter did earn her black belt! And some day, I may return to the dojo :)
Good luck!
Love,
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Angie Mc
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SallyT
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This is so timely! Thanks for the conversation. My 11-year-old is very keen to begin martial arts as well, and I am thinking that the discipline and training in self-control will be very, very good for him. He doesn't have ADHD, but he is impulsive and tends not to know his own strength, and I think that both channeling that strength and the outside influence to master himself will -- I hope -- be the way to greater maturity.
Sally
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Angel
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| Posted: Dec 18 2013 at 1:17pm | IP Logged
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Angie - thanks! That makes sense. I think the boys would really like learning a martial art, and I know they probably would be much more likely to listen to an adult outside our family. Our other option right now is padded weapons practice with a view toward fencing as teenagers (their older brother and sister both fence). But I'm leaning toward martial arts because I think it's more about mastering your body.
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Angela
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CrunchyMom
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I have a friend with 5 bigger boys, and they all do it including the mom and the oldest girl who is 5. I don't think they've had issue with it escalating violrnce at home. In fact, I think it gives them another outlet for competing with each other without fighting--who can master a flip or move, etc...
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jawgee
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My two sons have been involved with martial arts for two years (since they were 6 and 9). I wanted them to be involved in Taekwondo because my DH is 1/2 Korean, and TKD is a Korean martial art.
They LOVE it. We found a fantastic family-run studio (dad, mom, and two teen girls). We've been so happy with it, and just a few months ago my 4YO daughter decided she wanted to join, too, so now three of our four kids do it.
We haven't had any problems with the boys using their knowledge to hurt each other, and in fact, the physical outlet that they get from going to their classes helps them focus more with their schoolwork (and it helps my 12YO regulate his emotions). Last week they were only able to go to one class and my 12YO had a very difficult week.
Anyway, we've been very happy with TKD! I also really like that it is an individual sport so kids move at their own pace. There hasn't been any competition between my boys (which is great - brothers need something they can enjoy together without the competition all the time!) My oldest has been helpful when the younger ones are ready to test to a higher belt.
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SallyT
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My older son did padded weapons, Angela, back in the day. He loved it, and it was one of the hardest things to leave behind when we left Memphis. The drawback to padded weapons is that you then have padded weapons lying around at home, and it's aaaaaawwwwwwwfffffully tempting just to pick them up and whack people with them all the time. "It's just a padded sword." WHAM.
One of the great attractions of martial arts, in my view, is that it doesn't involve things like padded swords that inevitably get appropriated and misused . . .
Sally
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Kristie 4
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Boffers! My kids (all of them- 18 down to 11) love boffers. Won't solve all of their squirliness but gets some of that physical stuff out! All of their friends have them now too
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stefoodie
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My hubby's a black belt and so are our 3 oldest -- in Tang Soo Do. Now they are studying Kali aka Eskrima, the Filipino martial arts (you and/or your kids might have seen it done as it's the technique often used in film. They are loving it. No worries about "more violence" -- on the contrary, most martial arts we're familiar with teach children that it should be used for self-defense and only when really necessary.
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monica4patience
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All three of my kids have done TaeKwonDo at some time. My two oldest are Korean, thus the Korean martial arts. It is very important to find just the right instructors. I know that one in our area is very demanding and forceful which I do not care for. Our neighbors (Korean) recommended the place.
We were only able to go twice a week and then had to drop when we moved too far away. Master Yu was very good with the kids, as were his workers. He reinforced discipline, respect, schoolwork, chores, obeying parents.
Our middle son has tried two different places since our move. We haven't found anything that rates as highly as Master Yu's place.
If I were you, I would see if they would scehdule a class just for your homeschooling family. you may have to find a few more kids to make it work. But I would rather have an earlier class that fit the family schedule than having to fit into the typical after-school schedule that conflicts with dinner time. Just my opinion.
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monica4patience
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All three of my kids have done TaeKwonDo at some time. My two oldest are Korean, thus the Korean martial arts. It is very important to find just the right instructors. I know that one in our area is very demanding and forceful which I do not care for. Our neighbors (Korean) recommended the place.
We were only able to go twice a week and then had to drop when we moved too far away. Master Yu was very good with the kids, as were his workers. He reinforced discipline, respect, schoolwork, chores, obeying parents.
Our middle son has tried two different places since our move. We haven't found anything that rates as highly as Master Yu's place.
If I were you, I would see if they would schedule a class just for your homeschooling family. you may have to find a few more kids to make it work. But I would rather have an earlier class that fit the family schedule than having to fit into the typical after-school schedule that conflicts with dinner time. Just my opinion.
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~Monica (58)
DH(62), married 34 yrs.
DD23, DS21, DS13 (all adoptees)
New to homeschooling 11/12.
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jawgee
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| Posted: Dec 19 2013 at 5:31pm | IP Logged
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monica4patience wrote:
| If I were you, I would see if they would schedule a class just for your homeschooling family. you may have to find a few more kids to make it work. But I would rather have an earlier class that fit the family schedule than having to fit into the typical after-school schedule that conflicts with dinner time. Just my opinion. |
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Check around, though. The place my kids go allows students to try 3-4 classes before enrolling. Also, although most of their classes are afternoons or evenings, they do have a class on Saturday mornings and Monday mornings. Last week my two boys went to the Monday class and there was only one other student there - also a homeschooler.
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Monica
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: martial arts to help discipline for boys?
