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lambchopwife
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| Posted: April 29 2010 at 7:05pm | IP Logged
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I was just wondering if any of you have some suggestions for raising kids in the world and for them to not be of the world. How do we protect them without being over the top? I am just asking because my teenager has never been a problem but lately he is just so into his Ipod and watching things on YOU Tube ( nothing bad I know I'm there with him) and now my 7 yr. old is always bugging me about geting him this or that. I have tried explaining to them both that if God wants you to have it then He will find a way for you to do so. I am just wondering what you all do as far as electronics and kids wanting things all the time. How do we teach them unselfishness.
God bless,
Cheryl
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~ Be not afraid to tell Jesus that you love Him; even though it be without feeling, this is the way to oblige Him to help you, and carry you like a little child too feeble to walk.~ St. Therese
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: April 29 2010 at 7:48pm | IP Logged
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We've let the kids pool their money for a Wii including a family gift card from Christmas. We approved of the purchase but because they contributed, they have a much better idea that it's not something that you just get as a matter of course.
I was talking with my 13 yr old the other day.. we got a cell phone for the older kids to use at need. And I pointed out to her that she does not have a need for a personal phone yet.. that just because isn't a good reason to spend the money on it.. but I also assured her that when we agree that she does have a need (maybe she'll get a regular job at 16 or such) then yes we'd be willing to consider a phone for her at taht time.
I think it really helped her see that it wasn't fun and games to get it.. AND because she didn't feel like it was a "forever no" that it was much easier to take right now.
The kids always want things.. if you're at the grocery store they want goodies and candies and what not.. if they see ads for fun new games they want those.. etc etc etc. I just don't engage really.. just like at the store.. they can ooo and ahh and say wouldn't those be good or I'd really like those.. and I can ignore it or answer.. yeah those do look good.. and still not put anything in my cart. And if they actually beg/pester/etc for something I tell them No with no explaination. No, because I said no. is a perfectly good answer. 
And I do the same with the kids talking to each other abotu wanting this video game or that device etc.. hmmm yep those do look cool.. if you ask me for it, I say no. If you ask if you can get it, and if I might consider it but I'm not gonna do the buying, I ask if you have enough money (the answer there is pretty much always no).. if you beg for me to buy it.. "no because I said no".. If you ask if you can buy it when you save enough money.. ah.. now I might have a conversation about it and start considering if it's something we can allow or not.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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guitarnan
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| Posted: April 29 2010 at 7:58pm | IP Logged
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One thing we've done with electronic items is make them buy what they want themselves. (Even at a pretty young age!) And then they are still required to deal with our limits. It can be very challenging (you might have to clue well-meaning relatives in on your plan) and sometimes your child will call your bluff, work like a dog and buy the item quickly!
It's a dynamic process, I've found, working with teens and teaching them what they'll need to know to cope with our materialistic society without turning them into complete look-down-their-noses-on-technology Luddites. We need to use some technology to support dd's dancing, for example, but she doesn't get free reign with iTunes or YouTube just because she needs to use them occasionally.
The most important suggestion I have is to pray. Pray for yourselves as parents as well as for your children. Take your worries to the Blessed Mother and pray that the Holy Spirit will bless your children with abundant spiritual gifts so they can learn self-discipline and increase their piety.
May I also suggest working with your husband to decide how and when you'd like to set limits on electronics?
The "wanting things all the time" part is hard. I tend to point out, "Gee, you just got (new clothes, a birthday gift, whatever) last week. Looks like this is something you'll need to save up for," in a matter-of-fact way. Sometimes we talk further about ways to earn extra money or ways to purchase the item inexpensively (yard sales, etc.). Other times I just change the subject.
It's hard, isn't it?
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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Erin
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| Posted: April 29 2010 at 8:28pm | IP Logged
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Cheryl
Can you borrow a copy of Bringing Up Geeks? I would highly recommend reading it, thought provoking, re-assuring and practical. In fact I allowed some of my older children to read parts of it, which was good as it resonated with them.
Teenage years with boys is when I'm finding they are more aware. So we need to equip them with the skills ie. youtube watching, which it sounds like you are doing. then again my younger children are more aware than their siblings were simply because they have older siblings.
We have purchased both our teen boys the cheapest ipod we could for their 13th birthdays. We do buy some electronics for presents. ie they received a play station 2 a couple of years back for Christmas. Anything beyond that they purchase themselves. For example they will buy their siblings 2nd hand play station games for their birthday. Basically we have taught them the value of the dollar
Where it gets really expensive and consumerist is when people try to keep up with the latest technology out.
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Erin
Faith Filled Days
Seven Little Australians
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lambchopwife
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| Posted: July 15 2010 at 9:31pm | IP Logged
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I am so sorry I forgot to say thank you for the wonderful responses! 
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~ Be not afraid to tell Jesus that you love Him; even though it be without feeling, this is the way to oblige Him to help you, and carry you like a little child too feeble to walk.~ St. Therese
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Raising you kids in the world
