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LisaD
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| Posted: March 08 2006 at 12:34pm | IP Logged
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My dh and I have been putting off having our wills or trusts done, because we don't know who to name as legal guardians of our four children. I have one sibling, a brother, who is divorced, unemployed, an atheist and has care of my 15 year-old nephew with severe cerebral palsy. My dh has one sibling, a sister with three children, one with a serious seizure disorder, they live in another state, and the sister is rather a loose canon emotionally. However, his sister and family are Catholic, and are financially stable. My parents and dh's father (his mother recently died) are not suitable (age & health issues) for long-term guardianship. We don't have any close friends who would be able to care for four additional children. What do other people do in this situation?
It is hard to think about not being there for my children, but I hate to think of what would happen to them if we haven't made legal arrangements for their care.
Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated!
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~Lisa
Mama to dd(99), ds(01), ds(03) and ds(06)
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JennGM
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No advice here, Lisa, except that we haven't made that decision either! We aren't in such a predicament as you are, but the whole decision is overwhelming because the reality is there is no replacing us as parents! So trying to figure out all the nuances and make the right choice is hard!
What I wonder is how hard is it to revisit the decision and revise if needed over time? For now, we're pretty sure who to appoint, but circumstances can change!
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Jennifer G. Miller
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Mary G
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We're lucky as we have enough siblings to choose from -- the first guardians would be my brother and SIL in Denver; if something happens to them, our kids would go to my single brother.
My bro/sil have named us as their first guardians of their 10 children and my signle brother as the second.
My brohter Paul (45, never married and Orthodox as they come) is always being asked why he doesn't become a priest. Getting sudden custody of 15 kids might just do it 
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MaryG
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Jen L.
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| Posted: March 08 2006 at 1:23pm | IP Logged
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Same boat, here. It is SOOO difficult. Jenn is right, no one can really replace us, and there's the rub.
Let's agree to decide on someone, no matter how imperfect and get this done. Then we can resolve to pray that that part of our wills never needs to be exercised!
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Jen
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Rachel May
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We've chosen and talked to ours, but we've never put it in writing. 
What about the children's godparents? As a kid I always "knew" that I would go to my godparents (and my siblings would go to theirs) if anything happened to my parents. I don't know what the truth of the matter was, but that was definitely the impression and it didn't bother me. My parents were in a similar predicament as you.
Another thing you might want to consider is whether your close friends would be willing to take on the care of additional children because they are your close friends. I know if a close friend asked us to be guardians, we would be willing to do it and make the sacrifices necessary (and most of our close friends have a lot of kids).
If you also have financial help set aside (like life insurance) and make sure that the relationship stays strong so that your kids would be as comfortable there as possible, you would have some reassurance there.
Worst case scenario (but this whole scenario is worst case) is that you could ask a few sets of friends to take a few kids each. It's so hard to think about isn't it?
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Rachel
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LisaD
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| Posted: March 08 2006 at 2:12pm | IP Logged
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Godparents...that's a whole other set of issues! Our oldest child's godparents are dh's sister and husband. Our second child is dh's cousin and husband (older with grown children, and also 2,000 miles away). Our third child's godparents are actually friends from the Internet, live in another state, and have 6 kids of their own. We haven't chosen godparents for our fourth because we don't have anyone else to ask!! My family isn't Catholic, and we have few Catholic friends irl. We are trying to foster some friendships at our parish, so perhaps we will find some good godparent candidates soon.
Our closest friends aren't Catholic, but they would take our kids in a heartbeat. But, they aren't Catholic...aren't religious at all, really.
Sometimes I'd really appreciate a "lightening bolt" answer from heaven, kwim?
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~Lisa
Mama to dd(99), ds(01), ds(03) and ds(06)
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humanaevitae
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This is also a difficult situation for us. We have decided that our children will go to our oldest son's and daughter's godparents. Older friends of ours who first got us interested in homeschooling. We do not see them often but they are great about sending gifts and we have made an effort to help the children get to know them. We pray for them every night, have their pictures up, write letters to them, and have the children call them on special days. We have also decided to make the sacrifice in visiting them when possible.
If our families found out that none of them are appointed guardians I think all heck would break loose! We have prepared a letter for them and I will be happy I'm not around when it's read! We tried to explain that we wanted the homeschooling of our children to continue.
We also have made sure to provide enough insurance money for their care. Recently our son's godfather became disabled and it is not known if he will recover. We are thinking of added another family's name to the will. We have not done a lot with this family but they are doing a marvelous job raising their own kids and I know I could trust them to teach my kids to love the Lord and his Church.
Even if our kids end up staying with our relatives for a time, I know these guardians will be involved, making sure our kids will be properly formed.
It is a tough decision but I think I would rather my kids stay together and be raised by almost strangers whom I know love our Lord and our faith then live with relatives who would love them but are not capable or interested in raising them to be saints.
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Erin
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Lisa
We are in the same boat although more to choose from. We still haven't made our will, I told my dh just last night that we are going to do it this week.! Dh now says well if we wait a bit dd12 will be old enough 
We have actually choosen my sister who does practice however she is not good with money. I think Jenn's point is the truth, no-one is as good as us. 
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Erin
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Legal Guardians
