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pumpkinmom
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| Posted: Aug 29 2012 at 1:00pm | IP Logged
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My oldest is upset about missing out on not going to middle school. He was holding back tears after talking to his best friend (who goes to public school) about all the new stuff in middle school. Ds is very frustrated by this! I can't help him! I have said that he isn't missing anything and that he won't feel in the future that he missed out, but he doesn't understand that right now.  Dh thinks it is a lost cause and that he will mature later on and know we were right. As a mom I just want to heal is heart now.
Any advice? Do I let it go? What else can I do for him?
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Cassie
Homeschooling my little patch of Ds-14 and Ds-10
Tending the Pumpkin Patch
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Aug 29 2012 at 2:20pm | IP Logged
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Is it the school he's missing or is he feeling like his friends are "growing up" and he's still stuck doing the same old things? Sometimes I think at home our continuity can translate for some kids as a lack of milestones. Maybe you could add in something special to do as a "class" now that he's in middle school or something like that so that he can say as well.. yeah now that I'm in middle school we do this thing that we didn't do before.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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stacykay
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Did he mention anything specific about what his friend was so hyped about? I shudder thinking back to my 6th and 7th grade years.  That is just such a hard age! Does your ds have any homeschool friends around his age? Anything you could plan for them? My boys always loved the fact that we could go on a field trip, go out for a lunch!, take a hike, or whatever (even took a couple of trips!) when the others kids "had to go to school." I'd say it sounds like he just thinks it would be fun to be with his friend. Unfortunately, if our dc haven't been to a school filled with kids and teachers, they don't know that they can't spend their time there yakking it up with pals. They may not even be in the same classes! That grass does look greener (we have a public school just four houses away from us and recess is quite the cool-looking activity.)  I had to tell my youngers that when their two oldest brothers were "in" school, they experienced both a couple of "fights" on the playground, and times with no one to play with and walked around lonely for the 10 minutes they get!
In Christ,
Stacy in MI
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pumpkinmom
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| Posted: Aug 29 2012 at 5:55pm | IP Logged
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Oh Stacy, we go through all the bad things and remind him of the extra stuff he gets to do because we homeschool. Doesn't work! He takes lunches out, field trips, etc. all for granted. He doesn't understand what a privledge it is to homeschool. He also thinks all homeschoolers are "weird" and won't socialize at events. I tried to explain because of his rotten attitude he is considered the "weird" one in our homeschool groups. I told him there were more weird kids in public school, and he said he wouldn't mind them at public school. As you can see I have a very hard headed boy on my hands! Sending him to public school is not an option and being as hard headed as him I wouldn't give in to let him have his way at this point. 
Jodie-Yes! This is what I wanted to do with him and asked him about it the other day. You know what he said? "Buy me a XBox!" Dh and I talked and agreed that this wouldn't solve any of his problems. I can't think of what to do to tackle this "milestone". I don't think he would appreciate anything short of going to middle school.
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Cassie
Homeschooling my little patch of Ds-14 and Ds-10
Tending the Pumpkin Patch
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Mimip
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| Posted: Aug 29 2012 at 6:01pm | IP Logged
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Cassie,
We have a daughter that just started 7th grade and is feeling a bit of this. I agree with Jodie in that I would have him verbalize what he is missing of middle school. We are lucky that we have youth group starting in September so my daughter gets to see her friends every Tuesday night. 
We have found that the kids tend to see only the positive that they are missing from traditional school. For example eating lunch with their friends and going on the bus. Or maybe the beauty of having a different teacher that does not expect the same things that you expect.
I also whole heartedly agree with Jodie's comment about the lack of milestones. We actually have started some "just for the middle schooler" traditions in our house. It has come with more responsibility but now she gets to see PG13 movies (pre seen by Mom and Dad, of Course) and gets to go over to friend's houses unsupervised. Also she has a standing date with Dad or Mom every month to do something of her choice. (This month she is going to the shooting range with Dad) Maybe there are some things that he would like to do now that he is older?
Just some ideas, hope it helps and realize you aren't alone in middle school parent land!
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In Christ,
Mimi
Wife of 16 years to Tom, Mom of DD'00, DD'02, '04(in heaven) DS'05, DS'08 and DS '12
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Aug 29 2012 at 6:17pm | IP Logged
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OK let's see.. hmmm is there a computer class there he could take? maybe something about how to use excel or power point or something like that through some community classes? or some computer guy who'd teach him to repair/replace computer parts? or hmmm what about getting to use the computer for one of his classes? maybe something you can watch free stuff at khan academy as part of the class? Something his younger brother does NOT get to do..
And of course don't expect him to "appreciate" it. He's as green as the grass he thinks is on "the other side" so nothing will seem like enough. But he'll still feel the added extra that he's getting to do.
Middle school is just really hard. I've heard of some places where parents will home school their kids just for those grades.. put them in elementary then homeschool middle school and put the kids back in at the high school level.
This is also the age that I tend to find that I need to NOT give them much sympathy.. they'll bask in it and want to live there and decide that any sympathy actually means that they're right to feel how they feel.
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Ds and middle school
