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Chris V
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| Posted: March 11 2010 at 1:41pm | IP Logged
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I've been thoughtfully thinking of writing this post for a while, but with the time constraints of the average day, I didn't want to pose a question, without having made my own thoughtful remarks, so as to make clear, my humble little philosophy on the binky . 
No matter your own opinion of allowing, or not allowing, your own babies and toddlers to use the binky, (absolutely no offense meant) my very own personal opinion : Yes, I like the binky! Many, many, many, times, (I could really use the word countless here, it has provided my babies and toddlers the security and comfort for many circumstances (long car rides, difficult teething times when I am just not willing to allow them to gnaw on *me*) among others...
Anyway, up until now, I've not had an issue with a little one willingly giving up the binky, on their own terms, and only when they were ready.
My little dear, just a bit over 3 years old is showing no signs (whatsoever) of being ready to ditch the paci. I'm not horribly concerned, however, I'd like to help this process along. She has a beloved blanky. And her beloved binky. They go together like chocolate and coffee, tea and honey, and give her the ultimate sense of security. And I won't take that sense away from her.
I'm need some guidance on this. I want to respect her needs, as a person, to have these things that are so important to her. I will not say things like "big girls don't need binkies". Because I believe that it is insulting to her, and may be forcing her, emotionally, to enter a place that she is not ready to be. How can I guide her? How can I encourage her? How can I be of help to her? Because in her mind, she doesn't need guidance, encouragment, or help. Yet, I see no waning at all, with her insistance on having it with her at all times.
Given my parenting style, I hoping to get some help, from you, on my best approach.
I not looking for a magic solution, or anything instant, in fact, I realize that this may take several weeks...
Ladies, thank you 
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Chris
Happy Wife with my Happy Life
Mama to My Five Girls ('04~'07~'09~'11~'11)
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: March 11 2010 at 2:03pm | IP Logged
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Since you want to ease her out of it.. I would think like anything else.. that you might find a way or time when you could do something like.. set it down where she could see it and know she can have it.. but try out the new "no binky" time.
Like when I'm moving a little into their own bed.. they might lay down in it just trying it out.. without actually sleeping there at first.. then maybe a nap will work.. and you get used to that before you start on bedtime.. and maybe again it'll be trying it out and starting out there but moving back later in the evening.
Since we don't use them I'm not sure what might be the equivelent.. but just the delaying tactics might help.. stetch out the times and let her experiment with not having it.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
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KackyK
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| Posted: March 11 2010 at 2:16pm | IP Logged
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I've had no personal experience with this...but looking for ideas, as my binky users are presently just 1 1/2 and 2weeks! I've had thumb suckers...we did the thumb guard to stop those kiddos. But I'm interested in the binky use.
I've heard you can poke a small hole in them, and it sort of "deflates" it. Then supposedly the kids hopefully decide it doesn't "work" anymore. I don't know...I have no ideas!!!! That's just one of those parenting mag type ideas.
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KackyK
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Chris V
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| Posted: March 11 2010 at 4:40pm | IP Logged
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About six months ago, when I first began to toy with the idea that I might want to see her lose interest in the binky, I started (very casually), a "binky-always-stays-home" policy. So, even on short trips in the car, the binky would stay behind, at home, and not be allowed to accompany her in the car. That was mildly successful ~ but, unfortunately, I caved-in, at one point (due to the heartbreaking, emotional upheavel) that ensued from my little darling, big-browned eyed treasure. I kick myself. Kick myself. Kick myself.
I think I'm going to do this once again - binky stays home, that is. Rightly, I don't think I can expect to do a "no binky time" around naps and bedtime (not unless I want a tearful little girl begging me, pleading with me).
She doesn't actually use it, unless she is ready to sleep. But throughout the day, it is typically no where to be found and when she is ready for a nap or bedtime, it's a scramble to find that thing.
We've thought about "losing it"  . But I cannot do that to her, that's not fair. And regarding the hole in the binky, well, she regularly bites a hole into hers (habit), and rarely actually sucks on it, unless right before she drifts into sleep.
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Chris
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: March 11 2010 at 4:52pm | IP Logged
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you could give her a special "pocket" for her bed that it goes in.. so that it stays at her bed.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: March 11 2010 at 5:01pm | IP Logged
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ok so my thought with the "pcoket" is.. you'd have somewhere to put it or direct it be put during the day.. with luck you'd have fewer issues finding it for bedtime and naptime.. you'd be able to say that it has to stay in it's pocket so it can't go in the car.. and it'll be right there at her bed and you can wait on her to want it rather than automatically giving it.. it may be that she'll start keeping it there more.. and asking for it less.
If she's not sucking on it.. there's a lot less issue with teeth.. so I would probably not fuss with it more than that.. just giving it a home to be when not in use so that it's not here there and everywhere
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
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Chris V
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| Posted: March 11 2010 at 5:15pm | IP Logged
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Jodie! I this idea! And, knowing my little girl, she will too!
The best part is, that I have the cutest little pocket purse (it's actually meant for placing your tooth for the tooth-fairy under your pillow), but this application will work nicely, I believe.
Thank you!
*the teeth issue is actually what has prompted me to become a little bit more proactive with pursing the end of the binky use*, but yes, thankfully, she isn't having an issue yet...and hoping to keep it that way.
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Chris
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kbfsc
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| Posted: March 12 2010 at 6:29am | IP Logged
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I have one child who loved, loved his "pluggy." I felt uncomfortable with other peoples' opinions about it, particularly as he got older - shame on me! - so, after lots of preparation and discussions, it went away on his 4th birthday. He really handled it well, brave little man that he is.
In retrospect, however, I'm sad about the way things went. If it was a blanky or a dear teddy bear, instead of a pluggy, I don't think folks would have minded a bit to see a 6, or 7, or even 8 year old carrying it around. Why should my sweet son have to part with something dear to him because folks think "he's too old for that!"?
I know the teeth thing is an issue, so there has to be a balance somewhere - but, really, why should my friend's 8 year old still have a cherished beanie baby but my son had to part with his special pluggy at 4? (I just said that twice, didn't I?  ) .... Anyway, I feel a little like I've ranted, and not given any good advice - other than to affirm the things you said, Chris, about not saying things like "big girls don't have binkies". Good for you for being sensitive to something that is special to her.
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Kiera
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Fuzzy
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| Posted: March 12 2010 at 7:43am | IP Logged
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I like the suggestions that everyone has given with the slow weaning from the binky, especially the pocket. We are a binky family, but my history of working with teeth has always tugged at me to help them give it up when there are teeth involved.
When you feel that she is ready to let it go, I have seen a few of my friends try a method of "sending the binkies to the binky fairy." Either put them in a special place for the fairy and then replace it with a gift. They actually arranged it with grandma and grandpa.
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Angi
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| Posted: March 12 2010 at 9:18am | IP Logged
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Could you try to paci only in bed idea? Being an independent little girl, she will not want to be in bed all of the time. But the paci will be there to hold when she needs it.
Or along with the purse idea, let her carry the purse in the car, but the paci stays in the purse. This would allow her to have the paci, but now suck on it.
My twins took pacis. It was funny how the habit was broken. They were only 1. They only used a certain kind of paci that we could not find anymore in stores. They lost one, so we only had one paci. They shared it for a couple of days, but quickly realized that would not work. Both gave it up within a week. 
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Chris V
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| Posted: March 12 2010 at 4:11pm | IP Logged
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... I think this may take a bit of time. She loves the little pocket-purse, but doesn't understand why it has to stay in bed. My explanation (having nothing at all to do with straying away from the binky) was to tell her that if the pocket-purse (with the binky in it), was in her bed at all times, or perhaps just sitting on the night stand, that it would never be lost and we'd never have to scour around the house looking for it.
Her suggestion was to carry the pocket purse (with the binky in it) all day long then "I'd always know where it was", she says. Hmm, well how is that different than just carrying the binky? ; we all laughed.
Well. Baby steps will lead to toddler steps, which will lead to her being able to take a big step away from her binky. (sigh)
Patience.
I think I'll continue to plant the seeds of leaving the binky in her room, and hopefully, in due time, she'll be comfortable with that. And that may open the door for her, in feeling as though she may not need it anymore. Right now, she expressed her clear aversion to not being allowed to have it with her whenever she chooses. As her Mom, I get it. I do. I completely get it! After a lifetime (her own lifetime) of having something, only to be told that she can't have it anymore? (that's not what I said to her, but she can see through the murky veil of the "pocket-purse in the bedroom" (smart little cookie ). How confusing this must be for her.
Love and patience, from me ...
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Chris V
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| Posted: March 18 2010 at 11:46pm | IP Logged
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Well, it's likely entirely too premature to call this a success, but it is definitely a sign of things to come. My little one fell asleep tonight, for the first time (um, I think ever), without her binky.
...my only disclaimer: she didn't take a nap today (she still takes naps everyday), so utter exhaustion probably had something to do with it
The binky pocket didn't work out for her. But, I love this idea so much that I'm going to lock it into my brain, for the next in line, which although our youngest is still only 11 months old, I do really think that using a binky pocket (to be kept in bed) would be really a useful thing, if implemented at an earlier age.
So, in its stead, we decided to just drop the word "binky" from our vocabulary. So, at nap time, and at bed time, we just say "grab your blanket, time for a rest", or "grab your blanket, time for a bath", etc. and make no mention of the binky at all.
To our surprise, she never asked for it. AT ALL. It was only after our prayers had been said, the stories had been read, and her eyes started to droop, that she would rouse herself from drifting to sleep, because she would realize that she didn't have her binky in her mouth. So, we would just simply hand it to her. No big deal, really. We have no intention of withholding it from her, we just decided to not mention it ... until she does. But tonight, that didn't happen.
Hmm. We shall see what tomorrow brings.
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Chris
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SeaStar
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| Posted: March 19 2010 at 7:02am | IP Logged
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The binky is tough to let go...
We had this issue with my ds- only he was starting to have teeth issues from it (front teeth pushed forward). We went to the dentist, and I let the dentist be the authority. He talked to ds (who wasn't even three at the time).
When we got home, that was it... no more binky. He asked for it a couple of times that day, and I reminded him about what the dentist said. He cried for it that night- which was heartbreaking- but again I let the dentist be the bad guy.
Then that was it- he let it go and never asked for it again. His front teeth
self-corrected. I have never liked pacifiers since!
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Chris V
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| Posted: March 19 2010 at 8:46am | IP Logged
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SeaStar wrote:
| I have never liked pacifiers since! |
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Sigh. I know. I do suppose it's a love hate relationship. I've loved them, until now. I don't hate them (not yet), but am trying my absolute best to go about this in the most sensitive, loving, and patient way possible. If I reflect on *all* those long car trips to visit family (5,6, and 7 hours in the car), then I am immediately grateful for the binky! The waking at 2 am, 3 am, and 4 am ... I'm grateful for the binky! But now, as I contemplate how to gently encourage her to be rid of it ... not so grateful for the binky  .
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Molly Smith
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| Posted: March 19 2010 at 9:39am | IP Logged
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I only had one binky baby, but he was just shy of 5 (!) before giving it up. However, we had a very slow weaning process because he really, really needed his bink.
Our first level of detachment was just that it couldn't go in to wherever we were going--it had to stay in the car.
Next level was that it had to stay at home.
Then, it had to stay in his room, so if he needed it he had to go in his room. He didn't love being away from the action, but he'd go up for a quick fix.
Next was that binky was only for bedtime.
And finally his older cousin was coming to sleepover and he was terrified his cousin would see it, so he went to sleep that night without it.
After that night, all the binkies somehow disappeared . He was a big boy now!!
We all have fond memories of our little guy and his binky collection. He's 12 now, his teeth are straight and he still has his "binky box" where he keeps his precious collections--which now consist of pocket knives and special coins.
Now it's my one child who sucks his thumb that is causing me worry! Can't really wean it in that same way--it's such a reflex. If his mouth isn't busy talking or eating, his thumb is in it. He is a miniature version of his binky brother, so I'm not surprised by this method of comfort. I just wish it was a binky.
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Molly Smith in VA
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Topic: Easing out of a binky
