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rcarter
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| Posted: Nov 21 2011 at 6:47pm | IP Logged
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Hello, Ladies! I am in need of some of your wise advice!
I've been having morning sickness for about 2 to 3 weeks now, not terrible, but definitely enough to make me reallllly tired, nauseaous, crabby, impatient, etc.  In the meantime, from my perspective, the dc seem to have taken it as their cue to run wild! Our oldest 3 are generally pretty helpful, although they like to "take over" parenting when they see me lying on the couch. The youngest two are TROUBLE! lol! They have broken two curtain rods, thrown things in the toilet, squirted an entire tube of toothpaste all over the sink, "washed" the bathroom mirrors with a bar of soap, the list could go on and on! The biggest problem that I can see is that I'm not energetic enough to be on top of things to discipline on the spot. Often I don't find out these things happened til hours later. And although my oldest son is pretty helpful, this morning when he was supposed to take care of our outside animals, he took care only of the dogs, and when I asked him about the rest of the animals, each one separately, he said he had fed them all. But this evening dh found out that they hadn't been cared for at all. I don't have the energy to go out and check on his jobs, and I didn't think that he would lie about it. I made him write "I will not lie" on one side of a paper, plus I took away the responsibility of the animal chores in the mornings. At least for now. I don't know if that was right? Lying has always been a problem with him. So my final question is, how do you maintain discipline while you're lying on the couch and the only thing that you can think of is sleep?
In the midst of all this, of course the house is a wreck, school is sporadic at best, we haven't had a normal meal for 2 weeks, and I cry at the drop of a hat. Hormones, do you think? 
Thanks for letting me whine and possibly not even make much sense in the process!! 
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Rachel
Married to Bill 8/4/01
Mom to ds 9, dd 8, dd 6, dd 4, ds 1 and baby due 7/11!!!.
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Pilgrim
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| Posted: Nov 21 2011 at 7:58pm | IP Logged
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No wise advice at this moment, just commiseration, saying you're not alone as I'm in a lot of the same boat right now, feeling absolutely awful with 1st Trimester woes. 
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Pilgrim
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| Posted: Nov 21 2011 at 8:09pm | IP Logged
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Oh I just remembered this!
Here is part of this great thread on what to do with kids while Mom is down. There are many ideas there to help with what you're experiencing right now, but this section I have found particularly helpful on how to cope with these kind of times when you're down and out, and how to keep some structure to the family's days with minimal available help from Mom. I really hope this helps somewhat!
Mackfam wrote:
Angel wrote:
| how do you continue to provide for more than the basic needs of your little ones when you are down (ill, pregnant, new baby, etc.) for more than just a few days? When it becomes hard to plan activities? When "just reading aloud" and "letting them play" doesn't provide their brains and hands enough to keep them occupied, and it starts to show up in their behavior? |
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I'm going to take a stab at this, Angela. I'll say up front that when I'm down - I'm TOTALLY DOWN. So, my ideas are borne from the extreme sickness I experience, but I'm going to brainstorm with you hoping you can take something here. I'll say up front that I DON'T attempt to provide more than the basic needs of the little ones when I'm sick, but I do put a lot of effort into maintaining a sense of routine so that there is something for them to do that is constructive and supervised by older children. This time is temporary. I'll be able to slowly do more and more as a pregnancy progresses, but in the beginning, it's about survival. I'm not sure where you are on this scale - so take it with a grain of salt, and do what you can.
The other ladies have offered many of the suggestions I would have. I brainstorm this to the nth degree with my husband and older children before/as soon as I get pregnant. Some of the things we have learned:
** Expectations get scaled WAY back...DRAMATICALLY so!! Montessori work is not in my vocabulary for the first 6 months of my pregnancy. Period. Our goal is survival. That means: food, clean clothes, and consistent discipline - no matter how hard it is to carry this out - this is the one thing I save my energy for. That's it. I do not do any formal school during the first part of my pregnancy. At all. That's because all older children are drafted into service. If you are somewhat functional, I could see attempting a very simple form of school - reading, catechism, coloring/art, more reading, done. Add in some narrations and a bit of copywork which can both be done from your throne - the couch - and you have yourself a really great day!
** Toys/small parts/toy weapons/noisemaking gizmos are severely and quickly purged to locked closets or the garage for supervised "daddy play". Other toys are organized by the older children to rotate in and out - collections are kept together and offered one at a time.
** Big kids are in charge of breakfast and lunch, washing 1-2 loads of laundry a day, 1 quick tidy, gathering picture books for the reading basket and read alouds, movie selection time, the toys set out for play and rotation.
** Daddy is in charge of grocery shopping, dinners, supervision of laundry (picking up any slack at night), meeting with big kids in the evening to see what is needed to make days smoother.
** I am in charge of reading to the littles, maintaining basic discipline during the day (this is extremely important for littles who will self destruct without consistent and firm but gentle guidance. This need is magnified when Mommy, normally energetic and attentive, is now very sick.) I also sometimes help brainstorm, but when I'm very sick, my brain cells are SUPER LOW FUNCTIONING, so the family knows they're on their own. We do as much preparing and practicing and rehearsing ahead of time - we treat it much like a coach would train his team before a big game.
** We go to great pains to find one room - usually my bedroom - to keep the entire family self-contained during the day. A small toy area is set up. Tv with DVD player, small table for eating, book basket, napping palettes. My big kids "freshen" the toy area every couple of days. The toys there are quite limited - usually only 2 or 3 collections kept on a small shelf. It keeps the mess limited and interest piqued as the offerings are kept fresh.
Here is a typical day during pregnancy survival:
** Wake up - big kids get simple breakfast together. We do make use of convenience foods when I'm pregnant. I don't like it, but I accept that it's what we have to do. Big kids wipe up littles and escort them to bedroom - shut door. They do dishes, clean kitchen, do morning chores, get little people dressed.
** Morning movie time - I nap, littles watch movie, biggers read or color in art/coloring books - we're all together in the same room. I make use of netflix nature docs and favorite movies. I DO NOT cave on my tv rules during this time - in other words, they don't get to watch something I wouldn't normally allow. But, they do watch A LOT of tv. I don't like it. But, it allows me to survive. And it's temporary.
** Short play time with big kids supervising. Quick tidy. A short PBS show is sometimes allowed so the big kids can grab lunch and bring it back to the little table. One year, we just used a big vinyl tablecloth and ate picnic style (well, they ate, I ) - after lunch the kids would take the tablecloth outside, shake it out, roll it up, and it would await our next meal.
** Lunch - We always make use of paper plates during this time. Big kids do cleanup while I read aloud on the bed to the littles.
** Naptime - Big kids settle the littles on their napping palettes or in my bed. Big kids are allowed to read, color, or play quietly in an adjoining room.
** Playtime - Big kids supervise.
** Daddy gets home, checks on laundry status, starts simple dinner (sometimes I have meals frozen, sometimes we make use of Costco convenience meals, sometimes he brings home pizza for the clan - it's a lot of convenience food ick.) He checks on kitchen status and chores status.
** Dinner in the kitchen. I sleep more.
** Evening prayers - everyone piles onto the bed with me.
** Daddy and older children discuss the next day's plan -
:: check toys (are they boring? rotate)
:: book basket (freshen with new picture books)
:: meal plan (Rob discusses with the big kids EXACTLY what they're supposed to make for breakfast and lunch)
Now, I don't have as many children as you, Angela, or the challenge of twins, but I know you can do this! Drop your expectations WAY back for a while. Be gentle on yourself. Review in your mind what your basic rules of the house are - DON'T STOP ENFORCING THOSE! Spend some time considering if you can find a "common room" or even a "common area" that allows all of you to stay collected during the day. And, DELEGATE to those big kids! They can do a lot. Remember, this is temporary. Brainstorm ways to be more effective so that the little men will have constructive things before them in a contained environment and DELEGATE!!!!!! Restrict what the little men have access to - even if you have to grab stuff and toss it into the garage - get it out of their accessible space. Limit their opportunities to get into dangerous spots!
to you, Angela. I know how tough it is to do ANYTHING during this time. I'm saying a prayer that you and your husband and big kids can come up with some kind of temporary plan that gets you through the winter!!! I hope there's something here you can use to help. |
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rcarter
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| Posted: Nov 22 2011 at 10:54am | IP Logged
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Thanks, Pilgrim, for copying this for me! I think that the behavior/discipline problems, then, are coming from not having enough to keep them busy? I'll have to do some of my own brainstorming, to find things to have handy for when I can sense they're about to start running wild! 
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Rachel
Married to Bill 8/4/01
Mom to ds 9, dd 8, dd 6, dd 4, ds 1 and baby due 7/11!!!.
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Pilgrim
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| Posted: Nov 22 2011 at 11:20am | IP Logged
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I find easy projects like stringing big beads, puzzles, etc. good for keeping the younger set occupied on the floor next to the couch, and doable for me to interact with them. Even if you don't have stringing beads yarn or shoe strings and big round noodles, thread spools, giant buttons, toilet paper/ paper towel rolls chopped into shorter lengths, etc, work great. Just some of the ideas that have helped me in occupying the youngest ones. Oh, and they love a blanket spread out and a bunch of kitchen utensils, measuring cups/spoons and pots and pans, (the blanket makes it nice cause then you don't have to rewash the dishes from touching the floor, and it dampens the noise  ).
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Wife 2 my bf, g14,b8,g&b6,g4,g3,g1 1/2,4 ^i^
St. Clare Heirloom Seeds coupon 4Real 20% off
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rcarter
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| Posted: Nov 22 2011 at 1:24pm | IP Logged
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Perfect! That reminds me that I have some sewing cards, too, that I haven't pulled out in a long while. And I could use beans for the older kids to play with along with the measuring cups. The idea of putting it all on a blanket is great too, since it would make any bean spills a quick cleanup. We've actually been eating lunch and snacks on an old table cloth, just so I would have one less area full of mess, but it never occurred to me to use it for anything else. 
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Rachel
Married to Bill 8/4/01
Mom to ds 9, dd 8, dd 6, dd 4, ds 1 and baby due 7/11!!!.
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Topic: Discipline and morning sickness...
