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Olivia
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| Posted: Sept 17 2010 at 11:57pm | IP Logged
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I've been weaning my daughter, nearly 2, from night nursing and co sleeping 2 weeks ago. The breastfeeding has now stopped but she's getting worse sleeping through the night.
I'm almost 6 months pregnant and don't feel I could manage tandem bf or cosleeping with 2 babies. She's always slept really well at night, waking to feed but goes back to sleep easily and doesn't wake me up too much. Now she wakes up crying (she never cried at night before). Sometimes she accepts her milk and goes back to sleep but increasingly often that doesn't work. She climbs out of bed and cries and screams until she gets what she wants. Tonight she only wanted to sleep on my lap. Every time I put her down she wakes up within 15min, whether I'm beside her in bed or not. I was sitting up with her for 3 hours in the middle of this night.
I expected this transition to be difficult initiallly but things are getting worse and we're both not getting enough sleep. Since she has now accepted no breastfeeding anymore I thought the next step would be for me to sleep with her in her bed until she gets used to that too. She likes her bed initially but during night does not want to stay there. (She's not trying to get back to my bed though either). Any tips?
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Chris V
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| Posted: Sept 18 2010 at 12:12am | IP Logged
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Olivia, what a most difficult time for both of you. It is late for me, and I'm a bit sleepy, but by morning come (and my clarity returned) I might have something to offer you in the way of advice.
Poor dear. Clearly she is in great need of you. My personal philosophy on these types of struggles has always been what makes the family happy? and I try very hard not to worry too much about forced transitions, but rather allow them to come by naturally. Of course, when you see an opportunity in the way of your little one accepting a new phase in life, then perhaps working that to your advantage, and the moment you sense your little one being uncomfortable, sad, emotionally sensitive, and their needs increase, then hold them. Be there for them. And provide the security that is needed. It could be that in a few weeks time, her security "cup" will be filled and she'll be ready to spread her wings a bit more. Do you know what I mean? We co-sleep with our kids as well, so I know how delicate these matters can be.  ... And how important it is to respond gently.
...I hope I'm making a bit of sense (as my eye lids begin to droop). Poor dear. She needs you so very much right now. I wish you a good night's sleep tonight  .
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Barbara C.
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| Posted: Sept 20 2010 at 1:21pm | IP Logged
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I find that two-year-olds tend to be really restless sleepers in general; this is the time when we often wake to find them making a human "H" between me and my husband. And I find that most kids are not that comfortable sleeping all night in a room by themselves until they are at least four.
You might want to consider reassessing transitioning her out of co-sleeping just yet. You may have tried doing too much too soon. Or could you make her a bed in your room?
We co-sleep using a twin bed and a queen bed pushed together. When I start to transition them out, I put them on the twin and separate the beds a few inches. This way they get used to sleeping without me touching them all the time, but I am within reach and where they can see me through the night.
Prayers.
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Maggie
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| Posted: Sept 21 2010 at 1:13pm | IP Logged
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Barbara has great ideas.
My almost 3.5 year old still calls for us in the middle of the night to come sleep with us...and we lay down with him to put him to sleep, too.
I think they just like the security and comfort, which is totally understandable. They wake at night, drowsy, in the complete dark--probably a bit confused--they need to know they are safe and loved.
And eventually...they do sleep through the night...though some take longer than others.
My husband and I laugh when we hear friends talking about their 3 month olds sleeping through the night. Our 3 YEAR OLD still doesn't.
I do like the mattress in the room idea. That is what we did for DD, and she transitioned really well...
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Maggie
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| Posted: Sept 21 2010 at 1:15pm | IP Logged
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Oh...and as a former LLL member...
If you night-weaned from nursing AND co-sleeping at the same time, that could be problematic. I remember always trying to do 1 major "weaning" at a time.
For example: Don't potty train and wean at the same time...too much for the little ones.
It was hard to tell from your original post, but if you did both together, that may be where you might want to readjust...and if you need to wean, then keep her co-sleeping for a while...just my .02.
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LucyP
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| Posted: Sept 23 2010 at 5:30am | IP Logged
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Is her bed in her own room or still in yours? Can she see lights or hear noises now that she couldn't in the family bed? Our daughter is often disturbed by noises of intimacy or a baby crying from next door that she didn't hear in our room, and even moving across a room to her own bed in the your room can mean new noises or chinks of light or draughts to disturb her. Can you put a well used sheet from your bed onto her little bed and not worry about laundry for a few weeks so that your familiar scent reassures her in her sleep? Or give her your pillow? When my 3 year old is restless at night, having my nighty in her bed helps her as she is used to the feel and smell of it. Also, one thing our social worker said to us, was that our children had no comfort objects as we were their comfort obejcts - does your little one have a snuggly or whatever? It took our daughter a while to start attaching comfort feelings to her starry mantle blanket and dolly when she stopped being always in our bed, but now she can be comforted by them well. Our daughter likes a good bit of light when she is in her own room and often calls us back for cuddles and kisses when we have left the room whereas if put down for the night in our room she will go off in the pitch dark without a murmur.
I hope it works out for you and her  For what it is worth, we shared our bed with a baby (but she was 6mo when she came home to us) and a 4 year old, and co-slept until our son was 6 and DD was 3. But then we reached our limit and we had to honour that so we got the rest we all NEED. And after some wobbles from all of us (I found it hard to sleep without warm little bodies there!  ) we all sleep well and happily, even if DD still comes in at night at some point most nights.
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Olivia
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| Posted: Oct 13 2010 at 12:44pm | IP Logged
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Thank you all for your replies. Sorry my original post was not that clear. I wrote it in the middle of the night when up with daughter who wasn't sleeping.
We quickly got her back into bed with us but things only improved slightly. She no longer asks for breastfeeding but I'm finding it difficult to get her to fall asleep. Takes up to 2hrs of reading to her before she falls asleep! Then when she wakes up at night it takes some effort to get her back to sleep. She often tries to get out of bed. I really don't know what to do to her her fall asleep quicker. I'm used to her waking at night but with breastfeeding it just took a few minutes to get her to sleep, maybe half an hour max. It's been a month now without breastfeeding to sleep and she really struggles to settle down even though she's in bed with us and I give her lots of reassurance and comfort but not working :(
I have posted a new topic on this issue called "Getting to sleep methods for 2 yr old"
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Barbara C.
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| Posted: Oct 13 2010 at 2:38pm | IP Logged
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Her sleep needs may have also changed. Usually, around age 2 that has happened with my girls. My two and a half year old went from sleeping about 14 hours a day to only needing about 12-13 hours per day. You may have to tweak around with nap times and wake up times until you find her new rhythm.
Also be aware of warning signs of being over-tired like sudden hyper-activity/naughtiness in the evening. I have a whole analogy about how getting a toddler to sleep is as complex as launching a space shuttle.
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Olivia
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| Posted: Oct 13 2010 at 2:55pm | IP Logged
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Thanks Barbara. My daughter also used to have up to 14 hours sleep a day but since night breastfeeding stopped this went down to as little as 9 hours which I'm sure is definitely not enough. She does show signs of tiredness in the evenings and in the day. Almost impossible to get her to sleep for a nap these days though but when I go out for a walk with pushchair or in car she falls asleep very quickly and is definitely very tired. I just find she's not used to falling asleep with the new methods I've been trying.
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Maggie
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| Posted: Oct 13 2010 at 5:49pm | IP Logged
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I'd give her a bit more lee-way...in that...for 24 months, all she ever knew was breastfeeding to sleep. Considering it has *only* been one month since weaned, I don't think her behavior is atypical.
Mathematically, it's 1/24...kwim? I would give her a few more months to adjust. Bfeeding is such a comfort...it must be hard for our tikes.
Have you ever looked into the "No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers" by Elizabeth Pantley? You can probably get it from the library. Helpful suggestions in there...
I will pray, as you must be quite tired...I know the feeling.
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Wife to dh (12 years) Mama to dd (10) ds (8), dd (1), ds (nb) and to Philip Mary (5/26/09), Lucy Joy (12/6/09), and Margaret Mary (3/6/10) who entered Heaven before we had a chance to hold them.
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Nearly 2 year old waking at night
