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Sharyn
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| Posted: Sept 12 2009 at 3:45am | IP Logged
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I'd love to know what other's do when it comes to telling your husband what things a child has done that they shouldn't have. What's your criteria? And how do you go about doing it?
I will resolve something with a child during the day; sorries are said,promises are made not to do it again, etc. But if it's a 'bigish' thing I tell 'dad' later on. Often I'm left feeling like a talebearer when I do this. I'd just love some wisdom on this one.
Thanks so much,
Sharyn
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Bridget
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| Posted: Sept 12 2009 at 8:08am | IP Logged
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I tell him if it's a 'biggish' thing or if it's something I know he can work on better than I. Or sometimes we have an ongoing issue he specifically wants to know about. Or if it's just plain funny. I guess I tell him pretty much everything except the daily, piddly disagreements.
It's not tale bearing. This is his family, how can he raise the children with you unless he knows what is going on? Unless he hates dealing with problems and would prefer you just take care of it, he is the dad and needs to know what is happening with his children. Both the problems and the good things!
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Martha
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I pretty much tell my dh everything. The good the bad the ugly messes. After watching Toy Story a few weeks ago one of the kids started saying "They are one!" refering the the shared mind of the alien toys. Lol
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Martha
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CrunchyMom
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| Posted: Sept 12 2009 at 9:11am | IP Logged
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Like Martha, I tell dh pretty much everything.
However, my dh will ask when he gets home or over dinner, "were you boys good for mom" or if he's caught wind (yk, like I broke down and called him at work) "I hear you have been trouble for your mom."
Then, I try to present things honestly but not harshly making sure to add in any good things or amends they may have made, etc... Often, they boys will admit the bad things before I say anything.
Sometimes I am vague in front of the boys (Well, we had a hard time listening and obeying today) and detailed in private (Aaaaaagh! K was an absolute terror today!).
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Lindsay
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sewcrazy
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My dh is very rarely home during "waking hours" so we have instituted the policy that major offenses or ongoing problems are reported immediately. For the older children, they have to call dad and "confess" the same day.
On the flip side, excellent behavior is also promptly reported 
We have the luxury of being able to call or text my dh whenever we need to. If it is not a good time, he will tell us and call back ASAP.
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LeeAnn
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Lara Sauer
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I tell the "good, the bad, and the ugly" as well. I love that expression, and may actually use it to inform my husband of the goings on at home while he is at work...I can hear the conversation tonight...Well, honey...here's the good, the bad, and the ugly! Which do you want first?
Peace.
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Paula in MN
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He gets all of it!
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 Paula
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SuzanneG
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This is something I'm working on doing more of. I have to get over myself....feeling like I'm "complaining" about things when I talk about the bad stuff. It's a pride-thing....thinking I should be able to handle it myself or deal with it without "bothering him." But actually, it's what Bridget said....it's his family and if he is to be involved and an integral part, then he needs to know a lot.
I've actually started writing things down by catagory....making myself think of at least one thing in each catagory every day.
Sharyn wrote:
| I'd love to know what other's do when it comes to telling your husband what things a child has done that they shouldn't have. What's your criteria? And how do you go about doing it? |
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I'll think about this more specificaaly, Sharyn....and come back later....
It's funny how everyone is different....my challenge is in talking MORE about the negatives....
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Suzanne in ID
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Sharyn
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| Posted: Sept 14 2009 at 8:36pm | IP Logged
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Sorry I haven't been back sooner. We've been sick with flu here. Actually I'm still not well so I hope this will make sense.
I hadn't thought of it before but I can see some parallels between confession and 'telling Papa'. Just like we have to go and tell our Heavenly Papa in confession the things we have done wrong and ask forgiveness, so also justice(?) demands that our earthly Papa must be told and asked sorry of. The children have to learn to be self accountable. That when they do something wrong/sin they hurt people who aren't present too. And they have to learn to be courageous(?)to tell what they have done, whom they owe an account to, and humble to ask forgiveness.
Okay I'm having trouble completing that thought right now.
I think the way I present things probably needs some work. Some consistency. I always tell dh in private, but sometimes I tell him in front of the child and sometimes not. I make it look like it depends on how I'm feeling as to whether Papa get's told,and therefore like a talebearer. I like the idea of getting the children to tell Papa themselves. That puts it back on them. It becomes their responsibility. It reminds me of that Treasure box book where St. Therese tells her Papa when he comes home that she tore the wall paper.
I'm such a softy that I have to push myself to make sure truth and justice are met.
Well I think I'd better go off to bed, I'm rambling, and quite likely not making sense. I really appreciated all the input here. Thankyou!
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: What do you report back to 'dad'and how?
