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kbfsc
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| Posted: Nov 12 2009 at 9:43am | IP Logged
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Not sure if I'm posting this is the right place, but I'm wondering what folks think about children that have anxiety performing in front of groups.
Our co-op has a "Poetry and Potluck" event in about a month, and we've been busily preparing simple selections for my second-grader to present to the group. The kids are usually split into the 3rd and unders and 4th thru 8th graders, so he'll be presenting to what I would think are non-threatening little folks. But he's completely freaked out about it.
He's been performing his poems for me for about a month. This month I've asked him to perform for his siblings. (Which he has completely freaked out about, and we have yet to do it.) The thought was to work up to performing for grandparents and perhaps some neighbors so that, when the big day comes, he'll have gotten used to performing. But it seems to have become a seriously uphill battle.
I have felt like this was an important undertaking ever since a seasoned home school mama suggested that this aspect of education - speaking and performing for a group of peers - is the one thing lacking in a home education setting. Made sense to me. And this child happens to be quite dramatic and gregarious.
Any thoughts? Do folks think this is worth the battle? Should I wait a year or two?
Thanks, all!
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Kiera
happy mama of ds '02, dd '03, ds '06, dd '09 and little ones in heaven
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: Nov 12 2009 at 10:12am | IP Logged
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I'd wait. That always terrified me as a child and I wish I hadn't been forced to do it.It didn't help at all. I eventually grew out of it as a teenager when I started doing drama, but that was on my terms, you know?
Just my humble opinion.
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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donnalynn
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SuzanneG
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I'd wait. This isn't something I'd ever force a child to do. It doesn't sound like this is something that will be developed over a few months....probably more like years. Which is fine....one of the benefits of homeschooling!
Reciting/performing should be FUN at that age! I'd keep having him perform for you, so he is developing the skill of reciting, and continue to invite him (casually, non-chalantly) to do it with his sibs when they are, but when he says, No....my response would be just a light-hearted "OK!"
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Suzanne in ID
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JodieLyn
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Does anyone else in your home "perform"? Can you make it more casual at home and less of a performance? For instance, I'll recite a poem to a child I'm cuddling instead of singing a song sometimes. It's very casual and hardly a performance. But it is in front of others. And children learn best from example.
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LisaD
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I would not insist that a child participate, if he is freaked out about it! Let him observe this time, and perform his piece for his family.
We have poetry recitals, catechism bees, geography bees, etc. in our homeschool group. My daughter (10) is fine with speaking in front of others. The younger boys (8 and 6) do not like it at all. They would make themselves sick if they were forced to do this and I never would make them.
I do have them watch in the audience, though, so that they can see that it doesn't have to be a stressful endeavor, and that perfection is not required of anyone. My older son is starting to come around, I think, because he said that next year he wants to participate in the All Saints' pageant where each child has to speak briefly about the saint they are representing.
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MarieC
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I agree with the responses of not to force a child of that age to perform.
That said, however, I do want to share what happened with one of my children when she was a young 8 year old.
She was part of a swim team and very excited about it; however, when it came time to dive into the water she just stood there crying. This happened for 2 or 3 meets. We eventually had a talk about fear and that fear can come from the devil. She began asking St. Michael to pray for her and she said she would say to herself, "Get behind me stinking little satan!"
She's been diving in ever since and looks back proudly at conquering her fear in this situation. It should be noted that this is the most gentle, non-assertive child we've got, so this was a big step for her.
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Marie
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ekbell
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Public speaking or performing is one of the areas which I don't worry about 'leaving too late' as there are many, many resources for older children and adults.
I think that I did more solo speaking in the four months of the Public speaking course I took in University then in the previous thirteen years of schooling. It was a course for all of us who had carefully avoided public speaking during our school years and it was very helpful. (I must admit that when I was a child I had some conveniently timed bouts of 'illness' to avoid public speaking )
It may be worth *gentle* pushing to have your child 'perform' before his siblings or grandparents but I think that this is one of the areas where a desire to succeed needs to come from the child. If the child isn't ready to work at his fears then it's likely to end in tears leaving the child more rather then less afraid.
I've found that my children have been most happy to start performing as part of a choir. My oldest dd has been ready to do non-speaking parts in plays next. I fully expect her to move towards speaking parts eventually.
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jenk
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Another vote for waiting and letting him observe. He may decide that he'd like to do it once he's there but if not, I wouldn't push it. We do something similar with a Geography Club but it's very casual and the kids are not required to present their projects- most end up wanting to and some end up wanting to but only with help from mom or siblings.
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Jen
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CrunchyMom
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I think stage fright/public speaking is one of the top ten phobias suffered. I agree that forcing the issue so young would probably not help. I might push it further at home in front of family, but doing it in public is something that many, many adults fear, most of whom were public school educated  I wouldn't push it, personally.
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Lindsay
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kbfsc
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| Posted: Nov 12 2009 at 10:39pm | IP Logged
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Thanks for all your helpful replies, ladies! All affirmation for what I was beginning to feel: the stress and tears are not worth it in second grade. Or any time very soon, probably.
I do like the idea of continuing to work on memorization and performance in our home - that way he's prepared if and when he should feel ready to give public performance a shot.
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Kiera
happy mama of ds '02, dd '03, ds '06, dd '09 and little ones in heaven
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: performance anxiety
