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seeker
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| Posted: May 25 2011 at 11:32am | IP Logged
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This will be our first year of homeschooling, and although I'm so very excited (my dd is, too) it is evident that we probably won't get into academics very much. I think we are just going to have to take a step back and work on character.
I don't think it is all the school's fault, but I think she has picked up a majority of bad habits from the other children in school. I always hoped her attitude would be something she'd outgrow, but it's only getting worse.
I'm basically at my wits end. She has become increasingly mean to all of us, and she falls apart when she doesn't get her way. This year she has started lying, she cheated at school, and last night she got out of bed and told us she wanted to scratch her wrists until she bled. (I'm pretty sure I know which child she got this from. There are lots of children around her at school that come from messed up families.).
I think I'm going to scrap any formal curriculum (except history, which I already ordered and much of which will be biblical history) and use that money instead to get some virtue and character materials or programs.
I am open to any and all suggestions. Here's what I have thought of so far:
I wanted to start a Little Flowers group at church, but I think we will do that whether or not I can get anyone else to join in. These are some of the books I am thinking about getting:
Character Building
Not a book, but Adventures from the Book of Virtues
Everyday Graces
How To Raise Good Catholic Children
That's all I have so far. I know merely having a book is not a solution. Please make any suggestions. I'm frustrated and not able to think clearly right now. Your prayers would be greatly beneficial, too!
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Gaudete in the Everyday
li'l macabbey lane: handpainted inspirational art
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SuzanneG
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| Posted: May 25 2011 at 12:03pm | IP Logged
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seeker~
how old is she?
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Suzanne in ID
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Mom of 7 (Girls - 14, 12, 11, 9, 7 and Boys - 4, 1)
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seeker
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| Posted: May 25 2011 at 12:13pm | IP Logged
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She's seven. She'll be in the second grade this fall.
edited to add: her young age is one reason I'm sure she didn't come up with this wrist scratching notion on her own. This morning we calmly talked about it and she said she didn't mean what she said, she just wanted some attention.
Also, I'm really sensing that we are under spiritual attack. Ever since dh told me we could hs this fall things have gotten so much worse...
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Gaudete in the Everyday
li'l macabbey lane: handpainted inspirational art
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Becky Parker
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| Posted: May 26 2011 at 7:13am | IP Logged
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seeker wrote:
| Also, I'm really sensing that we are under spiritual attack. Ever since dh told me we could hs this fall things have gotten so much worse... |
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I can relate, Seeker. I remember the days when we decided to homeschool. Everything that could go wrong did! That seems to happen when we are starting off on God's path. I'm sure Satan wants us to turn back. We started saying the St. Michael prayer every night and it is a tradition that has stuck in our family. I will pray for you and yours.
I'm excited for you that you will be homeschooling and how wonderful to get your dd out of an environment where she is exposed to things like wrist cutting. I think 7 is a difficult age for a lot of kids. They are just starting to grow up a bit and it's probably a little scary. The change to homeschooling might also have her a little stressed - even if she is excited about it. Being loving and consistant, as it sounds you have been, is probably the best thing right now. CHC has some lovely materials that include character building right into the books, regardless of subject. You might consider continuing with a few other subjects, but focus less on the academics part and more on the character. For example, using a few items from CHC's first grade. It wont be too challenging for her but she'll get some review while you focus on character building.
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Becky
Wife to Wes, Mom to 6 wonderful kids on Earth and 4 in Heaven!
Academy Of The Good Shepherd
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stellamaris
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| Posted: May 26 2011 at 8:38am | IP Logged
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Seeker, she sounds as if she is a very bright child. I think your plan to stress virtue formation is good, but I would not make that the entire program. She needs to practice those virtues and one way to do that is in the context of her academic work. She can learn to be diligent, obedient, cheerful, etc., only as challenges that allow her to apply these virtues arise. Bright children thrive with interesting academic challenges and are generally happier when they are involved in some mind-enriching project.
I would certainly include math, reading, some writing or copywork, as well as history (which is just fun). Other positive and edifying studies might be music and art. Surrounding her with good, the true, and the beautiful as well as with your loving presence will do much to help her grow and heal.
One concern I would have about focusing solely on the virtues is that she might at this young age become very scrupulous and anxious with too much direct focus on what she "ought" to be doing at an age when she is not yet old enough to exercise adult self-control, which I think you might want to avoid. Reading the Gospels and talking about Jesus will help her see the virtues in action and help her grow in love for Him and in her understanding of His love for her. Then you can gently talk about how she might live those virtues out in her own life, perhaps occasionally reading selections or viewing movies about the virtue you are discussing from the books you picked out above. How did Jesus obey Mary? How can we love one another better in the family? and so on. You want to be sure she knows that you love and accept her and that God loves her and is always with her.
One excellent resource book that includes discussion of virtues, booklists, copywork, and more is the Program for Achieving Character Education (P.A.C.E.) available from Emmanuel Books (described at that link).
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Caroline
Wife to  dh 30+ yrs,ds's 83,85,89,dd's 91,95,ds's 01,01,02,grammy to 4
Flowing Streams
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SeaStar
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| Posted: May 26 2011 at 9:15am | IP Logged
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Seeker-
I wanted to add that just being at home and having much more of your attention every day may go a long way toward improving her behavior in general. Many children act out like this because they are trying to get the attention they feel they are lacking (and negative attention is better than none).
We all know different kids have different need levels. My ds ranks very high on the "needy" scale. I am with him all the time, and I still seeing him doing things to try to make sure he gets the most attention. "The Five Love Languages of Children" is a great book to read to help figure out what specifically kids need to help them feel "loved". Also- Dr. Ray's book- Discipline to Last a Lifetime" is a treasure trove of solutions for specific problems. I like that I can just flip to the area I am looking for and find help without having to read the whole book.
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kristinannie
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I agree with PP that you shouldn't scrap all academics. I have been having a similar problem with my 5 year old. There were several problem children in his pre-K class. He picked up so VERY disturbing behaviors. We are doing academics (mostly reading and math since he is so young), but we have also been talking a lot about God.
We read stories from the Bible, saint stories (these are great role models for kids), pray together. I explain things to him. I talk about that feeling you get inside when you are about to do something wrong or when you have done something wrong. I have explained that that is the Holy Spirit trying to help us make things right with God. We have talked about how he feels when his little sister does something mean to him. There are lots of subtle ways to correct behavior. I do believe it all stems from having a good relationship with God, but it also has a lot to do with parental consistency. I think that virtues are best taught just as a normal part of life and maybe not in specific lessons, but I know that every situation is different!
If you are wanting to focus a lot of virtues, you may want to look at KONOS. I know that their unit studies are each based on a particular virtue and I have heard they are a lot of fun. I also second the idea to use CHC materials. We are doing Little Stories for Little Folks right now and those books have a great message for my son. I am sure that their books for older kids would as well. CHC is fairly light if it isn't supplemented so it might be just what you are looking for.
As far as the spiritual attack, I completely agree with you there. I have been trying so hard to follow God's will in so many areas of my life. I feel like the stronger my will is to follow God's will, the more the enemy steps up his game and attacks. I try to use those extra attacks as confirmation that I am following God's will. Satan wouldn't be on offense as much if he wasn't upset by what I was doing!
I will pray for your family as you go through this difficult transition. If you ever need to talk to anyone, the ladies on this board are so wonderful! I truly feel that I grow as a person every time I log on. I hope that your homeschool is filled with the blessed spirit of God. God will always give you the grace and strength to follow his will. I know you are doing the right thing here. Best of luck!
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: May 26 2011 at 10:56am | IP Logged
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7-8 year olds also tend to be very dramatic.. if something goes wrong.. EVERYTHING is ALWAYS wrong. If they do something wrong then they don't know how to do ANYTHING and I get "threats" like I'm going to bed forever 
I find it a good age to keep them close, give extra hugs, rather than letting them go off on their own and talk themselves into being the victim of their own emotions and it's everyone else's fault.
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seeker
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Thanks, everyone for all of you great advice; I'm feeling so much more calm now. I was panicking a bit after the other night, and I don't think I was very clear in the op. I'm not so concerned about not getting enough academics. I'm going to be using RC History which seems like it should cover basically all the humanities.
This is what the website says it includes:
*Themes to encourage personal applications to history and faith
*An overview so students and teachers know where they are headed on their journey through the time period
*Instructions and ideas for compiling a Student Notebook
*Writing ideas
*Hands-on activity ideas
*Reading assignments for each unit
*Memory and copy work including poetry and scripture passages
*Research charts to help students focus in on the people and civilizations covered in the unit.
Instead of purchasing a math curriculum (although I may try to get a cheap copy of Family Math) and the Explode The Code books, the poetry books and HNS which I was going to get, I thought I'd just "wing it" for those things (I'm thinking library) so I could free up some of the budget for things like Angel Food For Boys and Girls, Little Flowers guides and CD, etc. and some suggestions that you wonderful ladies might have.
kristinannie wrote:
| ..the ladies on this board are so wonderful! I truly feel that I grow as a person every time I log on. |
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Kristen, you are spot on! I gain so much whenever I come to this site.
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li'l macabbey lane: handpainted inspirational art
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mamaslearning
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Hi Seeker - I have a rising 2nd grader girl as well.
Here is a free resource for teaching virtues. I think I found it here at 4Real. Virtue Lessons
Math Mammoth is a low cost option for math. Another site for math is Living Math. Great resource for using books (many from the library) instead of a math program.
The other lovely ladies have offered wonderful advice on the transition and other issues. Being with your child daily will help to temper some of the outside influences.
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jawgee
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seeker wrote:
| Instead of purchasing a math curriculum (although I may try to get a cheap copy of Family Math) and the Explode The Code books, the poetry books and HNS which I was going to get, I thought I'd just "wing it" for those things (I'm thinking library) so I could free up some of the budget for things like Angel Food For Boys and Girls, Little Flowers guides and CD, etc. and some suggestions that you wonderful ladies might have. |
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Angel Food is available for $11.97 in a PDF format at this site. It's 183 pages, so you probably wouldn't want to print it, but I moved it onto my Kindle. Such a treasure to have it for under $12!!!!
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Monica
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SallyT
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Yup, I have a 7yo/rising-2nd-grade girl, too, and posted here not that long ago about all *her* emotional drama. My oldest daughter was this way at this age as well, so I tend to think that it goes with the age, and maybe doubly so for girls. They can be very, very good at playing the emotional-manipulation game -- not that they're trying to be conniving, but it is an age of boundary-testing ("Just how much do you love me? Will you love me if I do X?") and general neediness.
I find that my 7yo is much calmer and happier when she's with me: reading together, grocery shopping, cooking -- any situation where we're two girls sharing something one-on-one. I can't always focus on her that way, and things have been rough with her lately at least in part because I'm all caught up in plans for my oldest's graduation (and the fact that the oldest is leaving is an exacerbating factor, too), but I try not to get through a day without giving her some undivided attention, even if it's only for a few minutes between other kids' needs. That, in my view, is money in the bank for our relationship down the road.
Meanwhile, I find good children's literature to be a goldmine of character lessons, without being explicitly Lessons About Improving Our Character. The Little House books are wonderful in that regard -- the children are hardworking and obedient (and you see that often their lives depend on their obedience), though the fact that Laura is often secretly rebellious and has to overcome herself is, IMO, what makes the stories inspiring and real. We also love Hilda van Stockum's series: The Mitchells books plus the Bantry Bay series are excellent read-alouds for this age and inspire a great sense of family love and solidarity. As you move from school to homeschool, selecting your read-aloud books with these themes and qualities in mind can plant a lot of good seeds.
Often a period of de-schooling is a good idea -- my oldest began homeschooling at 9, and we definitely needed some months of not doing much formal academic work to help us through the transition. During that time, we did lots and lots of reading aloud from good books, plus visits to museums and other field-trippy things, and we focused on learning how to be together all the time. We had our own issues with overdramatic behavior, and although I wasn't Catholic then and wasn't thinking that formally about virtue, I think I would still opt to teach character in implicit ways, through example, through good literature, and through daily practice, rather than making virtue a formal academic course in itself.
Of course, if I had it to do again now, I'd be Catholic, and we'd go to Daily Mass, too (we don't go literally daily, all of us, but all the kids manage to hit at least two weekday Masses, plus parish Holy Hour and Liturgy of the Hours pretty regularly). Reception of, or even just exposure to -- in the case of a rising 2nd-grader -- the Blessed Sacrament is of course the most powerful soul-healing you can offer your child. And homeschooling gives you the opportunity to do that.
God bless you in the coming weeks and months!
Sally
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Help me with this child
