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TryingMyBest
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| Posted: June 22 2013 at 1:04am | IP Logged
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Hi everyone, I believe that it is God's will for me to leave the workplace and stay home with my DD. My DH and I have had a hard time coming to an agreement on this issue but we are now on the same page. But I'm finding that I'm having a hard time actually walking away from work. Obviously the financial aspect of work is a huge part of this but I feel we've come to a place of peace regarding finances if I don't work.
I've been working with a recruiter and have started the process of interviewing for a new job. I'm tired of my current job but this new job is interesting to me.
I assume most of you here do not work outside of the home but did work at some time. Do you miss your career? Do you miss the interesting work that you did before you left?
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pumpkinmom
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| Posted: June 22 2013 at 1:20am | IP Logged
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No, not at all. I really never had a career or a job that I completely loved though.  That may make a difference!
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Cassie
Homeschooling my little patch of Ds-14 and Ds-10
Tending the Pumpkin Patch
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MaryM
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| Posted: June 22 2013 at 3:24am | IP Logged
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Every choice involves saying no to a different choice. So I think there are always some regrets or "what if"s or wonderings, but there would be with either choice. I never worked full time after finishing my Master's degree (1st son was born right as I graduated). I have done quite a bit of volunteer work in my field and I do get a different satisfaction from that. I have been a full time mom, wife and homeschool teacher since the beginning. I think I would have enjoyed working in my field, too, but what I do as a homeschool mom is ultimately very interesting and varied, and I wouldn't trade it. I would have missed being so intimately involved day to day in raising my kids.
This side of heaven we are never going to be completely satisfied. Free-will and choices and acceptance/consequences..part of the human experience.
It is good to hear you and dh are talking and on the same page and I pray you find peace in your decision - whatever it ultimately is.
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Mary M. in Denver
Our Domestic Church
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stefoodie
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| Posted: June 22 2013 at 6:25am | IP Logged
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What MaryM said. Sometimes I'll look up at universities and office buildings (I was in research before we decided to homeschool) and think, I *could* be doing that. And then I look at my kids and see all that I might have missed had I picked the career route. And no, I wouldn't trade what I've had for anything. It might be a bit difficult to see from where you're standing, since I'm looking back (our oldest is 22 and we started this journey when she was ~6).
Quote:
This side of heaven we are never going to be completely satisfied. Free-will and choices and acceptance/consequences..part of the human experience.
It is good to hear you and dh are talking and on the same page and I pray you find peace in your decision - whatever it ultimately is. |
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What Mary said. Prayers! 
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stef
mom to five
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guitarnan
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| Posted: June 22 2013 at 6:44am | IP Logged
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I had 10 different jobs before we began homeschooling. Most of them were interesting, and a few were jobs I stuck with because we needed the money. I work part time from home now as a freelance writer, which I do enjoy (except that it's like having a term paper due every week of your life).
No, I do not regret staying home. We drive old cars and I buy clothes at consignment shops and I get to spend every single day with my child(ren) (son is away at college now). Totally worth every sacrifice. They are both strong in their faith, which gives me joy beyond measure.
Returning to full-time work is going to be interesting - I will be in my mid-50s when my daughter leaves home for her last two years of college - and I have no idea whether I will be able to find a job. The Good Lord has looked after us all this time, though, so I'll do my best to trust in Him.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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SallyT
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| Posted: June 22 2013 at 6:48am | IP Logged
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I'd say the same as MaryM and Stef. I was a teacher, first at the high-school and then, as a graduate student, at the university level, and there are times when I miss the classroom a little, and the academic life in general.
What I don't miss, though, is the frazzed-ness of trying to balance the needs of a host of students with the needs of my family. I do not miss that AT ALL. It does help that I find being with my children and homeschooling intellectually stimulating, interesting, and satisfying -- I think that God was developing certain gifts in me to be used this way.
It also helps that there are things I can do alongside my family, though even work from home takes a lot of juggling and trading-off, as I'm sure you know. I'm a writer, and when I do get work done and published, it often pays well -- I've just had to make my peace with being a writer who has to work slowly and irregularly, because that's a fact of my life. That has as much to do with my lack of discipline as with the family, however, and with the reality that I have to think a lot about an essay or a poem before I can push it to completion.
I really have no regrets about being home, though. The place where I can see the good fruit most clearly is in my relationships with my teenaged and college-aged children -- having made the family the clear and unambiguous center of our collective life has paid huge dividends as our children have grown up. Plus I love having time to be active in my younger children's lives. I just finished directing a little day/sleepover camp for my youngest daughter's American Heritage Girls troop, for example, and I'm grateful that I didn't have to use up vacation time, as my co-director did, to spend a week with those girls. Having that time just *free* is a wonderful gift, and it was a week filled with interesting things.
Being home really doesn't mean that your life becomes constricted, though sometimes, especially with very little children, it can feel that way -- but then, what doesn't sometimes feel like the same-old. same-old? I dropped out of my graduate program in the end partly because I was sick of academia and the accompanying drama, but mostly because I'd had the epiphany that my baby was actually a far more interesting person to me than most of the people I'd been spending all my time with before she was born, and that if I actually spent time with her, she would become, more and more, one of the people with whom I most wanted to spend my days. She's now almost 20, and that's still true . . . as it is of her younger siblings. There really is something to raising people you enjoy talking to, and it's a lot easier to do that if you're the person who's with them all the time.
Going now to say the Morning Office with my husband . . . these things help the whole process!
Sally
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Castle in the Sea
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SeaStar
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No regrets here, either. Do I miss my old career at times? Yes, of course.
My medical work was very interesting, and there was never any telling what kind of case would come up next. Do I miss the crazy hours. often working all night, working holidays... not so much.
I can tell you that the hardest thing about not working has been accepting the way people see me now... a stay at home mom, a homeschooler, not very interesting, possibly a little crazy (because of the homeschooling thing ). I apparently have little worth in the eyes of society at this point in my life   . That has been hard but very good for my humility.
Anyway, with all the ups and downs of staying at home, I would not trade being with my kids for anything. Period. I can see that the time we have together is a great gift for us all. They will only be young for a little while. I can never get that back. And I don't know what is coming next- all I have with them is today, right now.
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
SQUILT Music Appreciation
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krygerzoo
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| Posted: Aug 22 2013 at 6:39am | IP Logged
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SeaStar wrote:
| I can tell you that the hardest thing about not working has been accepting the way people see me now... a stay at home mom, a homeschooler, not very interesting, possibly a little crazy (because of the homeschooling thing ). I apparently have little worth in the eyes of society at this point in my life . That has been hard but very good for my humility. |
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As a former engineer, I can relate to this!
I do not regret walking away from my career at all. I had a wonderful career & felt so appreciated and admired... pretty good for the ego. But let me tell you, this homeschooling gig is so much harder!
It seems as if things have been so difficult lately with the kids' bickering, attitudes, etc. I've felt so discouraged. Then last night *BAM* my 14yo son really "manned up". I know it is because of all the time we've been spending together and his hearing me repeat the bit about "serving your siblings" at least 12 jazillion times just this summer!
Last night, I was nursing my 8wk old after an exhausting day (had to put our pooch down & also having a major financial setback) and my 4yo son was just not going to bed (been having major issues with this). I turned to my 14yo son and gently asked him if he could just check on his brother (hubby was already in bed) and I reminded him to please speak kindly when doing so. I heard him speaking gently (this has not been his strength  ) I went on the deck to give my fussing baby and me some fresh air. Ten minutes (or less) my son emerged from his shared room and humbly informed me that the little guy was asleep. 
The best part came later. I was in bed, finally, and was praying for my children. When it came to this son, I was going to get up and write him a little thank you note but realized he would still be awake. I went to his room and told him how proud of him I was. That after a long day and all the trials that we've been through, what a special act he did for Jesus. This son is very quiet about his feelings and just listened to my telling him how much I love him. I was actually crying! He sat up in bed, told me so sweetly that he loves me so much, and gave be a huge embrace. I have been feeling so out of touch with this dear child and I see how my time is so very well spent here. This may not sound like a big deal but the progress that was made last night (because of quantity of time together) was huge for our family.
We are building a foundation. The family's foundation and their own, personal one. I cherish each one of my precious children and appreciate that I can stay home and teach them. It is so much tougher than working outside the home.... financially, emotionally, physically. But I don't regret it for a minute. 
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Peace, Katherine
wife to David '89, mom to +Kaden Michael (8/15/94-5/10/05), DD'97, DS'99, DD'01, DS'05, (+baby'08), DS'09, (+baby'12) & DD '13
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pmeilaen
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Maybe there is a possibility of just working part time? Or what about taking a work break and going back to work later, I mean, much later?
That's what I have done. I used to teach at the university level, stopped when I had my first child, took a sixteen year break, and will start again teaching just one class at our local college this fall. There is a time and season for everything.
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Eva
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Erin
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Katherine What a beautiful story, and I do so get it. Those glimpses, those moments of really seeing your teens' souls, they make it all worthwhile
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Erin
Faith Filled Days
Seven Little Australians
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Martha
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Nope. I miss the extra income,, but after the second kid, I wasn't making any extra $ anyways. That pretty much cinched the deal for me staying home. I occasionally got a part time job until after the third was born, but I haven't done any work for $ in 15 years.
I love to travel, learn new things, meet new people...
But for 12-15 years now, home schooling and having a baby every other year has met 2 of the 3 for me fairly consistently.
I don't really like leaving my family or working for other people. (Have you ever noticed how ANNOYING other humans are? )
Even Heritage Girls. I love that my girls love it. I love that the leaders are nice, creative, kid-loving gals.
But me? No thanks. Much as I love my kids and love home schooling them, I really am not good at and dont't much like teaching other people's kids. It has nothing to do with anyone else. It's just not something I would ever choose for a career. For that matter, I never in a million would have thought I'd end up a home schooling mom of 10.
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Martha
mama to 7 boys & 4 girls
Yes, they're all ours!
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Erica Sanchez
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Katherine, that was beautiful. I have a 14 year old son as well and can relate to what you said.
TringMyBest - no, never, no, no, no, never! :) :) :)
What I sometimes regret is not doing this privileged job of raising children and making a home better. :)
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Have a beautiful and fun day!
Erica in San Diego
(dh)Cash, Emily, Grace, Nicholas, Isabella, Annie, Luke, Max, Peter, 2 little souls ++, and sweet Rose who is legally ours!
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Angie Mc
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I had my first "real" job when I was 15. I come from hardworking people. I worked and worked and got degrees and worked some more. By the time I had my 1st baby at 27, I had no grand illusions about work or careers or money although I planned to return to work. I didn't. I held my daughter in my arms and told my husband that I would never leave her and that she would have to leave me.
This past July 8th, she did just that. She moved to Washington State with her brand spanking new husband and they are eager to start their life together as a family.
She had her first "real" job when she was young. She worked and worked and earned a great degree from a great school. She's looking for a job right now and it's rough out there. She has no grand illusions about work. She and her husband aren't freaked out about her getting a job because they saved a good amount of money, they live in a tiny apartment, share one car, and have planned to live on his modest income as a Grad student. From the time she was young, she wanted to be a wife and mother. To this end, Dave and I were eager to help her earn a debt free college degree, which she did, and one with tools that she could integrate into a family-home-based life.
She is bumping into what Melinda shared, the "just a wife" syndrome. I remember going through that myself. When I added "just a mother", it took a lot of swagger on my part to not buy into what some believe is a lesser life. All these years later, I don't buy it.
But there are times, they come ever few years, when I realize that this choice DID cost us money as we scramble to pay for college and live in a humble home and - seriously - I'm back to driving an old Honda (selling my van, driving Devin's old car). Sometimes I think, "Wouldn't it be great if our culture wasn't based on dual incomes?"
Now that my youngest is 8, I'm wondering if God will call me to work for income again. I'm keeping the option open, like I always did, and we'll see! But no matter what I do in the future, I'll NEVER regret my choice to stay home and focus primarily on my vocation as a wife and mother. While others (including my daughter) may find ways to bring income to the family while having the same primary focus, given my circumstances, temperament, and personality, I really just needed to jump in 100%, no looking back, and MAKE IT HAPPEN! I had SOOOOO much to learn (and I'm still learning) and it has all been SOOOOOOO worth it <3 No regrets!
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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Kitty witty
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Sometimes I do. I really loved my job, and it was quite flexible. I miss the adult interaction and the respect I received. Oh, and how fascinating it was and the feeling of fulfillment. However, I do not miss waking up so early, an hour commute each way, workplace stress, or the time away from my kids.
Then we moved for dh's job and I was pregnant. We recently have been having financial issues, so I tried to find a job and now my certifications are all expired and every job has been very not understanding of taking time off to mother. So that is disappointing.
I would suggest having at least one marketable skill that you can keep up with a little-even if it's a volunteer position at church that you can write down on an application. That way if you do face a crisis, you will have something to fall back on. This is one reason I am having my kids all learn music. It will at least be one thing they can do to make ends meet despite choosing to stay at home or choosing a career that's difficult to break into.
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Do Regret Leaving Workplace?
