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Anonymous
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| Posted: July 02 2010 at 10:29am | IP Logged
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I have a friend whose dd is sick and has been for a long time and will be still for probably many months. What started out as Lymes has moved into a form a encephalitis.
Anyone ever had a child who needed some special attention because of their illness and then have the other dc (she has 7 others) get a bit resentful and cry unfair about the sick one's privileges (like getting more computer time because frankly that is all she can do, or special food). The family is suppose to try to make life as least stressful as possible for her, but doing that is causing big stress on them!
Sometimes they can't go out to their activities because the sick one (although old enough) can no longer stay by herself, or with just her older brother in the house. She is moody and such (as encephalitis is a brain issue) and talks back and is rude sometimes, which the parents can pick out as her disorder "talking" so to speak, but the other dc can't and become more angry.
Any tips, ideas?
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Becky Parker
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Location: Michigan
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| Posted: July 02 2010 at 12:37pm | IP Logged
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This sounds like a difficult situation. The thing that comes to mind right away is help from friends. Do the other children have friends whose families might consider taking them along when they go to the park or the pool or something along those lines? This would give the other kids some special activities to do.
Another thought is, if there is a babysitter to watch the kids, maybe mom and dad can take the siblings out, one or two at a time, for some special one on one time. I know, even when we have a new baby here, the littlest ones feel left out because mom's lap isn't always free anymore. I have to do some special things to make sure they know how much I love them, even though the new baby is requiring so much of my time. This would also give them time to talk about the situation. Sometimes kids are resentful and act out, but they don't know how to express it. Communication might help alot.
The only other thought I had is regarding the special food. I know it's hard, but we've had to adopt an "if the toddler can't have it, we don't buy it" attitude. The toddler can't have gluten so we've cut it out of all of our diets. By the same token, the toddler doesn't get special treats unless everyone gets them.
I was buying gluten free cookies for a while for just the toddler and it caused all sorts of problems. So now, if I buy them, they are for everybody.
I will say a prayer for this family now because it must be very difficult. Reassuring the parents that the children are growing in selflessness, even though it seems so hard right now, might help them during this time. God has a plan for all of us to reach saint-hood and this could be one step in the plan for this family.
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Becky
Wife to Wes, Mom to 6 wonderful kids on Earth and 4 in Heaven!
Academy Of The Good Shepherd
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Veronika
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| Posted: July 07 2010 at 9:13pm | IP Logged
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As the older sister of a child with a chronic illness, I can attest to the fact that, while those other siblings may act out a bit more now and complain because of the changes they find happening in their home, they are all learning to be patient and compassionate...whether it is apparent now, or not. When my brother was sick, we all had to become more independent, it's true. As the oldest, I had to assume responsibilities that other children my age would never have been given. This only served to make me a stronger person. My sisters and I learned to see my brother in a whole new way as his sufferings were hard and he was a great example for us. We became compassionate. I am convinced that my brother was a victim soul who taught us how to be more like what God intended for us to be, and as an adult, I am most grateful. Be sure to praise the children when they've done ANYTHING positive for their sister. When they see how pleased YOU are that they have been of help, they will find joy in service. My folks never hid my brother's condition from us, but let us know that all this "special treatment" was for a good reason. If he could not have a certain treat, neither could we, but we never realized it. I remember my mom going to great lengths to find an acceptable treat for us all and making it really special, so that none of us felt short-changed, but like we were all getting something great! We didn't even realize that we weren't getting our usual favorite things.
I will pray for your friend's family, especially the children who are adjusting to their new role as caregivers. God will send His grace, I'm sure, and they will grow up to be strong, loving and compassionate souls! Assure your friend that God has chosen her children for this role and that He will not leave them without the grace to accomplish it!
God bless!
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Veronika
devoted wife and Apostolate of Holy Motherhood Mom of 5 precious children: daughter '94, son '96, son '98, and twin daughters '02...
and one little girl in heaven
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Large family & child w/chronic illness
