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SaraP
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| Posted: July 27 2012 at 1:17pm | IP Logged
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How does one address eating habits with a little girl without introducing or reinforcing the idea that there is something wrong with her?
My 6yo DD is significantly overweight and really, always has been. She was over 30lbs as an exclusively breastfed 6 month old and she wasn't a fussy baby who nursed a lot for comfort.
The quality of her diet is very good and she is very active, but she always, always, ALWAYS wants more than is good for her. At most meals I serve her a kid-size portion and she eats it without comment. But as soon as anyone else, especially her older brothers with whom she is very competitive, ask for seconds, she is STARVING and NEEDS more food. I tell her that she has eaten the right amount for a 6yo girl, but if she is still hungry she can have fresh veggies. Then she has a screaming, crying, lying on the floor temper tantrum about how hungry she is and how she HATES veggies (often the same veggies she ate without complaint with her first serving of the entree). We repeat this two or three times a day, every day. She also asks for something to eat every time we transition activities during the day.
I have never given in to a tantrum over food (they usually end when I walk away after sympathizing for a minute or two and offering veggies) and I always say 'no' (except for veggies) to requests for food outside of snack and meal times.
At the same time, she cries at bedtime about how fat she is compared to other girls in her ballet class and how, her friend 'B' told her she was fat.
I have never mentioned a connection between what she eats and the size or shape of her body, so I am unsure whether she understands that there is a connection, but I don't think I want to go there with a child so young. Really, I am heartbroken that at 6 she already knows that 'fat' is socially unacceptable. 
Ladies, I am at a loss. My own weight isn't something I have spent very much time worrying about. I'm not thin, but I have never been particularly heavy either and body image just hasn't been on my radar. My DH, on the other hand, has struggled with his weight his whole life, but being a man, doesn't have the same emotional investment that girls and women do and so can't offer much guidance.
How do I negotiate this situation without making things worse for my precious, beautiful girl?
I should probably also mention that her (very laid back) pediatrician isn't really concerned from a health perspective because while she technically obese, her BMI has steadily, if very, very slowly, been decreasing since she was a toddler.
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VanessaVH
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I know very little about this exact type of situation... however the first thing that springs to mind, since you said she does eat a healthy diet and isn't allowed too many snacks, it that maybe there is an underlying health issue?
The doctor I worked with on food intolerances a few years back told me that excessive weight gain can be a symptom of food intolerance, (at the time I was overweight, but not obese, and she was suprised because with as severe as mine were, she thought I would have been a lot heavier!)
Other hormonal imbalances can play a part in weight too, thyroid, adrenals etc.
Prayers as you look for answers!
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JodieLyn
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I think I'd just slowly start introducing basic concepts like food=energy.. that the size of your body and what you do tells you how much is the right amount of food to eat. Giving her a better basis of why she shouldn't be eating the same as her brothers.. matter of fact you might mention that boys of a certain age are using up a great deal of energy and so they have to eat a lot more than normal people  not so much equating too much food makes you fat.. as just getting into how you should eat the right amount of food for your body.
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jawgee
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| Posted: July 27 2012 at 4:08pm | IP Logged
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One thing I've noticed about my 4YO is that, while she is still quite tiny, I can tell she has a higher body fat than my two boys. I've also noticed that she is a less-active type - she enjoys coloring, looking at books, and playing dolls. Her brothers like to run, climb, practice their karate, and ride bikes and scooters.
It there a way to gently introduce some activity into her day?
Mostly just praying for you, though, as this is something I haven't dealt with.
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guitarnan
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| Posted: July 27 2012 at 4:24pm | IP Logged
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It sounds as though your daughter, while becoming aware of her own body, might also be viewing food as something to compete for - in other words, two issues that are happening at the same time. Your loving concern for her touches my heart.
One way to give your daughter some food choices (and a bit of control over what she can eat when) is to create a snack shelf or bin - fruits, veggies, a limited number of crackers, a hard-boiled egg, etc. - from which she can help herself at agreed-upon times (this is so she does not have to ask you for permission every single time). You have control over what's on the shelf, but she has a choice of what she eats at snack time. Some children (and adults) are grazers, and your daughter might be one of them. (Mine is, and she is a dancer, so she is hungry 24/7 when she's in full dance mode.)
I agree with Jodie, too - she is old enough to understand that her body needs energy and that the energy comes from food.
Many children do outgrow body fat issues once puberty hits (my son certainly did - he took care to eat the same amount he always had, and his growth spurts took care of the rest), and I think it's okay to explain to your daughter that there are different body types and ALL of them are healthy, as long as we all take care of the body God gave us. She's eating well and getting exercise, so the odds are good that she will grow into her weight in just a few years. (Maybe your daughter's friend "B" just hasn't seen enough different children to realize this fact.)
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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Aagot
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| Posted: July 27 2012 at 4:43pm | IP Logged
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Really, a six year old should be able to eat as much as she wants without worrying about getting fat provided that the food is healthy ( no preservatives, sugar, corn syrup, food coloring etc) and there are no underlying health factors. In fact, if she isn't eating enough, her metabolism will slow down and that will make her fat.
Given that, I have to agree with Vanessa. There are so many things that could be affecting your little girl. She could have an intercellular yeast infection, thyroid issues, food alergies/sensitivities, insulin resistance, diabetes, hormone imbalances etc.
I was a tall, big boned and over weight girl. I was made fun of in gymnastics (5 yrs old) and that was just the beginning. Although I was very athletic and played a lot of sports, I was always over weight. When I was 9 a doctor told my mom that I had a thyroid problem and wanted to put me on thyroid meds. Thankfully they did not give me the meds but I do wish they had followed up on the thyroid issue and found a healthier way to deal with it. If I could go back and work with my younger self, I would have eliminated all wheat and sugar, taken iodine supplements and eliminated anything that interupts iodine uptake like bromine and floride. Instead, I grew up knowing I was fat and ugly. As an adult I have had infertility and the weight issue hasn't gone away. I might have been so much easier to fix when I was younger. In high school i know I ate considerably less than the other girls and worked out a lot more, just to maintain my fat vs obese status. This probably shot my adrenals. I was also always hungry but had strong will power to avoid food.
I would not make food amount the issue for her until you have eliminated all other health issues. Is there something other than body image focused ballet for her to do?
oh, also , constipation can be a problem if her weight is mostly in her belly. I have a friend whose 12 year old has a big belly and the doctor did an xray and found a huge back up in her colon.
I will pray for her.
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Aagot
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| Posted: July 27 2012 at 4:49pm | IP Logged
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Sorry, it took me way too long to write that so my comment about agreeing with Vanessa, should be taken as a disagreement with anyone else, yall were just f aster at writing than I was. 
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SaraP
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| Posted: July 27 2012 at 5:01pm | IP Logged
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Her pediatrician really doesn't think there is an underlying medical cause and I have asked and asked. I have low thyroid function and have had fertility issues, so endocrine disorders are definitely something I am tuned in to.
We experimented with a paleo diet for 6 months or so, but I saw no difference in anyone's health and it was just too expensive and time consuming to continue without noticeable benefit.
Up until the last year or two, I would have completely agreed that a child this age should decide how much to eat, but it was really becoming sort of ridiculous. She would eat 4 bananas for a snack and then 1 1/2lbs of meat at dinner three hours later. Sometimes she would eat so much, she would throw up.
She will also say things like, "I'm bored. Can I have a snack?" Which make me think she is eating for reasons other than being hungry fairly often. (We have talked about this often, but the habit persists.)
Please keep the ideas coming . . . lots of wisdom here!
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SaraP
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| Posted: July 27 2012 at 5:28pm | IP Logged
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Regarding ballet . . . I have wondered whether it is the best activity for her, but she begged to take it and LOVES it. She comes home from the classes all satisfied and happy - it's only later, when she is tired, that her anxieties surface. The dance school is very good about encouraging all dancers, regardless of their build, and it seems wrong for her to stop doing something that she loves because she doesn't look 'right'.
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guitarnan
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| Posted: July 27 2012 at 7:46pm | IP Logged
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There is actually a condition, Prader-Willi Syndrome, in which you can't stop eating even if you want to. (My friend's nephew has it.)
If you've exhausted all other avenues with your pediatrician, you might want to look at this condition as a possibility.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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lapazfarm
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I was thinking, when you said she would eat 4 bananas for a snack and 1.5 pounds of meat at dinner, that more than body image, I would be concerned with helping her develop a healthier relationship with food.
Meeting with a nutritionist/dietician who can help her learn what a healthy portion size is by using model foods, etc might be a way to go. Sounds as if she also needs help to learn how to slow down, and recognize her body's own clues as to when she is full.
My 10yo daughter has always had issues maintaining a healthy weight because if I let her, she would eat until she burst! I had to help her by showing her what is appropriate amount, and I had to be quite frank with her about what happens to her body when she exceeds that amount without balancing it out with increased physical activity. Of course I emphasize the health aspects of maintaining a good weight, not the superficial appearance aspects.
It's hard, but I had to be honest with her because due to her body type I think a healthy weight is something she will always need to work to maintain. Better to instill those habits now. I wish my mom had done the same with me instead of insisting on me being a member of "the clean plate club."
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pmeilaen
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| Posted: July 27 2012 at 9:56pm | IP Logged
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SaraP wrote:
We experimented with a paleo diet for 6 months or so, but I saw no difference in anyone's health and it was just too expensive and time consuming to continue without noticeable benefit.
Up until the last year or two, I would have completely agreed that a child this age should decide how much to eat, but it was really becoming sort of ridiculous. She would eat 4 bananas for a snack and then 1 1/2lbs of meat at dinner three hours later. Sometimes she would eat so much, she would throw up.
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Have you looked into the Blood Type Diet? Even if you don't adhere to it completely, it can point you into the right direction, some people should eat more meat while others should be vegetarian.
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SaraP
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| Posted: July 27 2012 at 10:00pm | IP Logged
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Nancy-
I looked up Prader-Wili and there is a long list of symptoms with insatiable appetite being just one. She doesn't have any of the other symptoms, so I don't think that's it.
Theresa-
We are working hard on portion control, listening to her body and eating only when she is actually *hungry* and not bored or frustrated or feeling left out or whatever, but I am anxious about creating body imagine issues in the process.
I guess I feel unsure of myself because while I know weight and food are very complex, emotional issues for many women, they aren't for me, and I am worried I will inadvertently do something that will cause my DD serious problems down the road. Am I overthinking this?
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Aagot
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What would happen if you made a deal that she would drink a glass of water (maybe flavored with fruit) every time she said she was hungry and then wait a certain time 15-30 minutes before she could ask for a healthy snack? Then you control the portion size. This could be a rule for everyone. Boys need more water too. I think if you explain this from a health perspective ( you want to be strong, fast and healthy or such) you will be okay. Maybe also plan in fun exercise during the day. Set up an obstacle course for the kids and she can compete over exercise rather than food.
Maybe her dr has done tests for various issues and if so, okay, but just thinking she doesn't have a problem really doesn't go far.
She is such a cutie! I hope this works out well for her.
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Aagot
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| Posted: July 27 2012 at 11:54pm | IP Logged
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Oh, and I meant to say, I think you are right about the ballet. If she loves it, keep doing it. It would be heart breaking for her to quit knowing it was because she didn't have the" right look" who knows maybe she will hit a growth spurt and become lean. She really didn't appear heavy in your family photo.
God bless!
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SeaStar
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| Posted: July 28 2012 at 6:32am | IP Logged
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lapazfarm wrote:
I was thinking, when you said she would eat 4 bananas for a snack and 1.5 pounds of meat at dinner, that more than body image, I would be concerned with helping her develop a healthier relationship with food.
Meeting with a nutritionist/dietician who can help her learn what a healthy portion size is by using model foods, etc might be a way to go. Sounds as if she also needs help to learn how to slow down, and recognize her body's own clues as to when she is full.
My 10yo daughter has always had issues maintaining a healthy weight because if I let her, she would eat until she burst! I had to help her by showing her what is appropriate amount, and I had to be quite frank with her about what happens to her body when she exceeds that amount without balancing it out with increased physical activity. Of course I emphasize the health aspects of maintaining a good weight, not the superficial appearance aspects.
It's hard, but I had to be honest with her because due to her body type I think a healthy weight is something she will always need to work to maintain. Better to instill those habits now. I wish my mom had done the same with me instead of insisting on me being a member of "the clean plate club."
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This is the approach I have taken with my own dd. I am also concerned about not making her feel bad about her body shape. But she, like me, is a boredom eater, and she just plain likes to eat.
Recently we had to have a snack revamp program at my house. Gold fish and granola bars three times a day were not cutting it. The summer heat is keeping the kids in more and way less active than usual. Something had to change.
I told the kids they could have gold fish or granola bars once a day, and then we sat down and made a list of "any time" snacks- cheese, fruit, yogurt, etc. We went shopping at Whole Foods, and the kids helped me pick out healthy snacks. My ds was most unhappy about this change...
he is adjusting, though.
Then we picked two nights a week to be "dessert night", so no one has to feel deprived. Also, I bought a huge tub of peppermints at Costco- the melty kind, not the hard kind- and they can have one mint a day at their own discretion. I also keep lots of sugarless gum around and flavored ice tea in the fridge.
It has been interesting to me to see how much snacking at our house has been just about eating, not about being hungry. If my ds would rather go without snack when he can't have a granola bar, then how hungry is he, really? I do feel bad for him, though- he has never had a weight issue. But we all need to be healthy. If he's eating, my dd always wants to eat, too.
I'm also monitoring activity more- making sure are all moving at least 30 minutes a day. It's tough in this heat- but the summer free bowling program helps, along with the pool.
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guitarnan
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| Posted: July 28 2012 at 6:33am | IP Logged
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Sara, that's very good news. 
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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ShannonJ
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Sara, I have similar concerns with my son. He loves to eat and until he finally took off riding his bike without training wheels, he didn't love exercise either. He has other digestive issues as well. He will also throw up if he overeats. We still haven't figured everything out, but his drive to eat often worries me. We are very sensitive to his eating habits since my husband was severely obese as a young teen. While he lost all the extra weight it was a real struggle for him.
I have recently read about an interesting correlation between children not having some of the beneficial bacteria that used to be naturally occurring and an insatiable appetite. We have other issues that lead us to think this is a possibility for ds, and have increased his yogurt intake.
I try to have a filling breakfast of oatmeal every morning. We have switched to more natural sweeteners - honey, maple syrup, applesauce. I let him eat as much as he would like. Usually 1-2 bowls.
Snack times are regulated at 10 and 3:30 each day. No snacking out of snack time unless there has been a significant change in schedule. This way he has some boundaries on when to expect food. If he comes to me at 9 and asks for a snack I ask if he could let me know as soon as it is snack time so we can prepare snack together. One of these two snacks is usually fruit or veggies. Carrots are a bit more difficult to eat quickly - lots of chewing required. Same with apples that haven't been chopped - they require extra time and effort to eat. So it may take the same amount of time to eat 2 apples as it would 4 bananas. Another idea would be to ask if she would prefer 2 bananas or 1 with peanut butter.
Afternoon snack often is our dessert for the day. I find this works well for us since we usually eat just before bedtime routine and I don't want to give them extra sweets just before bed. During the summer this is usually a frozen popsicle, but they always have the choice of something more substantial (one snack size bowl of crackers, etc). I think the idea works because he has that choice. I only make cookies, pies and such no more than once a week. This is mostly because of me. I love my sweets too.
Dinner is dinner. Nothing special. He usually wants seconds of any starch. So I fill up the plate with veggies and just a bit of meat and starch. He can have seconds, but only after those veggies are gone and no thirds.
This is what seems to works well for us. Maybe you can glean a few ideas. 
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Donna Marie
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The beneficial bacteria that Shannon mentioned is huge here. I have a few kids(and myself) if we don't get enough of lacto-fermented veggies/foods or drinks we all want to eat more. When I am drinking Kombucha or eating yogurt, kefir, fermented veggies I, and my children, can look at desserts and think "that's nice" and LEAVE IT THERE. It floored me. No kidding!!
Another HUGE thing we have noticed in our diets that make us feel great is bone broth. We try to have it as much as we can but we are working up to having a little with each meal (as is called for when we do GAPS as a family in the fall) We tried to start the diet last year, but I needed to do more research and stock my fridge/freezer better to handle doing this for 11 people. This ought to be fun...lol
I think we keep getting the urge to eat when we need something else that we haven't gotten yet and the signals are messed up.
That being said, from my research the best way to handle things is to go on the GAPS diet as it helps heal and recolonize the gut so your food sensitivities and cravings will be fixed and you can begin to eat normally again. Oh yeah, it helps with those "emotional kids" too. Just ask Carrie Barron, who is on this list. She does this with her family and swears by it. She is inspiring me to keep at things and finally get to doing GAPS fully.
I hope I make sense as it has been a long day and it is late here....so um, ask any questions you want!
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Donna Marie from NJ
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saigemom
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Is she adopted? We had a similar issue with one of my children and it stemmed from issues there.
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: little girls and body image
