| Author | |
Amanda
Forum Pro
Joined: Jan 21 2006
Location: Pennsylvania
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 116
|
| Posted: June 20 2009 at 9:37am | IP Logged
|
 |
|
what have you and your dh done to prepare in case one of you dies before your children are grown?
I don't mean to upset anyone, but I've been thinking about this lately for a few reasons. My husband is getting to the age his dad was when his dad had his first heart attack. I am getting to the age my mom was when she was first diagnosed with breast cancer. Also, since my mom did die last year, and we've sold her house, we will finally have a little cash to pay for at least a few years of life insurance. We don't have any now.
Have you planned out what you think would be best for your family if you or your husband dies? Have you written it down, and/or shared it with others?
Right now, dh & I don't even have a guardian for our kids (my mom was our guardian before). We are going to ask my cousin as soon as we have the insurance and can assure her and her husband that their job would just be loving our children--not finding the money to provide for them.
I think this is a special concern for those of us who homeschool, and for those of us who are open to life and so may have children rather late in our lives--and who are more likely than the average American to have dc with special needs like Down Syndrome.
My very general idea is to try to have enough insurance on me so that if I pass away, my son on the autistic spectrum could go to a special private school and the others could go to Catholic school--and enough on my husband so that I could continue to homeschool. (Then I have to write down for my dh all the research I've done on the few schools I think would suit our ds.)
Does this sound as if I'm trying too hard to control things only God can control? How much have you prepared (financially, practically, spiritually--we struggle with the fact that the best guardians we can find for our dc are not Catholic)?
My dh does not think life insurance is the best use of the little bit of money we'll be getting--or, at least, not as much life insurance as I'd like to get. This is a separate issue, of course, and one he & I need to discuss at length, but I'm throwing it out there in case anyone else struggles with that issue. I think we ladies tend to feel a stronger pull toward having some financial padding, when possible, than men do.
__________________
mom to ds '97, dd '03, ds '07, and dd 1/11
St. Margaret Clitherow Homeschool
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
stefoodie
Forum Moderator
Joined: Feb 17 2005
Location: Ohio
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 8457
|
| Posted: June 20 2009 at 10:12am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Only have a few minutes then I need to get started with lunch and cooking for the week. May be back later to answer more in detail if need be.
I've got a good-sized life insurance, I think what's called a "rider" on my hubby's. Our finances are under a revocable living trust. We've assigned guardians in case something happens to both of us at the same time (good thing you reminded me, we'll need to revisit those). And I've talked to the children themselves (not at length, but just in passing) of things I'd like them to do if something happens to me and dh. We've also talked to my parents, brother, and closest friends of what we'd like to do with the children.
We consulted a financial planner friend and his lawyer friend about 10 years ago -- they helped us with the trust papers, insurance, etc. It was good to have a third party evaluate our needs and help us decide what was a good number (of $$$) to be insured for -- took out much of the guesswork. We still think I'm underinsured, but right now no room in the budget for more.
hth. Praying as you discern this with your dh!
__________________
stef
mom to five
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
SuzanneG
Forum Moderator
Joined: June 17 2006
Location: Idaho
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5465
|
| Posted: June 20 2009 at 11:31am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Pretty much the same as Stef here....
1. Life ins. policy on DH,
2. Life ins. policy on me
3. Will and Custody for children set up with a family practice lawyer in combo with a financial planner. This includes actual custody, and guardian, trust, etc. This has been revisited and changed based on our growing family
4. Documents/details/wishes discussed with various people.
5. Every January, we re-visit everything, discuss and make any changes, additions, etc.
Quote:
| Does this sound as if I'm trying too hard to control things only God can control? |
|
|
I think everyone has a different comfort level with these things. We have lots of really great Christian and Catholic friends who have not done ANY of the above.....they have faith that God will provide in any situation, and they have lots of people around them that would take care of their children.
On the other hand, my husband feels very strongly and sleeps much better at night if he has prepared ahead of time and thought these things through. Neither is wrong, neither is right.
A priest once told a friend........ if you don't feel the need to prepare and do these things, that's fine. But, if you DO feel like you should, but don't, then that is laziness, procrastination, denial, not willing to economize to pay for it (insurance), etc. And, that's not good.
You're right about it IS a somewhat special situation for those of us who homeschool for the reasons you mentioned (late in life babies and special needs).......and... it usually means a huge lifestyle change for the children if one or both parents dies. Their whole "routine" would change. Whereas a child who is already in school.....the routine doesn't change, even though their life is turned upside down.
__________________
Suzanne in ID
Wife to Pete
Mom of 7 (Girls - 14, 12, 11, 9, 7 and Boys - 4, 1)
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JodieLyn
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 06 2006
Location: Oregon
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 12234
|
| Posted: June 20 2009 at 11:36am | IP Logged
|
|
|
I think one of the big things is that you really can't dictate what your dh does if you're the one that dies. Just rest in the knowledge that they are his children too and he does love them as do you.
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
SuzanneG
Forum Moderator
Joined: June 17 2006
Location: Idaho
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5465
|
| Posted: June 20 2009 at 11:58am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Amanda wrote:
| My dh does not think life insurance is the best use of the little bit of money we'll be getting--or, at least, not as much life insurance as I'd like to get. |
|
|
Amanda~have you contacted somewhere like Selectquote to get an idea of how much an annual premium would be for what you're looking at? They are able to look at all the products that are out there, compare, and shop for you, based on your needs. It may not be as much $$ as your dh is thinking.
__________________
Suzanne in ID
Wife to Pete
Mom of 7 (Girls - 14, 12, 11, 9, 7 and Boys - 4, 1)
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Amanda
Forum Pro
Joined: Jan 21 2006
Location: Pennsylvania
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 116
|
| Posted: June 20 2009 at 12:08pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
SuzanneG wrote:
| Amanda~have you contacted somewhere like Selectquote to get an idea of how much an annual premium would be for what you're looking at? |
|
|
Yes, I used Zander Insurance and got about 5 quotes. It would be pretty expensive, especially considering our parents' health histories. Personally, I would be willing to sacrifice a lot for the security, but of course it's something we need to pray about and decide jointly.
__________________
mom to ds '97, dd '03, ds '07, and dd 1/11
St. Margaret Clitherow Homeschool
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
amyable
Forum All-Star
Joined: March 07 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3798
|
| Posted: June 20 2009 at 12:22pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
We have life insurance on dh, and a smaller amount on me. What we still need to figure out is guardianship if something were to happen to both of us. We have brought it up "loosely" to several family members and no one seems willing to take them all.  Dh has not written a will yet for this reason... guess I should bring this up again. 
__________________
Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of 
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Amanda
Forum Pro
Joined: Jan 21 2006
Location: Pennsylvania
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 116
|
| Posted: June 20 2009 at 1:01pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
amyable wrote:
| What we still need to figure out is guardianship if something were to happen to both of us. |
|
|
On a rather different note, when dh and I lament our lack of babysitters since my mother passed, I point out how unlikely it is that something would happen to both of us and leave our kids orphans, since it's not as if we go on vacations without the kids or anything--in fact, we haven't even been to a coffeeshop together (without dc) in over a year!
Not that it's really a guarantee, but it makes us smile!
__________________
mom to ds '97, dd '03, ds '07, and dd 1/11
St. Margaret Clitherow Homeschool
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JodieLyn
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 06 2006
Location: Oregon
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 12234
|
| Posted: June 20 2009 at 1:06pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
oh and speaking of insurance... having your dh in the Knights of Columbus gives you a great AFFORDABLE option  (they don't consider line of work which for a firefighter is a BIG deal)
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Cay Gibson
Forum All-Star
Joined: July 16 2005
Location: Louisiana
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5193
|
| Posted: June 20 2009 at 2:04pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
JodieLyn wrote:
| oh and speaking of insurance... having your dh in the Knights of Columbus gives you a great AFFORDABLE option (they don't consider line of work which for a firefighter is a BIG deal) |
|
|
__________________
Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Amanda
Forum Pro
Joined: Jan 21 2006
Location: Pennsylvania
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 116
|
| Posted: June 20 2009 at 2:28pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Yes, I would love it if Dh would join the Knights, but he's running for mayor of our little town, and the Knights meet the same nights as the borough council.
Great point about not considering the work of a firefighter...I know why the insurance companies "penalize" people in dangerous jobs, but we do need people in those jobs! It's not like skydiving or other dangerous pasttimes.
__________________
mom to ds '97, dd '03, ds '07, and dd 1/11
St. Margaret Clitherow Homeschool
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Bookswithtea
Forum All-Star
Joined: July 07 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2621
|
| Posted: June 20 2009 at 2:51pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Re the guardian issue: What would you do if the one set of grandparents who are a last ditch option (meaning they are all getting older and the situation is not ideal, but we have no Catholic family members who are in the parenting ages) aren't religious at all but are very respectful of our choice to be Catholic, or the other set who are dedicated Evangelicals but are anti-Catholic? Or there's the extended family relative who seems to have a lot of similar values to us (large family, hsing, countercultural) but are evangelicals? This issue keeps me up at night if I think about it...
__________________
Blessings,
~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and  due 9/10
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Mimip
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 17 2009
Location: Florida
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1526
|
| Posted: June 20 2009 at 3:18pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I just wanted to add a few things with this thread that I think are VERY important.
1. We have a dear friend in our homeschooling group who was widowed at 48 years old with a 15 ds, 13 ds and 3 dd. Her husband, who was "perfectly healthy" had a heart attack at the age 50. The weekend before he passed away he had finally called his best friend (a life long insurance agent) and made an appointment with him to get life insurance for him and his wife. The appointment was scheduled for Monday and he died Sunday morning, leaving his wife and family with a HUGE mortgage and no insurance. Needless to say the financial burden that was left on this woman's shoulders was enormous. Yes, we trust in God but we need to do what we can to prepare.
2. Do you have insurance through the fire department? I know my DH ( a cop) has quite a bit of insurance though his department.
3. I second or third the Knight insurance. My husband is working on joining right now and then we will be purchasing insurance through them for sure. As a side note, if my husband passes "in the line of duty" (I hate even writing that) the Knights will pay for all our children's college education!! They are such a great organization as it i,s but they really support our Law enforcement officers 
Books, We are the guardians of 2 sets of our friends children, if something was to happen to them. BOth of them do not have any family that could take care of their children and would be willing to keep them together so we were asked and said yes. Both of our sets of parents are catholic but have other issues that would make it very difficult. I am waiting for my 20 year old sister to get older to ask her. AUGH I know its a very hard decision....
__________________
In Christ,
Mimi
Wife of 16 years to Tom, Mom of DD'00, DD'02, '04(in heaven) DS'05, DS'08 and DS '12
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
SuzanneG
Forum Moderator
Joined: June 17 2006
Location: Idaho
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5465
|
| Posted: June 20 2009 at 3:43pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Considerations for Guardianship
I tend to think of the different areas of LIFE involved in being a guardian:
**Details of day-to-day care
**Values of family life
**Monetary Concerns
**Spiritual / Religion
**Education
**Food / Hygiene / Necessities
**Upkeep of a home
**Emotional Upbringing
Am I missing anything? I'm just brainstorming here.
One couple, or 1 person, doesn't need to be ALL of these. We, as parents, generally are, but in the worst of scenarios, guardians do not have to be. These jobs can be divided up.
So, the questions you're asking, is who should the "legal guardian" be......the person in charge of the overall picture, willing and able to carry out your wishes. That person doesn't have to DO all of the above, but they need to ENSURE them.....the various aspects of raising your kids.
A life insurance policy helps to alleviate financial concerns so that the other things can be ensured in various ways. This seems to open up more options for guardianship.......thinking of it not as someone who can "do" all, but who will "ensure" all with the finances available.
__________________
Suzanne in ID
Wife to Pete
Mom of 7 (Girls - 14, 12, 11, 9, 7 and Boys - 4, 1)
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JodieLyn
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 06 2006
Location: Oregon
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 12234
|
| Posted: June 20 2009 at 4:13pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
And you can have someone who's good with finances in charge of making sure the money is used appropriately for large purchases, daily care, generally someone who is not going to be stingy about it but will still help keep the money for just running through fingers.. and someone else having the physical/legal guardianship doing the daily care things.
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
teachingmyown
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 20 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5128
|
| Posted: June 20 2009 at 5:40pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
We strongly believe in having enough life insurance that our children's lives would not be changed drastically. If dh were to die, I will have enough to live for years before having to work at all. I am a nurse, so even when I have to go back, I can work it around homeschooling. If I were to die, dh would have enough to hire a nanny for the younger children and hopefully a tutor for the older kids. As the older kids get older, I don't worry as much as I would expect them to be able to help school their younger siblings.
It is a large monthly expense, but we feel it would be irresponsible to not take the precaution and to rely on the help of others. We do have a large mortgage and eight kids, so that is a big financial burden.
As for joining the Knights, my dh is not able to attend meetings but is a Knight and does have insurance through them.
__________________
In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
|
|
Forum Locked) 
4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: If something happens to you...
