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CrunchyMom
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| Posted: Dec 10 2012 at 8:07am | IP Logged
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My 4 year old is such a pessimist! I think part of it must be having two big brothers who can do things he can't. Also, I feel bad that my youngest has been and is such a challenge from his conception, I know I have not given as much of myself to him in his toddler years.
That said, he really seems to see the cup half empty a lot. It is strange because, for the most part, he is a delightful child. Always has been. But, from the time he was old enough to express himself beyond "I'm hungry, wet, sleepy," he's been a sulker. Where my current 21 month old throws tantrums at the drop of a hat and is very destructive when upset, this child at the same age would go hide himself in a corner and pout.
Now, he isn't strictly melancholic like Eeyore. He is social and in many ways, he seems most gloomy when he feels lost, either because his brothers are busy or they are away. I'm pretty sure he is an extrovert. I have been making these observations to my husband, and he recognized it yesterday. Dh took the younger two to Lowes while the older two were in German school, and he said it was downright depressing.  "I guess I'll never get to go to German school..." His brothers are sometimes jealous that they don't get to run errands with Dad, and a trip to Lowes would normally be met with excitement an d a sense of honor in our family  I think part of the significance lies in his being exceptionally articulate and sure of himself for his age such that you almost BELIEVE that his life really is that gloomy 
I do think his temperament is such that he feels things deeply and can't shake them without time and space. BUT once he gets his time and space, he's usually okay. It isn't as if he spends the whole day with his emotional baggage (like some other members of this family  ), but his Eeyorisms will come out of an otherwise cheerful disposition sometimes, which is perhaps what makes it feel like there is something to this I can't quite put my finger on. Like it is a habit of thought, perhaps, rather than true emotional baggage?
I will add that his most common complaint is that "he doesn't know what to do" and his proposed solution is usually a Little Bear. Perhaps he really is bored? Or it is a combination of that and searching for his own identitity among his brothers? I want to understand him, but if this kind of pessimism is a habit rather than an issue of temperament, I'd really like to break it before it is so firmly established that he risks losing the joyful parts of his charming disposition as he gets older and faces true disappointment.
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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Becky Parker
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| Posted: Dec 10 2012 at 9:01am | IP Logged
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Sounds exactly like my 9yo and we've been calling him Eeyore since he was little. I told my ds yesterday that life is going to be really hard for him if he doesn't start looking at the bright side occasionally.
My husband can be a pessimist too, so I think ds gets it honestly, but my dh isn't as bad. Hoping you get some helpful replies Lindsay.
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Becky
Wife to Wes, Mom to 6 wonderful kids on Earth and 4 in Heaven!
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Dec 10 2012 at 11:21am | IP Logged
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hmmm with the example you gave.. perhaps rather than tryng to look at the bright side you can focus on "looking at the truth".
When you get "I guess I'll never get to go to German school..." then you can catch him and say.. that is not true. You will get to go when you're X age, I know it feels a long way away but it will happen.
I have some more emotional chldren that can be like that.. EVERYTHNG is catestrophic and the worst thing they can thing they can think of is the reason. Everything is "always" and "never"... and rather than focusing on changing the emotion I've focused on not exaggerating out of the truth of the situation regardless of the emotion.
Don't know if that exactly fits but thought I'd throw it out there.
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pumpkinmom
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| Posted: Dec 10 2012 at 12:16pm | IP Logged
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JodieLyn wrote:
hmmm with the example you gave.. perhaps rather than tryng to look at the bright side you can focus on "looking at the truth".
When you get "I guess I'll never get to go to German school..." then you can catch him and say.. that is not true. You will get to go when you're X age, I know it feels a long way away but it will happen.
I have some more emotional chldren that can be like that.. EVERYTHNG is catestrophic and the worst thing they can thing they can think of is the reason. Everything is "always" and "never"... and rather than focusing on changing the emotion I've focused on not exaggerating out of the truth of the situation regardless of the emotion.
Don't know if that exactly fits but thought I'd throw it out there.
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 This is good! I have to train myself to respond this way and I'm still working on it! It can be played as they are stetching the truth and that is lying and they need to work on not sinning.
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Cassie
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CrunchyMom
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| Posted: Dec 10 2012 at 2:57pm | IP Logged
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I think that is a good point. We should at least be training the habit of truthfulness when he is tempted to exaggerate the hopelessness of his plight 
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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Becky Parker
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| Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 6:00am | IP Logged
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There was a book discussed here some time ago about temperments in our children. I should read it because I think my eeyore son's issue is simply his temperment. That book might have some good ideas for dealing with the "puddle-glum" attitude (another nickname our son has on occasion!).
I love your point about the truth Jodie. I think sometimes he gets really blue because whatever it is he's upset about escalates in his mind to something monumental. I either react by feeling bad for him "oh honey, I'm sorry you're having a bad day ..." or getting frustrated and just ignoring it. The truth would be much more effective!
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Becky
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 10:24am | IP Logged
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Oh I had another thought just last night while chatting with one of the cub scout leaders about my son that seems to get upset over EVERYTHING.
I think he might be doing what a friend of mine called "scripting". In other words, he's planning out how things will happen in his head, before they happen and then when it doesn't work that way he's devestated. I'm not sure how to deal with this with a younger child (mine is 8) but I'm thinking I might need to take a bit more time and help him with what can actually be expected to happen and what we have to "wait and see" on.
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All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
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SallyT
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| Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 11:41am | IP Logged
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Oh, Jodie, both your points are so good. I see -- not Eeyore tendencies exactly, in terms of being gloomy or melancholic, but a lot of "poor me and my unfair life" -- in a couple of my children. It's the younger ones, to be exact, and a lot of it's a function of seeing the older kids allowed to do teenage/young-adult things (seriously, nine-year-old? You're upset because the world is so unjust that you can't go to the midnight movie with the college student?), which they can't do yet. One of the unsung downsides of not having children of different ages leading separate lives, I guess, though certainly the togetherness is worth it most of the time. And actually, the downside isn't so much a downside as a natural learning process, but man, are natural learning processes a pain sometimes.
My 10-year-old son is also prone to just the kind of letdown you describe, and I think you've nailed the reason: he does script everything in his head, and when life doesn't follow the script, he falls apart. He had a gigantic, totally age-inappropriate tantrum on his birthday *because we sang "Happy Birthday" to him*, and he had decided interiorly that this was not going to happen. The consequences for that one were pretty swift and dire, but in general I do find myself having to be in reality-check mode with that child all. the. time. Hello? Earth calling. Here's what's actually happening around you . . .
So . . . no advice for Lindsay, but I'm finding all this really useful in clarifying what's going on with a couple of my own children!
Sally
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Raising Eeyore
