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Vanna
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My 3.5 year old seems to be hitting the terrible twos a bit late. He was SO BAD at Mass on Saturday. I can't even begin to describe it. My husband yanked him out because he was so disruptive. It was embarrassing. What do I do if this happens again? Do I just continue to take him out...but this is kind of what he wants so I don't like to do that.
Help!!
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Maddie
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We do rewards and punishments. If they are very well behaved and are reverent for Jesus, then they get a treat. (Laura Berquist used a doughnut after Mass, I think)
If they are naughty, when they get home they have to practice good quiet behavior. They have to sit in their bed, a chair, whatever for a time. If they are naughty or get up, the time starts again. I wouldn't expect more then 3-5 minutes from a 3.5 yo. I have a timer set so they can hear the ding. While they're sitting there I talk quietly to them about good behavior.
I never take hitting. My dh steps in with that "lion in the forest voice" (not yelling but a firm tone and a very serious expression)and firmly tells the child that they are not allowed to hit his wife. They cry but they hate to deal with Daddy's firmness. If they hit again, he takes them to time out and sees they stay there, crying and all.
I've been told many times I'm a mean mom though, so you can take my advice worth a grain of salt.
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Maddie
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oops, I see you said he is "hitting" that age. mea culpa.
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SuzanneG
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Vanna -
 There are some great ideas in this thread:
Mass Expectations for Toddlers that I think you can adapt.
Especially the "feet not hitting the floor" when you have to take him in the back. No 3.5 yo is going to want to be held for 30+ minutes. And, if you can't "hold him" for that long, then it can be understood that dh can be the one to take him out. Or, if it has to be you, maybe you can backpack him.
Don't get mad or act frustrated.....Just calmy explain that if he can't be quiet and a bit more calm, then you have to be "out here". Explain that people are praying and they want to think about Jesus.
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Sarah M
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We reward our little guy with a treat after Mass if he's done well. He can't eat donuts (we're gluten free), so he gets one of those 3.6 oz Ben & Jerry's ice creams instead. That way, we can still go down to coffee and donuts and visit with everyone else there. If he's had to be taken out of Mass at all, he doesn't get his treat. That way, he doesn't act out just to be taken out of Mass (he used to do that *all the time*). He knows that he'll get to leave Mass, but he won't get his treat.
Mass is much harder when my dh isn't there, because then, if I have to take one out, I have to take them all out. But the whole treat-bribery thing does work wonders. 
Hang in there!
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juststartn
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Oh, honey, I am there with you.
Our boys appear to be loud noise sensitive. The organ sets them off every. single. time. The screaming and wailing and sheer terror...it isn't naughtiness, but if they are still flipping out over the vacuum cleaner, then I doubt that they are ready for the organ...again...sigh.
So we've had to resort to tag-teaming Mass--meaning DH goes to one, I go to the other (Sat Vigil, or Sun morning). One takes the dds, and the other stays home with the boys. Its been like this for a looong time (since late last fall, I think. Maybe it was Christmastime...).
I don't have any advice that the other ladies haven't already given. But I do commiserate. Trying to haul twin two yr olds while they are in the midst of a screaming, 'climb over mommy's shoulder trying to escape the horrid noisy thing'....(I seriously need a shuddering emoticon). 
GL....
Rachel
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Bookswithtea
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The feet not hitting the floor thing works. My 5th was a monster in mass for months. I would head into a foyer where he could scream his head off it he wanted to, but he was not getting down to play. I got a lot of sympathetic looks from other moms during that time.  One I hardly knew at the time even told me at an unrelated time that she had noticed my struggles at mass and was praying for me!  It took a long time, but he finally figured out it was better to sit nicely in the pew, stacking and restacking missals and hymnals.
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CrunchyMom
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Bookswithtea wrote:
| The feet not hitting the floor thing works. |
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That's what we do. Of course, we also have a good chiropractor
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LisaD
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My 3.5 year old is far, far more challenging than my older three children ever were. We don't really have a foyer where we can take him out at our parish, so if he has to be taken outside, it's not for any running around or freedom. He is either held or he sits buckled in his car seat while one of us stands outside the car until he's ready to behave. Also, we do reward with donuts or lunch out if behavior is good.
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Mimip
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Lots of sympathy here
We try to do the no feet on the floor thing here too but we have no foyer and the cry room is a no no in our family. It is just too hot right now to be outside wrestling with a toddler:(
I have to say that when I see another Mom with a screaming toddler or baby or any child for that matter, I always pray to the Holy Spirit to fill that mom with love. We all know how hard that situation can be and I always feel so helpless for them (and me) that I figured it was one thing I could do.
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Becky Parker
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I pray for those moms too Mimi. I know my rowdy boys kept me from going to daily Mass for a long time. Now they are under control, but the 2 year old is starting in!
We take our kids out when they misbehave. I have trouble holding them that long because they are heavy. While at a different church on vacation one Sunday I noticed a man who had his daughter in the foyer. She looked about 3. He kept saying, "no, you misbehaved during Mass, you will have to sit in this corner" even though she cried the whole time. If your children are too big to hold for a long period of time , making them sit in an out of the way place in the foyer might be a good alternative.
Another thing we did on occasion is stay after Mass and make the child practice sitting in the pew very quietly. They did not like this! All their friends were leaving or going to get doughnuts! But all I had to do was whisper when they misbehaved "I guess we're going to have to stay after Mass and practice being respectful in church while Dad takes the other kids to get doughnuts". It seldom fails!
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JodieLyn
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Becky, I've had misbehaving children stay after Mass and appologise to Jesus.
I think I've only had to leave after Church one time without going to the hall for coffee and donuts and they got the message loud and clear. My "saying" is..
"If you play during Mass, we don't stay to play after Mass"
I'm having a time right now myself. The 2 yr old and the baby are both difficult right now.. but I have older kids this time around for when dh isn't there and they like to take turns walking the baby at the back of the church. And I can leave with the 2 yr old if I need to without taking all the kids with me. It's still not fun. And I know I don't hear anything that I don't have memorized.. it takes too much to decipher what's said (our priest is from Nigeria and has a thick accent)
I just keep reminding myself that the 2 yr old will be out of this stage before too long especially if we're consistent in not allowing the behavior.
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mary theresa
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Becky Parker wrote:
| I have trouble holding them that long because they are heavy. |
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This is my problem too. I seem to be always pregnant when they start getting to "that age" and holding heavy squirming kids always does me in. 
So, my 3.5 yr old stands in the corner when I have to take her in the back. If Daddy takes her back, he holds her (but i actually kind of think she likes to be held . . . )
I have also tried saying "if you don't hold your body still, I will hold it still" and holding her firmly with arms pinned down on my lap until she is still and tells me she's ready to try to sit on her own again. If that causes screaming obviously it has be done in the back. This works sometimes but obviously that is getting harder as my lap shrinks. Also, Daddy has to be available to handle the 20 month old during this holding session. . .
Daily mass is hard. I don't often go, though I wish I could. We're always ending up in the foyer while the 20 month old ends up tearing around or wrestling in my arms while the 3.5 year old eggs her on. I don't want to go to daily mass just because I feel like they are learning bad mass habits when I can't deal with both at once and so they get away with stuff . . . *sigh*
I have lots of sympathy with every mother in the back with kids every sunday to all of you!
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JodieLyn
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Oh we don't sit in the back I noticed when my two oldest were small that that meant the behavior was much much worse.. we sit in front. They can see and be more engaged and we needed to leave way less often.. though of course there's no slipping out unnoticed but I decided I'd rather have the kids able to behave more often and removed less than make the removal less embarassing for me.
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Mimip
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Jodie,
I was just coming to post the same thing! We sit in the front row and the kids can see Jesus. I've also taken to reminding them that their guardian angels want to stay in Mass, so please behave so that they can enjoy church too. This works best for the 3-4 age range:)
Another idea might be a mass book, something like a kids missal type board book. We have one but I can't find one to post a link.
Good luck.
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Mimi
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Vanna
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Thank you ladies! Wonderful suggestions...and it's just nice to know that I'm not alone. For some reason, there aren't many children at the Saturday Mass. So my squirmy, loud, rude boy was extra highlighted. LOL
PS. Guess who was a little angel because Grandma went to Mass with us. LOL
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afranciscan
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We attend a tiny mission church and there is no standing in the back with a child making any noise. When it's really bad or the weather is bad enough that we can't stay just outside the door then we've resorted to putting the child in their carseat for awhile. Seat belted and no toys or snacks of course while I sit up a row or two in the van and continue praying (or try to.) Not a favorite place to be for a 2-3yo. I wouldn't do this with a littler toddler just a child old enough to understand what they need to do for us to go back in.
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