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LucyP
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| Posted: Sept 21 2009 at 9:21am | IP Logged
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I am just wondering what to do about a couple of issues with my dear little ones, and would like to know if it seems "normal" to other mamas and if not, what you would do about it!
Our 5 year old (almost 6) still has tantrums. He screams, flails, hits me, cries, flings himself around. Usually over being told he may not do/have something - for example, today he hot his sister on the head with a plank of wood and as a consequence had his remote control car removed - at the park he started tantruming over not having the car, and screamed and sobbed and jumped up and down on the spot all the way round the park. Right now, I am going back to ignoring his tantrums as I used to when he was a toddler - we spent a few years, nurturing him or holding him through them, but he is now pure muscle and very strong so I get hurt. Our daughter and I leave the room or walk away, and only if essential I will carry/drag him to his room so the tantrum is away from us.
Query #2 is about our daughter who is just shy of 2 and a half. She came to us at 6 months and even then used to appear to "see things", as she became verbal she would tell us she could see things (usually men) and she would act exactly as if she could see things (tracking her eyes, moving her head etc). Over the past months, she has been saying that she can hear the people she sees telling her things, and she is now reporting that they are telling her not to tell us what they say and acting as if she is afraid of someone/something. There is an increased risk of mental health issues for her but our reading suggests she is too young for it to show up. I usually tell her that I can't see anything (but that upsets her more) and try to comfort her (she will often get distressed - almost panting with fear) and bless her with holy water, say prayers, tell "them" to go away in Jesus Name, and remind her that she belongs to Jesus and has an angel to watch her. I know children have imaginary friends (but these scare her) but do they act as if it is real, consistently, at her sort of age and younger?
Sorry for the long post - just trying to work out what I should do...
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SusanJ
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Lucy,
I will pray for both of these concerns for you. I don't have any experience with your daughter's situation.
With regard to your son . . . my son who is just about five is extremely sensitive. He is not quite as physical as your son--partly because of his disability, I'm sure--but he will still often cry until he throws up over small things. And my daughter . . . she's only three but she behaves as you describe your son more often than I'd like and I would not be surprised if we are still seeing it in three years.
I'm not usually one for parenting books but dh and I really felt we were at the end of our resources with dd and we recently read Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. We really loved it. I especially liked that she focuses on putting a positive spin on things that we would tend to address negatively and that she does a lot with understanding yourself and how you parent. We found it quite helpful.
Prayers for you!
Susan
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guitarnan
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| Posted: Sept 21 2009 at 10:14am | IP Logged
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Another vote for RYSC!
This book changed my life. My son had tantrums until he was 6 - but the book taught ME how to figure out the triggers that were setting him off, and, most importantly, how to advocate for him.
I also learned a lot about myself and dh - this book really helped me get my parenting act together.
I would suggest, for your daughter, that you keep a diary of when she sees her men and share this information with your doctor soon. Many children have imaginary friends but this sounds more serious, because they are telling her to do (or not do) certain things.
I'll be praying for you, too!
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Milehimama
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My son had issues like that. Usually, he would see/hear wolves though. The tantrums were horrible. I think you should see your ped. about the hallucinations. I would ALSO see your priest - ours gave my son a special blessing/exorcism prayer and it did help. I went because my son was starting school and I was terrified he'd be kicked out the first day, LOL!
We did eventually get a diagnosis of bipolar for him. He was always EXTREME in almost everything he did from the age of 12 months or so.
I treat him with more natural approaches, such as changing his diet and using vitamins and supplements, rather than pharmaceuticals/antipsychotics.
If your child is more than "high spirited" I HIGHLY recommend the books:
Transforming the Difficult Child, the Nurtured Heart Approach by Dr. Howard Glasser
and
The Explosive Child, by Dr. Ross Greene.
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mary theresa
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Milehimama wrote:
| I would ALSO see your priest - ours gave my son a special blessing/exorcism prayer and it did help. |
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I would do this too for your little girl, Lucy.
If it were one of mine showing worrying signs like that I would immediately take him or her to a holy priest or exorcist to be prayed over, or "delivered" if necessary. Especially if she were adopted and I didn't know what may have happened to her before she was 6 mos or what her biological ancestors may have been involved in. A priest once told me that such things, once allowed in, get "passed on" through family lines, through no fault of the descendant. If normal prayers and holy water don't work, then maybe the problem is stronger or deeper and you need a priest. There are prayers that are more powerfully worded and use specific language.
I'm sorry -- I don't mean to sound wierd or make you more worried. 
I will be praying for you and your little ones. God bless you!
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mother to 3 little girls --March '06, Dec '07 and Jan '10
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stacykay
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mary theresa wrote:
Milehimama wrote:
| I would ALSO see your priest - ours gave my son a special blessing/exorcism prayer and it did help. |
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I would do this too for your little girl, Lucy.
If it were one of mine showing worrying signs like that I would immediately take him or her to a holy priest or exorcist to be prayed over, or "delivered" if necessary. Especially if she were adopted and I didn't know what may have happened to her before she was 6 mos or what her biological ancestors may have been involved in. A priest once told me that such things, once allowed in, get "passed on" through family lines, through no fault of the descendant. If normal prayers and holy water don't work, then maybe the problem is stronger or deeper and you need a priest. There are prayers that are more powerfully worded and use specific language.
I'm sorry -- I don't mean to sound wierd or make you more worried.
I will be praying for you and your little ones. God bless you! |
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Same here, but wanted to second/third or fourth going to your priest. I was listening to a show on Catholic radio a month or so ago, can't remember the show, and the priest who was the guest was an exorcist for ...I think the LA, CA diocese. He talked about investigating our ancestors and "binding their sins," so to speak, as they do affect us. I had never heard this before, and found it quite interesting, which is probably why I remembered this. Just wanted to share that little bit. I will pray for your dc and you!
God Bless,
Stacy in MI
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doris
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My 5yo dd still has tantrums. Just to add to the suggestions, there's also 'The Difficult Child' by Stanley Turecki (unfortunate title, good book).
I will pray for you about the issue with your daughter. My eldest dd had some related issues when she was about 6. I had lots of good advice, including doing the St Michael prayer (I expect you do so already) and also the St Benedict prayer. The latter is quite 'full on' so I used to do it after they were asleep...
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wifemommy
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My son at about 3 or 4 started having out of control tantrums they would go on and on he just couldn't get a grip and actually it scared him a bit. It was definately different from the norm. I did a bunch of research on possible causes because sometimes it would be fine. It turned out to be a fairly easy fix no food coloring. We eliminated all dyes at it was an instant fix. He is almost 10 now and still fine he can now have blue and yellow dye but he is afraid to try red. Hope things get better Annie
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Milehimama
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The no food coloring is the diet I spoke of above that we use with our son!
We do a Feingold-type diet. No food colors, no artificial sweeteners, no MSG, no BHA/BHT/THBQ.
And The Difficult Child was good, too! I think I must have read every "strong willed child" type book when my son was age 2-5, LOL. The Difficult Child is actually a staple of the genre, I think. It's referenced in almost every other parenting/strong willed/explosive book I read.
One thing about my son's tantrums is that he often wouldn't remember parts of them - he was quite literally out of his (ever-lovin') mind. For example, he would break a toy during a meltdown - then later ask me who broke the toy.
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jdostalik
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Lots of good advice for you, Lucy, so I will just add my prayers! Hugs.
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God Bless,
Jennifer in TX
wife to Bill, mom to six here on earth and eight in heaven.
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Waverley
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Lucy,
I too have a child that struggles with disappointment and frustration. I wanted you to know that you are not alone. We currently have a mental health diagnosis for our child but have read and gotten valuable information from the books discussed above.
The one thing I work the hardest on but has been crucial is not giving the child negative energy when he/she is struggling. As I say, it's hard because my response after 30 minutes of the child raging is to get angry and raise my voice or threaten punishment. Not giving the child negative energy does not mean that I always hold the child during the out-of-control behavior. I will often distance myself physically from the child. I often simply sit nearby. Most of the time I pray and ask for peace for my child and patience for myself.
Good luck to you.
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Waverley
wife to Dh for 19 years, dd (16), dd (11), dd (8), ds (6), dd (4), dd (9-13-1996)
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Caroline
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With my 5yo ds (who is definitely spirited), I've noticed that tantrums happen when he hasn't slept enough. We went through a really rough patch at the beginning of the summer and I realized that he wasn't getting anywhere near enough sleep (he was up at dawn and didn't fall asleep until nearly 9). His behavior is best when he gets 10.5 to 11 hours a night. Once we adjusted things to make his sleeping easier, our life was much better. I hope this helps.
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CatholicMommy
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Regarding your daughter - I agree with others' suggestions, but also will point out that there could be some environmental things going on as well. I have known children who have been SO sensitive to electromagnetic radiation and the like that they would literally see/feel/hear/taste/smell things/people/sensations, etc. It was really nerve-wracking - until they discovered the sources of leaks (usually around electric sources of course, but other sources as well)- took care of it - and the problems cleared up right away.
Just wanted to add that additional insight....
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Is this normal? Please let me know!
