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*Lindsey*
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| Posted: July 11 2013 at 8:36pm | IP Logged
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This past year has been really hard. Three miscarriages, medical bills, drama with my parents (this is not new, it's ongoing but still stressful), and so on.
I think I might be depressed, or just really emotional and hormonal. I am tired. I don't feel happy. I am terrified of getting pregnant again and have no answers as to why I lost three babies in a row and hemorrhaged this last time. My prayer life is suffering. Everything seems like a big deal, silly things. Nicholas and Oliver dumped the clean laundry I just folded onto the floor (off the couch) as they were playing this evening. I lost my temper.  Sent them all straight to bed and didn't pray with them because I just wanted them all out of my hair. 
I am going from 2 to 4 kids in school this fall. I have no idea what to do for curriculum. There are TOO MANY choices out there and one thing always looks better than the next. I yearn for CM learning but I know I will fail to implement it totally. Maybe I can use CHC and add living books?
I grew up in a home with my mom, step dad, and step siblings. We were all gone at school/work everyday. My mom was a clean freak. I am not used to a messy house, and after 10 years I am still not used to it. I want to be a good, loving mother. I don't want my kids to look back at their childhood and remember mommy always yelling at them to clean up their messes.
I don't have a chore system in place and need help implementing one. I have no idea how to schedule them or what to assign to which child. I have read managers of their chores and it overwhelmed me. I think maybe if I knew certain things would get done on specific days, MAYBE I could relax a little? The 4 girls play in the playroom for about 2 hours a day and they dump out toy animals, play food, and wooden blocks to play something and when I walk by that room I get angry! Why can't I be the mom that says, "Wow! Looks like you were really using your imaginations and having fun together!" Instead I say, "What a mess! You need to get it picked up!" 
If you made it this far, thank you so much. I know this is a lot of incoherent rambling but I am feeling lost and needed to get this out and seek advice.
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Lindsey
Mama to DS (11), DD(9), twin dds(7), DD (5), DS (4), DS (3), and 5 angels in heaven.
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Kathryn
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| Posted: July 11 2013 at 9:02pm | IP Logged
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 Lindsey...did you see my overwhelming choices post above?  Regarding curriculum, I sooo get it. I don't really have any ideas right now for you but didn't want to click and not reply and let you know I have great empathy for that.
In regards to your other trials, I just want to offer prayers for you at this time and know that I've certainly been at my wit's end so many times. I think most of what I've seen from the ladies here when things seem overwhelming is to step back and take a deeeeep breath and try to focus on one thing at a time. It's so easy to allow our minds to get overloaded when we allow it to pile on one thing after another. That of course doesn't minimize all the stressful issues but I think looking at them separately as opposed to altogether helps.
I'm sorry I don't have any more concrete answers right now but may our Lord give you a sense of peace if just for a moment to allow you to pray and let the Holy Spirit fill you with wisdom for at least some of these concerns.
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Kathryn in TX
(dd 16, ds 15, dd 8, dd 5)
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guitarnan
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| Posted: July 11 2013 at 9:02pm | IP Logged
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Oh, Lindsey, I think every mom I know has felt this way at one time or another.
If you believe you are depressed, please talk with your doctor about this, because there is a lot of help out there for you. Your doctor may also be able to help you find out why you have suffered so many miscarriages; if not, perhaps one of the other moms here can help you with some ideas. (I'm not qualified to give advice in this area.)
I used CHC with living books (and the occasional nature study day - not often, but fun when we did them) when my children were young, and it worked well. My husband wanted structure in certain areas (phonics, math) and we used living books for history, literature, science, and lives of saints. I loved it because I could see progress in reading, writing, etc. each day, the workbooks were 1000% Catholic and we got to read a lot, from wonderful books that I loved in my own youth to suggestions from the ladies here.
I'm not the chore guru...our house is a mess and I really struggle with that...but I would suggest working on one chore at a time (everyone learns to set the table, for ex.) and adding things very gradually. With so many young children, it's not easy to keep things neat, but that will improve as your children grow older and you develop a system.
and prayers for you. Your feelings are really normal...and I know our friends here will help with practicalities.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: July 11 2013 at 10:46pm | IP Logged
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Lindsey, since the others have helped to point you toward help with curriculum, I'll tackle the medical issues.
This thread on Anemia is from when I had a traumatic, high blood loss miscarriage. My head was so fuzzy, I needed help thinking through what I knew to do and filling in the holes of what I was forgetting. You're only 3 months out from your miscarriage and unless you've been super diligent it's likely you may still have some lingering anemia or problems from the blood loss.
And this thread on post partum depression has some more ideas. What I didn't know until my last miscarriage was that post partum depression is MORE likely with a miscarriage and even more so when it's also traumatic physically.
The biggies that will likely help you the most right off the bat are a good B-complex (I get "B-total sublingual) and vitamin D.
And to remember that even though you're ready to get back into the swing of things.. sometimes our bodies lag behind our minds in the matter of how healed we are. Be easy on yourself, ok.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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AmandaV
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| Posted: July 12 2013 at 8:07am | IP Logged
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Lindsey, first, I'm praying for you. Our first four children are the same ages, and I can only imagine having three more littles in the time I had one. And I'm often overwhelmed. With three miscarriages in a year, I think you have to recognize that it will take a while to recover. I don't have amazing advice because I still haven't figured it out and a CM education doesn't come "easy" here. A couple things. For your twins, why not just get something like 26 letters to Heaven and add in a reading program like alphaphonics or something and maybe a simple math workbook. They still mostly need to play. But then you have a simple weekly plan. CHC Kinder can be nice too. If you really want to do a CM education, could you maybe just follow MA to the T this year ? Save tweaking/self creating curriculum for when you are more up to it? I've come back to MA and realized how nice and thought out it is and how great to have it put together already. Then if you "find" some great old book you want to use, make it optional. Of course, using CHC sounds very reasonable too. But feel free to drop the spelling or LOG if you want to try using dictation or a different way of grammar. But then everything else is spelled out for you and you are just trying one thing on your own. Okay, back to just praying. Blessings to you, and please do check on your health.
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Amanda
wife since 6/03, Mom to son 7/04, daughter 2/06, twin sons 6/08 and son 7/11, son 1/2014
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pumpkinmom
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| Posted: July 12 2013 at 8:23am | IP Logged
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Praying for you! It sounds like you just need to do just the important things and let everything else go. I know that's harder said than done and even harder to figure out what is important. Put a lot of effort into yourself (healing) at this moment in your life. Pray and think about one academic area with each of your kids that needs to happen this year no matter what. Make that your focus. Then just add in read aloud, nature study, and/or anything else that you enjoy doing that is easy for you to do.
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Cassie
Homeschooling my little patch of Ds-14 and Ds-10
Tending the Pumpkin Patch
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Aagot
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Hi Lindsey, so sorry for all of the struggles. It does seem like everything happens at once and that can depress and exhaust anyone. Just one miscarriage alone can do that!
I like Jodie's health suggestions!
As for the toys and such. Can you pack most of them away and just leave a couple of choices out? It would make clean up easier. It would be easier to train the kids to pick up just a few things etc. Same with clothes.
Your kids are so young. Have you ever thought of just taking a year and doing everything you want/need/enjoy with the kids? For good health and a good family relationship!
For me it would look like this (for you it may be different):
-Lots of fresh foods (skip sugar, preservatives and artificial colors)
-No or very few commitments (no individual activities, especially if you have to pay for them
-outdoors everyday (walks, playing by the river, going to State or National Parks often, the zoo or aquarium, picnics. etc.)
-For "School" I would do mainly, math games, and read-alouds. The outdoor time I would count as PE, Science and History (exploring some historical sites in the area).The rest would count as HomeEc. Making beds, cleaning up, preparing picnics, helping with laundry etc.
When you get home from your day out, the house will be clean (nobody was there) and everyone will be happily tired.
I don't know how long you would do this for but until you were good and ready to do something else. I try to think what would Laura Ingles' day as a 9 year old be like? (yes, I know it wasn't all roses but it was a lot less hectic and she didn't go to school all the time. She spent a lot of time outdoors or doing handiwork). I think boys especially gain so much from being outdoors and they fight a lot less too!
The great curriculums will be there next year and maybe you would find them a lot less appealing then too.
I know this sounds radical but sometimes you need that to regain health and a new perspective.
God Bless!
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cathhomeschool
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Texas Bluebonnets
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| Posted: July 12 2013 at 8:46am | IP Logged
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Lindsey, I am praying for you too!! You have had an incredibly hard year and it is no wonder that you feel the way you do now! My goodness, I think I'd be a crying puddle on the floor! Pour your heart out to God and be still before Him so that He can flood you with the grace and peace you need to make it through the day with these crosses. He is stretching you, and you cannot do it without Him. SO, prayer life is FIRST. Yes, you have to take care of the many little ones, school, run a house, etc, but if you don't find a way to be filled by Him first, these other things will continue to suffer. Definitely look at the organization, school, vitamin and medical suggestions already posted. And make time to be quiet before God and just listen -- maybe during naptime or right after the youngest ones go to bed you could put a book on tape for the others or... something. I find that when my prayer life suffers, I am a bear with everyone around me and little things overwhelm, and you do not have a little cross.
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Janette (4 boys - 22, 21, 15, 14)
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: July 12 2013 at 11:13am | IP Logged
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You suffering IS YOUR PRAYER friend! Please be gentle with yourself...please!
On the topic of happiness, here are two ways I've found to increase mine:
Catch thinking distortions
Find principles I can count on: Principles of happy moms who home educate.
You are in the middle of your story which can be so very challenging. You are doing what you can to weather this time by asking for help (brava!) and looking for solutions. Take your time and look for the good...rest in the good...be in the good! As you get further into your story, you will look back on this chapter and think, "Wow, how did I get through that?! " And you will see how it made you better, closer to God, more wise. For now, hang in there and focus on what is most important to you, as you feel God is calling you.
The only reason I have the nerve to share this with confidence is because, I know the confusion, disorientation, and suffering that the middle of a story brings. So while I've had my heart broken and life hasn't always gone according to my plans, I find consolation in knowing my life MUST BE God's will! And His will is amazingly perfect, even when, especially when, I'm suffering.
So, I'm crying some tears with you today, honey. You are so special in God's eyes. And mine. Many prayers, Lindsey
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
About Me
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DominaCaeli
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| Posted: July 12 2013 at 3:14pm | IP Logged
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I am so sorry for your struggles, Lindsey.  I might be repeating others' suggestions, but a few ideas...
:: Have you thought about not doing school with your twins next year? I have two daily "school" goals for my 4yo daughter: I want to read a bit to her (picture books) and I want her to spend time outside. She listens in on some of the big kids' work, so I know she's getting more than that through osmosis, but I don't require myself to do any extra planning for her. If your 5yos want to "do school," I'd buy a few cut-and-fold Kumon workbooks for their table time. But that's it. ;)
:: For the 9yo and 7yo, I would either (1) pick a curriculum like Mater Amabilis and follow it exactly (or pare it down a bit--but no additions! LOL) or (2) do what Aagot suggested:
Aagot wrote:
Have you ever thought of just taking a year and doing everything you want/need/enjoy with the kids? For good health and a good family relationship!
For me it would look like this (for you it may be different):
-Lots of fresh foods (skip sugar, preservatives and artificial colors)
-No or very few commitments (no individual activities, especially if you have to pay for them
-outdoors everyday (walks, playing by the river, going to State or National Parks often, the zoo or aquarium, picnics. etc.)
...
When you get home from your day out, the house will be clean (nobody was there) and everyone will be happily tired. |
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I love that idea. (Though if you're anything like me, getting out for the day can be really exhausting with all the little ones, missed naps, etc.) But it *sounds* like a wonderful plan! LOL And maybe it would be more doable for you since you have a 9yo to help? I don't know. But a year "off" might be a good thing!
:: For chores, training the children to do their fair share of housework is definitely worth the time and hassle. I would pick one thing each that you would like them to take over and start there. I also like waking up to a clean house, so I make sure we do an evening tidy so I can enjoy a clean, quiet house for a few hours when the kids are asleep. Maybe knowing you'll have that clean time will make you less worried about the messes during the day?
Hang in there. I'll be praying for you!
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Blessings,
Celeste
Joyous Lessons
Mommy to six: three boys (8, 4, newborn) and four girls (7, 5, 2, and 1)
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*Lindsey*
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| Posted: July 24 2013 at 10:29am | IP Logged
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Thank you all so much!
I had slacked on taking my supplements and started up again after Jodie mentioned it. I can tell it's helping.
I am trying to relax more about the house and messes. Honestly! There are scraps of cut up paper all over the office floor and I haven't swept it (for two days!) or let it upset me.
I am almost decided on what to do for school for the upcoming year. I begged God to show me what to do and other than being undecided about a few things for my K'ers, I am ok.
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Lindsey
Mama to DS (11), DD(9), twin dds(7), DD (5), DS (4), DS (3), and 5 angels in heaven.
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: I am struggling.
