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anniemm
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| Posted: July 13 2009 at 5:59pm | IP Logged
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I've been reading all the wonderful advice people have for some of the current topics on this board and I was hoping maybe to get some input on an issue that I am growing weary of dealing with with my girls!
My two older girls are 3 (almost 4) and 5. Now that my 5 year old is older and able to reach things, she is *constantly* getting into my stuff (and bringing the 3 year old along for the ride!). I try to keep tempting and dangerous things out of their sight and reach. But it's the little things that really bug me! For example, she's in the corner right now because she insisted on putting her mouth on my water glass when I told her "no" as she picked it up. Her cup is on the counter 3 yards away. It's just outright disobedience.
They help themselves to pens and office supplies, she constantly picks through the fridge (for no reason really), she takes off with my DH's flashlight all the time (drives him crazy), and just recently re-arranged my magazines. I didn't even know where they were until she informed me that she moved them to an empty kitchen drawer!
It's driving me crazy! I can't put everything on top shelves and in closets (she's typically very obedient - but not on this issue)! Help! 
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Andrea
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Fuzzy
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| Posted: July 13 2009 at 6:13pm | IP Logged
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This must be a girl thing. My DD4 would love to be in everything if she could. What I have found is that I needed to get her involved in an activity that will direct her attention. She needed something to color, paint, organize, do perler beads, etc. I had to set some really specific boundaries with my DD, and it sounds like you need to do the same. It is so hard, since they are more independent and CAN reach all those things, and they know what they are for.
I know other moms are good with consequences which is something I am working on (all.the.time.), and I am all ears for help in that area. I just found I needed to redirect my DD more than anything.
hugs  and sympathy!
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 Fuzzy
Mom to DS 12, DD 10, DS 7, and DS 4, and DD 1!
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teachingmyown
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| Posted: July 13 2009 at 6:19pm | IP Logged
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You have your own "stuff"?!  I am laughing with you, not at you.
My one thought is to define more "stuff" that she is allowed to get into. Maybe her own box of writing utensils or magazines? For some reason, the thought of Montessori-type activities set up for her so she can have control over her own things? (I don't even do Montessori but I had visions of her busily pouring her own water from a little pitcher, or arranging her own flowers. I have been perusing a Montessori catalog lately, can you tell?!  )
She is certainly old enough to understand and obey. Could it be an attention thing? Whenever I am at the end of a pregnancy and my kids act up, my mom always says it is the anxiousness over the coming change. Even though the kids have welcomed other babies, there is always that stress over the unknown.
Sorry if I am rambling and no help. I have a three year old on my back sticking crayons down my shirt.
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Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
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stellamaris
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| Posted: July 13 2009 at 7:35pm | IP Logged
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Actually, after all these years of parenting, I have no "stuff" left . Seriously, though, I completely agree with Fuzzy and think one thing you might be dealing with is the fact that she is getting older and needs more to keep her busy. Are you doing any academics with her at this point? I have found that my brightest children are the ones most likely to get into "mischief" of this sort...just wandering around the house looking for something to do. They need more direction. It can also be a great age to get them involved in helping you clean up around the house so they can begin to appreciate that making a mess has the natural consequence of cleaning up the mess! Finally, it is easy to over-react especially with your first born. Try to relax and not take the "little" things so to heart; it's frustrating, but it will be easier if you can keep it in perspective.
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Caroline
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Bethany
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| Posted: July 13 2009 at 7:37pm | IP Logged
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Oh, I have two the same age, that do the same thing! My 5 yo used to think EVERYTHING was hers, now at least she sometimes asks if she can have something first. My 7 yo was never like this. My 5 yo loves "stuff" and, as my 7 yo says, "ends & odds". She loves to take bags, any kind, and fill them up with random objects. It can really take a toll on my organizing efforts  .
Add that she can have an explosive personality and it makes for some fun days . I do think keeping her occupied would help, it's just not my style to plan every minute of the day.
I know I'm not much help, because I'm terrible in the consequences department, but just wanted empathize .
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Bethany
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anniemm
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| Posted: July 13 2009 at 7:45pm | IP Logged
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teachingmyown wrote:
| Sorry if I am rambling and no help. I have a three year old on my back sticking crayons down my shirt. |
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Oh goodness, thank you for the good laugh!
I like the idea of her having her own "stuff" though. She does have her own things (water cup, nature magazines, crayons that she has access to, etc.) but I haven't thought of presenting them to her as alternatives *before* she got into mine. I like that, and I want to think of some ways to make it more appealing for her to get her own stuff rather than mine (or DH's!).
I try to keep her busy, but I also don't want to have to constantly entertain her. I'm in my last month of pregnancy and my energy level for that sort of stuff is running low. They play outside (much of the day), have plenty of toys, puzzles, games, and I involve them in my chores... I don't know - I need to think more on how to keep her busy!
It's frustrating to me that now that she's older and more capable, she thinks that she can have constant access to anything in the house. It wasn't like that for me growing up and I just don't get it!
Yes, she can reach the extra blankets - but does she need to be allowed to get into them? I let my girls make "forts" on their bunk bed with their own blankets... And so on... I don't want to limit them or their creativity, but for the sake of my sanity and to maintain longevity of our belongings (my glass being an example, they broke 2 glasses in 1 hour the other day- which is why I don't want them touching them!), this needs to get under control!
Thanks for the suggestions! I could use some "logical consequence" type suggestions too...
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Andrea
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stellamaris
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| Posted: July 13 2009 at 9:40pm | IP Logged
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Two things that helped here in the past:
1. We put lots of locks and latches on doors to pantries, linen closets, and even to the basement so that my littles didn't go down there at all. I always locked the door to my own bedroom and kept my important things in there. The house looked like Fort Knox, but at least it did control the area that they could get into.
2. When I saw them with anything of mine (or a sibling's), I would ask them, "Is that yours? You may play with your things, you may not touch so-and-so's things." And then either they or I would put it back. I have to admit, I probably said this fifty times a day for about 3 years. It finally began to sink in!
3. If they broke something, they had to do some kind of "reparation" for it. They were too little to pay me back (5,5, and 4), so I usually required a certain set of simple chores to "pay me back" for the broken item, things like unloading the spoons from the dishwasher or folding the wash clothes or sweeping the center of the kitchen floor. I do think this helped them begin to understand the idea of personal property and personal responsibility for the use of someone else's property.
The point I tried to communicate to them was, "You used my things when you should not have, and you broke them. Now you owe me something and you need to pay up!" You could use this for the broken glasses, but it wouldn't help with the relocating problem.
Even so, a lot of things were demolished around here during the time when I had multiple little dudes (I do think it is a bit of a numbers problem, what one doesn't think of, the other ones do). I think it might be a good idea to pack up any really special items that you would not want broken or lost until the children are a little older.
Also, I didn't see how close you were to delivery, and I'm sure this is a factor, too. I will be praying for you and your family in these last few (tough!) weeks. Can you get any help in at all to give you a break and a little rest from the constant demands? It's so hard to face the mess and commotion when you are tired and oh-so-pregnant!
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Caroline
Wife to dh 30+ yrs,ds's 83,85,89,dd's 91,95,ds's 01,01,02,grammy to 4
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Stephanie_Q
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| Posted: July 15 2009 at 12:10pm | IP Logged
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stellamaris wrote:
2. When I saw them with anything of mine (or a sibling's), I would ask them, "Is that yours? You may play with your things, you may not touch so-and-so's things." And then either they or I would put it back. I have to admit, I probably said this fifty times a day for about 3 years. It finally began to sink in!
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Is that all it took? We are still dealing with this issue, too. We are approaching our 6 and 7yo girls with it as a "respect" issue in addition to "obedience". I can not keep my office drawers organized because they are always rummaging through them. The top of my refrigerator and other "high" furniture is constantly cluttered with things I've had to take away and put out of reach! My little boys are the ones who are always running off with daddy's tools (and draining the flashlight batteries). We are really trying to declutter - to show the kids by example how we have a place for everything and everything needs to be put back in its place when we're done with it - and that we respect our things so that they don't get damaged.
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JennGM
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| Posted: July 15 2009 at 2:13pm | IP Logged
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It's not a girl thing, as my 5 yo is very, very curious and fascinated with all our stuff. And yes, I'm losing a sense of *My stuff*.
I was just moving some things yesterday out of his sight and reach for safety sake.
Great suggestions, Caroline, thanks.
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Jennifer G. Miller
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monique
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| Posted: July 16 2009 at 10:46am | IP Logged
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Isn't it funny how stuff always gets put up higher and higher as the children get older? I've got a climber too so that makes it especially difficult. Does a 2 year old really understand, "No, that is not yours, it's mommy's."?
This has been one of the biggest surprises to me as a parent. How nothing is really yours anymore.
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Monique
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Topic: Getting into my stuff!!!
