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Maddie
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| Posted: Dec 18 2009 at 10:07am | IP Logged
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 I'm walking very gingerly here after reading the thread on not becoming one of "those" parents. But! My 18yos wants to grow side burns and a beard. ((sigh)) It's scraggly, I do make him keep it trimmed looking, but it's just not coming in well and he won't give it up. Granted, his paid job is reenacting which is why he wants to have it, but it drives me crazy. He's just a pup.
I need some advice from moms who have been here. I don't want a momma's boy, but I want him to look nice and not like he's living in 1860 all the time! What to do?
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: Dec 18 2009 at 10:31am | IP Logged
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Well...its not big harm or big damage so at 18 I would let is slide. I probably couldn't resist making a kindly joke or 2 about it (we joke here and my boys aren't sensitive to something like this.)
But so you don't feel alone in this, my 14yo ds injured his knee and has decided to grow out his hair while recovering...to the tune of 6-8 weeks! He was already due for a haircut so...I feel your pain, Maddie  .
Love,
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Angie Mc
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Dec 18 2009 at 10:52am | IP Logged
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It's better to back off and let him be.
BUT you might consider doing some research for him on how to get it to grow in better.. I seem to remember something about shaving helping with that?  It might at least get him clean shaven for Christmas.
Oh can I tell a funny about my much younger son? He's only 11 but a sister was teasing him about being "mustache boy" and he was getting a bit upset.. so I grabbed him and said "you have a mustache??? you're to young for that.. give it to me" while holding out my hand.. made them all break up laughing.
He has dark brown hair so the very fine hairs over his lip have a bit of color.. only a sister wanting to annoy would call it a mustache
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Tami
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| Posted: Dec 18 2009 at 10:56am | IP Logged
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I agree with Angie. And I know, Maddie, it's tough to look at, but, since it's for work, I'd let them handle it. If he doesn't look suitable, they'll let him know. Bosses can be wonderful 
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When we are crushed like grapes, we cannot think of the wine we will become. (Nouwen)
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Bookswithtea
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| Posted: Dec 18 2009 at 12:34pm | IP Logged
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My 16 yr old wears a scruffy chin and side burns. It fills in well enough and he trims it regularly. I'm ok with that. At 18 I wouldn't say anything.
Its the recent decision not to cut his hair that is  to me. I don't like the "Shaggy" look (thinking Scooby Doo, here).
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Martha
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| Posted: Dec 18 2009 at 12:46pm | IP Logged
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Oh my. People still fret over hair??
I don't care as long as it's clean and kept.
Of course I am really enjoying my Christmas-y dark purple tips that I just had put in my hair. My 8 yr old really likes the two holiday red streaks she has. We feel very festive.
And my ds15 has some darkening little more than peach fuzz mustache and goatee thing going. We'll be getting him razors soon. If he wants to shave smooth - fine. If not - fine as long as he keeps it trimmed. Dh says most boys hate shaving bc it can be a royal pain with acne and they think (often rightly) that they will be taken more serious if they look more mature. This is especially true for "baby faced" guys.
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Martha
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crusermom
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I pick my battles and hair on the head or on the face is not one of them. My 18 y.o. son has been participating in "No Shave November" and still has not shaved. I guess it is a tradition at some colleges. He will get off the plane tomorrow and I will just have to grin and bear it - I will be so happy to have him home!
Martha - Do you do all that coloring yourself? That is so fun.
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Bookswithtea
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mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and due 9/10
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organiclilac
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I'd let it go, but I am also currently allowing my 8-year-old to grow out his hair as long as he wants. He's quite a shaggy mess at the moment, but it's his head. 
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lapazfarm
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My kids' hair (facial and cranial) is their business. Though I do ask ds to cut his if I cannot see his eyes. The only thing I insist on is that it is kept clean and it is brushed before church.
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SuzanneG
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lapazfarm wrote:
| Though I do ask ds to cut his if I cannot see his eyes. The only thing I insist on is that it is kept clean and it is brushed before church. |
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Now that you say that, those were my parents' rules too.
::No oily-grossy-hair.
::Must be clean and brushed for Mass.
I also remember my dad always keeping sort of a funny-sarcastic, yet still lightly-critical attitude about it. Someone would ask, "How do you like my haircut/hair/outfit/whatever?" And, if he didn't approve, he would get this blank-raised-eyebrow-look on his face and just shake his head and sort of chuckle. We all knew what THAT meant! So, it was obviously "disapproval", but in a funny way....so it never drew us AWAY from him, cuz we were LAUGHING. But we also learned what was "weird" in an indirect way. Humor and light sarcasm go a long way!
Unless, it was an issue of modesty or something more "serious"...that was different.
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Martha
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| Posted: Dec 18 2009 at 3:48pm | IP Logged
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Oh no! *I* would never do anything that doesn't wash out. I'm craft/decorating/style impaired. We'd end up bald if I was doing it!
A couple months ago my mil got me a gift cert to a spa for my birthday, which made everyone in the house laugh really hard bc it is very much not me.
But my dd8 is very much a girly girl, and I just this week was able to have dh watch the other kids so we could go for a girls afternoon. Hair and manicures. I had a great time seeing my girl glow over a rare no brothers around treat.
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Martha
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mimmyof5
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| Posted: Dec 21 2009 at 12:33pm | IP Logged
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My mil raised 10 boys. They all started growing beards, sideburns, mustaches early in high school (over summer break), and as soon as they were out of high school, jobs allowing, they all had beards. My dh pushed his sideburns to the limit (school dress code). His mother never worried about whiskers. Her attitude was that they're men, men have whiskers, let them be. They are all very upstanding and successful husbands and fathers, complete with facial hair of some kind, plus a ponytail in one case.
Of course, I have all girls, but if we had been blessed with boys, we would have followed the same course.
Janet
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sewcrazy
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My 15 year old had a head of shaggy hair, but my dh picked and picked at him about it so much, that in a fit of temper, my ds cut it all off. Personally, I dont care, its hair! And it was a way to seperate himself from big brother who has to have a military cut for school.
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LeeAnn
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sewcrazy
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My 15 year old had a head of shaggy hair, but my dh picked and picked at him about it so much, that in a fit of temper, my ds cut it all off. Personally, I dont care, its hair! And it was a way to seperate himself from big brother who has to have a military cut for school.
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LeeAnn
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stacykay
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My oldest ds (now 21) could grow a full beard, if his private high school had let him, by the time he was 14. He did let it grow during the summers, and he has gone back and forth with beard, mustache, both, none, since graduation. His beard, funnily enough, comes in red, as opposed to his hair, which is going from dark blonde to brown.
He looks so much older with the facial hair, and, I do think, in a couple of circumstances, it cost him a couple of job opportunities. I did have images of Grizzly Adams run through my head!
I never said a whole lot about it. Just offered a beard trimming kit and such. He's pretty level-headed, so I didn't sweat this bit of teen/young adult expression.
My next son does not have the facial hair growing ability, and when his lax team was gearing up for their finals, all the boys decided not to shave. It was rather amusing to see the assorted, um...."beards" that they grew.
Welcome, Maddie, to this rite of parental passage!
God Bless,
Stacy in MI
p.s. After growing a full beard, my oldest, whose head is follically-challenge (just like my dad was!) decided to just shave and be bald.  He actually looked good, but it took a long time for me to get used to!
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Maddie
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| Posted: Dec 21 2009 at 6:57pm | IP Logged
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This is a challenge! Thank you for all the replies, I guess I will just encourage keeping it trim and not bud in. Man, is it hard. I know he needs this area to assert himself, he is a very good son. (he took his 2yo sister today into the kitchen to make sugar cookies with her so I could rest  ) I will just back off. Guess it could be worse!
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florasita
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| Posted: Jan 19 2010 at 8:18am | IP Logged
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well our boys would love to have facial hair unfortunately they are just like thier dad and rarely if ever would have to shave . dh said the bonus is that they probably will never go bald
my family on both parents side had men who had to shave even twice per day so my dh was an amzing change . personally being the women who beards etc. leave hives on my face after a kiss or hug I like a man with no hair on the chin
I think the idea to look up beard growing and edicate is a very good idea .we have beard growing contest here for festival de voyeger maybe your ds could look up how men care for facial hair for these events ?
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Lara Sauer
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I always tell my kids that their punishment for the awful styles they choose will come when they have to show pictures of themselves taken during said period...to future wife/husband prospects...or even worse...to future children of their own!
If they think that they will be able to endure such wrath...then all bets are off!
Happily...my kids are pretty tame, although I have had a mohawk or two, and some blonds turned red for the summer...
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: young men and facial hair
