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sewcrazy
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| Posted: Aug 28 2009 at 8:11pm | IP Logged
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My 16 year old son is constantly texting. I would just take the phone away, but my dh feels that this is not a problem. By constantly, I mean he sent/received  nine thousand texts last month. Yes you read that right!
I don't feel it is healthy. It can't be good for his hands and wrists. I think it is actually anti-social. I am so tired of talking to him, and realizing that he is texting. I think it is incredibly rude! But when I try to address this with my husband, he feels that this is just how teens are now, that this is "appropriate"
I don't want to contradict my dh, but I do not find this appropriate! It is driving me crazy.
How can I address this? He is our oldest, so I really feel that we need to set the ground rules properly with him so the rest will know
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LeeAnn
Wife of David, mom to Ben, Dennis, Alex, Laura, Philip and our little souls in heaven we have yet to meet
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mrsgranola
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| Posted: Aug 28 2009 at 8:16pm | IP Logged
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OH, I'm sorry to hear you and your dh aren't in agreement on this one. We don't allow texting and have our phone company to shut this feature off.
Believe me, we have had our own difficulties with my 15 yo's cell phone ($$) so I know this isn't easy to deal with. Maybe do some research about the negatives of texting to share with your hubby?
Just my quick thought...
JoAnna
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stefoodie
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| Posted: Aug 28 2009 at 8:29pm | IP Logged
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i've read several places (sorry, no time to search right now) that children's spelling skills suffer greatly from texting -- that's because they get used to spelling with shortcuts
4 ex like dis nstd of d corct wa
i even have adult friends and family from back home who can't even write an e-mail without these shortcuts  because they text all day (it's cheaper to text in my home country, hardly anyone has a landline anymore because it takes YEARS to get one b/c of red tape). and DEFINITELY there will be physical problems later (i.e., carpal tunnel, etc.) not to mention some of the problems mentioned here (sorry, can't find the link right now, something about EMFs and tumors) are downright scary (don't know how scientifically documented those are, but i'd rather not find out through experience)
if no one else posts links, i'll try tomorrow. gotta go now :)
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stef
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Aug 28 2009 at 8:33pm | IP Logged
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Well without going into the whole texting thing.. I can't see that it would be inappropriate for you to require him to be polite and pay attention to the person talking to him. You wouldn't let him keep watching the tv and ignore you or keep reading a book and ignore you.. or only distractedly listen. You should be able to require the same courtesy when he's texting.
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Nedra in So. CA
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n/a
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molly
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stef- what did that mean, we are not a texting family so I am clueless to the slang.
Sorry I am no help with the issue being discussed, we cannot afford these luxuries, so they are not issues for us. I will pray for you though, sounds very disconcerting.
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Jen L.
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It is difficult not to be in agreement with your husband on this. I second the idea of showing him some articles about it...
New worries About Children with Cell Phones (New York Times)
Benefits and Risks of Texting
Maybe you could agree, at least, on "time of day" usage. I read that many carriers allow parents to set that type of limit on a phone.
Finally, I totally agree with Jodie - at the very least it must be used respectfully.
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Aug 28 2009 at 10:02pm | IP Logged
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molly wrote:
stef- what did that mean, we are not a texting family so I am clueless to the slang.
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stefoodie wrote:
4 ex like dis nstd of d corct wa
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"For example, like this instead of the correct way"
Not that I do that.. I can just translate  I have a hard time letting myself not use caps on my phone calender (that no one else even sees) 
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Jodie, wife to Dave
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sewcrazy
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| Posted: Aug 28 2009 at 10:22pm | IP Logged
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Thank you for the kind thoughts, and prayers.
I demand respect when I speak with him, and if I call his atention to it, he will stop texting. It isn't a willful disobediance issue, its more that he isn't aware of it anymore. The phone seems bonded to his hand 
The phone was orignially so WE coud keep track of him, but it has grown to a part of him. UGH! Unfortunately my dh has the same issue with the phone. When I was in labor with our youngest, the LD nurse finally took his phone away from him and locked it in the employee safe at the hospital  So of course it isn't a problem in his mind.
Sigh...
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LeeAnn
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kingvozzo
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| Posted: Aug 28 2009 at 10:26pm | IP Logged
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JodieLyn wrote:
I have a hard time letting myself not use caps on my phone calender (that no one else even sees) |
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Me too!
Praying for a solution for you. Mine are too young yet for this to be an issue, but I see this problem with nieces and nephews. I can't imagine how it will be in a couple of years.
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molly
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| Posted: Aug 28 2009 at 11:04pm | IP Logged
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Thanks Jodie, I did not get that at all. duh!
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rose gardens
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sewcrazy wrote:
Thank you for the kind thoughts, and prayers.
I demand respect when I speak with him, and if I call his atention to it, he will stop texting. It isn't a willful disobediance issue, its more that he isn't aware of it anymore. The phone seems bonded to his hand
The phone was orignially so WE coud keep track of him, but it has grown to a part of him. UGH! Unfortunately my dh has the same issue with the phone. When I was in labor with our youngest, the LD nurse finally took his phone away from him and locked it in the employee safe at the hospital So of course it isn't a problem in his mind.
Sigh... |
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Very hard when you and your husband aren't on the same page. I didn't even want cell phones for our teens, but my husband did. But when it came to excessive texting, my husband was the one who cut off the texting features for a while when our son at college and seemed to text everyone except us. Our messages got lost among the thousands of others.
While our son was upset at first, it didn't take long for him to appreciate not having to text all the time. Texting was constantly disrupting him. He occassionally shut it off when studying, but otherwise it was on and going all the time. Those who send instant messages seem to want instant replies. My son was happy he had an excuse from us to break that cycle.
The more we parents allow texting to become "constant texting", the more other parents also have to deal with our children's constant texting. His friend's parents may not like all the messaging anymore than you do. Can you talk to them? Maybe try to come up with guidelines for messaging so that his friends have similar rules? This doesn't have to be something that all teens do if parents don't allow it.
Maybe also ask him to set down the phone (or confiscate it) when you talk to him. If all else fails, start texting him too while he's standing right in front of you. He may get the point--and your message.
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stefoodie
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LOL, sorry for the cryptic message last night; I thought pointing out some of the health and educational reasons why you don't want texting might help your dh to understand. I had the baby and had to go.
Perhaps it might be good to dialogue this through with your dh before trying to impose some rules on your own. It would be really helpful if you could come to some sort of agreement and understanding together. That way you're presenting a united front and not confusing your teen.
Maybe come up with some compromises acceptable to all of you -- dh, you and teen? i.e., no texting while at the dinner table, no texting for 1 hour each day so you can interact with the rest of the family uninterrupted?
Another thing you might want to bring up is the negative consequences this might have on sibling relationships. I know as a teen I hardly ever paid any real attention to my two brothers. Since we had other people in the house to "occupy them" and they had their own fun activities I thought that was okay. I really regret that now and wish I had enjoyed their childhood and teen years more. We're trying to make up for lost time and are now quite close, but I still wish from time to time that I had the same fun times with them as my kids now have with each other. Plus now that we're all grown we're physically apart. Nothing replaces that time together in the home, and often you realize it too late. I know I did 
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stef
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Martha
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Our rule is that if you want to talk then pick up the home phone and dial. My kids text no one other than me.
They are not allowed to have their cell phone at home. It stays at it's charging base unless they are leaving the house. Because the point is to stay on touch with family. If they are home then they don't need it.
I saw two teen boys texting and gaming each other on their iPhones during mass last Sunday and surely shaved a decade off my time in purgatory for not giving into the strong temptation to thump them on the head and ask where their mama was. I really wish that the 1 older men ushers standing behind our pew would have tapped them and said to please turn it off.
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JennGM
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LeeAnn, I'm sorry. I'll pray that you can find a good solution. I would be very concerned. I didn't click on the links, but I can easily see how texting breaks down attention skills. Boys especially need to be pulled into reality, not create another unreality.
There's a new health problem with thumbs and wrists because of too much texting -- just like the problems with too much keyboarding, then gaming, now texting and tweeting.
We are all entering our own little worlds. What can he be saying to his friends that can't be done on the phone or real life? How did we manage without having this kind of outlet? All I can think a similarity is passing notes, and that wasn't healthy, either. What kind of things are being texted? Could he reveal them in front of the family? That would be my evaluation, also.
Anyway, I feel your pain...and praying.
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Jennifer G. Miller
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Barbara C.
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My husband teaches college, and texting addiction is a real problem with his students. This year he's getting really tough about it. If he catches someone they are automatically kicked out for the day and marked as absent. After so many absences, they automatically fail the class.
So, this is really something that needs to be reigned in, because I am sure that my husband is not the only instructor with this type of policy. And is he texting while driving?
It will be hard to deal with this, though, if your husband is not on board. 
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Way too much texting
