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kbfsc
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| Posted: Jan 03 2011 at 10:53am | IP Logged
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Ugh! After nine years and not one good sleeper among my four babes, I am so frustrated! The little one is 16 months old, teething and probably stressed by some tension and transition in my house - but these are the very reasons I desperately need her to sleep and give me a bit of a break!
I struggle with this part of the model of Catholic family life. We practice NFP & seek to embrace the gift of life, we co-sleep and wear our babies, we nurse and nurse and nurse. But it seems to me that these babies really never sleep (is it just my babies??) and therefore mama is often frazzled, the older children are constantly hushed, and everyone is tip-toeing around the house.
I notice that my Protestant friends that would tend more toward a Baby Wise approach to parenting babes have sleepers and that really bothers me. How can I be the nurturing, Marian mama that I desire to be for all of my children - when I'm an exhausted mess because the baby is up all night and won't nap consistently?
Anyone else struggle with this? Any solutions out there? I feel like I've tried everything... Or is this just a cross to bear? I hate to even say that! - how could these sweet babies be crosses?! That can't be it.
Thankful for any wisdom and insight more experienced (or less emotional and exhausted!) mamas might offer...
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Kiera
happy mama of ds '02, dd '03, ds '06, dd '09 and little ones in heaven
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Michaela
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| Posted: Jan 03 2011 at 3:28pm | IP Logged
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kbfsc wrote:
| Anyone else struggle with this? |
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Yeppers. I understand what you are saying.
Solutions...I have none because I struggle with this as well.
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Michaela
Momma to Nicholas 16, Nathan 13, Olivia 13, Teresa 6, & Anthony 3
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JennGM
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| Posted: Jan 03 2011 at 3:42pm | IP Logged
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Kiera, Big, big hugs. Lack of sleep magnifies every problem and makes a lot of tension.
I just want to say a few things. First of all, co-sleeping and attachment parenting aren't the Catholic model. It's okay to not do these things. There can be a happy middle ground where you are still there for your child without sharing a bed, but also without scheduling him. Don't put extra guilt on something that has no bearing on whether or not this is a Catholic rule.
Secondly, you need to rest when you can. Snatch sleep so you can look at everything through refreshed eyes, rather than sleep-deprived eyes. 
Thirdly, I kept my baby in my room, but I can't co-sleep, nor can I nurse lying down. I still nursed on demand. I did move our babies into a crib later (6 months? I can't remember), but keep a monitor and was there for every cry. My first child didn't sleep well until after 3. My second son was a natural born good sleeper, and still at 3 wants to stay in his crib, as he views it as a snug and cozy place.
At ages 7 and 3 we still have monitors to hear them at night so we don't miss their cries or needs.
Dh and I consider getting sleep important. When our first son was suffering from food allergies (and we didn't know it) the lack of sleep was very trying.
Not co-sleeping doesn't mean you aren't in tune for your child's needs. There has been many a night I sleep in the chair in his room holding my baby for hours.
There are children that don't sleep well on their own. Also there are stages where the sleep habits change.
We have used many a "tool" to help the boys look forward to bedtime. We have our routine: set bedtime, warm bath, prayers, reading together, singing lullabies. The extras: nice cottony soft pjs, sound machine, music machine attached to crib, special blankets (both boys are blanket boys).
Dr. Sears has some suggestions...see his The Baby Sleep Book: The Complete Guide to a Good Night's Rest for the Whole Family
Don't feel you have to do things because others do. You and your husband will have the best feel of your child and what works for your family. The attachment parenting, co-sleeping, etc. are mere suggestions. Take what works for you. Adapt to make it work for you.
This will pass and will change. There's no magic formula. When I was desperate and tired and looking for help The 7 O'Clock Bedtime: Early to bed, early to rise, makes a child healthy, playful, and wise and and The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night were helpful. Both of these don't take an approach of "training" your child to your schedule, but still help the family find a routine, help the child go to sleep on his own, but still be there for his needs.
I'll keep you in my prayers!
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to  & ds1  '03 & ds2  '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: Jan 03 2011 at 5:31pm | IP Logged
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Even now, with older children, we've always been about doing what needs to be done to get all family members the sleep they need. We have co-slept and nursed on demand but have always looked to find ways to *sleep*.
I think the main thing is to avoid "all or nothing thinking" on this matter...either I nurse all the time and never sleep OR I rigidly schedule baby. A few adjustments here and there can make a HUGE difference in perception and getting sleep needs met.
Here are more thoughts on sleep that might help, to include trusting God with our sleep needs..
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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SuzanneG
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| Posted: Jan 03 2011 at 5:52pm | IP Logged
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We also have found a "middle ground" on this. And that "middle ground" looks very different with each baby and with each of the different ages of our older children.
My husband and I work really hard to get ALL members of the family the sleep they need....including me and him! It's not just about the baby all the time.
Some of my babies slept better by themselves....some slept better with their face right next to my skin. Fine. We dealt with that as those situations arose.
It's funny....I never thought about attachment parenting or co-sleeping or baby-wearing as particularly "Catholic"......they are just one way. I know lots of Catholic mommies around here who don't do any of these things. And, I know lots of Seattle-moms who aren't Catholic who do all of them!
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Suzanne in ID
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kbfsc
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| Posted: Jan 03 2011 at 6:24pm | IP Logged
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I should clarify about the idea that this is the "Catholic way" to parent. I'm sorry if that is offensive to anyone and I certainly agree that you don't have to parent in any particular way to be a faithful Catholic! Please forgive me! Yes - each family must find their way with each child according to the Holy Spirit's inspiration.
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Kiera
happy mama of ds '02, dd '03, ds '06, dd '09 and little ones in heaven
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pmeilaen
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| Posted: Jan 03 2011 at 9:41pm | IP Logged
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Have you looked at possible food allergies? My babies were like that, but after removing dairy and gluten from our diets, their sleep improved too. Later we had them tested for food allergies, which confirmed our suspicions.
The magazine Pathways also has some helpful ideas about sleep and babies.
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Eva
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VanessaVH
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| Posted: Jan 04 2011 at 2:25pm | IP Logged
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I second the no cry sleep solution, lots of advice that helped even with continuing to co-sleep. The biggest thing I learned from it is to put baby to bed as soon as they are tired. Can you believe we used to keep DS1 up to 11 in hopes of more sleep at night? Talk about backfire, an overtired baby is much worse to get to bed than a just drowsy one 
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: so frustrated by sleepless babe!
