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Kathryn
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| Posted: June 25 2010 at 10:14pm | IP Logged
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Sooo, this isn't the "typical" toddler tantrum but rather the over the top going to hurt herself or someone or something tantrum. Being 6 months pregnant, it's a bit challenging to harness a flailing, screaming almost 3 yr old so I'm wondering what you do when life or property are in danger? There haven't been many of these but there was one last night at bedtime that I equated to being overly tired and so I finally put her in the carseat and went for about a 10 min drive and it did the trick.
However, today she had at least 4 of these very intense meltdowns where time-out, swatting on the tooshie, walking away, or trying to calm in our other normal methods w/ paci and lovie or reading or rocking etc was not working or couldn't work b/c she was tooo out of control and really needed to be restrained. And the first one started literally within the hour after she woke and they cont'd thru-out the day. She was FULL ON MAD and flailing about where I really feel like she's going to knock her teeth out on something. We also have a lot of tile in our house where I'm afraid she's going to hit her head.
She STILL hasn't cut her top 2 yr molars and she'll be 3 in 2 months and I still haven't seen any sign they're coming so I'm not sure what the cause is specifically, if any.
Soo, ideas?
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Kathryn in TX
(dd 16, ds 15, dd 8, dd 5)
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guitarnan
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| Posted: June 25 2010 at 11:34pm | IP Logged
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My son used to have intense meltdowns and it took me a very long time to figure out that he tipped the scales on the "spirited child" spectrum. Mary Sheedy Kurcinka's books saved my sanity. He wasn't old enough to tell me that grocery store meat department smells made him feel really sick...he just ran away or screamed in the cart. He hated changing from short to long sleeves when the seasons changed. And so on.
Right now, what I'd suggest to you is to keep a tantrum diary (time of day, food recently eaten, amount of sleep, place, number of people around, unusual situations) and see if you can detect a pattern. She can't tell you what's going on, so you have to try to help her identify triggers and then cope with them.
One thing you might try, too, is to talk, talk, talk while she's having a meltdown. Reassure her so she knows she is safe. Tell her you will put her in her car seat if she is in danger of getting hurt. Use lots of words, because part of the tantrum thing is not having words enough to explain how she feels. She can't scream, "I'm mad because (reason)!" because she doesn't know how. (It took over two years before my son could explain the meat department thing. I had no idea!) If you model using words you will give her both a coping skill (saying, "I'm angry!!!!" vs. kicking someone) and a vocabulary. Talk when you are feeling upset, too, so she can see that it is okay to be upset or angry (and to use words) but not okay to kick doors or whatever.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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StefA
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| Posted: June 29 2010 at 7:52am | IP Logged
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What types of things are setting her off? Is it because she isn't getting something she wants, or because she doesn't want to do what she is told?
I would keep her with me 100% of the time, and try and catch the tantrum with a swift swat at the first sign of a meltdown. Then distract her with something else- do not allow her to have time to contemplate going back to the tantrum. Unfortunately, once they get to the point of being completely out of control, there isn't a lot you can do except ride it out, I've found. The best method is to prevent the tantrum in the first place.
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~Stef, wife to Tsion, mother to Keegan (2-15-07) and Gianna (10-01-09), stepmother to Jayden (5-3-01)~
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Michaela
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| Posted: June 29 2010 at 8:10am | IP Logged
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Sounds like the fits one of mine used to have. The intensity, length, frequency ...et la...was more than I'd seen before or since in any child.
No advice because nothing I did really helped, but big hugs and prayers for you as you find what helps your daughter.
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Michaela
Momma to Nicholas 16, Nathan 13, Olivia 13, Teresa 6, & Anthony 3
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Kathryn
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| Posted: June 29 2010 at 9:04am | IP Logged
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Thanks for replying. She is quite spirited and just smart as anything at this age so it's so difficult to try and sidetrack her.
It's def. b/c she's not getting to do what she wants or getting what she wants. However, we did ***FINALLY*** see the top right 2 yr molar just beneath the skin and she started a stuffy nose the next day so I suppose this is why the intensity just increased. It's been a difficult few days...I even had to leave the grocery store yesterday before even checking out as she started HURLING stuff (shoes, paci, toothpaste etc) and carried her out like a dog under my arm. And this was all b/c I wouldn't buy this new Winnie the Pooh lovie. The swat and sidetracking just completely didn't work this time and she was out of control w/in a very short time. I guess may be she just doesn't feel "normal" w/ this tooth and nose thing so I just left and took her to a friend's house so I could go and buy the groceries I already left in the buggy. Unfortunately big kids were at VBS so I didn't have them to help. She seemed much more content last night and even again this morning so hopefully this has "passed"...well the over the top intense part...until the left molar comes thru! 
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Kathryn in TX
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TracyFD
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| Posted: June 29 2010 at 2:22pm | IP Logged
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Oh my, this sounds like what we go through with our new 3yo. I doubt it has anything to do with molars because this has been going on for two years with her. Nothing we do seems to help except going in her in her room with her and sitting in front of the door until she falls asleep.
Sometimes the tantrums are from lack of sleep - she still needs an afternoon nap and an early bedtime. Sometimes it seems to be from not eating enough protein - tough to make her if she won't eat her meat or eggs and says she doesn't like nuts anymore. Other times she just craves control and can't take "no" for an answer.
It's no fun to watch these little ones rage like a wild animal. And no fun to try to do school or read aloud when this is going on. She causes so many interruptions I wish I could afford the $800/month for the all day every day Montessori preschool down the road!
I am thinking of taking her in for blood sugar testing, trying a protein drink and really trying to spend more time with just her (before the tantrums begin for the day).
Hugs and compassion! 
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Tracy
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1 absent-minded professor, and one adorable toddling terrorist.
Pinewood Castle
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: June 29 2010 at 3:02pm | IP Logged
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For my grandson it is all about trying to head them off at the pass by not letting his blood sugar drop.
Making sure he gets breakfast, frequent snacks, and regular meals helps dramatically. And when he starts to get cranky or mean I know I need to get him some juice or a banana pronto or things will quickly spiral out of control. He is 4.5 now and just starting to be able to be talked down from these things, but for the most part once it starts it is unstoppable until it runs it's full course.
I usually have him scream it out on my bed (it is a big, soft, safe, comforting space for him) and just keep patting his back and talking to him in a soothing way, explaining that he has control over his own body and his own feelings--that when they get too big for him to handle I am there to help him--he doesn't have to do it on his own unless he wants to (sometimes he just wants to be left alone to work it out by himself. He is good about letting me know this).
Having a child like this is really, really draining, I know. We go through this several times a day every day. But if I am on top of my game and make sure keep his blood sugar up, things go much smoother. Usually. 
Which reminds me--I need to get him some lunch NOW or things are going to get ugly fast.
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Theresa
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LaPaz Home Learning
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wifemommy
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| Posted: June 29 2010 at 3:32pm | IP Logged
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For my son it was food coloring. At about the same age he started total out of control tantrums honestly they scared him too. After lots of reading I figured it was worth a shot as an easy fix and it was  golden the difference was quick and remarkable. it's worth a shot... prayers Annie
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: How do u deal w/ intense toddler tantrum?
