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eashearer
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| Posted: March 09 2006 at 10:11pm | IP Logged
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Hi Everyone,
This is my first time posting. I am a SAH mom with a 2 1/2 year old and an almost eight month old. We just found out this past weekend that I'm pregnant again. We are totally open and ready to love this baby, BUT...one of the things we have wondered about is how to handle co-workers and family members who will react negatively toward our good news. We have our first OB appointment tomorrow to confirm everything is okay, but we are really hesitant to tell anyone afterwards.
We have had a REALLY hard time adjusting with baby number two and everyone knows it, so it seems like we will be catching a lot of flack from certain people. I have noticed that so many of you have had your children close together, and I must say, you're my heroes! I have no idea how we will do it, but praying and trusting the Lord is helping a lot.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I know so many of you have been through this unfortunate dilemma as well!
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Jenny
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| Posted: March 09 2006 at 10:23pm | IP Logged
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We just always announce the news really excited & keep the excitement up when we see the people who are negative; even if we have to act that day. 
I fortunately have close girlfriends I can call & cry b/c I have no idea how we are going to have another baby while we still have a "baby". I can tell them I am tired, cranky & worn out w/o them responding with some stupid comment like, "Don't you know what causes that?"
Then there are people who are just watching & waiting for me to crack. I am especially cheerful & full of energy for them, even if it is fake. I call these people the "grocery store crowd" b/c when I am pregnant & in the grocery store w/my children, you can feel them boring holes in you as they stare & wonder what you were thinking  Unfortunately, even some family members fall into the "grocery store crowd".
My children are 20mos apart, 20mos apart, 27mos apart & 21mos apart for a total of 5 cuties 
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Jenny
Chris' wife and momma of 7. My blog: The Littlest Way--Bible Journaling, Inspiring Bible Quotes, Daily Affirmations, Prayer Journaling & photography
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Jen L.
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| Posted: March 09 2006 at 10:57pm | IP Logged
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Well, God didn't bless me with the "close togethers" but you might consider putting off telling. A good friend of mine who is about to have number 4 (her oldest is 5 years old) waits until at least 4 months (or until she can no longer disguise her body) to tell potential naysayers. That way there is less time for "flack" and more time to adjust to the previous baby.
just an idea...
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Jen
dh Klete,ds (8/95),dd (12/97), dd (11/00), and ^2^ in heaven
"...the best state in which to glorify God is our actual state; the best grace is that of the moment..." St. Peter Eymard
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teachingmom
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Virginia Bluebells
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| Posted: March 09 2006 at 11:09pm | IP Logged
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Welcome to the group and congratulations to you! There are a handful of us here who are also newly expecting. I want to encourage you by saying that my experience was that each baby was easier than the last. I think most of it was my mothering--the more I got the hang of the whole thing, the easier it all seemed, even with more children! It is challenging to be mom to many young ones, but it does not need to be overwhelming. "I can do all things through Him who strenthens me."
As for those people in our lives with negative reactions, I really believe that facing them with confidence it key. If you sound unsure of yourself or apologetic in any way when you announce the big news, I'd bet they'd clue in to that and be much more negative. I tend to say something like this: "We got some really exciting news this week. We're expecting a new baby! We are all thrilled." etc.
I was just a bit apprehensive that I might get some negative reactions from a few people we know when I announced this pregnancy, but was happily surprised to find that everyone has congratulated us heartily. (Some of the neighbors might think we are odd, but no one has said anything the least bit negative.)
This forum is a great place for support and encouragement with young, growing families.
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~Irene (Mom to 6 girls, ages 7-19)
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kristina
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| Posted: March 10 2006 at 7:00am | IP Logged
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First off, congratulations!!!
I feel for you, dear. When we announced our 3rd, we actually had family members roll their eyes! For the subsequent pregnancies, we waited until we have had the ultrasound pictures to show naysaying family members. Dear friends who will pray for us and rejoice with us are blessed with knowing that we are expecting from the get go.
You are certainly welcome to your own anxiety, (well, not according to St. Paul ), but it give that to Lord and share it with those who will truly support and pray for you, but not anyone will add to your anxiety.
By being open to life and sharing your faith with your sweet babies, you are being a wonderful, holy example to others. Countering the naysayers, you may actually have complete strangers come up to you to tell you that you have a beautiful family and how blessed you are. (it has been known to happen!). Cling to those comments and ignore those who have hard hearts. Pray for their enlightenment.
I found reading Kimberly Hahn's Life Giving Love very affirming. It may be a terrific book to share with anyone in your life who is not open to God's timing for children (theirs or yours!).
God Bless you!
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kristina
yesterthoughts
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Meredith
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| Posted: March 10 2006 at 9:59am | IP Logged
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WElcome and congrats!! Tell them it's none of their business and that you're thrilled and ecstatic!! I know that isn't very helpful, but God is giving you another special gift and maybe you could shelter yourself from the negativity for a while until you are able to confidently share your news. I know some women on this list have waited unitl they were ready to give birth before telling their family!!! Good luck and hope you're feeling well!
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Meredith
Mom of 4 Sweeties
Sweetness and Light
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Sarah
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| Posted: March 10 2006 at 1:39pm | IP Logged
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If you show doubt, worry, and regret to those type of people, it really comes back to haunt you, even if its your own mother. Its happened to me.
Keep your complaints to people like us here on the forum that understand what you really mean.
And, welcome aboard. Keep posting!!
Congratulations. This news is wonderful and you will be so blessed!
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Six boys ages 16, 14, 11, 7, 5, 2 and one girl age 9
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Rachel May
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| Posted: March 10 2006 at 2:09pm | IP Logged
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Congratulations! Babies are wonderful and sadly underappreciated blessings!
With #5 my husband knew that he would get a lot of flack from the guys at work, since he already was getting it (in an office joke video he was represented by a man in a rabbit mask). We chose some close friends and fathers of quite a few for him to tell first so that he had those positive experiences to hold on to.
I don't mind so much myself because I'm contrariwise. The more people disapprove, the more I think I'm right! I always try to credit GOD as a part of this plan since that seems to shut people up pretty quickly. And our having 6 kids spaced 21 months apart each (the twins were closer ) was definitely HIS plan!
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Rachel
Thomas and Anthony (10), Maria (8), Charles (6), Cecilia (5), James (3), and Joseph (1)
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Bridget
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| Posted: March 10 2006 at 2:42pm | IP Logged
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eashearer wrote:
| I am a SAH mom with a 2 1/2 year old and an almost eight month old. We just found out this past weekend that I'm pregnant again. |
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Congratulations! Your spacing is exactly what my first three were. Looking back, it was a lot of work to only have littles, but those days were so precious to me!
I think you will get a little thick skinned after a while. You just smile and say something positive about your children. My dh loves to brag about another pregnancy!
As Rachel alluded to, if the worldly culture doesn't like what your doing, your probably doing something right.
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God Bless,
Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
Our Magnum Opus
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Lisbet
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| Posted: March 10 2006 at 3:30pm | IP Logged
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It's so sad that we get this kind of reaction. I am always so excited about an new child, but I simply dread making that phone call to my parents.
My husband gets those off 'jokes' too Rachel. He is never short on good comebacks though. (I just smile and nod ~ to do any more would put my charity in danger!)
It is difficult having only littles. I'm just begining to feel like I have some 'not quite but almost bigs' with my oldest being 11. I remember when years ago I was amazed to meet another mom with 10 children, she said what I was doing with 3 little ones was harder than what she had going on with her 10. I just thought she was nuts-o. Well, maybe I've just reached that point of being nuts-o too, or she was right, because I'm begining to understand what she ment!
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Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
Nick, 17
Abby, 15
Gabe, 13
Isaac, 11
Mary, 10
Sam, 9
Henry, 7
Molly, 6
Mark, 5
Greta, 3
Cecilia born 10.29.10
Josephine born 6.11.12
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Erica Sanchez
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| Posted: March 10 2006 at 5:10pm | IP Logged
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Rachel May wrote:
| The more people disapprove, the more I think I'm right! |
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Oh my, Rachel, we are so much alike!!!
Congratulations eashearer!!
I don't have anything really different to say than all the other wonderful advice, except to hang in there! It might seem crazy at the moment, but God really does know what we can handle and why this baby is right for your family at this moment in time. There have been some good threads on this very topic, maybe in the More the Merrier section, that you might want to check out.
Anyway, our first two are 17 months apart, the only spacing we consciously tried at. The rest are exactly two years and now this new baby will be three years. But, two of my sisters had babies 12 months apart and they are doing O.K. Just think how easy it will be to homeschool the ones who are that close in age!
If or when you have a really low moment of too many nay-sayers or just pure exhaustion, think of my mom: she married very young, was pregnant with twins (my brother and me) and then 11 MONTHS later had my sister!!!!!! The next sister came a little under two years! I know "Irish twins" were more common back then (why?? I know my mom didn't breastfeed, so I figured it was that).
I highly second both Kimberly Hahn's book and coming to this board for support!!!
God bless you!
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Have a beautiful and fun day!
Erica in San Diego
(dh)Cash, Emily, Grace, Nicholas, Isabella, Annie, Luke, Max, Peter, 2 little souls ++, and sweet Rose who is legally ours!
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eashearer
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| Posted: March 10 2006 at 10:33pm | IP Logged
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Thanks for the replies! It has really made me feel affirmed to know that so many of you have gone through this too and have come out of the "tunnel" just fine. I am getting more and more excited about the baby as I think of him/her. It's actually doing wonders for me at home with my other little ones. I'm hugging them more and saying to my 8 month old, "You're a big sister, little one!" It always makes her smile.
UPDATE: I went to the doctor today for a new OB checkup. I am pregnant, just like we thought. I got an ultrasound and the baby measured 5 wks 3 days, with a due date of Nov. 7th. The best part of the measurments is that this is EXACTLY what our Creighton NFP charting has told us about the age of the baby based on the conception date! Tonight we are throwing around saint's names and bible names. We have several girl's names, but are looking for unique (but not rare or unheard of) boy's names with a Marian connection. I'm having fun. :)
Now, I will ask that you all please say a prayer for my husband. He is having misgivings about telling anyone for a while...and I am having trouble with that decision because I don't want to wait. I'm too excited!
Thanks again to all you wonderfully nourishing moms.  Consider yourselves HUGGED and prayed for!
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Jenny
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| Posted: March 10 2006 at 11:01pm | IP Logged
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A great boys name w/a Marian connection...Maximilian!
A friend at Church told how her dh didn't tell anyone at his work they were expecting their 11th He waited until a couple of days before the delivery (induced) & then asked off. Talk about Surprise!
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Jenny
Chris' wife and momma of 7. My blog: The Littlest Way--Bible Journaling, Inspiring Bible Quotes, Daily Affirmations, Prayer Journaling & photography
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Erin
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| Posted: March 11 2006 at 3:44am | IP Logged
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Congratulations wonderful news
My dh also doesn't tell at his work until very late in my pregnancy, usually prompted by me about to make a visit to his office.  This used to bother me now I accept it, after all he has to work in a very different culture to what I do.
Actually he and I are due to go to lunch with his boss on Monday and he is not too sure whether his boss realises we are having another. He squeezed the news one day into a phone conversation and as there was no response and no follow up he is not too sure it registered. There is no disguising the fact now at 5 months, if the boss doesn't know now he will after Monday.
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Erin
Faith Filled Days
Seven Little Australians
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momtomany
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| Posted: April 06 2006 at 7:33pm | IP Logged
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As a mom of ten, I've been thru that many times. I always start out telling people that I know will be very happy for us and then work my way down the list as I start to show.
My dh always answers any comments with such a positive attitude that you actually see people step back and think that maybe another baby is a good idea.
I also think that there is something special about a 3rd baby. You've gotten over the total life changing experience of having your first. And dealt with feeling like you are being pulled in two directions with having two. I found that I was really relaxed and enjoyed my 3rd so much. Hey, I was getting the hang of this mothering!
Congratulations to you!
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Mary Ann in PA
wife to MIchael, mom to Elizabeth, Becca, Tim, Peter, Andrew, Sarah, Matthew, John, Leah and Joseph
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: What to Say to the Nay-sayers?
