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3ringcircus
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| Posted: Jan 09 2012 at 12:27pm | IP Logged
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w/o thinking about God. Once. The closest I got was admiring the music, & singing along. I do remember that the first reading is included in Handel's Messiah, but that's about it.
I attended the children's liturgy w/ the olders (who very much need supervision), and since middle guy wanted to sit in the pew for the communion liturgy, I was with the two LOs for the rest of the mass. It wasn't a particularly difficult mass, and I did work with them individually so that they'd learn things & generally stay in line. But as to my own prayers, it was nada, zip, zero. I didn't even realize it until later in the evening, when I finally had a moment of peace while cleaning the kitchen.
I'm still finding my way back, spiritually. The dry spell started around when G was born. Starting this past year, I've been getting a faint glimmer of what used to be my old, unshakable faith. Still, I'm not sure how to balance my desire to share with the LOs, and how to give a bit more attention to my own needs. I'm still on the edge of the whole thing, looking in.
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Christine
Mom to my circus of boys: G-1/06, D-1/04, S-4/10
Started HS in Fall'12
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kristinannie
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| Posted: Jan 09 2012 at 1:17pm | IP Logged
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I highly recommend this set of DVD's. It goes through St. Ignatius' teachings on discernment. It sounds like you could be in spiritual desolation and he has so many practical suggestions for what to do during this time. I have found this series to be extremely helpful. Of course, you could just also be really busy and overwhelmed with the kids. I know I have had some masses where I didn't get anything out of them because one or more of my kids were acting up.
I will send you some prayers. I have been going through some times of serious dryness as well. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
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Pilgrim
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I really think this is a common thing for parents. Maybe you didn't think about God in meditation and/or contemplation, but it seems you did, as you were guiding your children in the Mass, and all you were trying to teach them. It is so hard to not have the time to just sit and pray like one used to, I sooo sympathize with this feeling. I feel this quite a bit. I feel bad that I don't *feel* the same as I used to when I pray or when I'm at Mass, however, I know that I believe in the Faith. I just keep plugging along, and doing my best to pray and stay close to the Lord. A priest told me in confession once that that is the God given responsibility for parents, during prayers , Mass, etc. to train and guide our children, and our Faith will be able to return more to what it was when the children have grown. He said the more busy you are, the harder it WILL be to focus on prayer and contemplation/meditation. He said it is truly a service to the rest of the congregation to sacrifice one's desire to just pay attention to the Mass and to keep track of your children, and it is a precious service to our children to give ourselves over to teaching them about the Faith and the Mass, hard as it may be to sacrifice every moment of the Mass or our time in church to such.
Take hope, you are doing such good for your dear children's souls, trying to teach them all you are! 
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Jan 09 2012 at 2:14pm | IP Logged
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There have been a lot of Masses where the only Prayer I've been able to focus on has been "The Mass has ended go forth in peace - Thanks be to God" That's been a very hearty thanks many times 
I just try and remember what Pilgram has said and that I'm choosing to be present for the community prayer of the Mass whether I feel like I'm giving it my attention or not. My intent is to be there and I do my best but many/most times it is spent in teaching/training my children to be present at Mass rather than well.. being able to focus on myself and how I feel about it.
One priest I spoke with suggested that this is not the time in my life for much time spent in prayer without doing other things but that I can offer up my day and pray while doing other things, washing dishes, folding laundry.. my favorite in the summer is when weeding the garden. Whatever repetitive task you are doing. And don't worry about interuptions either.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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cathhomeschool
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Seconding Pilgrim and Jodie!
It is one thing to be distracted by things (people, decor, etc) and realize you're distracted and not care. It is another thing entirely to be distracted by your children (your vocation). You may feel that the time spent teaching them during Mass is at the sacrifice of your own prayer time (and it is!), but I promise it is time well spent. I can see the fruits in my teens and am so grateful now for what I invested in them when they were small.
And I have to laugh at Jodie's "This Mass is ended...Thanks be to God!" I will never forget one particular time when dh was out of town and my boys were 1, 2, 8 and 9. I felt like a juggler sitting in the back of the church. My "Thanks be to God!" was the most heartfelt ever.
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Janette (4 boys - 22, 21, 15, 14)
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stellamaris
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| Posted: Jan 09 2012 at 4:26pm | IP Logged
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3ringcircus wrote:
| I'm still finding my way back, spiritually. The dry spell started around when G was born. Starting this past year, I've been getting a faint glimmer of what used to be my old, unshakable faith. Still, I'm not sure how to balance my desire to share with the LOs, and how to give a bit more attention to my own needs. I'm still on the edge of the whole thing, looking in. |
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The vocation of motherhood is one that is precious to our Lord's heart. We are blessed to have so many moments to offer up to the Lord in reparation for our sins, the sins of our children, and the conversion of sinners (including ourselves!). But that doesn't mean it is any easy walk. Not at all.
Because of distractions, interruptions, lack of sleep, or even hormonal fluctuations, we can feel far away from God. We can really find ourselves spiritually in some very dry, dry deserts, and this experience can last for a long time. However, we have the example of the saints to encourage us. Many saints spent most of their lives in such spiritual desolation, consider Blessed Theresa of Calcutta or even St. Therese of Lisieux. I am assuming here you are living in a state of grace and staying close to the sacraments. If not, then you need to concentrate on getting right with God through confession and regular Sunday attendance.
When we are trying to live faithfully, though, we will experience these dry times. We can't see how God is building up our trust and faith in these hard times, and we can't see the spiritual work being done for ourselves and others as we offer these sufferings up to Him, but I have found that these desolate times are the most productive spiritual times in our lives.
You are doing a great work for God in embracing your vocation of motherhood, in training your children during Mass and at home, and in even being faithful to bring them to Mass regularly. It IS a work-out; I've often found the best part of Mass to be "Thanks be to God!"...and I'm sure most mothers of young children agree with you there!
One idea that helped me greatly was to have my husband watch the children occasionally so that I could spend time in Eucharistic Adoration. That time truly sustained me when I couldn't find two seconds at home or even during Mass to focus on God, prayer, or myself. Another idea is to go to Mass alone from time to time, either in addition to your family Mass attendance or just let your husband take the children to Mass and you go at another time. I'm not saying this is a weekly solution, just from time to time so that you can focus on the Lord.
Remember, this is only a part of your life. The day will come when you will attend Mass without any children, and weirdly enough, you will miss them!
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In Christ,
Caroline
Wife to  dh 30+ yrs,ds's 83,85,89,dd's 91,95,ds's 01,01,02,grammy to 4
Flowing Streams
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3ringcircus
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| Posted: Jan 09 2012 at 6:35pm | IP Logged
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Thank you. I didn't quite know what to expect, being a forum newb. and all. I feel very encouraged and understood.
When Mass is particularly tough, I remind myself that there aren't a lot of spirited children there because those families often stay home. We keep plugging away though, and I tell myself that if one of my boys chooses to become a priest, he won't make the decision one day as a young adult. Rather, it will happen after a lifetime of being escorted, encouraged, and even reprimanded by Mom & Dad. I don't even care if they become priests. I'd be happy if they fully understood what we are doing and why, and felt that God is with them. It's nice to know that it's OK to focus my attention on them.
Thanks for the DVD link. I just watched a documentary about him on Netflix. It wasn't awesome, but after watching it I'm interested in learning more.
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Christine
Mom to my circus of boys: G-1/06, D-1/04, S-4/10
Started HS in Fall'12
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JodieLyn
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In my experience you're very close to things getting easier. Once my second oldest was about 6 there was 2 of them behaving and they could reinforce each other.. until that point the younger kids would "pull down" the oldest. And then the younger ones start copying the older ones.
People now comment on how well behaved my kids are but it's because we put in the time (and effort) of taking them to Mass and now with my older kids we outnumber the little ones and everyone can have a lap and a helper (to remind them what they should be doing.. make the sign of the cross, stand up, kneel, etc)
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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SallyT
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My confessor likes to say, "Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good." The good is that you're at Mass. Your *will* has thought about God, obviously, since you've gotten yourself and your children there. Your body is thinking about God, because it's not leaving. Your presence at Mass *is* a thought about God.
This isn't perfect, but it's good, and it's of a piece with your vocation as mother, when so often, during a busy day with children, your actions from moment to moment *are* your prayer, as nearly as you can manage. Your presence at Mass with your children, in and of itself, is an offering and a sacrifice.
It's so easy to be discouraged that you aren't more focused or more reverent in the way that you used to be, but I think that that's a little like thinking that something is wrong with your marriage now that you have kids, because you don't go out on dates every night any more. Motherhood with young children is a turbulent season in every part of your life; it rearranges "normal" for you on every level.
I'd never thought of it this way before now, but why would our faith life be exempt? It's part of the same human person who sometimes doesn't feel love for or communicate adequately with people whom she can see and touch and who live in her own house (I'm referencing myself here, but I imagine that this is kind of a universal experience?). We love and are faithful to God, after all, with our all-too-human hearts, and with faithfulness which seems awfully faithless sometimes. Still, even if our trying is pitiful, we have to go on trying.
That's not to say that distraction is good or that we should be glib about our difficulties in that area, but it does seem to be pretty much an inevitable fact at this stage with little restless ones. My two youngest are now 8 and 9, and sometimes I have to remind myself how squirrely they were not that long ago, and how so many Masses went by in a blur because I was standing out in a vestibule waiting for a tantrum to be over. And then I'm reminded not to take my current ability to pray at Mass for granted.
My confessor often very gently suggests a silent retreat -- this seems to be a theme in my confessions, actually. I say I'm burned out or irritable or lacking charity or distracted at prayer, which is a biggie for me, or whatever, and first he tells me not to let the perfect be the enemy of the good, and then he says that a retreat, preferably a silent one, might be a good idea. Haven't gotten there yet, however . . . but it's a great idea. I notice that the Miles Christi retreats which happen yearly in our neck of the woods are hugely attended by . . . mothers. Imagine!
Offering a prayer for you right now.
Sally
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: All the way through Mass
