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Jess
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| Posted: Oct 12 2009 at 10:11pm | IP Logged
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I am currently tandem nursing our 2 1/2 yr old and our 4 week old. While I was pregnant the toddler nursed mainly in the morning, mid-day or for a nap, and at bed time. Since I have had the baby, she want to nurse all the time. I knew this would happen since my milk came back full force  and I read in Adventures in Tandem Nursing that the toddler may nurse like a newborn again. I was wondering however, how long she will do this? Or how long I should let her? We have always had trouble getting her to eat food and she was doing a lot better before the baby was born and now she is back to refusing to eat and only wanting to nurse.She is getting really demanding about nursing and just cries and cries if I tell her she needs to wait (like if I am trying to eat and I get her to try to eat or tell her she has to wait until after lunch to nurse she just falls apart). I would really like to get her to a better schedule for nursing. Well not really a schedule but where she doesn't want to nurse a million times a day so she will eat a little better, but without her being so upset when I tell her not right now (especially during meal times).
Help!
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Jess
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wife to dh('96)
mama to dd(13), dd(11), ds(9), dd(6), and dd (2), and baby girl born Sept 14!
star cottage
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Nique
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| Posted: Oct 12 2009 at 10:28pm | IP Logged
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Perhaps if you gave her specific times...after "Dora" in the morning (and the baby gets her share first, until then;) and then after naptime, then after the Family Rosary..narrowing it down to three times a day, for example. Maybe make a picture poster on the wall, so she can see when it will be her turn? (Put a picture up of Dora, a child sleeping, a Rosary?)
This is such a challenging time. Said a Rosary for you's! Hang in there you good Mommy you!
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Leocea
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| Posted: Oct 12 2009 at 11:04pm | IP Logged
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Jess,
I am in this exact same situation right now. 
My older one is 3 1/2 and my younger one is 6 weeks today. Since the baby was born, she has wanted to nurse so much! If I don't let her, she screams kicks, and throw things. Sometimes I give in, and sometimes I don't. I try to tell her that she can only nurse in the morning and at bedtime (my goal), but she is just furious. She looks a little chubbier, too, lol.
It is cute to watch them nurse together. :-) She lays on her back, and the baby lays on top of her, across her stomach. She rubs the baby's head.
I try to switch the baby to the side she had first, to get more hindmilk. I have had tiny, slow growers before. It will be interesting to see what happens here. I know that I am SOOOO hungry, and have lost weight. I think some of us had the swine flu in August, and want her to get the immunities, too.
I think tomorrow will be a day with lots of nursing, as my husband is working nights, and she wakes him up when she screams.
It isn't that I really don't want to nurse her, and it doesn't irritate me as I thought it would. I just don't feel like nursing at that time, or I really have something that needs to be done. I am torn between making her happy and just letting her nurse, and setting limits and having her scream. Why giving her what she wants irritates me now, when before I always nursed on demand, I don't know.
When I need to end a nursing, she will count to ten and let go. I may work with that some.
This is long and rambling, but not much help, I guess. I empathize, though, and hope you and your toddler settle into a nice routine. 
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Rosesinsummer
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| Posted: Oct 13 2009 at 10:05am | IP Logged
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I tandem nursed my oldest and youngest dds. It is definitely challenging, and not uncommon for the older nursling to start nursing more when the newborn arrives. I was very fortunate to have my mom stay with us for the first 6 weeks, so that was extremely helpful in setting up routines and boundaries. My mom was able to help distract my dd to other activities and foods to decrease the frequency of nursing. When they did tandem, it was so sweet. Once she learned how to do it "nicely", she was very loving toward her sister.
My suggestion would be to try to entice your dd was special activities during your nursing time-- a favorite toy, book, or show to watch that she can do nearby where you are nursing. Or maybe make a snack that she can eat while your nurse (my youngest often will pick juice over nursing now if she is attempting to nurse out of hunger).
I also like the previous posters suggestion of setting up a picture chart so she knows when it's time for her to nurse.
Enjoy this time. It's can be challenging, but it is also a very great time for bonding and snuggles, too.
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Jess
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| Posted: Oct 13 2009 at 11:09am | IP Logged
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It is very sweet to see them nursing together. And my toddler has definately packed on a few pounds
I feel the same way about whether to let her scream or cry or just let her nurse. I have definately lost a lot of baby weight fast and I am starving all the time (compounded by giving up dairy to see if it helps the baby's tummy).
We do the same by counting or saying the abc's when I am ready for her to be done.
She never really had a schedule before the baby was born, I just don't think she was getting much so she was just comfort nursing. But now she is getting lots so she wants to nurse more.
I guess I will try to cut her back some and see if she can wait until after meal times so she will eat, but I think that is why she gets so upset because she is hungry and would rather nurse than eat. She has never been a goood eater.
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Jess
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wife to dh('96)
mama to dd(13), dd(11), ds(9), dd(6), and dd (2), and baby girl born Sept 14!
star cottage
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Lisbet
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| Posted: Oct 13 2009 at 11:27am | IP Logged
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It's a milky party woot woot! Jess, I've been tandem nursing non-stop for almost 13 years now - and I've never found the magic bullet for this problem. My toddlers always go on a nursing frenzy after a sibling is born and it last for a few months. I do set limits, but I try to remain flexible about them too. Try to enjoy it - I know it can be challenging though. Big Hugs!!
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Lisa, wife to Tony,
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Jess
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| Posted: Oct 13 2009 at 1:41pm | IP Logged
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In our case it is a "nonnie" party I hear "can I have my nonnies please?" a lot and she has such a cute voice and makes this cute face that it is really hard to resist.
Thanks Lisa, I was just kind of wondering how long she will be on a nursing frenzy. I can handle a few months. I kind of figured she would taper off a little as she gets older. It is kind of nice though when I need one side to be drained a little more than the baby can do right now. She is more than happy to help out 
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God bless,
Jess
+JMJ+
wife to dh('96)
mama to dd(13), dd(11), ds(9), dd(6), and dd (2), and baby girl born Sept 14!
star cottage
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jdostalik
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| Posted: Oct 14 2009 at 8:03am | IP Logged
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I love tandem nursing, though it is very challenging at times (pregnancy, with a newborn!!). But I echo Lisa's advice, in fact, I was about to post what she said word for word.
One of the best things is what you mention about being overfull--I haven't had to worry about engorgement since I brought my first baby home from the hospital 14 years ago--wonderful!!! 
Hugs and prayers for you--you have a great attitude, Jess!
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Jennifer in TX
wife to Bill, mom to six here on earth and eight in heaven.
Let the Little Ones Come
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RA's Mom
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| Posted: Oct 16 2009 at 3:17pm | IP Logged
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Thank you for the post, Jess. I should have written one sooner because I am in the exact same situation - a two year old who had just taken to food and has barely taken a solid meal since little brother arrived six weeks ago.
She'd never cried about nursing like she does now and that was very wearying. I felt guilty because I hadn't wanted to wean and make her feel displaced by #2 but she seemed to feel like that anyway. And I also feel bad leaving ds hanging while dd gets "five minutes" since she never needed to wait five minutes for anyone. Now that we're starting to figure out tricks for distracting her, nursing two at once etc I've had a couple calming thoughts.
(1) They're learning to share, which is the whole point of having siblings.
(2) The older one is going through a huge transition and it's okay to baby her a little
Peace be with you
Karen
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melanie
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| Posted: Oct 24 2009 at 10:48am | IP Logged
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I'm so glad to have found this thread, thank you! I was just getting ready to post something about this and checked the archives first...I have a 16 month old and I'm 4 months pregnant. This is the first time I've had two so close together, so I've never had to worry about tandem nursing before. But my 16 month old shows no signs of weaning herself anytime soon, and I don't want to force her. It would be nice if she self-weaned before April...on the other hand, it would be nice to have the help when engorgement kicks in, .
My midwife is bugging me to wean her. I don't know why. She's kind of...odd. I'm very, erm, well nourished, lol, no worries there, I have big babies, full-term pregnancies, and always make plenty of milk, so I don't really see the need to push her to wean, you know? And she *loves* her nuh-nuh's so much...she was only nursing to go to sleep a few months ago, but then she kind of renewed her interest in nursing and nurses several times a day again. It wouldn't be easy to wean her now, by any means, and with cold and flu season upon us I'd really like her to have breastmilk anyway.
Oops...her sister left her cereal bowl out on the table and now she's found it. Gotta go!
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: tandem nursing question
