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pumpkinmom
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| Posted: March 14 2013 at 12:25pm | IP Logged
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I don't know if it's pre-teen hormones or if there is possibly something wrong with my oldest.
One of our house rules is that I have to be told when someone is using the internet and I want to know what they plan to do on the internet and they must be in the same room with me or dh while on the internet. I think this is reasonable, but is it? If he wants to search amazon for apps or music he has to be during his electronic time which is a half hour after school hours during the week. Non-school days aren't as strict. We are strict because this kid would be on electronic and the internet all day if he allowed.
Ds can't remember this and he gets on the internet through his Kindle all the time. He doesn't hide it. This morning he was reading a book on his Kindle. Wasn't much longer and I hear music coming out of it because he was searching for music to buy from amazon. He was asking my opinion of some bands. He does this all the time! Usually it's look at this app I found mom! Internet searching isn't allowed unless I'm asked first and he NEVER asks! I have taken the Kindle away several times and he just bought it last month with money from Christmas and his birthday. I took it away from him this morning and said that it may be forever because he wasn't responsible enough to use it. I got busy with morning chores and didn't actually put it away out of sight.
Skip ahead a few hours and he got on it again just now. He came to me telling me about how everytime he closes out his book it automatically goes to the internet. Yelling came out of my mouth at this point! He said he thought it was still ok to read books on it and only he couldn't play games.  I really don't understand! He understood that he lost the Kindle because he asked me for how long earlier. I told him forever and he went to cry in his room.
This is just one story out of a hundred with this kid. He isn't doing bad stuff, but he can't seem to listen an obey. It's like things aren't processing in his head. It has gotten worse in the past year. Perhaps my rules are too strict, but he isn't disobeying out of spite because of strict rules. He just forgets!
Any ideas?
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Cassie
Homeschooling my little patch of Ds-14 and Ds-10
Tending the Pumpkin Patch
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jawgee
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| Posted: March 14 2013 at 12:48pm | IP Logged
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Sounds quite similar to my 11YO.
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Monica
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pumpkinmom
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| Posted: March 14 2013 at 1:52pm | IP Logged
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jawgee wrote:
Sounds quite similar to my 11YO. |
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How come normal behavior seems like the end of the world at times.  Thanks for the support!!
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Cassie
Homeschooling my little patch of Ds-14 and Ds-10
Tending the Pumpkin Patch
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: March 14 2013 at 2:05pm | IP Logged
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There's a couple things I've noticed.. one it's not that they don't know what you said or even that they really forgot.. but that they figure on some level that you don't really mean it so they're not disobeying in that they know they're doing something they shouldn't but that they've convinced themselves that you don't really mean it.. and the more extreme and non-specific your answer is (forever) the more it seems discountable as not real. So you need to ask yourself are you consistent enough that they know when you tell them something and they do it anyway that it's disobedience or are you wishywashy enough that they don't see it as a line they're crossing?
Also, electronics can be a HUGE draw.. truly addicting, and yeah they don't even consider what they're doing before they do it. just like a drug addict doesn't consider anything really wrong if they can get their next fix... you can turn the router off or change the password so that he can't connect online at all. And even when you're consistent the draw to use it even for a minute can be worth any punishement you could met out. It's really hard when nothing is worth more to the child than those moments of getting to whatever it is.. anything that happens is worth it. For things other than electronics I found it worked much better to give them as much freedom with it as I could and then restrict them from the freedom they'd normally have if they don't handle it well. Seems to work best for my kids on some things.
And the other thing is what one of the dad's we are with a lot says about teen boys.. the hormones pickle their brains and they don't get them back until they're in their 20's 
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Jodie, wife to Dave
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All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
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Angi
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| Posted: March 14 2013 at 4:35pm | IP Logged
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Sounds pretty pre-teeny to me too, but my solution would be to turn the wifi off on the Kindle and change the password. My 11 year old is great about electronics, but has other issues 
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JennGM
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| Posted: March 14 2013 at 4:44pm | IP Logged
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Jodie is spot on. Discussing with my sisters about their sons, we have similar experiences. There is a lack of control, addicting type of behavior with electronics. Even if he paid with his own money, I would severely control the Kindle. You need to show that you mean it (and your husband enforcing together), and he has to prove that he will control himself.
I would also turn off the WiFi and change the password, since he has shown that he has disregarded your rules and broken the element of trust.
Basically, he has proven to you that he is not old enough to control himself with this device. So he has to lose privileges that are given when someone matures and has control of himself.
It also sounds like you might need to look at the music aspect...the temptation to buy and hear more music keeps him going back for more.
I think your house rule is sound. There are just nightmares abounding of boys being led astray by graphic images and porn on the internet, leading to many years of trying to shake the images in the mind and addictive behavior.
If it were my son, I might take the Kindle and trade with one that can't view online...just a basic e-reader so he can do his schoolwork without being tempted. The other Kindle can be used only in public family spaces with permission.
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Jennifer G. Miller
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JennGM
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| Posted: March 14 2013 at 4:46pm | IP Logged
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Oh, and I was thinking about Boys Should Be Boys: 7 Secrets to Raising Healthy Sons by Meg Meeker and Ten Ways to Destroy the Imagination of Your Child by Anthony Esolen which both touch on electronics and boys.
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to & ds1 '03 & ds2 '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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pumpkinmom
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| Posted: March 14 2013 at 6:39pm | IP Logged
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Thanks everyone! This is great information and just what I needed to hear.
The Kindle has parental controls and I just put a password requirement on everything that gets on the web. I can't change my Wi-Fi password because I can't figure out how to do that. I've tried and I get nowhere with it. 
It will be out of reach for a few days and I won't be entering any passwords for a while after that.
He has been helping with chores without complaining all afternoon. I love this behavior, but feel slightly disappointed that it is just in hopes I will give the Kindle back early.
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Cassie
Homeschooling my little patch of Ds-14 and Ds-10
Tending the Pumpkin Patch
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Kathryn
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| Posted: March 18 2013 at 4:57pm | IP Logged
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I agree that my son seems drawn to any electronic device like Pooh Bear on honey. I have actually used the word "addicted" like Jodie mentioned because that is exactly what it seems like. Like your son as well I don't find him doing anything sinful in and of itself, but the temptation to have his face in/on an electronic device 24/7 can't be a good habit. Also, I have concerns about his exposure to things on the net that he shouldn't have even with controls and such. And again, like your son, he has taken his Nintendo out of the hiding spot w/o permission, switched websites when he's supposed to be doing school-work or gets on Netflix all w/o permission or "forgetting".
The hard part like Jodie said is not being consistent b/c I might find him on Netflix w/o permission but he's watching "How things were made" or he's switched websites b/c he's looking up something on his Boy Scout site or searching when his baseball schedule begins. So, I prob. don't come down as hard always b/c it seems "innocent". We've just been trying to limit the control with having passwords on everything except last week he figured out how to change the time on my computer's password to 24 hours instead of 5 min! Now, why can't he use those smarts for his school-work? 
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Kathryn in TX
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