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folklaur
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| Posted: June 30 2009 at 5:45pm | IP Logged
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my dd has brought to my attention a profile picture of one of her friends on Facebook. the picture is definitely questionable.
if you were the mother of this child, would you want to know that your dc had this picture up for the world to see?
or - do i just keep my mouth shut?
i am not close to the mom, we knew each other in my former homeschool group, we'd say hi but we weren't close.
help. for all i know, she knows and is fine with it. if that is the case, then that is their business. but...what if she doesn't?
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folklaur
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| Posted: June 30 2009 at 6:02pm | IP Logged
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13 hits and no one has an opinion? please????
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amyable
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| Posted: June 30 2009 at 6:16pm | IP Logged
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I'll bite- although I may have a different opinion here than many...
I think if this girl is over 18 and is in college, it is her business (despite it's nastiness).
I know this deserves a longer answer, but I'm having trouble explaining my thinking and keep erasing it. 
I guess I feel that the parent should have taught the dd about being chaste already, and if she is chosing not to, then she is free to make that choice? I think at that age I would have been MUCH MUCH more receptive to having a friend say something than my mom.
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Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of 
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
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teachingmyown
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| Posted: June 30 2009 at 6:21pm | IP Logged
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I would want to know. (Well, I wouldn't really want to know ) Even at that age, they still need our guidance.
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In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
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Maria B.
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| Posted: June 30 2009 at 6:27pm | IP Logged
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I have been in the same situation before. I struggled with what to do until I realized that if it was my daughter, I would want to know. Then a year ago, the tables were turned for me. One of my daughters posted a picture that was questionable. It was a stupid thing, but I was so glad that it was brought to my attention. It gave me the opportunity to discuss it with her and have the picture taken down because it could have been misinterpreted. Molly is right, even at that age, they still need our guidance.
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Maria in VA
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: June 30 2009 at 6:39pm | IP Logged
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err on the side of caution for the girl.. for whatever reason she may not realize this is a problem.. and having someone point it out in gentleness is a good thing.. whether your dd tells her or you speak to her mom.. if they're fine with it.. drop it.. but much better to err on the side that will protect the girl from maligning her reputation or exposing her to predators etc.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
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-Sir Walter Scott
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KackyK
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| Posted: June 30 2009 at 6:57pm | IP Logged
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What's the worst thing that could happen if you say something? The mom, who you said you don't know that well, may not be happy with you. If you can live that, then do it.
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KackyK
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folklaur
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| Posted: June 30 2009 at 7:19pm | IP Logged
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no - she is still in high school. or wait - she just graduated in May, i think.
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folklaur
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| Posted: June 30 2009 at 7:20pm | IP Logged
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thank you, everyone, for your replies. i appreciate it.
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MrsM
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| Posted: June 30 2009 at 9:25pm | IP Logged
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If you're interested in one more opinion, I agree with those who say tell the mom. A teen newly graduated from high school is simply too young to realize the consequences of posting provocative (I assume that's what you mean by questionable) material on her FB page. Hugs to you!  What an awkward situation.
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Lynn in California
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JennGM
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| Posted: July 01 2009 at 7:02am | IP Logged
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Is this totally radical to think that perhaps your daughter could be in the driver's seat and tell her friend she's going to "unfriend her" unless that picture is taken down. The picture makes her uncomfortable, and it scandalizes other visitors to her space.
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Jennifer G. Miller
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chrisv664
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| Posted: July 01 2009 at 7:21am | IP Logged
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I think I have a daughter about the same age as yours, if I am not mistaken. At this age, I would agree with Jennifer, let your daughter deal directly with her friend... I've done the "telling the mom thing" when they were younger, but now that my girls are older, I feel I have set that example and it is time for them to take over in some of these questionable situations (which, thankfully, have been few!) Think of it as good training for the future when she may have to approach moms of her own children's friends! Of course, you could discuss with your daughter different ways to approach the friend beforehand so she finds out how she is most comfortable talking with her.
Good luck!
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LisaR
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| Posted: July 01 2009 at 8:55am | IP Logged
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we had a situation recently with our almost 16 y/o son, and a text he received, and then responded to.
We asked our ds to text the girl back again and say that her words and his were inappropriate, and he asked that she not initiate chats in this manner anymore.
Simultaneously, my dh called her dad to just notify him of what had occured, reasoning that if our daughter did this, we would want to know.
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Lisa
dh Tim '92
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Carole N.
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| Posted: July 01 2009 at 10:11am | IP Logged
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I agree with Jenn and Chris. It would be best if the message came from your daughter. Hopefully, she will have some positive results. Jenn is correct in stating that she is scandalizing those who visit her space. Your daughter should try to approach this with great tact and delicacy. But I think that she should take the first step.
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 Carole ... in Wales
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Martha
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| Posted: July 01 2009 at 10:26am | IP Logged
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well...
having some nieces whose profiles make me a bit nauseated....
and whose parents know and don't care...
I would say something as nicely as I could.
Maybe not say anything about the actual page or your opinion of it, but just suggest that the parent(s) might want to look at their daughter's facebook page.
How they react to looking at it is up to them, but at least you've given the heads up that somethign isn't right on it.
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Martha
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: HELP!!! WWYD?
