| Author | |
Becky Parker
Forum All-Star
Joined: May 23 2005
Location: Michigan
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2582
|
| Posted: Oct 18 2012 at 4:22pm | IP Logged
|
 |
|
Disclaimer - I have not read books from either of the two. I heard Dr. Ray Guarendi speak at a homeschool conference and enjoyed hearing what he had to say. I have heard a lot of people talk about what the Popcaks say. My husband and I feel like we need to get a set of tapes, or a book by one of the above authors and listen to it together, but what would you say is the primary difference between the two?
__________________
Becky
Wife to Wes, Mom to 6 wonderful kids on Earth and 4 in Heaven!
Academy Of The Good Shepherd
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
organiclilac
Forum All-Star
Joined: March 30 2006
Location: Illinois
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 640
|
| Posted: Oct 18 2012 at 4:29pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I have read Popcak's "Parenting With Grace" and really like it, but have not read/heard anything by Guarendi. My impression is that Popcak tends more toward gentle discipline whereas Guarendi is pro-spanking. I don't know if that's the MAIN difference, but for many it's a big one. Popcak's Ten Reasons I Can't Spank might give you an idea of whether he's what you're looking for.
__________________
Tracy, wife to Shawn, mama to Samuel (4/01) and Joseph (11/11), and Thomas (2/15)
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Erica Sanchez
Forum All-Star
Joined: March 05 2005
Location: California
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1538
|
| Posted: Oct 18 2012 at 4:38pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I read parts of the Popcak book long ago and can't remember much, but I recently purchased several of Guarendi's books. I liked them a lot and I don't remember reading anything about spanking. He is a very funny guy, much like you hear on his radio programs. I find him funnier in print, actually, than via radio.
I find that his advice is the same in all of his books - choose consequences that matter and be consistent.
I loved his book on teens. So funny....to me anyway. :)
I believe the Popcak's have two children and the Guarendi's 10. Is that correct? I'm sure that difference has shaped their parenting styles/advice.
Hope that helps just a little.
__________________
Have a beautiful and fun day!
Erica in San Diego
(dh)Cash, Emily, Grace, Nicholas, Isabella, Annie, Luke, Max, Peter, 2 little souls ++, and sweet Rose who is legally ours!
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JodieLyn
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 06 2006
Location: Oregon
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 12234
|
| Posted: Oct 18 2012 at 5:39pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I've found that a variety of parenting books is actually better than a single source. And don't even worry about most if they're pro-spanking or not.. unless the answer to everything is to spank.. then they probably still have ideas and suggestions that might work for you regardless of your philosophy on spanking. AND then what works for one child may not work for another.. which is another good reason not to learn just one way. 
At one point Guerundi's radio program was somewhere (EWTN?) online so that you could listen for free. So I'd probably look for what sources are out there and free first and start there.
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JennGM
Forum Moderator
Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 17702
|
| Posted: Oct 18 2012 at 6:52pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I have not read Dr. Ray's book, but I have heard him speak and watch his shows on EWTN. Dr. Popcak I have read some of his books.
I personally do not like Gregory Popkak’s books. I ended up giving all of mine away. I think he writes from an angle that he is "enlightened" and knows best. If I disagree with him, I’m wrong. But last I checked, Attachment Parenting is not a teaching of the Church, nor is spanking or non-spanking. I do think there can be opinions, but not a "my way is the right and only way." That’s how his books come across to me...again, PERSONAL opinion, and people can differ.
A huge stumbling block to me (and Maria Rioux brings this up, too) is his first printed edition of his Birds and Bees he suggested allowing the brother to help his sister chart her cycle. That crosses the line for me, and even if in subsequent editions this isn't in the book, the fact that he thought it was okay to suggest it in the first place is really disturbing.
__________________
Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to  & ds1  '03 & ds2  '07
Family in Feast and Feria
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
CrunchyMom
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 03 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 6385
|
| Posted: Oct 18 2012 at 7:12pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Dh and I listened to a cd of the Popcaks when we first became parents. I think someone loaned it to us, and it wasn't awful that I recall (though, knowing that he would suggest the brother charting thing IS disturbing to me now). I have retained a few helpful techniques like "do overs."
But I think that at this point, if dh and I were to listen to something together, it would be Dr. Ray. He's more our speed.
I know you are looking for Catholic options, and videos at that, but the best parenting book I have read is Hold Onto Your Kids. It is one of the few books of this sort that dh has read, too, and that we have discussed together. The author does support Attachment Parenting, and he recommends against spanking, but he talks about how to handle it should you choose to spank. He's very balanced, IMO, and his thesis is very sound. It is sort of one part parenting book and one part sociology.
__________________
Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
jawgee
Forum All-Star
Joined: May 02 2011
Location: New Hampshire
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1415
|
| Posted: Oct 18 2012 at 7:38pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
It's been my impression that the Popcaks are more in line with Attachment Parenting, and Dr. Ray has a more common-sense approach to parenting without a lot of fluff. I like them both for their own reasons.
I LOVE Parenting with Grace by the Popcaks. I also really liked A Guide to Raising (almost) Perfect Kids, which is a Lighthouse Media CD.
That said, I am going to a conference in a couple of weeks to see Dr. Ray, and I have a few of his books as well. His insight on adoption, in particular, is of interest to me. He and his wife adopted all of their children. One of our four is adopted.
__________________
Monica
C (12/2001), N (11/2005), M (5/2008), J (8/2009) and three angels
The Catholic Cup on Facebook
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Kathryn
Forum All-Star
Joined: April 24 2009
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1520
|
| Posted: Oct 18 2012 at 10:31pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I have personally found more in common with my parenting style from what Dr. Ray says. And I don't recall ever hearing him be pro-spanking. I've heard him talk at a conference, I listen to his talk show often on the radio AND have 2-3 of his books. I do like the Popcaks and listen to them and have a couple of their books too but it just doesn't fit my style of parenting.
I guess I just don't see how I am to blame for being "detached" as a parent from my child if he/she is going thru difficult times and acting inappropriately (esp a toddler!). Now, that's not exactly how they say it, but in the books, I found it clear that if my child is doing something wrong, it's because *I'm* doing something wrong (being detached in some way). And if me and child were more attached, child would want to please me and wouldn't misbehave. ? Someone else could interpret it differently but that's mine. 
__________________
Kathryn in TX
(dd 16, ds 15, dd 8, dd 5)
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
DominaCaeli
Forum All-Star
Joined: April 24 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3711
|
| Posted: Oct 18 2012 at 11:36pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
JennGM wrote:
| I personally do not like Gregory Popkak’s books. I ended up giving all of mine away. I think he writes from an angle that he is "enlightened" and knows best. If I disagree with him, I’m wrong. But last I checked, Attachment Parenting is not a teaching of the Church, nor is spanking or non-spanking. I do think there can be opinions, but not a "my way is the right and only way." That’s how his books come across to me...again, PERSONAL opinion, and people can differ. |
|
|
I agree--I actually haven't read any of his books, but that's how he came across in his radio show the few times I tuned in. I don't like his style.
I find Dr. Ray to be funny but pretty cheesy.  But I do like his common-sense approach.
__________________
Blessings,
Celeste
Joyous Lessons
Mommy to six: three boys (8, 4, newborn) and four girls (7, 5, 2, and 1)
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Becky Parker
Forum All-Star
Joined: May 23 2005
Location: Michigan
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2582
|
| Posted: Oct 19 2012 at 6:27am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Thank you everyone. This is very helpful. I need to find the one that my dh will take the time to listen to with me so I will probaby go with Ray Guarendi. It sounds like my dh would be more in line with his thinking. "Common-sense" as Celeste says.
The fact that the Popcaks only have a couple of kids and the charting thing (really???  ) are other reasons I would lean toward Dr. Ray. We are not "pro- spanking" but have used that in an extreme case or two. I think I tend to blame myself for everything already. I've been feeling like I need to get out of that mindset so hearing the Popcaks might make that more difficult.
Thanks for your help. Now to find CD's by Dr. Ray.... I see there are several. Any suggestions on where to start? We have kids in both the teenage years and the toddler years.
__________________
Becky
Wife to Wes, Mom to 6 wonderful kids on Earth and 4 in Heaven!
Academy Of The Good Shepherd
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
AmandaV
Forum All-Star
Joined: Aug 27 2009
Location: Texas
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 707
|
| Posted: Oct 19 2012 at 10:19am | IP Logged
|
|
|
You can download this talk for 3.50 on Lighthouse Catholic Media.
Discipline that Lasts a Lifetime
If your parish is a sponsor or another organization you prefer, such as your local Catholic radio, etc., you can click through their link and then search for Dr. Ray and they'll get credit.
This talk is a good overview. It actually has a little mini talk by the Popcacks too, if I recall, so you can get a feel for both. I have a friend who loves both but used to be really into the Popcaks more so than Dr. Ray. She says that sometimes their theories can come across as too soft, but in many ways they are not really in conflict with Dr. Ray's suggestions. With teens she finds herself using more of Dr. Ray's common sense approach. I prefer Dr. Ray but I sometimes listen to their show and we have used some of their marriage resources at our church. Their general ideas are good, but I couldn't implement all their specifics. And they can be a (bit) annoying. But he's cheesy too. :)
__________________
Amanda
wife since 6/03, Mom to son 7/04, daughter 2/06, twin sons 6/08 and son 7/11, son 1/2014
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
SuzanneG
Forum Moderator
Joined: June 17 2006
Location: Idaho
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5465
|
| Posted: Oct 19 2012 at 10:22pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
We love Dr. Ray over here. His book, Discipline That Lasts a Lifetimeis SO USEFUL.....BUUUUT....there is no index and the table of contents and the chapter-titles are "funny" .... which is GREAT, but not helpful when you're trying to look up something specific that you previously read.
So, we can't HAVE THAT, now, can we????  So, I made this little file to help me look things up more quickly. Uploading it in in case it's helpful to anyone else. I printed it out, folded it in half and just keep it in the front of the book.
2012-10-19_221927_Dr._Ray_Discipline_that_lasts_a_lifetime.p df
__________________
Suzanne in ID
Wife to Pete
Mom of 7 (Girls - 14, 12, 11, 9, 7 and Boys - 4, 1)
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Becky Parker
Forum All-Star
Joined: May 23 2005
Location: Michigan
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2582
|
| Posted: Oct 20 2012 at 7:39am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Thanks Suzanne! I was able to use your file to see what the chapters were all about. I think we will definitely get this, in book form and audio form!
__________________
Becky
Wife to Wes, Mom to 6 wonderful kids on Earth and 4 in Heaven!
Academy Of The Good Shepherd
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
jawgee
Forum All-Star
Joined: May 02 2011
Location: New Hampshire
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1415
|
| Posted: Oct 31 2012 at 10:42am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Just bumping this thread because DH and I are going to a presentation by Dr. Ray this weekend!  I'll let you know how it is.
__________________
Monica
C (12/2001), N (11/2005), M (5/2008), J (8/2009) and three angels
The Catholic Cup on Facebook
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
StephanieA
Forum Pro
Joined: May 11 2006
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 394
|
| Posted: Nov 02 2012 at 7:54am | IP Logged
|
|
|
I'm with Jenn. Although I am about at attached as a person can be with my kids (and maybe too much? - it is just dh and my style), I disagree with Popcak's NFP charting stance (although he says HE doesn't necessarily advocate it. He was simply "passing along" ideas. I had a personal email discussion with him years back and it, unfortunately, became a bit nasty on his end. He did take the attitude of "knowing it (nearly) all". I was staunchly against his stance on sex education and "passing on" the idea of a boy charting NFP cycles. This instance was a teen boy charting his mother's cycles. Shudder. I have raised 3 boys (now in their 20s) and I can't think of much more that crosses the line of propriety than sharing cycles.
Blessings,
Stephanie
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
|
|
Forum Locked) 
4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Dr. Ray vs the Popcaks
