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MarysChild
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| Posted: Sept 03 2010 at 3:57pm | IP Logged
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I hope this is okay to ask here  as I mentioned in my intro thread my husband and I are new to the Church, we are currently in RCIA and looking forward to being confirmed this Easter.
We have 5 young children and we have always left the planning and spacing of our children up to the Lord as we feel that is "above our paygrade" LOL We see how the Lord continually blesses and takes care of us, and in my heart I still desire to leave that completely in His hands.
However, we are getting a ton of resistance from family and the past 4 children have all been boys (our only girl is our oldest) I am really wanting another girl and am thinking that will take some prevention over "O" time based on some methods I've read about.
Also, I'm getting the feeling based on reading about how many Catholics practice NFP that it is "expected" or the right thing to do, versus not using NFP and leaving your fertility completely open to God.
I guess I am wondering, is not using NFP seen by the Church as being wrong or not having self-control or something? 
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DominaCaeli
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| Posted: Sept 03 2010 at 4:29pm | IP Logged
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MarysChild wrote:
| I guess I am wondering, is not using NFP seen by the Church as being wrong or not having self-control or something? |
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Quick answer: definitely not! It is a beautiful, holy thing to leave your family size completely open to God. As a matter of fact, the Church teaches that a couple should only use NFP if they have serious reasons for avoiding a pregnancy, so letting God plan family size should really be the "default" for all Catholic couples. 
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Celeste
Joyous Lessons
Mommy to six: three boys (8, 4, newborn) and four girls (7, 5, 2, and 1)
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DominaCaeli
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| Posted: Sept 03 2010 at 4:31pm | IP Logged
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Oh, and I wanted to say welcome to the boards and to the Church!  I'm sorry you've been getting negative comments from family--that can be difficult, for sure. Praying for you and your husband as you sort this all out!
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Blessings,
Celeste
Joyous Lessons
Mommy to six: three boys (8, 4, newborn) and four girls (7, 5, 2, and 1)
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Sept 03 2010 at 6:37pm | IP Logged
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Celeste is right.. as a Catholic you *may* use NFP, you are not required to do so.
In the Catechism it says:
Quote:
The fecundity of marriage
2366 Fecundity is a gift, an end of marriage, for conjugal love naturally tends to be fruitful. A child does not come from outside as something added on to the mutual love of the spouses, but springs from the very heart of that mutual giving, as its fruit and fulfillment. So the Church, which is "on the side of life"150 teaches that "it is necessary that each and every marriage act remain ordered per se to the procreation of human life."151 "This particular doctrine, expounded on numerous occasions by the Magisterium, is based on the inseparable connection, established by God, which man on his own initiative may not break, between the unitive significance and the procreative significance which are both inherent to the marriage act."152
2367 Called to give life, spouses share in the creative power and fatherhood of God.153 "Married couples should regard it as their proper mission to transmit human life and to educate their children; they should realize that they are thereby cooperating with the love of God the Creator and are, in a certain sense, its interpreters. They will fulfill this duty with a sense of human and Christian responsibility."154
2368 A particular aspect of this responsibility concerns the regulation of procreation. For just reasons, spouses may wish to space the births of their children. It is their duty to make certain that their desire is not motivated by selfishness but is in conformity with the generosity appropriate to responsible parenthood. Moreover, they should conform their behavior to the objective criteria of morality:
When it is a question of harmonizing married love with the responsible transmission of life, the morality of the behavior does not depend on sincere intention and evaluation of motives alone; but it must be determined by objective criteria, criteria drawn from the nature of the person and his acts criteria that respect the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love; this is possible only if the virtue of married chastity is practiced with sincerity of heart.155
2369 "By safeguarding both these essential aspects, the unitive and the procreative, the conjugal act preserves in its fullness the sense of true mutual love and its orientation toward man's exalted vocation to parenthood."156
2370 Periodic continence, that is, the methods of birth regulation based on self-observation and the use of infertile periods, is in conformity with the objective criteria of morality.157 These methods respect the bodies of the spouses, encourage tenderness between them, and favor the education of an authentic freedom. In contrast, "every action which, whether in anticipation of the conjugal act, or in its accomplishment, or in the development of its natural consequences, proposes, whether as an end or as a means, to render procreation impossible" is intrinsically evil:158
Thus the innate language that expresses the total reciprocal self-giving of husband and wife is overlaid, through contraception, by an objectively contradictory language, namely, that of not giving oneself totally to the other. This leads not only to a positive refusal to be open to life but also to a falsification of the inner truth of conjugal love, which is called upon to give itself in personal totality. . . . The difference, both anthropological and moral, between contraception and recourse to the rhythm of the cycle . . . involves in the final analysis two irreconcilable concepts of the human person and of human sexuality.159
2371 "Let all be convinced that human life and the duty of transmitting it are not limited by the horizons of this life only: their true evaluation and full significance can be understood only in reference to man's eternal destiny."160 |
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I really like this particular quote..
Quote:
"Parents will remind themselves that it is certainly less serious to deny
their children certain comforts or material advantages than to deprive them
of the presence of brothers and sisters." - Pope John Paul II in his homily
on Oct. 7, 1979
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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guitarnan
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| Posted: Sept 03 2010 at 10:21pm | IP Logged
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Jodie's quotes from the CCC say it all. NFP may be used "for just reasons," but you don't need to feel obligated to use it at all. Some couples find the NFP methods helpful when they are trying to conceive, which is a less-discussed but important benefit of NFP.
NFP is never "expected," rather, it is a prudential decision left to the married couple, preferably with the added benefit of spiritual direction. This can be very difficult to explain to non-Catholics. Emphasizing the sanctity of all human life is so very important, but may be hard to do with words. I'm thankful that Jodie quoted so extensively from the CCC on this topic.
It is so difficult to explain the joyful acceptance of new life to people, but it's even harder to tell your children that the new brother or sister they long for will probably not be born - I think this is a sign of the truthfulness of the Church's teaching about openness to life. Our innocent young children long for brothers and sisters. They know that life is important, in all its forms. They feel sad when they discover that younger siblings aren't a "given."
MarysChild, I hope you will find time to carefully consider the information Jodie posted. It might not convince your extended family/friends, of course, but it just might give you strength...many centuries of tradition lie behind the teaching of openness to life.
Thank you, too, for giving me the chance to look again at this important part of our faith tradition. It is so helpful to review Church teachings and documents.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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MarysChild
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| Posted: Sept 04 2010 at 10:25am | IP Logged
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Thank you all so much for responding, and for quoting for me the CCC on this subject. I just read it to dh and it was very encouraging and re-affirming to us. I think I have read that over before, but there is so much richness in the documents of the Church I could just read them over and over again. 
Thank you all again!!
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mama2many
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| Posted: Sept 16 2010 at 5:12pm | IP Logged
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dh and I use creighton as a way to DATE my cycle... as it's all kinds of wacky!
Welcome "home"!!
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Krystin
wife to Kevin
mama to
M (12/00)
J (12/01)
K (6/06)
J (7/08)
A (7/10)
C (11/12)
My Clones in Action
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Question about abstaining/NFP
