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*Lindsey*
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| Posted: Jan 28 2010 at 9:39am | IP Logged
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Title says it all, really. By the kids 8:00 bedtime I'm DONE. I want to sit down and nurse the baby and relax. Sometimes I still have to clean up the kitchen from dinner and pack DH's lunch for the next day.
All I want them to lay down and go to sleep. Our bedtime routine is pjs, brush teeth, read books (2-3), prayers, and bed. But they love to drag it on and on and I'm just really tired of it. A lot of nights I do not handle it well. 
Is this just a phase? It's been a long one, it seems!  How can I keep my cool?
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Chris V
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| Posted: Jan 28 2010 at 10:40am | IP Logged
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There are so many nights where I have shared in your misery! It seems to me that these behaviors certainly ebb and flow ~ just when my Dh and I are at our end, things begin to flow once again!
Dh and I practice what we call PP ~ Positive Parenting. Our routine is much the same as yours: bath, brush teeth, read books, pray, then bed. During the course of all of this *WE* work really (sometimes really, really ) hard at being positive about everything. Giving lots of choices (what toothbrush would you like to use, do you want to get dressed first, then brush your teeth, pick out three of your favorite books tonight, would you like to say the Our Father or talk about what you are Thankful for, do you want your light dimmed or just use the night-light, etc.) ...sounds like *too* much, but in reality, it keeps the mood light, airy, and enjoyable. If things get heated up and it's just beyond salvagable, the we make a very simple, clear ultimatum : correct the yucky behavior or we don't read stories. This seems to be the most effective because the absolutely adore their books. After all is said and done, if they continue to misbehave (after stories and when they should be resting quietly in bed), then we simply carry over our discipline to the next night...meaning, we calmly remind them that story time (the next night), is on the chopping block.
Admittedly, there are nights when they simply say "we don't care..." Oy. These are the nights when I sit with them in their room, and toghether we ask Jesus to help us be restful, quiet, loving, and kind. Sometimes I pray aloud with them to give Mommy patience and I work through my own frustration... you can imagine the look on a 5 year old's face when Mom asks Jesus to help her get the 5 year old to rest quietly in bed .
Thankfully, we now have more *good* nights than we do *frustrating* nights... but that wasn't always the case! Getting my little loves to be restful and cooperative takes all the patience I can muster ~ and I am no stranger to praying my way through the evening!
...I cannot even tell you how many times I have sang a lullabye aloud to my little ones, but in my head, I was actually saying the Hail Mary!
Wishing you peace at bedtime 
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JodieLyn
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It worked for us when the kids were all smaller to have immediate consequences. We started with the light on for a few minutes to look at books and the door open. IF they stayed in bed. If not then they lost the light (nice immediate consequence).. if they didn't stay in bed, the door got closed. We rarely got to that.. they figured out pretty quick that we were serious.
I think we also gave the no spill sippy cups of water.. no coming out asking for a cup of water that way 
When they'd lay down to look at books like they were supposed to in their few minutes of having the light on.. most of the time they were asleep in under 15 min. and we turned off the light with them asleep.
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mrsgranola
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| Posted: Jan 28 2010 at 12:30pm | IP Logged
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The only thing I can think to add is that I have seen some parents expect TOO much sleep out of their children and then they wonder why they have such battles with naps and bedtimes. Not saying that applies to you, but just thought I'd share that observation.
I lead LLL meetings for 12 years and I observed that pattern many times. A routine is important but some folks get into scheduling sleep a bit too harshly, IMHO. Everyone has different needs for sleep.
Just my $.02...
JoAnna
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Erin
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| Posted: Jan 28 2010 at 1:41pm | IP Logged
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Lindsey
We are having similar issues although I was thinking my problem is we are rather lackadaisy about routine. For a while now I've been thinking they haven't been getting enough exercise. Yesterday they started swimming lessons, their heads hit their pillows fairly early.
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mom2mpr
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I agree with Erin--the exercise and late morning sunshine helps my kiddos. Though, we haven't seen the sun in days here lately.
And getting them up. I found if I let them sleep until 9 or 10, they were cranky during the day, and then awake until all hours. So they get up at 8:30 now 
Also, when ds was littler I bathed him at 4pm. Neighbors would laugh at my heading inside at that hour, and my mom never understood, bath's are supposed to relax kids, but they wound ds up-for hours.
Can you make baby part of your stories and just nurse while reading? Mine used to crash while nursing so I could nurse them to sleep anywhere.
Today, I find I need to allow 2 hours for bedtime business. If I can get that 2 hours most nights of the week, the 2-3 that are chaos are better handled by me. When I have nights on end of heading upstairs for bedtime stuff at 10 or 11 o'clock, it just wears on me. So, finding your time and sticking to it might help.
Also, in doing this I noted dd is more cooperative. She doesn't sense my frustration? She is better able to handle the tasks because she is not quite "toast" yet?
Hope something here might help.
Tonight is ds's basketball practice and we don't get upstairs til late. I'll be thinking of you and will keep you in the prayers I am saying if things fall apart.
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*Lindsey*
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| Posted: Jan 28 2010 at 3:18pm | IP Logged
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Thank you for all the thoughts so far! I don't think the problem is too much sleep, they are all usually up by by 6:30 or 7 at the latest.
They do all have a cup of water, so that helps a bit.
Nursing the baby to sleep while reading works. But the problem is that she wakes up if I lay her down, and I can't exactly tuck kids in bed while holding a sleeping baby or else she wakes up. And if I lay her down she wakes up. The only thing I could do is nurse her to sleep in our bed before I put them to bed, but then they get wound up and run around and make a mess of what they just cleaned up. I can't count on DH every night at bedtime, either.
I do think lack of exercise could be a culprit! It's been so could here lately. What is the lowest temperature you take your littles out in? If we could hit 35 or higher, I'd take them out in a heartbeat! Maybe I could just chase them around the house for a good 10 minutes this afternoon?
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Jan 28 2010 at 3:29pm | IP Logged
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Lindsey, I let mine out until around 0* generally we don't go out much other than that.. but also know they just won't stay out very long and the cold will make them tired faster. Getting a bit cold won't hurt them. And they're not likely to hurt by the cold if they're only out for a few minutes.
BUT put on some bouncy music and dance in teh living room. The kids will LOVE it that mom is jumping around and having fun with them and it'll give everyone a good work out.
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DominaCaeli
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| Posted: Jan 28 2010 at 3:35pm | IP Logged
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*Lindsey* wrote:
| The only thing I could do is nurse her to sleep in our bed before I put them to bed, but then they get wound up and run around and make a mess of what they just cleaned up. I can't count on DH every night at bedtime, either. |
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What if you instituted a quiet time for the children after teeth-brushing that would allow you to nurse the baby to sleep (perhaps they could even be in the same room with you if they could be quiet enough not to disturb baby)? After they're cleaned up and changed into pajamas, they could look at books and take some time to wind down before bed while you're nursing. Then after the baby goes out, you take the older children into their bedroom for a book with Mommy, night prayers, and lights out.
A couple of other ideas that have helped me get through bedtime with the kids--which is probably the time during the day when I am most short-tempered....
:: My husband handles the teeth-brushing, pajama-changing part of the bedtime routine. I know you said your husband isn't available all the time, so I'm not sure if that would work at all! But mine likes the extra time with the kids, and I keep the baby in her high chair with me and get the kitchen cleaned up or a few other quick chores done. Then I head upstairs and join them for devotions. It gives me a little down time away from the kids before our other bedtime rituals, and I get a few things done that would have had to wait until after the children were out.
:: We keep our routine as simple as we can: just enough to wind down. For example, we do not read books as part of the bedtime routine--I do plenty of reading during the day, and if we have a little extra time, Daddy will read a few before we head upstairs. But taking it off the routine cuts down on the bedtime litany of to-dos. I remember Dr. Ray saying that having too many items on the bedtime schedule gives children more opportunities for stalling and more opportunities for complaining when something needs to be skipped. For us, it is bathroom chores, prayers, and bed. We keep it as simple as we can.
Just want to say that I am with you, Lindsey! The bedtime routine is usually quite calm here, but that's mostly thanks to my husband. When I handle it, it usually comes down to me barking out orders.
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florasita
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| Posted: Jan 28 2010 at 10:00pm | IP Logged
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well the big word for us when they were little was Dad he did the reading and helping with teeth etc.
also not all mum's do the dishes at night . I'm one of them I do my evening dishes in the morning after my prayer time . I'm a very early riser and very early bedtime person , unless like tonight that silly fullmoon keeping me up
my dh worked up north a lot when the kids were young so often the kids slept in our bed when he was away .
When we had older and younger children our dd was fantastic with helping with her 3yo brother while I read to the other kids . Your older ones maybe are not there yet , but in time that will come too .
The other thing that is an option are books on cd . To sit and listen as a family before bed if you are to tired to read etc.
I literally some nights could not read out loud . My voice was shot and my throat sore and dry from all our talking , read alouds etc. during the day . Books on cd can be a big life saver . dh and I also have a tv in our room , on those weeks he'd be up north the kids and I also could watch a show together .
Hope that helps a little
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Chris V
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I have to say, as with others, my Dh is a tremendous, tremendous help at bedtime . On the average evening, he takes care of the bath and teeth brushing, while I am usually nursing our baby and / or getting her to take a short evening rest. Then we do a switch-a-roo of roles and he watches our baby (sometimes she is resting, other times not), while I read stories and say prayers for the other two.
...and there are times when our baby just doesn't want Daddy at all, and those nights, my Dh takes care of the whole kitten-kaboodle. Boy. Words cannot describe my gratitude for those evenings and what he does. He is a patient, patient man. I've yet to hear him raise his voice ~ I'm pretty sure our Dc know what my raised-voice sounds like .
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Barbara C.
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Perhaps you need to restructure your routines a bit. For instance, could you extend bedtime until 8:30 to give yourself more time to clean up dinner and pack DH's lunch? Plus it might give them a little more time to get tired? Or can you move your dinner time up 30 minutes to give yourself more time before the 8:00 deadline.
Also, which ages are giving you the most trouble? Is there anything that needs to be changed with their sleeping arrangements...does one kid need to be isolated for keeping the others awake.
You've got a lot on your plate four kids six and under AND being pregnant. We've been having a lot of issues with bedtime lately since we moved our four-year-old in with our seven-year-old. It was not pleasant to say the least. And I had to do it on my own because I knew my husband's presence would just stir the kids up more. So, lots of hugs and prayers coming your way.
I've had to do a lot of tweaking in the past few weeks to make it manageable. We start at 9:00 with snacks, getting dressed/teeth brushed, and then a story in bed. Most nights I wouldn't get out of there until after 11:00, but now I consider it victory if I leave their room by 10:30 (and not have to go back). Thankfully, my toddler is very good at entertaining herself while I deal with her big sisters...then she gets her ten-minute routine.
As my four-year-old gets older, I hope to get out of there even sooner (especially with a baby coming in June). But right now I have to be very aware of whether she is really tired yet or getting overtired and shorten or prolong the routine accordingly. If she needs another ten minutes to get tired, she won't be still and stay in bed. If she gets over-tired she won't be quiet (lots of crying) and starts beating up her sister.
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Barbara C.
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I have this theory that getting ONE small child to sleep is a lot like coordinating space shuttle take-offs and landings.
1. You have to find the perfect "window" between not-yet-tired and over-tired.
2. If you miss your window, you may have to wait a long-time for the next one.
3. You have to use a variety of ever-changing factors to calculate an approximate "sleep window" such as age, temperament, individual sleep requirements, wake-up times, activity levels, illness, and scheduling issues.
4. You must be able to observe and interpret last minute data, such as the child's behavioral changes leading up to and during bedtime routines, and adjust accordingly.
5. You have to train your little "astronauts" about their responsibilities.
6. You have to have policies in place to prevent or handle emergency situations, like drinks of water or last-minute bathroom breaks.
7. You have to pray that everything runs relatively smoothly and no one crashes and burns, especially you.
*Of course the difficulty and stress increases when you have more than one young child to deal with. You hope that you can get at least a few on the same shuttle.
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mom2mpr
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Barbara C. wrote:
I have this theory that getting ONE small child to sleep is a lot like coordinating space shuttle take-offs and landings.
1. You have to find the perfect "window" between not-yet-tired and over-tired.
2. If you miss your window, you may have to wait a long-time for the next one.
3. You have to use a variety of ever-changing factors to calculate an approximate "sleep window" such as age, temperament, individual sleep requirements, wake-up times, activity levels, illness, and scheduling issues.
4. You must be able to observe and interpret last minute data, such as the child's behavioral changes leading up to and during bedtime routines, and adjust accordingly.
5. You have to train your little "astronauts" about their responsibilities.
6. You have to have policies in place to prevent or handle emergency situations, like drinks of water or last-minute bathroom breaks.
7. You have to pray that everything runs relatively smoothly and no one crashes and burns, especially you.
*Of course the difficulty and stress increases when you have more than one young child to deal with. You hope that you can get at least a few on the same shuttle. |
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This is GREAT!!
Thanks for my giggle today....it is all so true....
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Chris V
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Agreed Anne! All of your points, Barbara, are so, so true!
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Nique
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Lindsey, appreciate this thread! Am learning as I go, and still making mistakes! So it helps to see what's worked for others. Lots of good advice here!!
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BlessedBGod
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As a foster/adoptive mom, often with hyper kids at bedtime, I find it's much easier to do prayer times an hour before bedtime. The pediatrician I went to last week said that six-year-olds still needs naptimes. She said even the ones in public school need a naptime when they get home. Then they aren't overtired at bedtime at night, which is a little later if they napped. It's so much easier to stagger bedtimes just a little even by fifteen minutes. Growing up with my mom's good friend nearby with nine children, she always spent fifteen minutes of individual time with each of them at bedtime. (There weren't nine little ones all at once, of course.) Their ages were spread apart. T.V.'s and such should be shut off way before getting ready for bed. Letting the kids know the time increments before they get ready is good for alot of them. You know, saying, "Fifteen minutes" or ""Five Minutes". I have strict bedtimes so that I can continue to do what I do with the fostering and not get burnt out from lack of 'mommmytime'. -BlessedBGod JMJ, homeschooling for fourteen years, ds's 18, 17, 6 and ds's 6 and fd 1.
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kingvozzo
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Something we've done lately is say our prayers before we read our books rather than after. Then DH goes downstairs and gets started on the night chores (usually dishes, God bless him!). I read books for a bit, but if the children start misbehaving or whining, it's easy to stop and put them to bed right away. It's a powerful incentive for my kids.
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*Lindsey*
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This thread is a goldmine!
We've been eating dinner a little earlier and pushing bedtime back a little and it seems to be helping. I've also been setting the timer so the bigger kids can see how much time they have left. Reading books is happening during the day and before dinner, not right before bed.
And I've been reading the thread on gentleness and it's helping so much.
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Lindsey
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SuzanneG
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*Lindsey* wrote:
| And I've been reading the thread on gentleness and it's helping so much. |
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This one?
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: How to keep my cool at bedtime?
