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Anonymous
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| Posted: June 25 2010 at 8:17pm | IP Logged
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How do I get my daughter to wear a bra? She is only 10, however she has developed quite a bit in the past 6 months. It could be longer, but during the winter months she hid under sweaters and her brothers' sweatshirts. Whenever I tried to take her to purchase a bra she would almost cry. I would get the deer in headlights look. We looked on line after I figured out she was uncomfortable picking bras with other people (customers) around. She told me she'd prefer a sports bra, but after wearing it once she refuses to put on a bra. I noticed in her homeschool pe class that none of the girls her age are as developed as she is. She absolutely doesn't look like a girl who just turned 10!! I remind, beg, plead, even have backed off so she won't feel so pressured by the normal changes that occur.
The second challenge is DH. He is getting upset that nothing I've said or done is working. He makes idle threats to talk to her himself, but obviously we both know for her to have a positive body image he needs to leave this alone. Is this the hill I need to die on? She asked why should she? She is so young, there is no peer influence to want to wear one. I really dislike pressuring her so much over this, but there is no doubt she needs to wear a bra.
Thank you for sharing any experience or thoughts you have!
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: June 25 2010 at 8:23pm | IP Logged
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perhaps a tight fitting camisole would provide the coverage for modesty without making her feel so different?
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Jodie, wife to Dave
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SuzanneG
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| Posted: June 25 2010 at 8:36pm | IP Logged
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I was just going to suggest a camisole too. Or a tankini? Or, what about a bikini top swimsuit?
Or, there may be some types of shirts (summer would be harder, but there have got to be some) that would be OK to not wear a bra. Even I can get away with wearing a stiffer, cotton, button down blouse that doesn't cling AT ALL, w/out wearing a bra. It just couldn't have any sort of cling, lycra, knit, t-shirt material, etc.
I'd probably present a few more options and see how she reacts.......and then present 2 options that are satisfactory for you and dh......she needs to pick one of them. Her choice. But, not choosing one is not an option.
And, you didn't say anything about this, but I'm assuming that you've gone through the normal discussions about body development, growing up, everyone's different, it's exciting, presenting as a GIFT, etc.....
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Suzanne in ID
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SuzanneG
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| Posted: June 25 2010 at 8:50pm | IP Logged
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Or wearing one tight fitting shirt underneath, with another looser shirt on top of that.
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Suzanne in ID
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CatholicMommy
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| Posted: June 25 2010 at 9:08pm | IP Logged
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What about a camisole with some slight extra layering in the chest area? In PE class it will just look like a camisole, but it will help provide some modesty.
I have a girl in my life right now that MUST wear one (she's 12 though) and she fights it some days - after we had a deep conversation about the inappropriateness of displaying that area for all the world to see (I had to actually SHOW her what it looked like by not wearing mine for a few minutes) and the reality of what happens when the temperature drops enough... well, she wears it now. 
I have had several orders for this item with the camisole attached for the very reasons you describe. If you sew perhaps it would be something you could glean ideas from?
Image of one slip version (attached at the bottom) - can also be attached at the top
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JennGM
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| Posted: June 25 2010 at 9:18pm | IP Logged
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You have to pull the "it's immodest" card...it will be more embarrassing at some point for her to NOT wear the bra. I like all the ideas presented -- some of the early "training" look more like sports bras which tend to flatten, and putting a camisole over won't draw too much attention.
I remember when I didn't wear mine -- it was hot, itchy, I felt like I didn't need it. My mother had to draw the line, because too much was showing. Once it was pointed out, I willingly wore it from then on. 
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Jennifer G. Miller
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guitarnan
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| Posted: June 25 2010 at 9:52pm | IP Logged
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My dancer daughter wears different colored lycra tank tops under everything...even pj's! The look is in style and she loves the comfort of the stretchy tank top.
Initially she wore them sans bra but she finally found some that were comfy and now she wears both.
One thing to think about...many bras for the younger set have uncomfortable, unneeded underwire. We shopped around until we found a non-underwire racer-back bra, which dd found to be most comfortable. (We bought three. I wish we'd bought more!)
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: June 25 2010 at 10:03pm | IP Logged
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We've had the best luck finding soft bras at Target and JC Penney.. but you have to really hunt.. and the larger ones have the thick fabric cups.. not really padded but thicker than typical.. but once they're on they actually help conceal better.. so don't let the cups looking "padded" put you off them.
And you can always buy several different kinds and take them home.. try them on and return the ones that don't work.. more money outlay to do it.. but one way of doing it without having to be seen looking at bras.
And paying attention to the tops the bras are worn with.. racer back doesn't work with more open necked tops.. and the standard back doesn't work well with many tank tops.. and if those straps are showing at all it could contribute to the "I can't wear those, people will see them"
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SuzanneG
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| Posted: June 25 2010 at 10:08pm | IP Logged
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In case she's struggling with the COMFORT of a bra or a weird elastic bothering her.....(it doesn't sound like this is the case...it sounds like it's more modesty/embarrassment....but just in case...)
This company is in Seattle and lots of daughters of my friends with pre-teens and teens wear these from Decent Exposures. They have girl sizes, camis, tankinis, etc. Bras for girls are $15-20....NOT the women's price!!!!! They are SUPER comfortable and the only thing I'll wear when pregnant or post-partum. The fabric is specially chosen and is PERFECT.
Anyway, these are worth the price for even just one, if a girl hates the FEEL of transitioning to the straps of a bra or elastic, etc. (which obviously I empathize with ) Everything is covered and soft with these.
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Suzanne in ID
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SuzanneG
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| Posted: June 25 2010 at 10:12pm | IP Logged
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JodieLyn wrote:
| And paying attention to the tops the bras are worn with.. racer back doesn't work with more open necked tops.. and the standard back doesn't work well with many tank tops.. and if those straps are showing at all it could contribute to the "I can't wear those, people will see them" |
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Ohhh...good point, Jodie! Consider what kind of tops she's wearing, etc. Even though TODAY in public people think it's perfectly FINE to SHOW YOUR BRA STRAPS (and yes...I am yelling!!!!   )....it's REALLY NOT for crying out loud! She may be feeling like everyone will know she's wearing a bra, but really it should be the opposite. No one should ever know or see or think about it. But, if you DON"T wear one, then everyone WILL know. 
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Suzanne in ID
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SuzanneG
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| Posted: June 25 2010 at 10:13pm | IP Logged
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Have I just posted FOUR TIMES in a BRA THREAD????? Good grief! 
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Suzanne in ID
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: June 25 2010 at 10:22pm | IP Logged
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Suzanne, well I'm back for a third time.
I just remembered something, since we're in between that stage.
Little girls tops aren't made for developing bodies. And by that I mean any top, the top of a dress or whatever. The flat front tops will show any bump.. and a bra makes little to no difference for concealing it.
patterned fabric is better than solids
if you can get the gathered or smocked tops those are great for concealment
if you can find tops that aren't cut perfectly flat in front.. some darts to give it a bit of shape, things like that will actually conceal more.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
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Mackfam
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| Posted: June 25 2010 at 10:58pm | IP Logged
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I'm so laughing that Suzanne is serial posting on a bra thread!
I did want to share a trick we learned. The padded cup bras are actually quite nice, and comfortable in the wearing dept...but FOR HEAVENS SAKE...an A cup does not need an underwire!!!!!! I take my little fiskars scrapbooking scissors (small with a very sharp, fine cutting edge) and cut a small hole in the pocket holding the underwire. Once you expose the edge you can easily pull the c-shaped wire out. If you flip the inside of the bra facing you, you'll see a small narrow band that encases the wire. Snip through the fabric near the top edge of one of the wires -- you should easily be able to feel it with your fingers. I don't even bother repairing the tiny hole. It never unravels and holds up well in washing!
Knowing I could surgically remove the underwire from the bras we found gave us a lot more options that we prefer.
Also, a little baby powder around the edges of the bra helps with comfort level...especially for us gals here in the deep south. You might try sprinkling a little baby powder along the edges if they are uncomfortable.
Make it a special mom/daughter day. Take her to lunch. Discuss modesty issues and tell her you're going to take her shopping and offer her a couple of options, but that you'll be leaving the store with 4 bras that she picks out. Wearing them is not an option, but definitely work with her to make them as comfortable and wearable as possible!
Now...I can't wait to see Suzanne's 5th post!!!
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| Posted: June 26 2010 at 7:41am | IP Logged
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WalMart carries some nice sports "bras" for girls that are very simple - more like a short tank top - and are very soft material. There are ones that are double fabric, so there is absolutely no show through. I would suggest that you go and buy her a variety of styles and sizes and colors, and bring them home for her to try on in the privacy of her own room. Bras for girls don't have to look the traditional way to work and it can make the younger ones more comfortable with the idea. I hope she finds something she likes.
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wifemommy
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| Posted: June 26 2010 at 10:05am | IP Logged
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What about just multi layered t's Couple of tank tops under another shirt. Stylish and comfortable. Also maybe just make the bra or several layers only necessary when leaving the house. Annie
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JennGM
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The lady that fits me for bras shared a book that talked about the dangers of underwire, as it blocks different nodes and glands. There is a theory that underwire might cause or at least aggravate breast cancer. Note I said theory, so don't say I said it's fact!
Anyway, I'm also big into having materials breathe, so having something that wicks away or breathes like cotton is just so key, and especially at this age when you're trying to get used to the whole extra clothing thing.
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pmeilaen
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| Posted: June 26 2010 at 6:39pm | IP Logged
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JennGM wrote:
| The lady that fits me for bras shared a book that talked about the dangers of underwire, as it blocks different nodes and glands. There is a theory that underwire might cause or at least aggravate breast cancer. Note I said theory, so don't say I said it's fact! |
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Jennifer, I always wondered about that and don't wear bras like that. Do you remember the title of the book?
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JennGM
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pmeilaen wrote:
JennGM wrote:
| The lady that fits me for bras shared a book that talked about the dangers of underwire, as it blocks different nodes and glands. There is a theory that underwire might cause or at least aggravate breast cancer. Note I said theory, so don't say I said it's fact! |
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Jennifer, I always wondered about that and don't wear bras like that. Do you remember the title of the book? |
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Dressed to Kill
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Trinity
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| Posted: June 28 2010 at 7:19am | IP Logged
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I see there are already many wonderful replies. : ) I definitely love the camisole/tank style with a built in bra. A good one can be so comfortable and still supportive. For a girl who might not want a bra yet, it would be a nice option.
I also stopped wearing underwires. I switched to wearing the Bravado Nursing Tanks while pregnant with my last baby and still wear them even though she is now a toddler. The fit is perfect and no pesky wires digging in. I plan to keep wearing them even once my daughter weans.
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Anneof 5
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I am going through the same thing with my dd9 right now. I bought a variety of cotton sports bras at Target and she has ones she likes better than others. I told her all of us ladies wear them and that her two older sisters and I wear them every day. She seemed a little surprised by that!  She is not really a girly girl! She is waiting for a special trip to the Dairy Queen with her older sister (older dd's idea) for wearing one daily. I still catch her without one but I send her back to put it on (she does need help sometimes) and let her know it's not really optional anymore. It's just expected she will wear one unless she is in her pajamas.
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: How to get daughter to wear a bra?
